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Crown.

Placed on your head.

For you did well.

For you suffered more than anyone else.

Suffer, suffer, you will get a brighter crown. This is an old saying in my country, and it has its own historical roots. However, the power of the saying still lives today in the hearts of many. Mine too. For we are descendants of those who preceded us and their teachings.

Victims of what they taught us.

The idea that living in suffering makes us valuable. That it’ll eventually lift us to bliss.

This was taught to them, and might be taught to us as well. Not out of anger or as punishment. But for love and for our own good.

That suffering is the greatest of virtues.

It shows that we don’t want to take the easy route. Shows that we don’t spend our time dreaming. Shows that we are humble and know our place.

There is no higher way to live. For otherwise we might end up living in decadence. To face the evil of the world unprepared.

Otherwise we might start imagining that life will be kind and easy to us. But it won’t be. Imagining that there is something more to hope for. But there isn’t. Imagining that we are worthy enough to hold our heads proudly high. But we aren’t.

Because there is more to life than this kind of self-centered thinking. Like working. Like humility. For the sake of someone higher than just ourselves.

This will ultimately give us the greatest reward.

The brightest crown. As a sign that we honorably suffered the most of all.

This they taught us. This they promised us. This is the reason why we carry the mantle of suffering on our shoulders.

This is the thought that destroyed something in us.

That’s why we still may choose to suffer today. To be one day worthy of the crown. But is the crown really worth all our suffering?

Perhaps not. For there is so much more beyond that.

Things like hope. And happiness.

They truly are there, when we dare to let go our lessons about suffering.

When we stop waiting for a crown that may never come.

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Did you also learn to see suffering as a virtue?

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I learned to think like this. As a victim of my generations.

I understood the well meaning and beautiful purposes behind this idea of ​​suffering. I even learned to see the idea of ​​suffering as a virtue.

After all, it was the most polite thing to think of others before oneself. It was polite to value hard work more than anything else and to forget the unnecessary desire for comfort. To be humble and know my place.

After all, it was good behavior and wise not to emphasize yourself and not to dream of anything better. Because what could the world offer someone like me?

So what, even though I felt my heart die under the thought as I suffocated myself and stopped dreaming. A small price to pay for making others happy.

That was my thought at the time. But after growing up, finally, I was able to start my own life.

Although the thought of continuing to suffer haunted me, I knew I was free. And nothing else I wanted so much to get rid of than this thought.

Many of us still suffer from this thought even though we are free. Me too sometimes, in moments when I can't consciously fight the thought.

Maybe some of us don't know any better. It may be that we are used to pain. We may think we don't deserve anything else.

That only through suffering can we be worthy of the crown promised to us.

But if we can let go of our pain and suffering. Even for a moment. To perhaps discover that there is more to life.

There is a chance for balance.

A balance between comfort and discomfort. Between helping others and valuing yourself. Those are the things we should strive for in life. To find a way to be hopeful and happy again.

So wouldn't the crown actually belong to us?

For those of us who strive to let go of the pain others gave us? To find something better for ourselves instead.

Because it truly isn't easy. To look at life with hopeful eyes. To find ways to love ourselves after all our pain.

It's not easy. Sometimes it is as difficult as the suffering itself. But it is possible to make a choice.

And even if we won't get a crown. Not from suffering or happiness. It does not matter. Because by choosing happiness we can make our short life at least a little bit better.

I'm sure of it.

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Danez Smith, Don't Call Us Dead

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I love soulmates but also this-

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Crash // Papa Roach

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pioneering something called "gritted teeth optimism" where everything is gonna turn out okay even if i have to bite and claw and gnash my way through it

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Trista Mateer, from "Aphrodite Made Me Do It," originally published in 2024

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work in progress

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I is what I call filth-

My blood is muddy,

My heart is black,

My mind is rotten,

My emotions are broken,

My tears are ink,

My words are poison,

My looks screams evil,

My eyes black sea,

My hair is merely weeds,

My nails are blade,

My skin is steel,

And yet you choose to love me still.

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Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛

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Long distance grief

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Preface to Grief Lessons by Euripides, translated by Anne Carson.

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unknown // instagram, geloy concepcion // unknown // in the event this doesn't fall apart, shannon lee barry // oh earth we're briefly gorgeous, ocean vuong // instagram, geloy concepcion // riko (aribachi) // a grief observed, c.s.lewis // jamie anderson // @sarakleign // macbeth, william shakespeare // unknown // bright dead things, ada limòn // would've could've should've, taylor swift // dark paradise, lana del rey // haunted, dean gioia // fourth of july, sufjan stevens // perfumebathing // unknown // growing around grief, lois tonkin

𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒, ���𝓇𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒶

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Is there another life? Shall I awake and find all this a dream? There must be, we cannot be created for this sort of suffering.

- John Keats

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glass, irony and good, anne carson // margaret atwood // enough, suzanne buffam // linnea paskow // in conversation: kathleen turner, david marchese // haunted womanhood, heather havrilesky // where to begin, sue zhao // the stream of life, clarice lisepector