chillinwithchelle

[chillinwithchelle]

She Only Sleeps When It’s Raining

I have not written in a very long time. Life has a way of consuming my hours, minutes, and seconds with daily routines and survival. Life has a way of pushing those once things I was passionate about to the waste side. The walk I want to take to clear my cloudy mind is replaced with the three loads of laundry that has piled up in the laundry room. The time sitting on the edge of the bed playing my favorite instrument letting the music soothe my soul is spent on solving the pressing work issue. 

Sleep is something I rarely experience for any length of time. I begin the day when it is still dark outside and the moon shines through the patio window. Every day is the same conquer and repeat method. By the time the day turns to night I can hardly hold my eyes open from exhaustion. Exhaustion of physical pain and mental battles. I sleep for an hour and then everything on my mind begins to consume me. Did I forget to do some simple work task today? Do I have work clothes ready for the next morning? Did I make sure the kids have everything they need? Why did I not spend more time with my fur buddies over the weekend? When was the last time I dusted the ceilings? When will this physical pain I feel subside? Thoughts consume me.

The life of an empath is often draining. You feel for anyone and everyone and put your needs to the side. That is me in a nutshell. I cannot remember the last time I purchased something for myself. I cannot remember the last time that I took a day just for me.

People often complain about the rain. When it rains I sleep. Something about the pitter patter of raindrops, the smell in the air, and soft breeze soothes me. I remember as a child sitting outside in a barn reading just listening to the sound of the rain hitting the rusted tin roof. I didn’t need the television or conversations on the phone. I needed the peaceful calm feeling I felt when it rained. I often think the rain is God’s way of saying “Relax child, you have this.”

I am an internal individual. I hold things in till I nearly reach a breaking point. It is easier to try and hold the world up and help everyone than succumb to weakness and admit that you need a shoulder. Sometimes you don’t even need words. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to lean on and hold you up for once. 

I left the house half an hour early today for work. I couldn’t sleep like most nights. I seldom eat during the day before lunch and on many occasions don’t even eat till dinner time. I don’t know why today I had the urge to pull over at the local A and grab a pork chop biscuit but I did. As I was walking to the door I saw a $ 10.00 bill lying on the ground. I picked it up, walked in, and asked the two men in the store if they had dropped it. Both replied with a surprising no. One man was delivering products to the store and kept mentioning what a great person I was for turning the money in. Even the store clerk seemed shocked.

Has our world become such a tragic place that goodness in people is found shocking? I guess that honesty and loyalty have become taken for granted so many times that we as individuals have lost faith in one another to do the right thing.

As I drove away and pulled into my work parking lot I couldn’t help but ponder over what had just happened. More than likely the store clerk would keep the money since no one inside had claimed it as theirs. It didn’t matter to me because it wasn’t mine to take. Maybe it would find its way back to its owner.

Life doesn’t have the right to take either. It doesn’t have the right to steal our joy about things we are passionate about. We shouldn’t stop playing our music and writing because “life” said so. Sometimes you need to shelve life for a few minutes, seconds, or moments. Sometimes rain shouldn’t be the only reason that you find sleep. I think I have forgotten the joys in life. All of the pain, suffering, grief, and heartbreak broke me in many ways. 

She only sleeps when it’s raining.....Oh how she needs the rain like the air she breathes. 

[chillinwithchelle]

FORWARD

All our lives we hear people say "Pay it forward." If you google the phrase it is described as an act of kindness of a recipient of an act does something kind for someone else.

Covid 19 has brought out the real personalities in people all over the world. The risk takers, the reclusive, and the giving. It has also shown us the amount of stupidity that lives among us.

I have always attempted to instil empathy and compassion in my children. Lead by example in your daily life so they can see what kindness can do for others.

My daughter had the idea weeks ago to utilize the fabric we had and make cloth masks for the elderly, family, and those in need. We realized in the beginning that there were so many patterns, effectiveness, and time that were to be considered.

The first few were a practice session and once we had found the right pattern with the most effectiveness we began to roll along.

