charleneferlay

[charleneferlay]

Lawrence Alma Tadema, The Pyrrhic Dance, 1886

Below the cut: Philippos training or a pyrrhic dance in Thebai

The festival of Herakles was fast approaching, heralding winter. We boys had been granted the honor of rehearsing for a week on the very sands where the bravest of Thebai trained all year long. Then we would be dancing and marching for the whole city to admire, to honor my ancestor. He had been born in Thebai, and the city was dear to him; to me, the dance had swollen into something of prime importance. I craved the guidance and protection of the gods – my whole family did, and who better than our precursor to grant us what we sorely needed?

For the first time the boys of the palestra would see me clad as a warrior. My armor was ready. It was black, decorated with a white line at the top of the chest, black horses running on this pale field – and black was my shield, with a rearing white stallion in the middle and a border of white triangles. They were the snowy tops of the mountains that, at home, closed the horizon in the north and the west, when rain cleaned the air and the gaze could spot faraway things with clarity. I had added one radiant sun, the kind we Argeadai adorn our coffins with when we die, but that symbol, I had painted myself, black on black, so that I was the only one who knew it was there.

Around me, gorgon heads snarled, birds opened their wings and ox heads showed their horns. Bits of bronze glittered here and there, polished golden, but overall, we were all dressed the same; except I looked darker than most of them. I hoped it did make me look fiercer.

A sudden shout had us run into a makeshift formation, holding with excitement our spears with their leather-pouch ends. At some point this week, we would be given real spears with blunted iron, but at the beginning, no one wanted high strung boys to handle the real thing. Our whispers died and gave way to silence, though it was heavy with anticipation, like a warm summer night before the storm.

Epaminondas entered the field.

He was, by then, the legend of the city. He had crushed the Spartans at Leuktra the year before, freed the enslaved helots of Messenia, founded cities for those people who had been oppressed for two centuries; he had kept to the field for too long, to achieve that, past his time as an elected Beotarch, but had won with exclamations of mirth the trial his political enemies had set up against him. He would take the field again, come spring; but winter threatened, and for now, he was there with us.

He was not a rich man; he was, as I was, mostly clad in black.

Our work begun.

We were sorted by height, the tallest at the front and the smallest at the back. I was one of the youngest but my long foal legs put me right in the middle. Someone whispered, somewhere behind my left shoulder: only a few words I could catch, makedonian, not one of us, shouldn’t be there. And it was, in some way, true. The dance was a rite of passage for Theban citizens or boys from other cities of the Boiotian Confederacy – I was neither, an odd thorn, and of course, the only hostage that had been allowed in.

I straightened up. People I liked had pulled strings so I could participate; the eyes of Herakles rested on me; if I danced well, they would all see what a prince of Makedon could do.

[charleneferlay]

Burrito Achilles but I get the vibes of Philippos reconsidering his life choices after he smoked half a scythian king's stash of hemp with his thracian father in law.

Or Philippos wondering if maybe it's too late to send Alexandros back to Zeus because I mean, the boy has two dads but only one of them shows up at parent-teacher night.

[charleneferlay]

Currently rereading A fire from heaven by Mary Renault and I love how whenever I start to think Philip is not so bad, he adds fuel to the fire of disdain with "funny anecdotes" such as:

"Ah yes, Parmenion really is my best friend, I remember that time we got a girl together and now we don't know which one of us is the father, that's soooooo funny !"

And I have two thoughts, the first one being "GUYS NO", and the second one being "who is this kid he would make a very interesting character".

[charleneferlay]

Hephaistion, Son of Amyntor

for #AlexanderWeek

[charleneferlay]

A new chapter for SmolPhilippos being a brat in Thebai \o/

His current life goals are 3) find boyfriend in the palestra, 2) witchy stuffs in the basement and 1) NOT DIE because of his new step father who also happens to be his half brother.

Hopefully with one offering a week to Iolaus, he can do it !

