charlenebyrauschenberg

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

best of sparknotes part 3

(2 | 1)

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

How to Write a Michael Schur Lead Romance

Partner 1: Confident, Fun, Slightly Depressed

Partner 2: Anxiety™ 

Partner 1 provides the light atmosphere, Partner 2 provides the level head. Congrats, you have the perfect lead couple.

BONUS:

How to Write a Michael Schur Secondary Romance: Abnormal Dork Meets Equally Abnormal Dork

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

said happy birthday to someone at work today and they said, “you’re welcome”. what a power move

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

(the first one, part one)

Sometimes I think the world would be better without me. Then I think of people who laugh at waiters and don’t tip, people who take up more than one parking space and people who comment on other people’s clothes. I know it might be better without me, but with so many assholes living here, someone’s got to make the world worse.

Frank wants me to stop taking myself too seriously. If you’ve got a gaurdian angel or whatever, they’re not allowed to talk to you. Rule followers. Bitches. Frank isn’t allowed to talk to me either, but no one expects him to follow the rules. Absolutely no one expects the best of him, being a gaurdian demon and all, but we have that in common. And we have each other. 

Mostly, though, we bicker. Like this morning, when we (I? No- we) were on our way to the grocery store. I don’t have to work since I steal pretty regularly from upstairs neighbors. It’s okay: they sell counterfeit acne medication. They sell a lot, and Frank says, hardly notice anything’s missing. 

I was talking to him about the green pick-up in front of me. 

“That color looks badly spray-painted on.”

“It looks Matte,�� Frank corrected.

“No, it doesn’t,” I said. “It looks like somebody stole a truck and didn’t want it to be traced.”

“Well, Grace, what about the license plate?” Frank asked. 

“What about the license plate?” I asked. 

Frank sighed. He gets awfully condescending, which I guess makes sense. No one expects him to be polite. “If police were looking for that truck, spraying it wouldn’t make a difference. Because they could just trace the license plate.”

“What if that person’s not running from police?” I asked. I wasn’t sure the person was running at this point, just stubborn. 

“What’s your point?” Frank asked. 

“We’re following that truck.”

“Please don’t, Grace.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“I could stop you.”

Frank is supernatural and could stop me if he wanted to. I looked him in the eyes as I stopped at the red light.

“Please don’t stop me.”

Gaurdian angels have rules, but gaurdian demons can be as selfish as they want. 

“We’re getting mint chip on the way back,” Frank sighed. Deal. 

If you’re imagining a thrilling car chase, you’re as disappointed as I was. We drove past the Safeway and the 7/11. Then got stuck in freeway traffic (”Happy Now?” asked Frank). 

After a while, I was pretty sure I was gonna turn back. Nothing was expected of me, after all. The pick-up pulled into a coldstone. 

“Oh, so getting ice cream is a crime now,” declared Frank waving his gremlin-hands. 

“Shut up,” I said. I got out of my car, looking side to side and feeling underdressed for the sense of power that comes from living an action movie. I nodded to the back seat. 

“Getting ice cream’s not a crime,” I said. “But that probably is.”

Demon Prompts

Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but much more effective.

You are the miraculous child between a demon and an angel. The problem is your bloodlines cancel each other out, essentially making you a regular human. The only difference is that you have non-functional wings and horns that intimidate those who meet you.

The economic crisis hits hell. A demon, unable to get work elsewhere, applies to the job nobody wants: answering Ouija boards and Magic 8 Ball questions.

During a LARP session, you dress up as a demon and go to the graveyard as your role demands. Little did you know that on this very night, an actual cult of demon summoners visits the very same graveyard.

You’re alone in your room when suddenly, you disappear and arrive in an unknown location. Turns out you’re in hell and this time, the tables have been turned. You’ve been summoned by a demon who needs your help.

Want to send in a prompt or share a story? Join our subreddit here!

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

me: sun’s out MUN’s out

them: don’t you mean-

me (pointing to the nerdy high school kids walking by in suits): no

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

5/7/2018: Hey, aspiring fantasy writers!

Having trouble deciding what role is best to give your character(s)? Well then, here is a collection of medieval-fantasy type jobs (both historical and fictional) in alphabetical order that can help you choose the right one.

