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[chexmik]

5/20/21

249.2 (40.8lbs lost)

So I've almost entirely abandoned calorie counting. Between my meds and the habits I've formed over the last 6 months, it's just not super necessary anymore. I do check labels to when I am buying items at the store, but moreso to compare and choose the best option or to just be generally aware of the calorie density in a particular item so I can decide if it's chill to make it a regular thing or more of a treat.

[chexmik]

Update:

My weight loss has stalled lately due to life happening and a general lack of motivation. I have been fluctuating between 260-262 lately. However, a recent visit to my doctor has of 3 days ago has been a HUGE game changer. It explains so much from my struggle to stay organized, spacing out at red lights in traffic, to even my tendency to binge on high carb food.

At the age of 26 years old, I've been diagnosed with ADHD. I have CRIED multiple times the past few days on my new meds because it all makes sense. The hyperfixation on the next thing I'm gonna eat is GONE. I know this could still change sometimes because things are good right now but urges to binge are usually more frequent and stronger when I'm stressed. But honestly, I'm calmer, happier, less overstimulated and my brain is so quiet. I've actually had to remind myself to eat because I just don't realize it until I have physical hunger pains. This wasn't an intended result of my visit to the doctor but if that's all it took to help me get over my binge eating, I'll take it.

[chexmik]

Weigh In 2/16/21

262.0 lbs (28lbs lost)

So I've been gone for a little bit and wanted to let you know how it's been since the last update. I was having a hard time again. Lots of changes around the house and I kind of fell off the grind of shopping and meal prep I'd gotten into. Soooo I was eating a lot of take out. I guess I just ended up eating at maintenance for the most part though because I didn't gain weight and a few days of eating right again had me dropping again. I've learned to kind of compensate for when I know I'm going to be eating a large or dense meal and I'll have a salad for lunch or something. It's cool to see that my "normal" has shifted and I just naturally get full sooner.

[chexmik]

my last polaroid of 2020

[chexmik]

Weigh In 1/7/2020

269.4 lbs (20.6 lbs lost)

So December was a bit of a rollercoaster as far as activity and food but I'm gonna go ahead and call it a wash. I was really worried about how much damage I'd done but realistically it wasn't even that bad. I got down to like 269.2 but then kinda decided to maintain during holidays so I could participate and not feel left out. Then I binged what I thought was a lot but I guess it wasn't as bad as I figured. I've been back on track a few days now and also added meal prepping to my routine. I just figure I know I value convenient choices so I figured I'd make it more convenient to stay on track than veer off by going to a drive through or waiting an hour for delivery. Let's see how this goes!

[chexmik]

SWEETS! Ok y'all. Obviously with Christmas fast approaching sweets will be a huge presence so here's my recipe for amazing meringue pops that will have your house smelling great, your taste buds satisfied. They're so low calorie they pretty much don't even count. They're even Keto Friendly if that's your thing.

You will need:

-4 egg whites

-4 Tablespoons Swerve sweetener

-1/4 Teaspoon vanilla

-1/4 Teaspoon cream of tartar

-Lolly sticks (optional)

-Sprinkles (optional)

-parchment paper

-baking sheet... Or 2 or 3 depending on size.

-Stand mixer or hand mixer

-vinegar or lemon juice

Directions:

This is a french meringue so the process is very straight forward. First, clean your bowl and whisk/beater attachment with vinegar or lemon juice. Let that dry. Meringue is simple but fussy so you don't want any oil residue collapsing it. Put your egg whites and cream of tartar into a mixing bowl and begin to beat them. Once they have foamed up a bit, add your vanilla and continue to beat. When the mixture has become a little more firm, slowly add your first tablespoon of swerve. Wait a minute and allow that to mix in and disintegrate completely. Repeat until you've added 4 tbsp. Once stiff peaks can be formed, you can add gel or powder food coloring (NOT LIQUID!) if you would like to color them.

Once you are satisfied with the consistency and color of your meringue, put the mixture in a piping or ziplock bag with a corner clipped. Line your baking sheet with parchment paper. You can dab a bit of meringue under the corners to keep it in place. Pipe your meringue onto the parchment paper in fun shapes, lay a lolly stick over top, and then repeat the shape in a second later to cover the stick. This should make 8 or so decent size lollies.

Calories: ~80 cal

You could fill a cake box up with these and eat them all without breaking your calorie budget on deserts. Honestly I couldn't even finish half a batch before my sweet tooth was satisfied and I am a sugar FIEND.

[chexmik]

When you change your perspective

Challenges become opportunities.

https://www.gymaholic.co

[chexmik]

[chexmik]

[chexmik]

Weigh In 12/7/20

272.8lbs (17.2lbs lost)

Overall the week was alright. After the mcdonalds incident, I hopped right back on the train. I didn't cut my calories for the following days or go aggressively work out. I just stuck to my calorie range and still made progress. So really what I learned is that I'm going better than expected at learning to listen to my body. I'm considering maybe a meal a week that I don't track so I can be comfortable having dinner with friends or family when Quarantine 2 Electric Boogaloo has wrapped up. I don't wanna be weird all the time avoiding social situations involving food.

[chexmik]

Snack Time!

This is one single gala apple slices. I weighed by the gram bc the number for a single apple seemed a little steep and I was right :) I like to dip them in the greek yogurt! The caramel apple pie flavor is AMAZING. Best of all both are green foods!

[chexmik]

TW: Discussion of ED behaviors. I struggle with Binge Eating Disorder.

Well folks. I knew it was coming eventually. I was doing too good. So here's the bad and the good I guess.

I caved in to the urge to binge. Kinda? I ordered a bacon double quarter pounder combo, a mcchicken and a holiday pie from McDonald's. I felt bad instantly but I'd already killed the fries and half the burger. Then I felt a familiar but unexpected sensation. I was full. Not uncomfortably stuffed but full. My body was letting me know. So uhhh... I finished the last couple bites of the burger (better than I've ever done before). I'm sitting here looking at the pie and mcchicken with half my drink left. I don't know whether to cry bc I feel bad about eating this stuff or because I'm actually kinda proud of myself that my body is changing and learning when to say I've had enough. A month and a half ago, I would have obliterated all this food without a thought. Probably a little more, honestly.

I know progress isn't linear. I know I've done a really good job not overly restricting my food intake so I could avoid this for as long as I have now but it still hurts. I've been doing so well eating healthier and minding my calorie intake... I know the day isn't ruined. I know tomorrow is also a new day. I'm still in recovery and I know I'm doing good. I'm gonna take a nap and sleep this one off so I don't panic and try to do damage control.

[chexmik]

Having done both things, I’m sticking to maintaining a healthy weight, even if it means having to eat tacos only twice a week. 

[chexmik]

Absolutely! It's about effort and consistency.

[chexmik]

Today's yummy meal is California wrap bites and spring rolls with sweet chili sauce. ❤️ Calories included in the screenshot.

[chexmik]

PSA

Someone being ‘unhealthy’ does not give you a free pass to harassing them. Insulting someone online for their weight and appearance is not ‘tough love’, you can’t 'tough love’ random strangers on the internet. It’s called harassment, and no matter how many times you tell yourself that you’re 'helping’ and no matter how many times you jack off to socially enforced standards of beauty, belittling people for their weight and ridiculing them online makes you -gasp!- a bad person.

I can’t believe this is controversial. I can’t believe some of you are so deep into this game of self-righteousness and make-believe superiority that me saying 'Fat people don’t deserve to be harassed’ is a statement worth hurling insults for.

[chexmik]

Please visit the interactive version HERE for more examples.