As of today we have made and given out 152 masks. These masks were made in thought of each individual in regards to fabric, length, and thickness. We even gave one to our postal carrier since the red flag on our mailbox was up every day with masks being sent to people all over our nation.

I have had special individuals in my life who have helped me throughout the years so paying it forward was easy. Do something kind for others as others have done for you.

The pandemic has effected so many and our elderly especially have suffered. We began making just a little extra when cooking our meals so that we could share with someone else. Just this week we made enough lasagna to feed our family and also give a warm meal to 4 other people.

Working from home, being confined for the most part, and attempting to function in a normal matter has been difficult. It has, however, taught me the importance of people coming together for a common purpose. It has shown my daughter what kindness is and how just a simple gesture such as a mask or plate of food can brighten someone's day.

Pay it forward. Be the reason you see someone smile. Be the inspiration that lights a person's soul! We will all be back to normalcy soon but that does not mean we cannot continue to do great and caring things.

Till next time...

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Blessings

I woke up this morning and could not fall back to sleep. My mind was full of racing objects, thoughts, and fear. I have always been one of those people that sleeps lightly and awakens at the mere sound of anything.

I have provided 25 face masks for family, health care providers, etc in the last few days. It has been a fruitful experience and one that I will not ever forget as well as the year 2020. The news is fluttered with countless numbers of deaths, contamination, and fear. I have not seen my friends and family, aside from my kids, in around a month.

With myself it is necessary to keep the mind occupied. I have found comfort in making the masks, teaching virtuous aspects of life to my kids, and staying busy. Each mask I make I make with love and prayer that it will some how protect the person that receives it. I know I cannot save the world; but if I help just one person it is all worth it.

This has been a difficult week with the death of my best friend. I have so many unanswered questions and emotions inside. Every time I make a mask I cannot help but wish if only I had a way to have saved him.

I have not ever been one to blame God for the horrible things that we face in life. The truth is that we go through difficult times as a result of our own bad decisions. This epidemic is a result of some poorly planned decisions that resulted in something none of us could ever foresee.

I have become at a place where I turn the news on to view certain things. Tell me what the weather shall provide for us today. Tell me what our local government has placed for regulations during this time. Tell me how I can continue to assist in any manner.

I woke up this morning to requests for 22 masks. I have been up for an hour and completed three. Today will be a long day but what a feeling to know that I am helping in some manner.

Yesterday as I placed three masks in the mail for individuals, I also placed one for our mail carrier. I apologized for having that red flag up every day and forcing her to stop. I told her to please be safe and placed a mask made just for her in an envelope.

Later that day I checked the mail and on top was a sticky note from our carrier Keisha thanking me for her mask and saying it was much needed. Suddenly my sore fingers no longer hurt and I had my second wind with the sewing machine.

I really believe that everyone has purposes in life. All lives are essential. I also believe that during difficult times we should help however we can. Order take out to save a restaurant from facing closure. Bring a home cooked meal to someone who cannot get out. Write a letter. Just make a difference.

In closing I know that my buddy Heath is looking down and smiling and probably laughing at the fact I tripped over my shoes. I miss him beyond measure and although I could not save him, hopefully my efforts will someone else. Love one another and help when you can.

Till next time,

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Death has seemed to become a fixture lately in my life. Everyrime the phone rings I feel the need to curl up into a ball and fear the worse. Every time I begin to feel a sense of normalcy it creeps its head again and leaves a path of destruction and pain.

Yesterday morning as I sat down to make protective masks for loved ones and those in our community, death made its appearance. There was the dreaded call that another loved one could have possibly passed away in a fire. I believe the 15 minutes waiting to hear if my childhood friend of 30 plus years had perished was the longest minutes of my life.

I paced the floor remembering so many wonderful memories, conversations, and grief we had experienced together. I prayed for this to not be what I already knew. My best friend had passed.

In what seemed like an eternity, I received the conformation call that he and his two daughters had perished in a fire in the house in which he had grown up. A house so full of memories, love, and promise. I recalled our drum lessons and how even after we were grown his mom would still come around the corner with a sandwich.