[charleneferlay]

Writing three projects at once for publishing but there's one thing that doesn't change:

When in doubt, writing SmolPhilippos cursing half his family makes me feel better.

You got it baby, and don't worry, one day you'll have full battalions of sarissas to back up your threats!

(New chapter for the Teeth of the lamb coming... soon! Hopefully tomorrow.)

[charleneferlay]

When you have been sent to become Alexander's assassin but you actually don't like killing people.

Also kudo for the mom being like "I want this boy to commit parricide and I think naming him after Orestes is the coolest thing ever".

Bonus Erinyes because they are so cool, lines from Aeschylus.

[charleneferlay]

Nothing in this world makes me feel a greater sense of disappointment and misery than searching up a character from greek mythology and the first picture being a shitty ai image of an overly muscled greased up guy with indiscernible clouds in the background

Where’s the red/black figure pottery? Where’s the chipped and worn away friezes and frescos that barely show their face? Where’s the iconic 19th century allegorical painting of them? Where are the mosaics? Where are the statues? Why must we throw away preserved artwork for the sake of ai slop?

Truly it makes me violent

[charleneferlay]

The blood upon thine hand is reeking still : For that the turmoil in thy heart is loud. Aeschylus, The Libation bearers, translation by Gilbert Murray, 1925

Orestis/Hephaistion after the murder of the real Hephaistion, wondering why he feels like shit pretending he's the guy he murdered.

Art by the amazing Kloh.eh for La Flèche d'Artémis.

[charleneferlay]

Let's deal with one more book with The lion of Macedon, from David Gemmell! Review below the cut!

The Lion of Macedon is probably one of the most famous books on this list, with over five thousands ratings on Goodreads. The book was published in the nineties and I feel like it explains some of the... oddities of this book. This is a fantasy book, so be reading for magical shenanigans.

The main character of the book is Parmenion, which is a good thing because it's not Alexander, an okay thing because the character is tolerable, and a bad thing because Oh Gods he is SO overpowered. Like really, for a man with such a bland personnality, he really is the Death of Nation, the guy who singlehandly wins every major battle that was during his lifetime.

Pro of having Parmenion as a main character: the story starts earlier than most, with a whole arc in Thebes, as well as plenty of time devoted to Philippos at the start of his reign. We also get three "love" stories for Parmenion and I mostly found them extremely boring and borderline cringy. Gemmell didn't write the worst female characters, but they aren't the best either. Let's just say that "he tried".

I have very mixed feelings about this book. It was highly enjoyable, but sometimes it was enjoyable for the wrong reasons, and it also has a very... strange arc, that honestly cracks me up.

So let's start with why I think this book is weird.

I like character development. As a reader and an author, what hooks me is characters. And wowwww some of the caracters get weird at time.

Let's illustrate this with Philip and his boyfriend of Schrödinger : there is a character called Nikanor (I think, I'm not sure, tbh he wasn't much of a character). We first see him through Philip's eyes, who just stares at this guy for two seconds and that's it (actually, I'm now wondering if there wasn't some gay stuffs cut at the end of the scene, you'll see why). Then, a few scenes later, we get a moment when Philip is fighting a guy and we get the really weird sentence that this guy looks like Nikanor but he still doesn't hesitate and engages him in combat.

I was like "uuuuuh weird. But then, a few scenes after that, another character says that this guy is Philip's lover. And I was like HOW ? We got several scenes from Philip's POV, with this guy in the scene, and this guy was NEVER his lover in these scenes??? Then, a few chapters after that, we get another character talking with Nikanor, about how he's not the king's favorite anymore... But dude, he never was ? I mean, did Philip have a boyfriend without being aware ? Was there some gay stuffs in there that got cut because it's the 90s and somehow, they didn't get rid of everything? IDK but it was weird.

