chaosdndsquad

[chaosdndsquad]

10 years earlier...

"Psst, Sasha, are you awake?"

Sasha groans, but does not open her eyes. She knows who's voice is calling out to her. "I am, now."

Sasha hears the creaks and shuffles of a military cot being shuffled towards her. There's a soft "oof" and a weight pressing down beside her. Sasha opens her eyes to find Ioh Graylock's golden eyes gleaming happily back at her, despite the ungodly hour.

The girl giggles and scoots closer, whispering terribly and barely managing to not poke Sasha in the eye with her horns. "I heard a rumor: is it true?"

"Is what true?" Sasha grumbles, but still throws an arm over Ioh's side to bring her closer: the flimsy blanket and thin coat do nothing to provide her warmth. She feels Ioh shift even closer, her breath hot against Sasha's face as the medic-in-training starts to whisper rapidly. "Okay, so I heard from Z, who heard from Cal--or maybe it was Cal who told Z, who told me that you KISSED Priya behind the kitchens?! Is it true, did you really kiss her?"

Sasha laughs softly at Ioh's scandalous tone. Priya Everhart is a pretty girl that has flirted with Sasha a handful of moments during shared down time. Sasha had always been polite, but never actually flirted back until recently, a certain brunette's face always flickering in the back of her mind preventing her from doing so.

Her hesitations fell away, however, when she saw said brunette making out with Thane Zadeck behind the barracks earlier that day.

Hot off a jealous streak and fresh stinging heartache, Sasha found Priya working KP duty that same day and brought her A Game. Sasha had with Priya in front of the whole mess hall. Hard. Priya, naturally, had flirted back. An hour later, the two were furiously making out behind the kitchens. They were about as subtle as two 18 year olds with no inhibitions could be. It really shouldn't be a surprise that word had spread as quickly as it did. This was the military: there was no such thing as privacy here.

Still, Sasha is surprised that Priya is the one bragging about it to everyone. Or at least, that's according to the rumors she's heard from.

Sasha shrugs. She peaks out from underneath her eyelashes to see Ioh's eager expression, waiting for her response. "Well, I mean, you know I don't like to kiss and tell."

Ioh gasps dramatically, clutching her non-existent pearls at Sasha's confirmation. "Why didn't you tell me?!" She whispers furiously, mock outrage thick in her voice in the way sleep should be instead.

Sasha chuckles, "Well, I may not be a knight, but I like to think I have some ounce of chivalry within me. I don't kiss and tell." She cracks open an eye and sticks out her tongue: "Not even to my best friends." Ioh drops her jaw in mock outrage before the two start giggling again at their shared sillyness when--

"Will you two please keep it down?"

Sasha doesn't need dark vision to know that Noa Montoya is sitting up right in her shitty little cot and glaring at the both of them right now. But Noa does have dark vision. Which is why Sasha doesn't turn around and flips the wannabe drill Sargent the bird over her shoulder. Ioh has to clasp a hand over her mouth to stop herself from really laughing and waking up the whole barracks.

Noa, the brave soldier that she is (or at least WILL be) ignores Sasha's rude gesture and continues on: "Some of us are trying to sleep. We have to up again in a few hours for training!"

Ioh snorts and Sasha brings her hand to the back of Ioh's bonnet so that she can bury her face into Sasha's shoulder to help conceal her laughter. Any louder and then they'll really risk waking the entire barracks with their nonsense.

"Of course, Noa." Sasha's careful to keep her tone light and lofty in a way she just knows Noa despises. "So why don't you do us all a favor and set a shining example for us by going back to bed yourself?"

She expects that will be the end of it. That Noa will huff, roll over her in these jokes the GRAN calls "beds," and will try to willpower herself to sleep. But she doesn't. Instead Noa huffs, "fine," and drags her cot closer to Sasha's. Sasha can't see anything, but she can feel Noa fluff her pillow as she settles back down into her cot, back facing them and doesn't say a word to either Sasha or Ioh again.

Well. That won't do.