We all start out in school with a variety of friends. Most of them we may speak to through social media but never really keep in touch. Heath had not ever been that friend, in fact, in our eyes we were siblings attached at the hip. I would say he had been my best friend since 2nd grade and his response was always we were in the womb. We just did not know it.

Death brings many emotions in its wake. In the beginning it is the utter shock and disbelief that someone you treasure so dearly has passed. Then the anger sets in and roars its head.

Yesterday I spent the majority of the day speaking to former classmates letting them know we had lost yet another. I recalled grand memories of our encounters with our sweet friend. We embraced one another and the amount of grief we all felt was overwhelming.

I do not think I have ever known a more selfless individual than my best friend. There were times when I was so depressed and distraught that even I did not know if I would make it through. He would thump me on the head and tell me I was not alone and together we would get through it.

As I sat outside embracing the sun and God's glorious nature I recalled our last conversation only a week prior. It was strangely odd how we always seemed to know when to call the other. We shared everything as friends and if there was a moment one of us needed a good cry the other received a call.

I have lost so many loved ones in the last year. There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss their laughs, smile, and uplifting spirits. This death, however, is the hardest to swallow. This death has rocked me to the core.

All day yesyerday I had moments of tears that would pass. Last night though before midnight the tears began and would not cease for hours. Anyone that says we do not need a good cry from time to time has not ever experienced the release it gives a person. I cried for my best friend and his two daughters that perished with him. I cried for his remaining son that would live the rest of his life without his father. I cried for our classmates that loved him, and I cried for myself.

As I sit in the early hours of the morning and write; I will remember that thump on the head telling me to pull it together. I will remember that my best friend will always be with me and I will honor him. I will walk up the stairs and play my drums just as he taught me and know he is looking down criticizing my technique. After all, I was a wood wind musician.

I think that however difficult death is, we are made stronger by it. We cannot let it succumb us or tarnish who we are as individuals. It is always alright to grieve, cry, and scream when you lose someone. Just do not let it lose who you are in the process.

Heath, you will always be my best friend. I will still have conversations to you because I know exactly what your responses would be. I take comfort in knowing that you are now reunited with your precious mom and those two sweet babies are with you. I miss you dearly my friend. Till we meet again.

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

ALL CREATURES GREAT AND small

I love the sound and smell of the rain. Yesterday I sat outside our pool under our tiki area listening to the rain as I held Chewy in my lap. Chewy has been my dog for seven years now. He is a mix between a Shitzu and poodle and resembles the famous Chewbacca from the movie Star Wars. We often make fun of him for being a "mamma`s boy". He is like my shadow that follows me around wherever I go.

Our tiki area is a square section by the pool shed that contains a roof but open on all sides. It is where in the summer when hosting friends we congregate, eat, socialize, and get out of the rain when necessary. Last summer I began adding things to the tiki area like a table, chairs, bar area, and funny signs. It is, however, my place of retreat when I need to think or calm myself in any manner.

Yesterday was like most days in the spring where we live. You can hear multiple species of birds chirping to one another and making mating calls. In the early hours of the morning we hear what we have named the Cheater bird. He wakes up chirping what sounds like him saying cheater cheater repeatedly over and over. I have found myself on occasion answering Mr. Cheater and it never fails that he doesn`t respond.

Cheater bird has a buddy that we have named Tweeter. Much like the cartoon character Tweety bird he makes the tweet sound and often in response to Mr. Cheater`s calling. Every morning like clock work the two birds begin their day with sounds of chirping and chasing one another through the air from tree to tree. Many mornings we have been awoken by their sounds and fluttering outside our bedroom patio door. I don`t mind it because it is a reminder of how great and beautiful nature`s creatures are.

The last few days the frogs have begun to make their appearance. Frogs are my favorite. I collect them in all kinds of ways. I have frog statues, plant holders, door hangers, soap dishes, and many other frog items. This week I decorated our front porch for spring with frog decor and fresh new solar lights along the sidewalk that leads to the entrance.

I could lie in bed listening to nothing but the sound of frogs and fall asleep. Maybe it is because they are one of God`s creatures I adore but I find peace and tranquility in listening to them.