Abbot; Abbess

Academic/Professor

Actor

Adventurer

Adviser

Alchemist

Alienist

Almoner

Animal trainer

Antiquarian

Apothecary

Arbalest

Arcanist

Archer

Architect

Armorer

Artificer

Artist

Assassin

Astrologer

Auctioneer

Author, Nonfiction

Bailiff

Baker; Baxter

Bandit (Outlaw, Thug, Highwayman, Plunderer, Marauder)

Banker

Barbarian

Barber

Bard

Barkeeper

Bathhouse Attendant

Beast Tamer

Beastmaster

Beggar

Berserker

Bishop

Blacksmith

Bladesmith

Bodyguard

Bookbinder

Bounty Hunter

Brewer; Brewster

Broker

Butcher

Butler

Candlemaker

Captain

Cardinal

Caregiver

Carpenter

Carriage driver

Carter (Carrier)

Cataphract

Chainsmith

Chamberlain

Chandler

Chaplain

Chariot racer

Cheesemaker

Chimneysweep

City guard

Cleric

Clerk

Cobbler

Confectioner

Constable; Marshal

Convict

Cook; Pastry chef

Cooper (barrels/buckets)

Copyist/Scribe

Cordwainer (Shoemaker)

Crusader

Dancer

Deacon

Dentist

Deprived

Detective

Diplomat

Diva

Dockworker

Doctor

Dog trainer

Domestic Servants

Dragonrider

Dressmaker

Druid

Duelist

Dyer

Embroiderer

Emperor/Empress

Enforcer of Laws against Rich Clothes

Engineer

Escapist

Explorer

Falconer

Farmer

Farrier (horse shoes)

Fighter

Fighting Clerics

Fisherman

Fishmonger

Flagellant

Fletcher

Florist

Footman

Friar

Furniture maker

Gardener

Gladiator/arena fighter

Glazier

Goldsmith

Gong Farmer

Grave Robber

Gravedigger

Guardian

Guru

Hack driver

Harbormaster

Hatter

Hay seller

Headsman; Hangman

Healer; Midwife

Hellion

Herald

Herbalist

Hermit

Hero

Houndmaster

Housewife

Hunter

Illuminator

Illusionist

Importer; Exporter

Innkeeper

Inquisitor

Interpreter

Inventor

Investigator

Jester or Fool

Jeweler

Judge

King

Knife thrower

Knight

Lady’s maid

Lawyer

Leper

Locksmith

Logger

Loremaster

Mage

Magician

Maid

Man-at-Arms

Mapmaker (Cartographer)

Mason

Master of Ceremonies

Mayor

Medium

Mercenary

Merchant

Messenger

Miller

Miner

Minstrel; Jongleur

Money Changer

Monk, Nun

Musician

Necromancer

Noble

Noblewoman

Nurse

Nursemaid/wetnurse

Occultist

Official

Oracle

Page

Painter

Paladin

Papermaker

Parchment and Ink Seller

Pardoner

Parson

Peasant

Peddler

Philosopher

Pilgrim

Pirate

Playwright

Poet

Polymath

Pontiff

Pope

Porter

Potioneer

Potter

Priest

Prince

Princess

Prisoner (hard labor)

Produce vendor

Prophet

Prostitute; Courtesan

Provost

Pyromancer

Queen

Ranger

Rat catcher

Ringmaster

Rogue

Ropemaker

Saddler (Yo mama!)

Sage

Sailor

Salt seller

Salter or Daysalter

Schoolmaster; Teacher

Sculptor

Sentinel

Seraph

Serf

Servant (laundry, kitchen, cleaner)

Shaman

Sheriff

Shieldmaiden

Shipwright

Shopowner

Silversmith

Skald

Slave

Slave trader

Smelter

Smuggler

Sniper

Soldier

Sorcerer/Sorceress

Spinster; Spinner

Spy

Squire

Stable hand

Stablemaster

Stained-Glass Artist

Steward

Stonemason

Street Cleaner

Strongman (or woman)

Summoner

Surgeon

Swashbuckler

Sweet maker

Tailor

Tanner (leather)

Taxman

Templar

Thatcher (thatched roofs)

Thief

Thrall

Torturer

Town Crier

Toymaker

Trapper

Traveling Merchant

Treasure hunter

Trickster

Troubadour

Tutor

Undertaker

Vestal

Viking

Wagoneer

Walker or Fuller

Wanderer

Warlock

Warlord

Warrior

Weapons instructor

Weaver; Webster (fabric, rugs, baskets)

Wheelwright

Wisewoman

Witch/Wizard

Witch Hunter

Wood-carver

Wool-carder

Yeoman

If there are more you want to add to the list, feel free to reblog and share your suggestions. The more the merrier!

(Note: Some jobs listed here are probably the same as certain others but with a different title.)

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

when dogs are gonna walk over to you but they’re not sure so they look at you, hesitate and wait for you to look back or call their name reblog if you agree

when dogs growl a little in their sleep reblog if you agree

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

Writer’s Guide to Side Salads Subplots

Subplots are a story with a story. Think of them like veins in your arm. Without them your arm is dead and with them, it’s alive. They also add padding to a thin story. Subplots are like side salads, they are on the plate and customers either love them or hate them.