There are moments when the characters just ignore extremely important stuffs. While it's usually not true for Parmenion, everyone else (starting with Philip who really, is the most forgiving king ever) seems to keep forgetting they just lived very traumatic and/or important things, such as saving each other's lives, killing their own evil twin, or that demons are plotting against Alexander. Philip is both very smart and extremely dumb, they all fall for the worst plots, such as Philip growing super paranoid for no reasons and then everyone understanding he's been manipulated by demons, but I mean dudes, it's like the tenths time demons have tried mindcontrolling people, how come this still surprises you?

The book does have really interesting moments. However, more often than not, I feel like Gemmell doesn't give enough time for the drama to sink in. I'll keep talking about Philip because why not, but there a really interesting moment when he's told his brother died and he can try for the throne. The interesting part is that at first, he thinks that he doesn't want to be king, and it would be an interesting dilemma for him to struggle a bit about that... but no. He thinks "oh no I'd rather hunt and get drunk and sleep with women" and three lines later he's like "oh okay let's go to Pella and become king".

Well, that was quickly done with! He's then faced with another dilemma, with a friend of him suggestion he kills Amyntas. The scene starts GREAT, with Philip actually going to the child's room ready to kill him, hand on his dagger, and... it's solved in three lines and then he starts chatting and joking witht he mother of the child and everyone seems to forget he just walked in dagger in hand to murder the boy.

Wasted opportunities, really.

Let's move to when the book get wild.

Okay so Alexander is half demon and the host of a dark god who wants to destroy the world. It's sometimes interesting, most of the time it isn't, because it's never subtle. That's not a spoiler, it's written on the cover.

What's not on the cover is Philippos of Macedoyne (in French ; I have no idea how it's called in English, Macedonya ? No idea but it gets an "y" for fantasy's sake, I guess). For some very mysterious reason, Philippos (the evil twin from the fantasy world) is an immortal demon king with an eye of gold that can read minds.

And Philip is somehow the normal somewhat historical guy.

I mean. How do you get wilder than Demon Child Alexander being abducted by the Demonic Immortal Evil Twin of his own father????

Ah and as a end note Bucephalus was Parmenion's horse all along because of course he would be, nothing can exist in this world outside of Parmenion's awesomeness.

What I really feel about this book

One of my most entertaining read of the year, but probably for the wrong reasons. I skipped some parts entirely because of boredom, found some other parts really weird, I was sometimes puzzled, there are a lot of missed opportunities. I did like that we get to see what happens before Alexander and the book can get really fun. It's very fast paced, with a lot of things happening, and it's not scared of being weird and wild. I sometimes felt like it was a gulty pleasure and I did reread some scenes, but I also feel like I was sometimes laughing at the book rather than with the book.

If you are curious about Thebe and the early years of Philip's reign, you'll probably find stuffs in this book. It's pretty easy to find at a low price, so give it a try, if I didn't scare you!

Bucephalus rates Alexander novels

Hollywood pic of Bucephalus, who probably had a cropped mane and looked more like a Spanish pureblood than a Frisian.

Hello mares and foals! These past months, a nice lady read way too many books about Alexander. Here are my advices about which books to avoid and books you should read.

Keep reading below the cut!

MUST READ

I am the great horse (Katherine Roberts): The tale of Alexander told from MY POV so obviously the best book, Five stars.

Bucéphale (Pénélope Jossen): 32 pages of Alexander being very cute with me, that's 100% of the book this author knows her priorities, five stars.

MAYBE

Dancing with the Lion: Becoming: The story of Alexander the Great, before his rise (Jeanne Reames): I have no POV in this and had to read it twice to decide that Hephaistion's horse having a personnality is worth some stars. I am not sure about the part where Hephaistion is riding me, I don't want people to think I can actually be nice. I'll give it two stars because we see a lot of horses.

The lion's cub (L. M. Zorn): I am the one who started the love story between Alexander and Hephaistion so it does deserves some stars, also Hephaistion has named horses and I like to have friends!

Lord of the two lands (Judith Tarr): I have no POV in this and the only horse that shows up has bad manners, but it has a cat and for some reason you humans like cats.