Everyone has seemed so distraught over the recent quarantine that has plagued our nation. I think that in many ways it has brought families closer together. They are cooking meals and sitting down to eat together instead of dining out. Parents are more involved in their child's academics because school lessons are being done at home during this trying time. Sometimes I think God has a way of reminding us that we as a nation have lost focus on what is important.

This week in our household we completed many projects that had been put off for so long. The dogs got the attention they needed, the hideous wall papered bathroom got a makeover, we got the vintage mustang working, and many other tasks. We spent time as a family that didn't include going out and television. In a lot of ways it reminded me as life when I as growing up. Life before television, video games, etc.

It is amazing how sometimes it takes a world wide viral outbreak to make you appreciate the small things like the birds and the frogs. A small thing such as a freshly painted room that looks much brighter and bigger as a result of hard work. The sound of a mustang humming that brought back old family memories.

As I sit here typing, I hear Mr. Cheater making his daily rounds in the trees and I can't help but smile. All God's creatures great and small comes to mind. A memory from childhood of a needlepoint my mom did that still hangs in her hallway. I have always loved that piece of art. It contains owls, birds, and many other of God's works of art. So during this time of panic and fear, take the opportunity to open your eyes and savor in those wonderful creations. You may find you have a Mr. Cheater in your yard or a Tweety bird.

Till next time....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Our nation in which we live has become an overwhelming panic over our recent deadly virus. They have named it the Corona Virus, or Covid-19. Grocery stores are selling out of items such as toilet paper, hand sanitizer, wipes, and clorox. I haven't ever experienced anything like it. Schools have closed, doctor's are limiting patients, restaurants and bars can only provide take out food.

I feel as though my daily life routine has been altered and it is very difficult for me to cope. I live a very structured and organized life and I often do not adapt well to sudden changes that effect my routine.

If you have met someone with OCD then you know that each individual reacts in different manners as association with the source of their OCD. Some individuals have to do things repeatedly for a specific number of times. Others, like myself need structure and organization. There are some that wear gloves when touching nearly everything in fear of contractiong something someone else has touched prior to them.

Over a year ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and took an authority position with a local company. I never saw myself leading others much less making important decisions that effected the company and my employees lives. Although I have been successful in my new position, I am also uncomfortable. It often provides me with unwanted anxiety and interrupts my sleep patterns. I on many occasions, do not have the sand man visit me for a blissful night of shut eye.

I haven't ever spoken about my insecurities in regards to my job or the anxiety in which it gives me. People always refer to me as strong and think that I do an amazing job. I am good at my job but it comes at a mental price.

This latest viral outbreak has me having to make decisions that effect the lives of my employees. Decisions that will put some of them on unemployment, others without a job, and many having to relocate. I haven't been able to sleep worrying about these people I have grown to call family. It is the most difficult thing in the world to tell an outstanding employee that I have to lay them off. I even looked into taking a pay cut to save a few.

The more I analyze this situation the more I realize that I am too kind hearted for this role. I can't pass up a homeless person without dropping off food. I can't see an individual in pain and not reach out in some manner. I have forgiven more people in my life and allowed them back in than I can even count.

This past week has me looking at so many aspects of my life. I do not ever want to be someone that lacks empathy or the ability to forgive. I refuse to let the cruel people of the world change who I am but I know I need to get back to a role professionally that completes me.

If you are struggling now due to the Covid-19 outbreak, know that not all us employers are ruthless. Some of us are fighting with all we have to keep you employed. I just pray that there is some relief in site because it breaks my heart to see what this virus is doing to so many lives.

Till next time....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Four years ago I bought the kids a hedgehog. I found him online from an individual who had originally purchased for his son. They named him Sonic after the video game and had given him multiple toys and cage ammenities. His son, however, grew bored of Sonic and they felt it best to give him a new and loving home.

Like all new pets, Sonic was the greatest amazing new addition to the household. He had a soft and squishy belly that always desired warmth. His outer shell contained quills that would spike when he became alarmed or frightened. He was a pet outside our realm of knowledge and every day we began to absorb information about our new pet.

