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patient: so the symptoms I've been having are—

doctor:

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Kristen Meyer

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a man of Lebanese/Turkish descent on twitter posted a AI-made reconstruction of the face of Jesus and said he looks like family and he’s so right…

here’s the original tweet btw

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Day 286 of quarantine I have discovered www.webstaurantstore.com

It is, I BELIEVE, a website intended to be used by restaurants for bulk ordering food and utensils. And this is bringing me such unbounded delight scrolling through and recognizing that I, a single individual, ALSO can order ridiculous obscene enormous offensive-to-all-common-sensibilities shipments of BULK FOOD, to my LITTLE LITTLE APARTMENT, for PENNIES on the dollar. I have this god given power to flood my entire living space with bulk grains and it is one single button click away from my reality.

30 POUNDS of chocolate for $100. 20 POUNDS of peas for $13?? $13!!!! I will wake up every single morning from now on knowing that a box of donuts and a sack of dried split peas heavy enough to bodily injure someone both carry equal monetary weight. 25 POUNDS OF ONION POWDER for $50. Do you understand the enormity? the accessibility? the potential here? With the single click of the button I can put myself in a position of bequeathing more than a humanly comprehensible amount of onion powder in my will. AND IT WOULD ONLY COST ME $50 TO MAKE THIS A REALITY.

But what gets me

What truly gets me

is the 50 POUND BAG OF RICE 

FOR LESS THAN $20

Do you know how much that kills me? How much I’m losing my mind? that I can order MYSELF WORTH OF RICE for something to the tune of $50? I can OUT-RANK MYSELF WITH RICE, DEMOCRATICALLY OVERRULE MYSELF WITH RICE, IN MY OWN APARTMENT for the fucking PENNIES that is $50

I’m so sorry for the normal person I’ll be after quarantine because the cabin-fever version of me I’m inhabiting right now is perhaps just uninhibited enough to follow through on this dream I’ve just discovered of out-ricing myself.

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holy shit guys!!!!  accepting that you want something for yourself makes it easier to give to other people!!!!!!!

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i know vitamin c basically neutralizes adhd meds but lemonade good

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The reason the work you’ve done on how you feel doesn’t seem like it’s working is because you need to do it until it works. It’s never been “this strategy will pull you up” it’s always been “here’s something you can do that will END with you getting out of that hole” the climbing still hurts and the being underground still hurts but that doesn’t mean it’s not working

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You guys, I still have yet to watch Jingle Jangle (I know, I know, I should, I will) but y'know what MY favorite black holiday movie is?

A movie about a black women, Georgia, who finds out that she's going to die in 2 weeks, and finally decides to do all the things she wanted to do and hoped for.

In other words, a plus size black woman having the time of her life, blowing money, being happy, and multiple people admire her and fawn over her. I won't spoil the ending, but I reccomend this movie for EVERYONE, especially my black followers who need a break from the trauma-struggle-violent-"woke" movies we've been getting for a while.

It also has one of my favorite quotes that I live by now.

"Next time... we will laugh more, we'll love more; we just won't be so afraid."

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I don’t know what’s more enchanting, that songbirds dream of their songs or that humans use their advanced scientific capabilities to find out what birds dream about.

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Shop, Patreon, Books and Cards, Mailing List

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no, your life is not over because you didn’t achieve ____ by 18 or 21 or whenever: female edition

every post that talks about finding success at a later age than you expect is usually full of men, so let me switch up the narrative for y'all because I know society is much harsher on women as far as appearance & aging. you need to hear this. these are only a few examples that i can think of off the top of my head. <3

gwen stefani was 26 when no doubt’s breakthrough album came out, 28 when it blew up, and 34 when she began her solo career.

nicki minaj started to bubble behind the scenes at 26, and dropped pink friday right before her 28th birthday.

rina sawayama is 30 right now. her career is starting to bloom & she is poised to be a force of nature in music.

taraji p. henson was born in 1970 and didn’t appear in her first film until 2001, at the age of 31. it could be argued that “hustle and flow” was what really blew her up; this film came out when she was 35.

kerry washington was 35 in her first year as olivia pope, the role that would make her a household name.

christina hendricks gained the reputation of being one of the most desirable, smoldering, and talented actresses on television at the age of 38, when she was cast as joan holloway in mad men. she had been trying for many years prior to break into the industry with only minor successes here and there.

marilyn monroe’s breakthrough year was when she was 27. sadly when she was younger her attempts at career moves led her to be exploited, a symptom of the disgusting way girls & young women are treated in entertainment (and why it may be better to blow up later in life)

lizzo was 32 when “truth hurts” blew up even though she had released it at 29, and had been trying in the music industry for years.

vera wang got engaged at 39 and started her business at 40.

madonna’s career started to explode in her mid 20s, but she had been trying for 6+ years before that happened.

anna wintour worked as an editor for a penthouse-style magazine in her late 20s. she would not begin to work for vogue until 39.

jessica chastain appeared in her first film at 31.

sia was 39 when the world met her & embraced her as a solo artist.

leslie jones achieved fame as a comedienne at 45. when discussing life as a “late bloomer” in an interview, she said that she’s happy success came to her when it did, because when she was in her 20s she was not “nearly as confident, and damn sure not as funny” as she is now. 

you NEED to learn to block out the bullshit if you want to be happy in life. nobody who tells you that you’re too old to accomplish any career or life goal is worth listening to. they are speaking from a place of fear and lack, which is the complete opposite of the mindset you need for success. everyone’s story is different, and no one else gets to write your story for you. the only way you can be stopped is if you sit around waiting for something to happen to you, or give up because you think it’s too late and you’re too old to make it happen.

you’re not “too old”. babe just go for it. maybe if you had achieved that goal at the age you wanted to, you would have been too immature, too insecure, too inexperienced, and you’d have fucked it up for yourself beyond the point of redemption. always remember…nothing that is meant for you will pass you.

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the san francisco chronicle agreeing that david tennant slutty

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i really… hate how much antisemitism/islamophobia/racism against native people is so often thinly veiled under feel good animal rights activism stuff

anyways fuck belgium for banning kosher slaughter