chillandbliss-blog

[chillandbliss-blog]

[chillandbliss-blog]

mindful monsters

It's been a while since I posted mostly because I debated on the title of this post. As I reflect on the last month and a half it doesn't seem so bad. I met 22 of the sweetest, most talkative, sometimes annoying and always cute 7,8, and 9 year olds that I've ever taught (considering this is the first time I've taught a class of children older than 5). Keep in mind my goal to incorporate mindfulness and peace in my classroom community as you read this post. The first week of breathing exercises for relaxation and activities to build attention and focus mostly began and ended with me saying, "Be quiet!" "Who's making that noise?" "Will you please close your eyes?!" Very few examples of  the many statements I barked more than suggested to 21 out 22 of my students. Hota being the one girl in my class who responded to this practice instantly. Hota and her family is new to this country from Korea. I innocently assumed she didn't speak or understand English after her mother informed me, through a translator, that they just moved to Guatemala from Korea and didn't speak English or Spanish (Time would teach me different).  

This is when all I could think about was how to make monsters Mindful. And not scary monsters more like Monster from Muppet babies, or Elmo and grover; Sesame Street monsters.

When considering my goal for the year I didn't take into consideration my own learning curve. Being a second grade teacher in an American school abroad lead me to have to create an effective plan for teaching hardcore academics in a very short window of time. I started to stress out like the many teachers I had supervised and coached for the last 9 years. My administrator memories kicked in and I realized that if I focused my precious energy more on what I believed was the foundation for learning, everything else (i.e. dreadful acedemics) would fall right into place. I figured that would be to focus mostly on my students' social emtional development. This of course includes the further development of my own social emotional well being. SE 101 teaches about self awareness being the foundation for optimal growth. I realize in my approach to incorporating mindfulness I wasn't being very Mindful myself. The experience was beginning to stress me out. I was letting young children's "kidding around" piss me off. In those short and quick few weeks I bacame the teacher I was trying to avoid being. I lagged on consistancy with manageing behavior because I was tired of them constantly talking in the hallaway, during small group, when I was teaching, at lunch time, during recess, at specials, yeah it all became the same thing. Talk, talk, talk, talk. Although I had researched and taught teachers the power of chooseing battles, I began to see I sucked at it!!

I PAUSED, AND PAUSED SOME MORE, AND MORE AND MORE. Just when I felt I paused enough and felt nothing, I was on PLAY and then I heard, "I love you Ms. Ella". I heard this immediatly after practically snatching playdoh out of the hand of one of my lead monsters who chose to play with playdoh instead of solving regrouping excercises during the math period. (yes they each have playdoh in their desk which was on their supply list for art and have a surplus of one continer.) The statement was made by the class princess of distraction. At the time I brushed it off as a guilt ploy.

Luckily snack, then recess was next. Time to PAUSE. 

That wasn't the first time she told me she loved me. She said it to me often and I believed it every time.  What would make this time be different?

 It reminds me of something. 

As I have my students reflecting on their feelings, acknowledge those feelings, and intentionally respect their reactions, they are doing the same for me. Maybe not in the same strategic ways that I planned to do so but in a more intuitive way. I may be reading into this way too much but what I understood is "even though you look like a mad woman taking my little happiness in school away to work on boring school work, I love you just the same as that loving teacher who sits and talks with me during lunch and is excited to see me in the morning." 

Wow!

Now it's those moments I look out for. The ones where I'm completely distracted in my own expectations that no one else's matters. What will bring me back is a statement or action that may seem completely unrelated to what I'm feeling or thinking. Some how it would make complete sense and bring me back to the present.

I now know my hesitance for the title of this blog was beacuse I'm not teaching monsters to be Mindful but more accurately I’m teaching myself  to acknowledge my challenges as the Queen of distracted.

