chaoticallygray
ChaoticallyGray
9 posts
“I put my heart and soul into my work, and I have lost my mind in the process.” ― Vincent Willem van Gogh
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chaoticallygray · 3 years ago
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I think this should be known, it’s so important to be able to differentiate the two because they are definitely different.
Do more research, this doesn’t go super in depth. Your experiences are valid.
Causes/Triggers Below 👇
“It's not known what causes panic attacks or panic disorder, but these factors may play a role: Genetics. Major stress. Temperament that is more sensitive to stress or prone to negative emotions. Certain changes in the way parts of your brain function. Panic attacks may come on suddenly and without warning at first, but over time, they're usually triggered by certain situations. Some research suggests that your body's natural fight-or-flight response to danger is involved in panic attacks. For example, if a grizzly bear came after you, your body would react instinctively. Your heart rate and breathing would speed up as your body prepared for a life-threatening situation. Many of the same reactions occur in a panic attack. But it's unknown why a panic attack occurs when there's no obvious danger present.”
“Unexpected panic attacks have no clear external triggers. Expected panic attacks and anxiety can be triggered by similar things. Some common triggers include: a stressful job, driving, social situations, phobias, such as agoraphobia (fear of crowded or open spaces), claustrophobia (fear of small spaces), and acrophobia (fear of heights), reminders or memories of traumatic experiences, chronic illnesses, such as heart disease, diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, or asthma, chronic pain, withdrawal from drugs or alcohol, caffeine, medication and supplements, thyroid problems”
“Panic attacks usually occur out of the blue without an obvious, immediate trigger. In some cases, they are "expected" because the fear is caused by a known stressor, such as a phobia.”
So below are a few sources! They were written and medically reviewed as well!
Informational use only.
Info-graph Source: instagram.com/dlcanxiety
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chaoticallygray · 3 years ago
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Post 1/2
This is some good stuff!
We all have an attachment style that impacts how we are in relationships with family, friends, romantic partners, and others. Exploring attachment styles and providing support to make the necessary changes is one of my first places I intervene in my practice with clients.
Our attachment style is formed in our early developmental years by our caretakers. It can be fluid throughout the years as you’re impacted by life experiences. Attachment styles aren’t fixed but they can take a lot of inner work and healthy relationships to change.
Most people tend to be a mixture of them all ☺️
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chaoticallygray · 3 years ago
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CAN YOU PLEASE RB THIS WITH IF YOU BELIEVE IN SOULMATES OR NOT IN THE TAGS??? (I BELIEVE IN THEM! IT IS TOO SAD TO THINK WE DON’T HAVE SOULMATES)
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chaoticallygray · 3 years ago
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FYI : this website definitely DOES NOT have a million free TEXTBOOKS and in general books for you all to download 😌
No reason to reblog this 👀
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Edit : hey I'm the student who wrote this if you're feeling like helping out click here 🥺
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chaoticallygray · 3 years ago
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Here is the link! What an amazing idea ❤️
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chaoticallygray · 4 years ago
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“Becoming healthier is more than losing weight. I’m going to improve the quality of my life.”
— Affirmation of the day.
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chaoticallygray · 4 years ago
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Hi! I absolutely love the previous oneshot you made! I was wondering if I could request another oneshot? Again, with Leopold, but this time, it takes place at the climax of episode eight. The reader, Billy, Leo, and Spike are stuck in the cellar and the reader tries to save Leo when he is drowning, despite being gravely injured herself/themself.
Basically something like that. If you want, you can change the details. And again, absolutely loved the previous oneshot you made! :D
Requested by: Anon!
Thank you! I’m glad people are liking my writing. It makes me happy. I’m guessing this is the previous anon so of course! You can request as much as you want to. I’m excited to write this one not gonna lie. I’m going to kind of link it to the previous one to get a footing for this request. Pronouns used: They/Them
I added in a twist that had been running around in my head that I’d like to develop into an actual story. If you spotted the twist and would like me to write a fanfiction let me know! I’m open to criticism.
 Previous One Shot
Spoilers!!!
Trigger warnings: Stabbings, drownings, injuries, demon, blood
After that first kiss on the docks, Leo and Y/N were closer. Not inseparable because they both understood they needed to be their own person but they were certainly closer. The rest of the irregulars were happy for them and they teased them for a good two hours after they found out Y/N and Leo were together. It seemed as though the world was happy for them as well and gave them a day to bask in their happiness before it thrust them head first into more cases.
