chaoticgremlinvibes

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

I-80 highway through Wyoming. nicknamed The Sisters, for the three sets of hills that create an optical illusion of the road rising into the sky

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

this thanksgiving, I will be spending the day sleeping and tripping on shrooms and weed and crying and avoiding everyone

expect those who wanna do drugs with me, those can stay with me

also if anyone wants to send me a plate of the good food, i won’t say no

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

i’m gonna disappear one day, not tell anyone, not gonna say a word, and you’ll know then that i’m dead, but don’t cry, i’m gonna be pain free finally, gonna finally be free

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

time to go pop and edible and stare into the void until i fall asleep

definitely gonna purge beforehand

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

i’m so tired

I just want to feel OK, I’m tired of having things work out and just feel as constant dread to be alive. Like I have a decent job. I finally have somewhere where I can live with my cats and it’s not a lot of money and you know, I’m doing OK for myself, and yet i don’t want to be alive and I can’t tell any of my friends that because they’re all gonna worry, I don’t want them to worry, cause they have the own shit going on. And I can’t lean on my best friend anymore because she’s going through her own shit, and I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m tired of going to the psych ward, I’m tired of going there and getting back on my meds and getting sent back into the world only to land right back where i started. it’s never ending cycle and honestly i am starting to really think death is the only way out of it

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

you know what it’s like to have life seeming to be okay and yet you just want scream and cry and jump into of a bus but you can’t because people need you and yet you feel so fucking alone and your cats are your only reason for staying alive but even then you think about death and not waking up and so you just get really high and sleep then wake up and go to work only to repeat it again and again, day after day until one day you finally get the balls to actually end it all but until then you just die more and more on the inside?

no?

me either.

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

what if i just killed myself

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

both

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

pov you’re me trying to tell my abandonment issues and attachment issues that my best friend doesn’t hate me, she just needs space and that’s okay

[chaoticgremlinvibes]

♡