The Lion of Macedon (David Gemmell): One star for me getting an origin story but I'll take it back because it's a FALSE origin story.

The virtues of war (Steven Pressfield): I don't show up a lot but when I do I'm the best, that deserves one star.

AVOID A change of fate (Melissa Scott): I have no scene in this and die offscreen at the beginning of the book, NO STAR.

Hisutorie (Hitoshi Iwaaki): This is a manga about Eumenes so of course I don't show up a lot. I am very puzzled by Alexander and Hephaistion being the same person and I have to give zero star to Alexander being the most stupid Alexander I ever carried on my back.

Memnon (Scott Oden): I have ONE scene in this. ONE. No point in reading this book.

The golden mean (Annabel Lyon): A book told from Aristotle's POV who, for some reason, isn't paying any attention to me. To me! He's too busy teaching Arrhidaios to do human things, I guess. Zero stars.

The twin soul of Alexander (Lawrence M. Scheier): The boys spend so much time getting laid they don't have any left for ME. I get that having a herd and grooming your mares is important, but so am I!

Archias the exile hunter (The Issos incident and The Siege of Tyr) (Robert Fabbri): Those are short stories but if the author had time for Hephaistion to look pretty, he had time to make me look good! He didn't, zero stars!

I DON'T KNOW

A fire from heaven (Mary Renault): I don't even remember if I show up in this.

Alexander, child of a dream (Valerio Manfredi): I don't know if I show up in this because the woman reading the book did not finish it, according to her it was "the worst Alexander book she ever read" or at least, the most badly written.

Note from the human who actually read those book: The only book on this list that I DON'T recommend is the one from Manfredi. The others are not always well written, but I found something great in each.

If I had to name one favorite, it would be Dancing with the lion, since it's the only one I read twice from the beginning to the end.

[charleneferlay]

My current mood is writing about Philippos & Amyntas when they were Regent&SmolKing, but of course my two stories don't cover this moment at all and I have like four other novels to write, so I'm stuck with them free renting in my head.

So if any of you want to hear about them, my DM box is open XD

[charleneferlay]

Let’s see if our perception of our country’s best known foods matches how others see us.

So in tags, put what you think is (one of) the most iconic and/or original foods from your country. Make sure to also include the country.

Person who reblogs MUST be from a different country. Say if you agree in tags, if you’ve ever had any, then give your own.

[charleneferlay]

OK now, below the cut, some real reviews of the books rated by Bucephalus! Starting with I am the great horse and Bucéphale, the books that got five stars from the horse.

I am the great horse (Katherine Roberts): Okay so this one I really like, BUT... that's in no way the greatest book on the list. The writing gets repetitive after a while, some plotlines really aren't good (I don't know what Parmenion did to the author but poor guy deserved better XD). Historically speaking, I could find lots of mistakes, and I'm not an expert. So why was it one of the ones I liked best?

The author is an "horse person", who worked professionally with horses. While the book is lacking historically speaking, it's interesting to follow horses. Since Bucephalas misses a lot of the political action, the book is mostly fast paced. Alexander's downfall from good prince to horrible tyran is tied to how he rides his horses, and we get to meet various characters that not seen in every books (his relationship with Ochus, Darius' son, was a plotpoint I liked). I also liked the sense of humour of the book, which is really funny at times.

Bucéphale (Pénélope Jossen): 32 pages of Alexander being very cute with a horse. This is actually a children book aimed for children 4/5 yo, which I bought because why not, it was really unexpensive. It tells of Alexander meeting Bucephalus, though he is pictured as a small boy rather than a teenager. I don't think I can really recommend this book unless you want to catch them all.

Bucephalus rates Alexander novels

Hollywood pic of Bucephalus, who probably had a cropped mane and looked more like a Spanish pureblood than a Frisian.

Hello mares and foals! These past months, a nice lady read way too many books about Alexander. Here are my advices about which books to avoid and books you should read.