Sasha grabs the back of Noa's sleep shirt and yanks the half-elf towards her. To her credit, Noa's yelp is tiny and doesn't seem to wake anyone else in the barracks except for them. Sasha rolls Noa over to be in her cot along with Ioh and makes her serious friend face her. Sasha's arms are on either side of her friends and she pulls them closer, effectively squishing herself and making the warm Sasha Sandwich she desperately needs right now. Ioh stifles her giggles into Sasha's shoulder and it's all Sasha can do to not snort as well. The three lay there, in silence for a beat, then two, then--

"You guys suck."

Ioh and Sasha burst into snickers at Noa's indignation, shaking the shared cot and certainly in danger of waking someone else by now. Noa playfully wacks Sasha and Ioh in retaliation. "But really," Noa starts, "we really should--"

"Oh Sasha!" Ioh's excitement steamrolls directly over Noa's would-be lecture, "I heard another rumor!"

Sasha can't help but smile. She can feel Noa's annoyance radiating off her, alongside the warmth that Sasha gladly takes underneath their collective covers. She turns her head to Ioh and laughs, "You little chismosa! Alright, one last rumor and then we go to sleep."

The compromise appeases Noa: Sasha feels her settle into Sasha's side. Ioh props herself up on her forearms to actually look at Sasha as she shares this presumably juicy piece of gossip. (Dark vision should be considered cheating when you're the only human in the friend group.)

"I heard a rumor that your sister was hand picked for a secret mission. Is that true?"

Sasha's smile slides off her face the moment "sister" leaves Ioh's mouth. The joy in her heart dampens with each syllable slipping of Ioh's tongue. Her sister. Her sister.

Sasha hasn't thought about her two older sisters in a long, long time.

The military may not be anyone's idea of "freedom," but to Sasha it is. Here, the light of Pelor doesn't matter: the name "Lucero" holds no sway like it does in Tizoc. Here, only your acts and feats of bravery matter, not how much the gods have blessed you or how holy you are supposed to be. Family status is still a thing-- the Chavez family and their long line of military history is proof of that-- but being part of the Grand Royal Army of Nastrea to Sasha means that she is finally free of the suffocating name that is "Lucero."

Being a Lucero means being a hypocrite, anyways.

Noa sits up to look at Sasha, sensing the drop in her mood. Sasha can feel Ioh continuing to stare at her, waiting for an answer. (Again, dark vision is totally cheating.)

"Ioh, do me a favor." Sasha's voice is soft and thick with vulnerability she wishes wasn't there when talking about her family. "Never talk about my sisters or my family again."

Ioh's voice is as gentle as an altar bell at church, "Of course." Sasha knows her promise to be true.

The two settle back down into the crooks of Sasha's shoulders: she towers over both of them, over most of her peers. The barracks manager had to give her an extra large cot normally reserved for the boys just so she can fit. And she does. But Ioh and Noa love to take up whatever room is left over on her cot as a result. This sleeping position, the Sasha Sandwich, is one that actually happens more often than not. The gossip and scolding are just an excuse to get here. Sasha can't say she minds: she hates being alone. She's spent way too long being alone, anyways. It feels good. Like she's making up for lost time.

Ioh and Noa continue to bicker over the merits of gossip and if you can call people ugly or not. Sasha guffaws at the last comment Ioh makes. "Oh you can definitely call my sisters ugly! They are anyways."

Sasha doesn't actually know if that is true or not. She hasn't seen them in three years. They haven't tried to contact her. But that doesn't matter, Sasha thinks, bitterness settling in the back of her tongue. I don't need them anyways. I've outgrown those jerks.

Besides, Sasha shares, if her two older sisters were suddenly cursed for their personalities start to reflect appearance, then it is absolutely true.

"See!" Ioh squeaks triumphantly. She reaches an arm over Sasha and playfully wakes Noa on the arm. Another reason to be grateful for the military: they train their soldiers to sleep like the dead whenever, and wherever. It's the only reason the three of them haven't woken anyone else by now.

Sasha laughs at Noa's sharp whisper scolding. "Well, she can say it about my sister's, at least. They suck."