---
It had been case after case for the irregulars with a lot of new revelations for this group of rowdy kids just trying to survive living in London. Billy found out that his past was a lie, Jesse found out that she was an Ipsissimus, Spike has matured and now has a slight exhausted look to his eyes, Bea found Sherlock and found out what really happened to her mum, and Leo was outed as a royal. As for Y/N, they didn’t know what to do. When Bea was talking to a man that seemed to be a royal guard, how Y/N knew he was a guard they didn’t know, Y/N had accidentally walked into their view and the guard immediately looked like he knew Y/N. They hadn’t interacted when his horse almost ran over Jesse as Y/N had been down at the docks that particular night. It was odd but from what Y/N gathered from the guard, his name was Daimler, was the personal guard to one Prince Leopold. Y/N tensed as he said this. Realization dawned on Bea and she excused herself. Daimler noticed Y/N’s tenseness yet he noticed that they didn’t seem surprised. 
“You don’t seem surprised.” He uttered looking over at Y/N’s form and how they held themselves and the puzzle pieces in his head started creating a more accurate picture to his thoughts.
“I had my suspicions. I need not ask if the evidence was in front of me every day.” Y/N responded still tense as Daimler seemed to be staring into Y/N’s soul. Never one to back down so easily, something learnt from Billy, Y/N stared right back.
At this, Daimler thought it best to take his leave but not before asking Y/N one last thing.
“Do you happen to have a scar running down your right middle finger to your inner wrist?” 
Y/N backed away from Daimler putting more space between them. How did someone else know about a scar they themselves didn’t even know how they got?
Having gotten his answer, Daimler left but not without one last remark.
“Until next time Marquess/Marchioness Charlie.”
After Daimler was long gone and Y/N could breathe they processed what he had said before he left.
“It’s Y/N. Just Y/N.” They whispered into the silence left behind by the guard, confused and slightly overwhelmed by the events that had transpired. 
---
Y/N had never been good with change but this wasn’t the time to break down. London was in utter chaos. Billy, Spike, Leo, and Y/N were all going as fast as they could with an injured Billy and Y/N to find shelter in the cellar and wait for Bea and Jesse to hopefully close the Rip and everything to go back to normal. Just one more corner and they would be safe or as safe as they could be, when they ran into Sister Anna and two more people running from a possessed man. Quickly jumping into action one of the boys managed to subdue the man. Y/N couldn’t tell who it was since Leo made them look away and Y/N didn’t really have a choice as they were practically being carried/dragged by Leo. They offered sister Anna and her companions shelter with them in the cellar. 
Once inside everyone took a breath. Billy and Y/N leaned on each other while sitting next to a wall for support. They didn’t have peace for more than a moment when they all heard a pounding at the cellar entrance. Someone or something was trying to get inside and they weren’t being friendly about it. 
“It’s over. Even if we survive the monsters, it’s all gonna disappear anyway.” Billy said looking between Spike, Leo, and Y/N.
“I spent my whole life thinking I was the son of a hero then I found out he wasn’t… I thought maybe I could be one instead.” He continued looking straight ahead. Y/N tried to go comfort him but the pain in their thigh wouldn’t let them take more than a step towards him. He looked up at Y/N in thanks then looked towards Leo and said 
“People like us don't get to be heroes”.
“Hey! Hey!” Leo said. Y/N had never seen him as worked up before as he did right then looking at Billy. Feeling helpless Y/N could only look and listen.
“You’re just going to give up? Let them burst in here and attack us?” He asked, outraged at what he was witnessing from the strongest person he knew physically and emotionally.
“There’s nothing more to fight for.” Spike said a few ways away from Y/N making their eyes snap to his in disbelief.
“There’s each other.” Y/N quietly said looking at the three that they would fight for until their last breath. 
“Y/N is right! So long as we can fight for each other, we fight.” Leo said to the three of them but his eyes were locked with the love of his life determined to make sure they all live for more years and have more time together.
There was a tense silence in the air until Billy scoffed and three pairs of eyes turned to him.
“Who taught you to be such a badass?” He said directing his words at Leo making Y/N smile at him.
