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how to respond with grace to rejection

Thanks for looking even if it’s not a fit. If you have other ideas for us or if anything changes, please let me know,” or, “Chris, when we met, you had a question/issue about X. I just wanted to show you what we’ve done about it — no need to respond.” “A person who says that shows she’s savvy enough to not take bad news personally, or create obligation or awkwardness, or continue to argue their point after you’ve said no. I’ll remember her for it,” he says.

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May the source of strength, who blessed the ones before us, help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing.”

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[8.3]

STRAIGHT FUCKING LOSING IT

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[8.2]

what i want in life

I want to know it all. I want to hear every story. I want to feel everything that can be felt. I want to live a thousand lives and a thousand loves. I want to be a poet and an entrepreneur and a partner and a jet setter and a daughter and a lover and a leader and a designer. I want to have a tv show and I want to help everyone in my life find and keep love and I want to be mayor of a beach town on an island in greece and I want to be on the Time 100 list and I want to get a Masters in Human Computer Interaction and I still want to write a picture book and make short films about the human experience. I never want to stop learning and loving even if it comes with all the hurting.

I love and I give and I try and I feel every word and every hurt and every dream and every failure because it is part of the living.

I don’t just want one thing. I want it all.  in the end i just need to know that I lived. fully and presently. And that in each moment and each experience I gave viscerally and truthfully. I want the lightness of being, intense as it is, to feel, all the things, I want to emerge, always, in the light

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Can’t wait to be home  instagram: richhomiehua  + misspelledmineral Gear: Leica M240 90mm Settings: ƒ2 1/180 500 ISO

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[8.1]

Do you know what it feels like Loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away? Do you know what it feels like To be the last one to know

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[8]

is it day 8? 9? i keep thinking the days are moving faster than reality. 

these days are super hard. something about the fact that i should be happily on a plane to dc right now, but i’m not. and that i cannot want those things anymore.

i have thought a lot about the paradigm i have relationships in. somewhat removed, detached, i stand protected (even though i am hurt, too), i can retreat and escape instead of dealing with the person because they are not here. i mean they are in my head so (what does it matter?) but I have to admit there is something purely escapist about never having to deal with that person in real life. I suppose that is the fantasy scenario that P didn’t want to have and the truth is I don’t think he’s ready for either one.

So if I am to put that hope aside, cast it back into the water, what is left? I am not good at being left with nothing but I am not sure how to scope a proper frame of engagement. It probably doesn’t look like him working with me on prosper/us. Do we write emails? Texting doesn’t seem to work, there’s latency and it always feels so halfhearted since I’m used to such meaningful and attentive texts. I mean how else do you stay in contact with someone you used to love? I guess not really.

I think you are afraid of believing he cares about you because then you cannot escape and you have to feel the hard thing of moving him from someone you loved to someone you are just friends with and you are afraid of what will happen if you work it out somehow and you don’t end up together. but everytime it is better to have him in your life than not at all. 

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day 7

well, you made it a week. good job. today was really hard and you potentially backslided because you started fake following on instagram and you just really really wanted to talk to him. you really wanted to talk to him and so you kind of did the things but you didn’t talk to him. but you thought about him all day and that sucked. i don’t know why today was so bad but it was. 

i guess the thing is life isn’t a grand romance and magic and sparkles and you can’t have that with pete. and quitting the way you did now in some ways is the answer of constant avoidance. i mean i do feel used. but we couldn’t just be fantasy for each other. and maybe that is what it was. and why then it wasn’t meant to work out. 

maybe you have a larger issue with fantasy things that you are not quite honest about. 

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I want to know it all. I want to hear every story. I want to feel everything that can be felt.

i want to know that i lived

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[6.5]

I'm way too good to you You take my love for granted I just don't understand it

And I wanna tell you my intentions I wanna do the things that I mention I wanna benefit from the friendship I wanna get the late night message from you, from you

I don't know how to talk to you I just know I found myself getting lost with you Lately you just make me work too hard for you Got me on flights overseas, and I still can't get across to you

You got somebody other than me Don't play the victim when you're with me

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[6]

You've been scared of love and what it did to you You don't have to run, I know what you've been through

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[4] [5]

day 4 and 5. it feels nice to count out days. i think it’s a great progress tracker.

i keep wanting to step back and catalog all the nice moments in life but i never do it. like moments with friends. they are very meaningful. mari said something really nice about how not being in romantic love opens up space for friendship love. i am really grateful for all those things. 

i worry i’ll forget all the things i did in these twenties years if i don’t write them down here. i guess that’s the point of these blogs, yes? 

yes. i need to get back to a place of confidence and strength and i know it will take a bit to get there. one step at a time. this weekend was really beautiful. being able to play and dance and be in the sun and just be chill and not try, i had forgotten what that felt like...does that mean i am not giving myself time to play and try?

i really do feel like we have to make choices about what we optimize and i have to choose prosper/us when i am ready. i have to and i would rather have these things solid before i go into it. this is the life’s work.

i read this article about how it is our future visioning that makes us unique and we are constantly processing and it is when we have negative views of the future that we get depressed. and that is why i really have to push through this and believe in the dreams that i have for myself so i can get through these days.

mornings are rough and i still spend time wondering and thinking and being sad about the situation but i have to remember that these things are past and passed and i have to look forward whether he is there or not. i have to keep building onward. you have to, karen. you can’t let this get you down.

love love love, to you.

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[3]

day 3! you made it karen. i’m quite weary still because there isn’t a clear answer as to the decisions you’ve made, really, only a realization that you have to live with the consequences.

i still wake up feeling the hurt but then i get frustrated and want to move on already. i realize the timing and setup were poor. those are consequences that i have to live with because i still went for it.

i know that my urgency to get over it is fueled by a necessary belief that we were never right for each other. and that is because if i do end up believing that we are right then i will not move on. and i am overly motivated to move on.

i can’t even think about those moments where i felt like it was right and perfect and this was my person because of the massive reality of disappointment. i really want to be better. and i know that will make me better in the end.

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[2.5]

Why not find refuge, however finite and daring, with each other? In a time of such upheaval and uncertainty, our reckless, quiet love feels like deliverance.

And what we have together becomes intangible. And if it’s intangible it can never end because officially there’s nothing to end. And if it never ends, there’s no real closure, no opportunity to move on.

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[2.4]

i suppose i can write some of the love out here. i don’t want anyone to know it still burns inside me but i close my eyes and i remember small things

the way you slept with me on the couch and you held me close and 

the way you held me and whispered in my hair ‘i’ve got you babe’ as i fell asleep in your arms

the way i could feel myself falling for you on the cabin porch the way you held me and kissed me 

the sex all the time everywhere

the way you looked at me in the cafe in vancouver and smiled and watched me work

walking down the street kissing your hand

riding bikes at night you pulling your bike close to mine wrapping your arm around my waist kissing me deep my hand around your neck 

seeing you waiting for me in the dark when i land at the airport 

your wave

your dance walk

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[2.3]

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silouhette A lifeless face that you'll soon forget My eyes are damp from the words you left Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone Setting fire to our insides for fun To distract our hearts from ever missing them But I'm forever missing him

Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong The lovers that went wrong

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[2.2]

the more time i spend with people in light and laughter the more i feel lifted and okay again and i remember that it is this lightness that i need