Keep reading below the cut!

MUST READ

I am the great horse (Katherine Roberts): The tale of Alexander told from MY POV so obviously the best book, Five stars.

Bucéphale (Pénélope Jossen): 32 pages of Alexander being very cute with me, that's 100% of the book this author knows her priorities, five stars.

MAYBE

Dancing with the Lion: Becoming: The story of Alexander the Great, before his rise (Jeanne Reames): I have no POV in this and had to read it twice to decide that Hephaistion's horse having a personnality is worth some stars. I am not sure about the part where Hephaistion is riding me, I don't want people to think I can actually be nice. I'll give it two stars because we see a lot of horses.

The lion's cub (L. M. Zorn): I am the one who started the love story between Alexander and Hephaistion so it does deserves some stars, also Hephaistion has named horses and I like to have friends!

Lord of the two lands (Judith Tarr): I have no POV in this and the only horse that shows up has bad manners, but it has a cat and for some reason you humans like cats.

The Lion of Macedon (David Gemmell): One star for me getting an origin story but I'll take it back because it's a FALSE origin story.

The virtues of war (Steven Pressfield): I don't show up a lot but when I do I'm the best, that deserves one star.

AVOID A change of fate (Melissa Scott): I have no scene in this and die offscreen at the beginning of the book, NO STAR.

Hisutorie (Hitoshi Iwaaki): This is a manga about Eumenes so of course I don't show up a lot. I am very puzzled by Alexander and Hephaistion being the same person and I have to give zero star to Alexander being the most stupid Alexander I ever carried on my back.

Memnon (Scott Oden): I have ONE scene in this. ONE. No point in reading this book.

The golden mean (Annabel Lyon): A book told from Aristotle's POV who, for some reason, isn't paying any attention to me. To me! He's too busy teaching Arrhidaios to do human things, I guess. Zero stars.

The twin soul of Alexander (Lawrence M. Scheier): The boys spend so much time getting laid they don't have any left for ME. I get that having a herd and grooming your mares is important, but so am I!

Archias the exile hunter (The Issos incident and The Siege of Tyr) (Robert Fabbri): Those are short stories but if the author had time for Hephaistion to look pretty, he had time to make me look good! He didn't, zero stars!

I DON'T KNOW

A fire from heaven (Mary Renault): I don't even remember if I show up in this.

Alexander, child of a dream (Valerio Manfredi): I don't know if I show up in this because the woman reading the book did not finish it, according to her it was "the worst Alexander book she ever read" or at least, the most badly written.

Note from the human who actually read those book: The only book on this list that I DON'T recommend is the one from Manfredi. The others are not always well written, but I found something great in each.

If I had to name one favorite, it would be Dancing with the lion, since it's the only one I read twice from the beginning to the end.

[charleneferlay]

Bucephalus rates Alexander novels

Hollywood pic of Bucephalus, who probably had a cropped mane and looked more like a Spanish pureblood than a Frisian.

Hello mares and foals! These past months, a nice lady read way too many books about Alexander. Here are my advices about which books to avoid and books you should read.

Keep reading below the cut!

MUST READ

I am the great horse (Katherine Roberts): The tale of Alexander told from MY POV so obviously the best book, Five stars.

Bucéphale (Pénélope Jossen): 32 pages of Alexander being very cute with me, that's 100% of the book this author knows her priorities, five stars.

MAYBE

Dancing with the Lion: Becoming: The story of Alexander the Great, before his rise (Jeanne Reames): I have no POV in this and had to read it twice to decide that Hephaistion's horse having a personnality is worth some stars. I am not sure about the part where Hephaistion is riding me, I don't want people to think I can actually be nice. I'll give it two stars because we see a lot of horses.

The lion's cub (L. M. Zorn): I am the one who started the love story between Alexander and Hephaistion so it does deserves some stars, also Hephaistion has named horses and I like to have friends!