“You did. You all did.” Leo said without missing a beat. 
“Now, stand up and defend your home.” He said offering Billy and Y/N a hand each. 
Billy looked at him and then at Y/N and they both took the hands Leo offered to stand up. 
With that all said and done everyone picked up whatever object they could brandish as a weapon. 
Billy was offered a wooden cross by Leo, Spike still had his shotgun, Y/N had some knives that no one wanted to ask where they got, and Leo had his cane. They were all deathly terrified but with one last look at each other they knew that they were all worth it. Until they all heard it. Sister Anna and her companions were praying. Leo jumped into action first and tried to get them to stop but they paid him no mind and finished with an “Amen”. A heartbeat later, Sister Anna raised her head making Y/N try to pull Leo back as Sister Anna’s eyes were completely black. The four of them were horrified especially when Sister Anna broke the neck of her companions. Once she was done with them she turned her attention to the group of four with Sprike now in front.
“Stop! Stop, Sister, or I’ll shoot you!” Spike threatened with no luck. The Sister continued advancing towards the group making Spike shoot her making no difference.
“Heathen weapons cannot harm the anointed.” Sister Anna said before rapidly advancing towards them.
They ran/wobbled down the platform and down the small stairs with Leo almost falling.
“Y/N! Billy!” Leo called at them, ushering them forwards and helping Y/N hobble as fast as they could as Billy had a quicker pace even when injured. 
Spike stayed back and tried to fight off the demonized Sister Anna. Sister Anna got ahold of Spike’s shotgun and tossed it aside and then grabbed onto a shocked Spike and threw him through a wooden wall making him unresponsive.
“Spike!” Billy and Y/N yelled for their friend.
“Guys! Wait!” Billy tried to get them back with no such luck.
Billy and Y/N ran/hobbled towards Sister Anna, Billy holding on to her forearms and Y/N grabbing at her legs. Sister Anna pushed them both off her backhanding Y/N making them fall to the floor their vision wavering and kicking Billy in the stomach and then once on his broken leg and then pushing him so hard he slid across the floor and hit his head on a wall knocking him out. Sister Anna then turned her attention to the groaning Y/N whose vision cleared enough to see the demon going towards them. Leo seeing this and having a strong urge to protect Y/N as much as he could, advanced onto Sister Anna with his cane. Sister Anna mad that she couldn’t end Y/N grabbed the hand Leo had the cane in and broke it making Leo drop the cane he was holding and drop to the ground. Having seen the connection between Leo and Y/N, Sister Anna grinned and broke the cane making a part of it into a point and with it approached Y/N who was trying to crawl towards Leo. Grabbing Y/N from the back of her neck she lifted them and stabbed Leo’s cane through Y/N’s abdomen with supernatural force making the stab cut clean through their abdomen and into a wall a few feet away. Crying out from the impact Y/N vision turned black.
Feeling a rage he had never felt before Leo ran towards Sister Anna only to be grabbed by the jaw.
“You are unpure. I’ll baptize you before you die”. Sister Anna told him and threw him inside the water that goes into an area in the cellar and proceeded to “baptize” a struggling and unwilling Leo.
Wondering how they hadn’t passed out much less died, Y/N vision started slowly gaining colour and focusing. The first thing Y/N noticed was the pain and warmth that accompanied the injury on their thigh. Looking down and groaning Y/N recognized Leo’s cane embedded into their abdomen. Realizing what this could mean they looked around as much as they could without moving the cane around and could make out a few feet away Sister Anna standing inside the dirty cellar water. Y/N couldn’t tell what they were doing until they recognized a red jacket and dread washed upon them. 
No longer feeling the pain in their thigh and abdomen and frankly not caring. Their sole attention was on saving the one person that had ever made them feel loved,safe, and protected. Taking a breath, Y/N grasped the cane and with a quick movement pulled it out. Not having time to feel the pain, Y/N threw the cane to the side and as quick as they could tried their best to keep balanced as the blood loss was making them woozy. Hearing Leo gasping every time he managed to get some air into his lungs was all the motivation Y/N needed and with strength everyone but them knew they had they tackled Sister Anna into the water and off Leo who took the opportunity to take a much needed breath of air. 