The name Sonic never really fit him to my son and I. My son was the reason I had searched for a hedgehog and he was totally in awe over his new friend. We began calling him Hedgie. There wasn't a discussion over a name change, but we all just began referring to him as hedgie.

Hedgie had come with a neon igloo but his favorite place to sleep was the soft pineapple hanging apparatus we had purchased him. He would crawl in his pineapple as if he were spongebob and curl into a ball and sleep. He also loved playing with fuzzy balls, corn cobs, and toys that made crunchy sounds.

Throughout the years we learned the importance of warmth, exercise, and love when caring for a hedgehog. We would often let him run around on the floor sniffing in scents with his long narrow nose. Often scents he enjoyed would make him secrete a foamy substance from his quils. Amazingly, our dogs enjoyed the times Hedgie ran across the floor and they too would sniff him in amazement.

Hedgehogs don't typically live very long in captivity. Hedgie was already three years of age when we aquired him. This last year we began to notice changes in his eating habits, lack of exercise, and loss of teeth. Like all pets, we know that they will eventually pass away, and we knew that it wouldn't be long before Hedgie did as well.

We researched ways to assist Hedgie in order to prolong his death. We held him hours each day, fed him his favorite meal worms by hand, and made it as warm in his cage as possible. I can't tell you how many times he accidently bit me while trying to snag a worm from my finger. It didn't matter because we all loved Hedgie. He was in fact, an experience like non we had ever known.

Last night upon arriving home, I did as I do every evening and went to let Hedgie out for food and exercise. He was lethargic and showed no desire to eat. I knew in my heart and soul this would be the last time I held our amazing pet in my hand. I rubbed his belly and behind his loppy ears. I wanted him to feel loved and soothed as he passed on into his new pet haven.

This morning I couldn't sleep. Even though he was a spikey animal I felt as though I had lost a child. One never realizes when obtaining a pet the level of attachment that comes till they pass away.

I am so thankful for our experience with Hedgie but I will not ever own a pet that is kept in captivity. Even though he was played with daily, he deserved to be in the wild running free. We as humans don't often realize that in our selfishness to have a pet, we take away their freedom. Sometimes animals in captivity lose their will for life. Their lives are basically the equivalent of being imprisoned. You eat, sleep, and occasionally get let out for exercise.

I, along with my family, will miss Hedgie greatly. I can, however, find joy that he is no longer in a cage but running somewhere free. I didn't just learn and become more knowledgeable about hedgehogs in this experience. I learned the importance of freedom and not having a pet that is held in captivity for our own selfish desires.

If you are a owner of a caged pet, play with and let them out as much as often. Don't just visit their prison to provide them food and water. I myself, will not ever own another caged pet and will also be more mindful of my dogs. I will provide them as much attention as I can while they are still here.

Till next time....,

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Pain

Yesterday I woke early to prepare my favorite tailgate foods for college football. I look forward to this time of the year every year in anticipation of laughs with friends, a great American sport, competitiveness, and great food. Living in the state of Alabama, most of my friends are bama fans. They display their crimson colors proudly and the sound of “Roll Tide” can be heard for miles. They don’t even mind that I am a Tn fan and it makes for a great time watching our teams compete.

One of my best friends is probably the biggest bama fan I have ever known. His apartment is decorated with past championship pictures and his furniture draped with bama throws. I often kid him about breaking out in hives when entering his home.

Yesterday as I was finishing up my food preparation I received a call no one ever wants to get. My wonderful fun loving friend had passed away the night before. If you have ever had anyone punch you in the gut then you know the feeling I experienced at that moment. How could this be? I had just seen him three days before and had spoken the very night of his passing. It was game day and his team was playing. He couldn’t be gone.

Death has been a present factor in my life the last few years. So many people I loved have passed away suddenly without notice. This one, however, hurt like none other.

They say there are stages of grief when a loss occurs. Many people blame God. I don’t believe that it is ever God’s will for someone to die. I believe life just happens, circumstances occur, and sometimes people leave us. That doesn’t make the pain any less.