Lord of the two lands (Judith Tarr): I have no POV in this and the only horse that shows up has bad manners, but it has a cat and for some reason you humans like cats.

The Lion of Macedon (David Gemmell): One star for me getting an origin story but I'll take it back because it's a FALSE origin story.

The virtues of war (Steven Pressfield): I don't show up a lot but when I do I'm the best, that deserves one star.

AVOID A choice of destinies (Melissa Scott): I have no scene in this and die offscreen at the beginning of the book, NO STAR.

Hisutorie (Hitoshi Iwaaki): This is a manga about Eumenes so of course I don't show up a lot. I am very puzzled by Alexander and Hephaistion being the same person and I have to give zero star to Alexander being the most stupid Alexander I ever carried on my back.

Memnon (Scott Oden): I have ONE scene in this. ONE. No point in reading this book.

The golden mean (Annabel Lyon): A book told from Aristotle's POV who, for some reason, isn't paying any attention to me. To me! He's too busy teaching Arrhidaios to do human things, I guess. Zero stars.

The twin soul of Alexander (Lawrence M. Scheier): The boys spend so much time getting laid they don't have any left for ME. I get that having a herd and grooming your mares is important, but so am I!

Archias the exile hunter (The Issos incident and The Siege of Tyr) (Robert Fabbri): Those are short stories but if the author had time for Hephaistion to look pretty, he had time to make me look good! He didn't, zero stars!

I DON'T KNOW

A fire from heaven (Mary Renault): I don't even remember if I show up in this.

Alexander, child of a dream (Valerio Manfredi): I don't know if I show up in this because the woman reading the book did not finish it, according to her it was "the worst Alexander book she ever read" or at least, the most badly written.

Note from the human who actually read those book: The only book on this list that I DON'T recommend is the one from Manfredi. The others are not always well written, but I found something great in each.

If I had to name one favorite, it would be Dancing with the lion, since it's the only one I read twice from the beginning to the end.

[charleneferlay]

Look at him, so happy now that he's found his kausia, the traditional ancient Macedonian hat!

I found various pictures of the kausia, some of them pretty different, and IDK why but this hat cracks me up so I intend to commission all the boys with and without the hat, because there's not enough Alexander wearing funny purple hats in this world.

Artist: the.angel.incarnate, commission for Kleitos Melas in my story La Flèche d'Artémis.

[charleneferlay]

Book 1 Alexandros, 16yo: I must be perfect, I cannot fail, everyone is watching, do they want me to die to acclaim Amyntas, why can't I get laid, AM I UGLY Philippos : Wow boy chill or you'll die of anxiety before you turn eighteen

Book 2 Alexandros, 18yo: OMG WAR LET'S WRECK THEM LEZGO TO FIGHT THEM, ON TO VICTORY AND TO USE MY GODLING POWERS Philippos : He's going to die isn't he Parmenion : Yup maybe you should give him some anxiety back

[charleneferlay]

Useless fool

Art by Kloh.eh of Philippos and All The Things That Haunt Him lol. It's not only the fratricide - knowing your new stepfather probably wants to kill you is one of them, being the "dumb son" of the family is another.

Below the cut is a piece of my story, The teeth of the lamb. It's one I love because as a teacher who has seen plenty of students with damaged self esteem, I really want to give the poor boy a hug.

For context: Philippos, prince of Makedonia, has been sent as an hostage to the city of Thebes by his stepfather Ptolemaios of Aloros. After a week, he is invited to the house of the great general Epaminondas.

“Come here,” Epaminondas called, gesturing for me to insert myself at the best spot, between himself and Pelopidas.

I liked that I was close to my friend; not so that Epaminondas stood at my side. He cut an impressive figure and if Pelopidas was the sun, bright and warm, Epaminondas was the moon, colder and harder to read. 

Pelopidas started to empty the boxes of their soldiers. They were crudely made, but well enough that I could see some were heavy infantry and some lighter troops, such as slingers. The man took the small soldiers and arranged them in two fat lines facing each other, while Epaminondas selected one figure for each type.