Billy, who had woken up a few moments prior to Y/N tackling Sister Anna into the water, grabbed Leo out of the water and helped Y/N subdue Sister Anna who was now trying to drown Y/N. Having found one of Y/N blades near the dirty pool of water Billy managed to grab Sister Anna and when his blade was going to reach her, her eyes filled with light and were no longer black. Seeing this, Billy dropped her and Sister Anna cried out. 
Sighing in relief that it was over, Billy turned around to help Leo and Y/N out of the water and then found Spike hopefully still breathing.
They were going to live. They would have new scars but they would live.
---
After finding Spike and making sure he was OK everyone’s attention was to the heavily injured Y/N who seemed to have a high pain tolerance.
Billy and Spike left Y/N with Leo since he was the one constantly injured and knew what to do, at least until Dr. Watson could get there. 
Leo hadn’t said a word to Y/N and they couldn’t help but think that Leo was mad at them. He didn’t even meet their eyes as he made a makeshift gauze with one of Billy’s shirts and his jacket to stop the blood flow. 
“Are you mad at me?” Y/N asked hesitantly when they couldn’t take the silence. Leo didn’t answer. He stopped his movements making sure the makeshift bandages were tight enough. After a beat Leo sniffled and Y/N was immediately alarmed and reached towards his face to make him look at them. 
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Y/N softly asked, staring into Leo’s eyes hoping to get a hint as to where his mind’s currently at.
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Leo said sniffling trying to pull away but Y/N kept his gaze firm to their eyes. 
“It’s not nothing Leopold. Something is eating away at you. C’mon darling, what’s wrong? If you want me to drop it for now until you wrap your head around it I won't mind you know that but I need to know that you’re OK” Y/N reassured the quietly crying boy wiping away his tears with their thumb.
“Y/N you were quite literally impaled. You could’ve. I could have lost-” Leo couldn’t finish his sentence before a sob broke through his throat and he hugged Y/N as tightly as he dared without causing them more pain.
Y/N knew what he was going to say and it was something they couldn’t imagine either. The mere idea of losing Leo was a horrible pain. Y/N would rather get impaled over and over again than lose someone as precious as Leo. 
“Not even being impaled will stop me from having your back Prince Leopold. You’re stuck with me” Y/N said into his neck.
Leo pulled back and connected their foreheads.
“I’d rather not have a repeat of you getting impaled ever again but I do quite enjoy the idea of being stuck with you” Leo said closing his eyes and letting out a smile.
Taking a shaky breath Y/N connected their lips in a sweet and salty kiss but neither cared. 
They were safe and they were stuck together and they wouldn’t change it for the world.
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chaoticallygray · 4 years ago
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Hi! How are you? Can I request a oneshot about Leopold from the Irregulars? Like that they get into some sort of an argument and the reader storms out, Leo chases after them and accidentally confesses? It's fine if you don't want to do it.
Requested by: Anon!
Hi!! I'm good I hope you're good too! Wasnt sure what gender or pronouns you wanted so I tried to stay general. Might have gone a bit overboard but go big or go home right?? I hope you like it anon even though I feel like I strayed a bit
It had been another day of running with the gang and solving another case given to them by Watson. It was also another day where Y/N felt utterly useless. It wasn't an entirely new feeling for them but with the added cases it felt like everyone had a part to play. Spike made sure everyone got along and always lighened up the room, Jesse had that whole psychic thing going on with her, Billy was the muscle, Bea was the leader and always had a plan, Leo was the brains, and Y/N was just... there. Y/N tried to help but was always told to stand aside. It never really seemed apparent that Y/N didn't do anything necessary to help on cases (not for a lack of trying) until earlier that day.
---
Leo, Y/N, and surprisingly Billy were tasked to find information on any and every poison that could be found in London as two women and a man had suddenly died in their homes and were all found with a note in their hands saying that the clock is ticking.
They'd been trying to solve this case for two days now and getting antsy. They were stuck.
"I'm going to go over there and see what I can find. I'm thinking they could have been injected something or someone poisoned their food." Leo said already grabbing three different books from the shelves and mumbling to himself.
Billy and Y/N looked at each other and shrugged. They were used to Leo being this odd when it came to books. It was his thing.