[chillandbliss-blog]

Social skills

7/27/16 My social skills have always intrigued me in my growing age. I know that it has been the same from when I was school age. I made friends easily I was pretty likable. I was friends with everyone, the "cool kids", nerds, outcast, and other labels our socially obscure society puts on us. I didn't realize the relevance of that until I got into the working world. The challenge I face with my social skills is the fortunate and unfortunate power of perspectives. When I'm in a socially setting I'm labeled the social butterfly. One that I personally never identify with. I really would rather sit at a corner and be invisible. Going the through humans experience immersed in my on thoughts and flowing through life making decision that I only would reflect on and share only because I have to hear my story out loud. The human connection is strong in me and can't resist answering that philosophical questions, talking in circles to not offend the person I'm in conversation with, ( laugh at what is an illusion to be the "norm"). Constantly placing and being placed into social categories that no one can fully define. Trying not to be the weird one, odd man out, loner, loser. Although the label does not scare me and no matter how far away I try to go, I'm sure to sucked back in. How do I always end up with the cool kids, who aren't that cool at all if you think about? Riddled with admitted insecurities which aren't address due to the whole group being with similar sentiments. Individual conversations shed light to this social phenomenon which leads me to want to crawl deeper into a cave. Being mindful and being present has led me here. As I sit at a bar with the cool kids I'm observing my thoughts, trying to be non judgmental. Each of us our having our own human experience all with the intent on being happy.

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Let the journey begin

I got into Quito from Galapgoes at about 6 pm on Friday. I treated myself to a one night stay at the Hilton Colòn, mostly in dire need of a hot shower. There was a great buffet at a steep pay. In my opinion well deserved after many humble living conditions my last 3 weeks in Ecuador. After 4 hours of sleep my alarm warned of the limited time I had to get ready for my 6 am journey to Guatemala City. The school arranged my flight so it appears I was booked on the cheapest way to get there which doesn't necessarily take into consideration my time. Needless to say I had 3 2 hour flight scheduled. First stop Bogota than Panama City and finally Guatemala City. All 3 flights went well without any drama. I Fully realize what I was doing until the final flight. My nerves started: what if my students are brats, what if the parents don't like me? Will I be supported/understood by my supervisor? Why didn't I think of these things before??? Immigration control asked if I wash my hair, I thought he was asking how long will I be here for. Let the fun begin Amazing loft with spiral staircase and outdoor space. As always I imagined Guatemala in the way of media. Mayan inspired looks. Women weaving baskets by the roadside, screeeeech! (Well at least not in my neighborhood) it's a full blown city with American stores and American prices oh vey! Just when I think I struck a great deal. I'll have to explore more of course. After traveling 3 weeks, I have a load of dirty lauded and nothing clean. To my convenience there's a washer and dryer in my loft. I get Manuel, the apparent "everything man" in the building to get it started for me. I load in All my laundry. Then realize I would remain naked while I washed. I had the bright idea to reconsider a wearing a of pair of pants and tank top I barely wore just in case i needed more of Manuel's help. As the washer starts to make a faint sound I go up stairs to organize my things. It only takes a few minutes for me to realize the washer is just pouring in water and not fully functioning. I wait a few minutes. And a few more. And more, and finally decide to call Manuel again. 2 hours later, a washer of water with my full load marinating is officially declared as not working. To my luck Manuel summonsed the assistance of a neighbor, Rosie, who was trying to help and when couldn't offered to wash my clothes in her apartment. It turned out to be a great way to learn more about where I would be living for the next 2 years. She should the wonderful communal spaces available to tenants: a gym, business center (which is like a conference room), community room (for parties!), and other random outdoor spaces. While my clothes dried, we hung out at the security desk with Manuel where Rosie told about a little about our neighbors. While there I met two other teachers who work at the same school I'll be working at. Although my day was pretty darn long it was a good one.

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International Teacher

Earlier this year I had no idea what path to take on my life journey. I was literally at a crossroads and September seemed like a black hole ready and waiting to suck me in. I had the opportunity to meet people from across the nation in two seperate experiences. The many conversations caused me to reflect heavily on what I believed and what was a reality in education I found myself deciding to work in another country as an early childhood teacher not an ESL teacher. No easy feat I might add. The process involved a lot of insecurity, on my part, in my physical appearance. Yes as my resume is being reviewed internationally, I'm required to add a passport sized picture to it. Front and center my resume can be put to the side for wearing the wrong colored shirt, having the wrong hairstyle, or for being the victim of some other prejudice. Who knows. I prepared ALL family and FRIENDS that they should be aware that after by trip to Ecuador I'm teaching abroad. Where? Who knows, China, UAE, either works for me. Both have amazing teacher packages. A week into my trip to Ecuador I apply for a job in Guatemala. Although the pay is substantially less, there is so much to gain. I want to learn more Spanish, they conducted teacher training on adding mindfulness to their classroom curriculum, it's in Central America, among other things you will learn later on in my life. I always said I would end up teaching in a Spanish speaking country and the journey seems to lead to that now...