As I sit here reminiscing over the wonderful memories I have of my dear friend I pray that wherever he is he is at peace. He’s waving that bama banner and laughing that my Vols got beat by a high school team yesterday. He’s watching after me and my unborn baby like he did while here on earth. I hope he knew the great impact he had on so many people’s lives in such a positive manner. He was a friend to all, a sweet soul, and my friend. I shall miss him dearly. Never take those around you for granted for we have no promise of tomorrow. Love with all you have and dwell on the positives.

Till next time....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Empathy

As I sit outside on the deck that over looks a pillar of God’s natural glory; I can’t help but ponder over things. My mind doesn’t work like most in the regards that I constantly dwell and analyze random unnecessary things in life.

An ant is struggling to my left to carry a piece of what appears to be a leftover fragment of a disposed bread crumb. I watch as he makes his way to the stairs and descends downward to his final resting place. If the fragment of bread had been for himself he would have just eaten it in the place in which he first found it. This fragment, however difficult the struggle to transport, served a bigger purpose. This piece was important for his colony to share.

Just last week I watched as a wasp killed a spider three times his size and moved it around 40 feet and up a wall. I was amazed at the strength this small creature possessed and the small amount of time it required for the kill. It was all part of the chain of life. Eventually something would come along and feed off the wasp and the chain would continue as it were meant to be.

There are many types of people in our great big overly populated world that we live in. More importantly there are good people and then there are people without any regard for others in the least. I can’t pass a homeless person and not drop off some food or hand out a few dollars. I often find myself crying as I leave them praying that God will bring someone alone to help them get off their feet.

I’m the lady holding the door for the elderly, putting groceries in the car for the handicapped, and showing empathy anyway I can. I’ve not ever understood people that lacked empathy. I understand why the ant struggled and transportated that crumb to share.

I am not an outspoken political individual but lately my heart just breaks watching all of these immigrants being treated in the conditions in which they do. Surrounded by feces, barely fed, and separated from their livelihood. When did our country lose its empathy? I work in an industry that people are lazy. The immigrants work their hearts out to send money home, provide for their families, and learn a trade. There has to be a better solution to this travesty.

I’m afraid that our world has progressed to a place lacking empathy and compassion. Our elderly are placed in homes and forgotten. Everyone is too busy on their phones and being selfish. We discard people because they age, become disabled, and move on with our lives. Maybe if we were more like the ant we would have more purpose. It always amazes me how wildlife lives. They aren’t busy on social media or downloading the newest song list. They take care of their own and live a short life struggling to find food, survive the weather, and atay alive.

I feel as though I have done a pretty good job raising my two oldest kids but I want the one on the way to know empathy. I want him to to be compassionate and put others first as I have all my life. I want him to see others struggles and realize that we all go through them. Without empathy a person is a hollow being. Without empathy our hearts are hardened. A many years I have she’s throughout the years because someone touched my heart.

I leave you today with this thought. Who can you do something kind for today? Who can you display empathy towards in some manner? I thank God that I am who I am.

Till next time....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Battle

Today I found out that a friend’s son passed away as a result of a drug overdose this morning. He was a bubbly teen that always seemed to be smiling. He had a sense of humor that lit up the room with laughter. I saw him just two weeks ago as I was doing grocery shopping. It had been nearly a year since I saw him last and I recall thinking how grown up he now looked. What I didn’t see was the battle that he was fighting with addiction.

I have gone through so much death in the last two years. Just last week my first cousin’s son passed in a tragic boating accident. Death seems to be lingering around every corner and I just want to hold my loved ones tight and never let go.

As I sit crying over my friend’s loss of her son, I can’t help but experience those emotions that come along with loss. Anger, sadness, and fatigue. I’m exhausted from losing people.

We all know that eventually we will die and move on to whatever is out there. That doesn’t make losing someone any less painful. We can only pray for the safety of our loved ones and attempt not to dwell on the loss of those that have passed. We can’t shut down our lives and creep into a hole and wither away. Those loved ones would want us to progress on in our daily lives and live them to the fullest.