Heading in a different direction than Billy, Y/N started brainstorming letting their hand glide through some books until a book about botany caught her eye. Whenever Y/N could have more than an hour alone they liked to read. It's not really a secret but they have never mentioned it to the others especially now that Leo joined. He was so much smarter than Y/N and that was precisely what made him catch Y/N's attention when they were first introduced on the case with the missing babies.
Shaking their head and smiling fondly at the memory Y/N sighed. There was no way Leo would ever look twice at them. They weren't going to even entertain the thought. There was a case to solve.
Opening the book, Y/N realized that they had read this one before which was why it probably caught their eye in the first place. Closing it and going to place it back where it belonged Y/N remembered having read about a plant capable of causing respiratory problems and stopping the heart of anyone that touched it for merey a second. Quickly trying to find the page on the plant Y/N ran back to where Leo was looking like a madman with fifteen different books open around him.
"Leo!" Y/N exclaimed and then dropped their voice to a whisper remembering where they were with a blush.
"I think I've found it" Y/N whispered to Leo who wasnt paying attention.
"Yeah Y/N go ask Billy to read it for you. This is important" Leo said waving around a hand in dismissal not really listening to Y/N.
"What? No Leo I think I found what they were poisoned with." Y/N said confused by what he said about finding Billy.
"Y/N don't be ridiculous. Can you stop? I really need to find this" Leo said not even sparing Y/N a glance just continued flipping through different books.
"But Leo..." Y/N started protesting but was caught off by Leo slamming a book closed.
"Y/N stop it! I need silence to think and you going about whatever it is you think you found isn't helping. You never actually help us solve the cases so can you do me a favour and go look at a book with pictures or something while I find the poison and we can all get a decent nights sleep?" Leo told Y/N without even thinking about how he just basically called the one person who is always there for him and the one person he has been heavily crushing on since they met, useless.
Immediately standing up to apologize he didn't get the chance as Y/N whose lip was already trembling slammed the book they had in their hands onto Leo's chest where he already knew he was going to bruise but at this point he thought he deserved worse for hurting Y/N like that.
Running out of the room Y/N nearly collided with a confused Billy.
"Y/N? What's wrong?" Billy asked but was promptly ignored.
Billy looked back to Leo who had a kicked puppy look to him shocked at what he had said.
Shaking his head at Leo, Billy went outside to try to find one of his best friends with no such luck.
Y/N was already long gone.
---
Falling asleep miserable yet with no tears was something Y/N was not a stranger to. It had been happening too frequently now and at this point they're exhausted.
Y/N didn't go back to the cellar that day. Whenever they needed space to breathe and just br they always go to a surprisingly very empy not so much of an alleyway near the docks. There is a small nook int he corner where Y/N can sleep peacefully without unwanted company. For safety reasons Y/N only told Spike about this place in case the gang needed Y/N for something. So far, they hadn't.
It was precisely here that Leo found Y/N the next day. He had immediately wanted to run off after them but Billy told him to give them space. When Y/N didn't go back to the cellar that night well after the case was solved, Leo got concerned and started overthinking. He couldn't sleep and all he could think about was how he messed up. He was scared that Y/N didn't want to be friends anymore. Yes, he dreams about being more but he rather be friends than have nothing.
The next day when the rest woke up Leo was still sitting near the cellar doors waiting for Y/N to come back. He looked as though someone punched both his eyes.
"Mate why don't you go to sleep? Y/N will be back" Spike said trying to reassure him.
"I can't. I need to apologize. I didn't mean it I was just stressed." Leo said looking up at Spike, who had a hand on his shoulder, with wet and red eyes.
"Look mate, I'm only telling you this because I've seen you two. You're great together and the best thing is you don't realize you both like each other" Spike said sighing and then told Leo where Y/N was probably at.
Quickly thanking Spike, Leo wasted no time and ran as fast as he could out of the cellar doors on his way to make things right.
Arriving at the docks, Leo went to the left and tried to find the little alleyway Spike told him. Walking as quick as he could with his cane he finally spotted Y/N sitting on top of a wall just looking out at the water.
Stopping at the wall Leo took a second to admire Y/N. The sun was still low in the skyly but it was making Y/N's eyes shine and he had never seen then more serene than in that moment. He wished he could see that everyday and he hated to think that he was the reason why Y/N was upset enough that they didn't feel like they should have gone back to the cellar the day before.