The three continue to indulge in whispers, giggles and antics for the rest of the night before a deeps sleep finally takes them: somehow too late, given how long they were at it... but in the back of Sasha's mind, she can't help but feel like they were taken too soon, as well.

I may outgrow my family, she thinks, sinking into that familiar darkness, but I'll never outgrow my friends.

[chaosdndsquad]

Lost & Found

You'd think she'd be used to people leaving her by now.

Sasha's stare, hard and inquisitive, melts into something softer: something akin to understanding. Her voice is rough from sleep and emotion bubbling up inside her when she speaks: "You're not going to change your mind, are you?"

Fang shakes his head.

Sasha sucks in a breath. She can't tell if it's the hangover or her heartbreak causing the pain inside her right now. This isn't an alcohol induced nightmare. This is really happening. Bryn has clearly left their party without so much as a proper goodbye. Now Fang? This is too much for Sasha to handle, too much change in such a short amount of time.

Where did this even come from? Was it him? Was it the party?

Was it her?

Sasha has a million and two questions running through her mind right now. None of which she can vocalize because her less than sober tongue won't let her. Magda is on the floor, crying and clutching a wooden doll. Korel is off to the side, doing the same but at least she's upright... for now. She wants to talk to Fang, talk him out of this decision, but she can't. She knows she can't. This is happening, weather she likes it or not. Her two party members are falling apart, two of them are leaving, one is somewhere in this city, and another isn't even inside the city walls at all. Right before her eyes, Sasha watches her the pieces of her party fall apart.

Someone has to try to keep them together.

"And there's nothing I can convince you with to make you stay?" Sasha can't help but try again. It's a fruitless endeavor, made clear when Fang shakes his head again. Sasha lets out a humorless chuckle. He's a stubborn bastard, all the way to the end of the line. She loves that about him. It's probably what she'll miss most about him too, when she feels his absence later- when she goes to look for him and will find no one there.

But Magda is still on the floor crying and Korel is not looking like she will hold on for much longer. Someone has to salvage these lost parts, so Sasha holds out her hand for Fang to take and says in the most cordial time she can muster, "alright. Take care of yourself out there, Fang. Good luck."

Fang takes her hand and she shakes it once: professional, cool, and calm. The venner is shattered almost instantly when Fang pulls her into a backbreaking hug and it's all Sasha can do not to cry right then and there.

"We're going to miss you so much, Fang." I'm going to miss you so much, is what Sasha doesn't say, but she puts as much of the emotion into their hug as she can. She and Fang have never been the most chatty people of their party, but when it was just each other, they never needed to be. They understood one another beyond words. Their shared language was one of action.

So he must know how much I love him, right? Sasha thinks as they released each other from their hug. Fang knows how much I value him, in and out of combat, right? Sasha watches him say his final goodbyes to Korel, Magda and Sprinkle. He knows that I think of him as a brother, right?

She watches him walk out the door.

The door closes with an insultingly gentle click.

And then there is nothing.

Nothing left but two emotionally wrecked party members and another dangerously close to joining them.

Sasha stares at the door, waiting. Waiting for Fang to come back, for Bryn to pop back and go, "just kidding!" She waits for the door to open: for Fang to return, for her Noa and Ioh to walk through that door like nothing has changed, for her sisters Genesis and Mirabel to gently shake her awake from this too long nightmare...

The sound of crying draws Sasha out of her spiral. Magda is still on the floor. Sasha grabs a heavy blanket from the floor and gently touches Magda's back. Sasha looks over to Korel and gestures towards the big bed: the one they had all ignored in favor of the pillow fort Bryn had insisted they make on her last night.

Korel, thankfully, understands. Magda soon follows suit. Before she knows it, Sasha is in a squishy bed with her arms wrapped around her two crying party members. She holds them close, allowing them to cry all they need. "They'll be okay." She whispers to them. Her voice fills the room where six people used to be. It echoes off the walls. She doesn't like how big this room is anymore.

"He'll be okay." She whispers, because of course Fang will be. It's Fang. And if he's ever not, they'll all come running.

