cherriechia

[cherriechia]

(23.10.12)

The lonelinest stays. And I think it'll stay for pretty long this time.

I ate lunch alone for the first time in months. So the whole geology team went out first today, and I asked Febri "you've left for lunchh?"

Then she called me, and offered to wait for me. But I could feel her reluctance. So I said I'd figure it out. And there was no one I could ask to go for lunch with, so I just left.

Went to Bakmi GM and had lunch on my own. Then got back to the office at 1 pm, they came back, and didn't even ask where I had eaten. So yeah, maybe they're very annoyed at me? Or kinda annoyed? Idk, but it didn't feel good.

It made me feel so alone and lonely.

I could feel myself starting to withdraw from everyone and everything. I hate it so much. But I can't help it. I feel like it's my coping mechanism where I avoid getting hurt by moving myself from the equation altogether. And I could feel the beginning of it now.

Help me, I need help.

[cherriechia]

(23.10.10)

Life's been hard as of late.

My mom's been unbearable.

I gained a lot of weight due to overeating from stress.

I have no friends.

Wow.

What a great and lonely life.