“Do you know what that is?” he asked, showing me a small man with a helmet that fully covered his head, a large shield, a cuirass, and spear and what looked like cnemides.

Of course I knew, I knew that, it was – it was…

“Do you know,” my stepfather’s voice echoed, “why Thebai can impose demands upon us?”

He was eating. The room (my father’s room, that had been my brother’s Alexandros the last time I had been there) smelled of lamb cooked in herbs. He chewed as he spoke and played with his food with his knife.

“Tell me,” he insisted, “how did Thebai grow powerful?”

I couldn’t look away from the knife. It was small, much smaller than the sword that had slashed Alexandros, but it cut easily enough into the flesh of the lamb. I could almost feel it grazing my skin as Ptolemaios of Aloros had his lamb. It disgusted me. I was not a follower of Orpheus, the weird men who ate no meat, but I knew the stories, the stories of cursed families such as ours: brothers killing brothers, fathers raping daughters, children cooked by jealous relatives.

A lamb, just a lamb. Ptolemaios waved the knife.

“What is the matter with you, Philippos? Did the Illyroi hit you on the head while you were herding goats with them? Or were you always that dumb?”

I did not remember. Maybe I had known, one day. I used to study with Perdikkas before I was sent to Illyria. Perhaps I was dumb, I thought. Our mother had learnt to read with Perdikkas and I, and Perdikkas had been much faster; he could even read silently, without mouthing the words. My teachers had always liked him better: bright, fast, bookish Perdikkas, the heir to the king. They hadn’t slowed down for me.

The answer did not matter anyway. Even if I had known how Thebai achieved hegemony over Hellas, no word would have gone through the terror clotting my throat.

“Unbelievable,” Ptolemaios spat. “Well, they can have you if they want, useless as you are!”

He had laughed a mean and somewhat relieved laugh, and I had fled by to my own room.

And that night, I was in Thebai, and I was asked a simple question I knew the answer to. But Epaminondas’ clear eyes were on me, searching my face for hints of the Gods knew what, and all I knew slipped away from my tongue. I shuffled on my feet. People were staring at me. Finally, painfully, I managed to respond, sounding very unsure, though it was common knowledge, even in Makedonia.

“Hoplite?”

Epaminondas nodded. Incredible relief washed over me, and then was snuffed out when he took another clay figure. Light infantry, with a shield shaped as an 8.

“Peltast.”

Another one, carrying a bow.

“Toxotai.”

“Good.”

He went through all the figures. I could name all of them, but once he was done, I felt like he had drained me of all my blood. The others had finished arranging their mock battlefield.

“Do you recognize this battle?” Epaminondas asked. “Take your time. See how the troops are laid out. And you,” he said, pointing at Lysias and Philolaus, “hush.”

They stared at me intently, their boys’ eyes soft and pretty as cows’. I knew the farce was up. Every brainless child could tell light from heavy infantry – I had seen my father’s and my brother’s troops marching for the crowd during the festivals of Xandika and like every boy, I had pointed at each unit, shouting their name in delight. Now, they would all see how ignorant I was. I could hear Ptolemy’s laugh at the back of my head. Useless fool.

I had to say something. The silence was smothering me; a man started to whisper to the one at his left. Was he mocking me? My throat felt tight again. Think think think. What would Perdikkas say? Surely, someone taught him about Thebai, with him being the heir, surely, some tidbits of those lessons must have gone into my thick head.

I felt trapped. I scrapped all the corners of my brain. It felt empty and clogged by wet cloth. I think I would have failed to answer with my own name, if someone had asked me.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. Barely a whisper. Dumb, barbarous boy. Pammenes had brought me here to weight against the fight at the palestra. Brave lad, bright lad, he had hoped. But Ptolemaios was right, just as Perdikkas had been right when we were younger: I was never smart, and now I had degenerated into a brainless idiot.