Don’t waste time with those you love. Reach out, call, visit, and be a part of their lives. We have no guarantee that it may not be the last time we see them alive. Till next time....Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Broken Bitch

Monday started out an amazing day filled with a goodbye to the beach and uneventful flights back home. Till...the most unexpected thing occurred as I was stopped to get fuel after leaving the airport. A very distracted teenager texting brushed me with his car as I was walking across.

As one could guess, I was in shock and surprise to see that I was able to pick myself up off the cold and hard pavement. Paramedics and officers responded and the normal procedures were executed.

A normal individual would go straight to the hospital to be checked out from head to toe but I proceeded on my way to my previous plans. I’m just bruised I said and went on about my way despite the recommendations of others.

Two days later I ended up seeking medical attention after being in horrible pain and unable to keep anything down. Needless to say it was discovered that I had three broken ribs and a severely bruised liver. I was a “Broken bitch.”

We are all broken in some form or fashion. Somewhere someone is suffering from a broken heart and crying. Another is grieving the loss of someone they deeply cared for in their life.

Although I substained broken bones, bruises, and other injuries I wasn’t broken. In fact, I haven’t felt happier in years.

Being broken doesn’t mean that we have to let it define who we are as individuals. We, like myself, pick ourselves up and dust off the broken. We pick up the pieces and go about our daily lives as we should.

Broken bitches don’t remain broken if we choose to take the healing process. Next time I will run faster when I see a car not braking! Next time someone breaks your heart learn from it and make the experience one you benefit from later. If you are grieving; find a way to dwell on the positive of that person while they were living.

Till next time.....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Drowning

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning. I feel as though I stepped off the edge of a dock and just let myself sink to the bottom of the abyss. My arms and legs no longer matter for use and I just close my eyes till I am completely numb all over.

Life is a series of emotions and adventures. Sometimes those adventures are breath taking moments and other times the literally suck the life right out of you. It’s like having a constant leech on your body slowing draining the blood from your dying corpse.

My dad once told me that we can’t change the bad paths, decisions, or happenings of the past. He said that we could, however, learn from them and attempt to produce better life altering changes. I believe in that somewhat for the past is exactly what it is. Sometimes though; we need to repeat in order to fully grasp the concept of that occurance.

I viewed a survey online the other day that a friend had posted. It asked the question “What is your biggest weakness?” I pondered a minute and realized the ones I considered huge weaknesses were all about the same in magnitude. I thought about how I easily and willingly trust and the implications and pain that have been a result. I thought about my passionate manner to give even when I myself don’t have it. If I had even a penny for every individual I had helped throughout the years I’d have a small fortune. I thought about my level of forgiveness and how often I struggle with moving on from painful situations. Why do I dwell on hurtful things that in the long run only rehurt me by pondering over them?

All of these attributes I consider weaknesses are part of what makes me who I am. When people describe me they often refer to a giving, caring, and loving woman. If I didn’t possess the trust and big heart how would they view me? Maybe these weren’t necessarily weaknesses but attributes.

My daughter is always criticizing herself in one manner or another. She thinks she’s overweight (she weighs 107), she is self conscious of her face because she has acne, and she is concerned that at 4’11 she won’t grow any taller. She is a stunning and beautiful girl and we tell her daily. I think that in life we are our biggest critics. We often view something as a weakness that is in fact a quality that many endear. My daughters athletic build most girls would die to have in lieu of their stick figure. Many tall women wish they were petite.

Just like my daughter, I often view those “considered weaknesses” with the same outlook. Non empathetic people would love to be able to display love and care for others. I allow those emotions to make me feel at times as though I am drowning.

Don’t be your biggest critic. We all possess traits that make us who we are as a person in this world. If we were all the same the world would be a boring place. It is often thrilling to walk into a room and fill it with a variety of different personalities and backgrounds. The next time someone hurts you don’t blame it on your kindness or compassion. The world needs more people that display those qualities. Blame it on the one that shoveled out the hurt for their lack of thoughtfulness. Don’t let one bad seed change who you are. If there is one thing I have learned throughout the years it’s that one in five that you help in some way will actually appreciate it. That doesn’t matter to me though because at the end of the day I can sleep knowing that I did something kind to help another. I did something to assist in making their lives a little bit easier.