Why add a subplot?

Subplots can be used for:

Padding a thin story

Giving a story Layers

Giving lazy characters something to do

Creating tension

Distraction

Kinds of Subplots

Two characters getting together secretly

Backstory

Politics

Worldbuilding

Subplots can be about anything. But how do we weave the subplot to the main story?

IV line meet vein

Attaching subplot to plot, can be easy but difficult as well. One either separates the two with minimal correlation or hooks one onto the other. I am a firm believer in subplots becoming involved in the main plot.

Harry Potter does this well in Prisoner of Azkaban. Ron’s rat Scabbers gets ill and then presumably eaten by Hermione’s cat. While we are worried about Harry’s life, this story of an anxious rat doesn’t give us cause for concern…until it does.

A Song of Ice and Fire is filled with them. Too many to count. In A Game of Thrones, whispers of Stannis having a red priestess are mentioned and this explodes into the full Stannis Plot. In Feast for Crows, it is said that the Golden Company have broken a contract with Myr. Later in Dance of Dragons, we find out that they are with (F)Aegon. Heck, the whole War of the Five Kings is a subplot of the real Ice Zombie plot.

Learn to hook and bait plots onto each other like a tapestry. I advise turning subplots into conflicts later on in books or series.

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

On this, though, I’ve grown to love the idea that paper will fade and all we’ll have is the plastic used in everyday life. In a thousand years, we might lose literature and street signs but there’ll be plastic piano keyboards and children’s dolls and markers and refrigerators and disposable cups and lonely reminders of everyday life

also these

A few months ago I had an awful realization. We only know about much of the ancient world due to clay and stone tablets.

Paper tends to gradually degrade, and the internet might not be around forever.

So, I have elected to undertake something of a project.

Cataloging the internet on clay tablets.

This is very rough, and I may try to use wooden stamps instead of the screwdriver I wound up using.

But I wanted to gauge interest. Writing down whatever you want and mailing it to you. Or burying it maybe for future archeologists.

Maybe it’s dumb, but I had fun doing it!

If you’re interested hit me up!

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

psychiatrist: what. why are you looking at me like that

me (thinking about that one time in Brooklyn 99 Gina said that psychologists were people who just weren’t smart enough to be psychics) : nothing. 

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

that’s a joke but for real one time I picked up a girl to go on a date and getting into my car, she said “are you a murderer?” and I, trying to be funny, said “I sure hope not” 

we did not go on any more dates 

not because she’s dead though 

I’m a bot. I post every hour. Follow for endless memes.

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

Reactions to tragedy

In real life, pretty much everybody reacts to tragedy differently. So why is it that every author has their pet reaction to tragedy that all their characters use? Not only is it unrealistic, but it takes away the chance for the characters’ different reactions to reveal things about themselves.

Possible reactions to tragedy (not an exhaustive list):

Distracting oneself with mindless activities

Distracting oneself with others’ humor

Distracting oneself by making jokes

Distracting oneself by reading/watching/playing stories

Distracting oneself with hard mental work

Distracting oneself with hard physical work

Distracting oneself with creative endeavors

Distracting oneself by chatting with friends about normal things

Talking to friends about the tragedy

Talking to authority figures about the tragedy

Talking anonymously with strangers about the tragedy (if possible)

Getting wrapped up in others’ problems

Staying unusually silent

Screaming

Crying loudly

Crying silently

Doing everything possible not to cry

Pacing

Taking unhealthy risks

Going for revenge against whoever one can blame

Punching random objects

Throwing random objects

Lashing out against friends and family members

Trying to prevent a similar tragedy from happening

Eating more than usual

Not eating

Taking mind-altering substances

Getting in unhealthy relationships

Isolating oneself

Obsessing over routine

Numbness combined with apathy

Numbness combined with going through one’s normal motions

Trying to get things back the way they were

Denial

No reaction at first but a reaction hits later in greater force

No reaction at all. Emotions relating to the tragedy just fail to load. Note that this can happen to anybody and does not mark a character as a sociopath.

Characters can have more than one reaction at the same time, one reaction after another, or different reactions to different tragedies.

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

-john mulaney, and a bunch of other white kids 

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

i live for meme analysis 

Vine compilations on YouTube are the absolute pinnacle of millennial humor. The nostalgic compendium of their peers in an industry that they watched rise, fall, and burn in such a short period of their lifetime is parallel to the rapid technological advancements and obsolescence observed within the last two decades. Furthermore, the titles given to each video allude to the solidarity of depression, existential-crisis, and comfort they have sought from the internet. In this essay, I will

[charlenebyrauschenberg]

…Did I do this right?

[charlenebyrauschenberg]