"We'll be okay." She whispers softly, more to herself than her two friends. It's not a reassurance so much as it is a hope: a small prayer she sends off into the universe for any higher power to hear and ignore as they always do. It's alright, though. Sasha has never liked the idea of leaving things up to a higher power: not when she can do something about it right now.

"We'll get through this." Sasha says to herself, not knowing if she's loud enough for Korel and Magda to hear her. She holds them closer to her, squeezing them a little tighter, trying to make sure that they're still really here with Sasha in the beginning of this horrible new normal. "I know it."

They will all get through this. It will not be easy, and the process will not be kind, but they will all see the other side of their grief because they will go through this together. Sasha will make sure of it.

Sleep takes a hold of all three of them soon. The blanket over them is soft and weighted. As the sunlight trickles in through the window blinds and pools onto the floor, no one stirs inside this room. Three women hold one another close underneath the covers, and as New Druzzok starts its day outside and people make their way across the city, there is a moment not of what is lost, but a glowing reminder of what they're found.

[chaosdndsquad]

Exorcism Sorbet! The gems are gummies.

[chaosdndsquad]

The start of something new- Bryn's Journal

Entry 01

[chaosdndsquad]

The Battle is Over

The dragon was dead. 

The dragon was dead but the bank of fog that had surrounded most of her friends was still there. Magda was so sick of fog by this point, but she couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face the moment she stepped inside. She started shouting for her friends, shouting for Korel, for Fang, for Sasha. But the silence was deafening. 

Letting out a frustrated grunt, remembering she had been deafened to fight the dragon, she continued into the fog, continued shouting, hoping someone would hear her and find her. She had skirted around the dragon’s body, growing more frantic by the moment as she didn’t run into anything or anyone. Until her hands met something solid and furry, and she practically cried with relief to find Fang. 

The fog began to fade away, as did the deafness in her ears. The first sounds that started to filter through were sobs and Magda’s blood ran cold. The crying was coming from behind her, back the way she came.  Slowly, she turned around, spotting Korel kneeling over Sasha. 

Magda screamed. 

She screamed and she ran over, the dread and guilt in her stomach tightening. She had been so close! Magda had walked right by her, and she didn’t even notice. She dropped to her knees on the other side of Sasha, hands shaking as she reached down. 

���I tried to revive her. It should have worked….why didn’t it work? Why didn’t it work?!” Each word was like a stab to Magda’s heart as she put her hands on Sasha’s face. Her eyes were open and staring up at the sky, no light behind them at all. 

“No…no….nonononononono!” Magda bent down and kissed Sasha, hoping there was still some magic left. But Sasha’s skin was cool under her lips and Magda started to cry with Korel, still not wanting to believe she was gone. She couldn’t be gone. She was just there. She still had things to do. “Sasha! Sasha Lucero you wake up this instant!”

