chappedlips904-blog

[chappedlips904-blog]

Back on my #junkie shit!! Found a new boy guy and it was actually really good. I just feel like a piece of shit because three days ago my friend who’s only done the light stuff was BEGGING me to do drugs. She’s been dating the same piece of shit for two years and he just got out today from an 11 month stay at the good ol Duval County Inn & Suites. Well, long story short three days ago she was told from another inmate (he’s been in the box for a month) that he was seeing another girl and to not get a hotel booked for the night he got out as planned. So she’s been wanting to do boy for the longest. So three days ago we started the day off drinking. Now mind you, I’m a recovering addict so this is super uncomfortable for me, but I go ahead and start drinking. As we start to head to her house after buying a bottle she asks if we can continue to drive around. Well, it just so happens that a girl I know is her neighbor a couple houses down. She’s known in the area as a drug user so she was totally down to chill with her. We’re sitting on the girl’s back porch and my friend starts saying, loud and extremely belligerent I must add, “I WANT TO TRY HEROIN” and she just wouldn’t shut up for 45 minutes straight. So she wanted to try it so bad that I caved. I’m going through it myself and I’ve been needing an escape. I’m just 8 months sober..was. I WAS eight months sober!! It started off with a little boy, but the girl we got it from legit fucked us. We bought a $50 sack and she took a shot in the guy’s house and then BEGGED for another shot. Out of a $50 sack my friend and me legit had a baby bump. She didn’t even feel anything from the first one, but she was also helllla drunk. Later on, I hit up another boy guy and the girl we were with was begging for hard so we got some of that too. Now here we are, flash forward to today. We’ve been on a binger. I’m in a hotel room butt ass naked scratching my whole entire body. FUCKED UP !!!! Loving it

[chappedlips904-blog]

Green monsters, addy, and coke. Christmas lines.

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Tina dancing in slow-mo 😝

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they call it ice because after 1, 2, 3 lines, your blood runs cold. you turn to skin and bones, and no amount of layers will keep you warm. you’re isolated and mistrusting, and before it’s too late, you’ll sell your soul. and after enough of your life passes you by, you’ll realize that ice has turned your heart cold.

blackout. 11.9.15 a.a.a. (via les-mots-de-coeur)

[chappedlips904-blog]

Addicted to addiction...

The worst part, about being a drug addict, is that you know you’re a drug addict. You know, all your excuses are bullshit. You know, when it’s your addiction talking, not you. You know, you’re hurting those around you. You know, you need help. You know, you’re lost. You know, you’re lying to yourself.

Nobody, sets out to be an addict. You just, wake up one day, as an addict.

I usually say that, the first time I used Meth, I was addicted. That’s not true. The first time I used, I knew, I’d do it again. I wasn’t addicted though. I became an addict, when I used to forget, my problems, my pain, my anguish. I became an addict, when I gave my addiction priority, over the important things, in my life. I became an addict, when I lost almost everything I had, stopped using for a while, then picked up again. Thinking, “It’s been long enough. I’ll be able to stop this time. I don’t have a problem. I was just in a bad place, at that time in my life.” I became an addict, when the strength, of my addiction, out weighed the shame I felt, when I looked at pictures of my kids. At problems, my addiction has caused. At people, who I have hurt. At what I could have done, with my time. My money. My family. . . I became an addict, when I looked in the mirror, asked myself to stop. Then put the piece to my lips, took another hit, and left myself behind…

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"Hey mom, even when I come home smelling like cigarettes with bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils,I still love you and this isn't your fault.”

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The Accuracy

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pick: do you want to be with someone who loves you with their entire soul in a home where you are cared for where every day is happy even on the days in won’t be? do you want to be healthy and functional and alive? do you want to love? or do you want to get high? do you want to hurt everyone who cares so bad they don’t care anymore? alone in a new place every day chasing feelings off of tin foil? you won’t eat or sleep or think. your mom will identify your body she won’t recognize you, though. did you pick? did you have to think about it? it’s such an easy choice so why is it so hard?

recovering (via camelmenthol)

[chappedlips904-blog]

White lines numb dark times..

Mac Miller (via lonelyozs)

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One of the hardest things to do while getting clean, is cutting the people out of your life that you used with. The people who became like a family to you.

Fortheloveoffuckingdrugs (via fortheloveoffuckingdrugs)

[chappedlips904-blog]

It’s funny how our definition of ‘fun’ changes. One day you’re out with your friends, laughing and having ‘fun’. The next day you’re snorting pills, nodding out and having ‘fun’.

(via ericiswild)

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You meet a diverse group of people when you do drugs. It has a way of catapulting people into your life who you’d never know otherwise, but because of a common fondness of drugs you meet.

excerpt from my journal on people i met while using.  (via nicolethedopefiendqueen)

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Friendly reminder to check you’re not holding tension in your body. Let your shoulders drop, unclench your hands and jaw. Take a deep breath. Much better.

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I wish..

I could let it go. The dope, ya know? Im trying so fucking hard. Struggling constantly, Trying to get it right. I know what it does to me. The monster it turns me into. I remember how bad the crash is. I can still recall the heavy dead feeling locked inside my chest. How it would creep up on me, filling me with dread a little more every hour. I’ll never forget the violent outburst or the break downs. I hate it. All of it. Yet when its infront of me, I still pick up the pipe and twist it left and right.

[chappedlips904-blog]

🐉 ☁️ ❄️ 💨