"Are you here to call me useless again or are you just going to stare?" Y/N said without looking over at Leo who was momentarily startled out of his staring spell.
"I'm actually here to apologize." Leo answered.
"Save your breath Leo. You can go back and tell Bea or whoever sent you that I'm fine and I'll go back to the cellar later" Y/N said jumping off from the wall they were sat in and starting to walk away. Leo quickly trying to catch up with his limp.
"No one sent me I-" Leo started but was quickly cut off when Y/N sharply turned around to face him.
"Not surprising since I'm useless." Y/N said to Leo scoffing and turning around once again to continue on their journey with no destination.
"No Y/N listen please" Leo said but Y/N didn't care they just kept walking.
"Y/N" Leo kept trying with no luck.
Getting tired but not willing to stop, Leo tried to speed up but his leg thought that this was the best time to lock up and seize movement and he fell.
Hearing Leo's quick grunt of pain and a slight thud, Y/N turned around and seeing him groaning on the floor trying to get up quickly ran back to help him.
"No, no stop I deserve it." Leo said swatting away Y/N's hands.
Not listening to him Y/N got him in a sitting position. Rolling Leo's pant leg Y/N assessed the situation and didn't think he needed anything more than rest and something cold against his leg. Also less restricting clothes.
"Why are you helping me?" Leo croaked after a minute of looking at Y/N with tears in his eyes from the pain.
Y/N just looked at him and got a small tin from the bag they're always carrying.
Opening the tin and pushing some type of paste on their fingers, Y/N concentrated on applying a light and even coat on Leo's leg hoping the mixture would help soothe the pain.
"You're not useless." Leo said and Y/N hesitated for a second then went back to applying the salve not saying anything.
"I didn't mean what I said. I should have never said that to you. The case was taking so long and my leg was starting to bother me but Billy was there and I didn't want to say anything. I always slow us down. I was angry at myself. At my body and I took it out on the last person I ever wanted to hurt" Leo said closing his eyes willing himself not to cry.
Hearing no response just feeling light careful touches on his leg he continued spilling his thoughts.
"You're so brave and compassionate. You're so so smart and so kind. You always make sure that everyone has eaten and you always somehow know when one of us is having a bad day and you make it your mission to make us smile at least once. You're always polite and make sure to help anyone you see that needs help. You're so selfless Y/N. Always helping everyone and I wish I could help you and treat you like a queen but I'm always hurt and you deserve the world. You deserve someone who isn't afraid to climb a tree with you or even do something as simple as walking all over London. I can't be that and it pains me because I'm so in love with you and I'm so incredibly sorry for hurting you. All you do is help and I called you useless" Leo rambled hoping that Y/N will forgive him not even noticing that he slipped up and told them that he was in love with them.
Sensing that Y/N stopped their movements on his leg Leo opened his eyes thinking that Y/N left him. What he didn't expect was for Y/N to look at him with tears in their eyes.
"You, you're in love with me?" Y/N whispered scared that if they talked louder the moment will have turned out to be a dream.
Widening his eyes Leo finally realized what he said.
"No! I mean yes! I'm in love with you Y/N. I didn't mean to say that! I know you don't feel the same and I know you want someone stronger and not broken like I am but I can't help my feelings. It's ok though I'll leave. I'll leave you alone-" Leo was cut off from his nervous babble when a pair of lips pressed firmly to his.
Hesitantly pulling back from him, Y/N smiled softly at him not caring that they're still on the ground near the docks but needing to say this now.
"I'm in love with you too Leopold" Y/N said and with that Leo didn't care anymore about his leg that strangely enough had stopped hurting when Y/N started applying the salve but he saves that thought for later and focuses on how the person he thought he could never have loves him of all people.
"Are you sure?" Leo said placing both of his hands on Y/N cheeks wiping away a tear that seemed to have escaped from their eyes.
"Yeah I am. I love you" Y/N said looking into his eyes.
"I love you so much" Leo whispered before pulling in Y/N for another kiss.
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chaoticallygray · 4 years ago
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One Shots
Hi, I’m a new writer looking for practice and let my imagination run wild. I write for The Irregulars, The Umbrella Academy, Criminal Minds, and Marvel!
Feel free to submit a request and I’ll do my best to create a one shot for everyone. I’m open to trying anything!
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