I can count on one hand the number of people that have stood by me when times were difficult. God knows I pray for them daily and appreciate them beyond measure. If you are blessed to have even one don’t take that person for granted. Display your appreciation and let them know just how important they are in your life. You may just need them again at a later time and just maybe they will need you as well. Don’t break your life into pieces and critic things that are actually good qualities. Be who you are and don’t ever change that because someone else made you feel unworthy or unappreciated.

Till next time....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Dependability

My Senior year of high school my class voted for the “Who is who” of our class. The categories ranged from the shyest to the class clowns. We had our best dressed, most likely to succeed and so forth. I, along with a good friend of mine, were voted most dependable. I remember being disappointed at the time that I had not been the recepient of the most talented being that I was both a musician and athlete. Little did know that my classmates knew more about me than I did myself.

Throughout the years I have been many people’s rock, comfort, and person of trust. I have people leave dying requests that I have honored, made sacrifices that I probably shouldn’t have, and assisted financially even when I didn’t have it to give. People lean, confide, and depend on me all of the time.

I am blessed that I was given a compassionate heart and soul as that people rely on me. I wouldn’t ever change my heart for anything or who that I am. I would probably give the shirt off my back if I knew it would help another; but sometimes all of the giving drains you.

I was reminded today by someone that it’s a tremendous thing to display compassion and dependability but sometimes you need to take care of yourself as well. It’s great to be a kind and generous person but don’t let it drain your battery cell. At times it is strongly necessary to take time from saving the world in order to save yourself. You are only beneficial to others if you yourself are fully charged. It is ok to say no sometimes and put “you” first.

I’m closing, be that strong and dependable individual that assists others. Just don’t lose yourself in the process or sacrifice your health, mentality, and livelihood. One of the greatest feelings is when I do something for someone but sometimes to just need to be the one on the receiving end. Do something kind this week. I promise it is a rewarding feeling that you won’t forget. Just drain that battery till it dies.

Til next time.....

Chelle

[chillinwithchelle]

Sex over 40

January 3, 2019

6!

Chillin with Chelle

I remember my girlfriends in high school speaking about their first sexual encounters. They would discuss it as though it wasn’t anything. I was an exception. I grew up in a strict household where my dad put the fear of God in any guy that stepped onto our porch. I didn’t have sex till I was engaged to my first husband.

I’d like to say that the wait was worth it but I was actually disappointed. How many of you have faked an orgasm? I became the master of faking after watching the movie When Harry Met Sally. Aside from an orgasm I induced I didn’t have one. I often felt as though something was wrong with me but now I realize that we just weren’t compatible sexually.

My guy and I often laugh at my nickname for an orgasm. I call them “organisms”. He has become accustomed to I messaging him that I need an organism. It’s just part of our playful manner and I love it.

I didn’t have my first non inflicted “organism” till I was 26. What a great feeling to experience that. Little did I realize that until I experienced multiple ones I had not yet experienced awesomeness.

A few months ago my wonderful guy brought me to three within half an hour. He prides himself on pleasing me and I am quiet sure that he gets aroused by seeing me climax multiple times.

I have always pride myself on not being that girl that slept around. Sex is a sensual and personal encounter between two people. I am glad that both my guy and I are the same in that respect.

Ladies what I am about to tell you will probably blow your minds. Yesterday morning my guy and I were being playful and one thing led to another. We tend to be the most turned on in the morning time. He made me climb the walls and dig my nails in with not just one but six orgasms. I didn’t even think it was possible. My goal by the way is to reach ten. He knows my body like Stevie Wonder knows the piano.

My point is that you have to keep the relationship interesting. Chase one another around the house, break out those ping pong paddles, and handcuffs. He will probably get smacked on the head with a beach ball when he gets off work tonight. He’s used to my random humor.

Take things to the limit and don’t be afraid to please one another. Don’t roll over and smoke a cigarette and go to sleep. Drive one another up the wall on occasion.

Thanks everyone for the generous emails. I am beyond appreciative of your responses. I know this is a new thing here and this is a little racy but sometimes you have to step outside of the box. Till next time guys.

Chelle