Sasha’s head slowly turned to Magda and voice rasped out, cold, familiar and ghostly.  You walked right by me. You left me to die alone. 

~~~~~

Magda’s eyes snapped open with a scream stuck in her throat. Sasha lay across from her, asleep. Alive. She watched her chest rise and fall for a few moments while she tried to stop her heart from hammering in her ears. Magda reached out and touched Sasha’s face lightly before sitting up and looking around, checking in on everyone. She spotted Bryn and Sprinkle keeping watch, and Magda nodded to her. Bryn nodded back, giving her a small smile. Magda lay back down, knowing she would have to get up for her watch soon, and contented herself with watching Sasha sleep, reminding herself it was a dream. 

The spell did work. 

Sasha was alive.

[chaosdndsquad]

The Roadin Road Inn

2 months ago, Nastrea

The silence had become a comfortable companion to Magda and Sasha. It had started heavy on their way out of Pada, but in the days they had traveled, it had settled. Both of them were dealing with a lot, dealing with the fallout of what had happened. They had spent the past few days staying within sight of the road, but avoiding anyone else traveling, just in case anyone recognized Sasha. She was supposed to be dead, so someone spotting her out here would have been detrimental. Magda was less worried about being recognized, but she was still far too memorable for her liking in an area with few types of people beyond humans. A purple skinned person with a crown of black thorns growing out of their head would definitely stick out

But the silence had only been broken by short questions between the two as they were slowly making their way toward the border of Nastrea. The days had all blurred together in their silence and grief. But as Magda spotted a road sign, pointing their way to a few towns in different directions. Magda paused her horse, looking over at Sasha for confirmation on which way to go. Her instinct was to head toward the mountains that loomed in the west, but she wasn’t sure which road to take. This was not her home.

Sasha urged Glory to go to the left in the fork and Magda followed along wordlessly. She took her right hand from the reins and let it hang by her side, trying to hide the flexing, the wrist rolling and general stretching of her new arm. She was still getting used to the sensation, but Magda was grateful that Sasha had even found it among the stash of things she had squirreled away from the Governor’s shipments. It was with that thought that Magda reached into her bag and pulled out a ratty old newsboy hat.

“Hey,” She said to Sasha, her voice sounding loud after so long. “We should probably hit the next town, our supplies are getting low. Also, I’d like to sleep on a bed not made of rocks.”

“Ok.” Sasha didn’t even look back, her voice was so quiet as she answered. Magda urged her horse forward to come even with Glory before she smacked Sasha with the hat.

“You���re gonna need this too.” At that, Sasha looked over, confused, spotting the hat. It was patched up and falling apart and she was looking at it with a frown. She doesn’t reach for it as Magda holds it out. Magda just sighs at her. “You’re gonna need to wear it for a bit before we get to town. It needs to get used to you before you can use it.” Sasha just looked at her more confused. So Magda just put the cap on and her whole body shimmered for a moment before changing. There, sitting atop Magda’s horse, sat a middle aged human woman, with tanned weather beaten skin, graying black hair in a simple braid, crows feet crinkling at the corners of her eyes. Sasha nearly fell off her horse as Mama Mags smiled back at her.

“That was you?!” It was more emotion than she had shown since before they left Pada. But thinking back on it now, Sasha thought it made perfect sense that Magda and the neighborhood Tia were the same person. The interactions made more sense, the knowing, warm smiles from Mama Mags, how Magda had known certain things. Sasha wanted to feel upset about the deception but she just let out a soft chuckle as she shook her head.

“Hey,” Magda pulled the cap off and transformed back into herself. “It was easier to blend in and keep an eye on my business as a fussy older woman. This purple mug kind of stands out in a crowd.” She shrugged and held it back out to Sasha.

“Of course it was you,” Sasha had a ghost of a smile on her face as she reached out to take the hat from Magda’s outstretched hand.

“Just put it on until you feel it…I dunno, tingle? You’ll know when it likes you. Then you just think of what you want to be disguised as. Could even look like a gnome, just have to remember that you’re still as tall as you are, people just won’t see the top half of you. You don’t shrink, you just…It’s like you’re hiding behind a cutout of a gnome? You know what…don’t pick a gnome. Too complicated.” Magda’s lips pursed and she squinted her eyes as she concentrated on trying to pick a disguise for Sasha. Sasha thought her scrunched up nose looked cute, then jerked back at the thought, wondering where it had come from. She decided not to look at it too closely as she put on the hat.

They continued to ride, Magda mostly talking to herself, tossing out ideas for Sasha, then quickly dismissing them. Sasha couldn’t really think of anything either, though she stayed silent trying. Her first thought was a lieutenant, as people sometimes saw an officer and quickly looked away, not wanting to catch their notice for fear of reprimand. But she quickly dismissed that idea. Why would a lieutenant be out on their own in uniform, riding with a civilian? So she looked back over at Magda as she kept throwing out ideas.

Magda looked up at that moment, sensing Sasha’s eyes on her. She was met with amber yellow eyes, just like her own. She started to shake her head, the laugh coming out as she said, “No.” She was amused, flattered even. The hat had apparently attuned to Sasha without her noticing.

“No? What- no?” It was slightly surreal to see such confusion on a face that mirrored her own, but Magda kept chuckling.

“You can’t disguise yourself as me. One of me is more than enough trouble.”

“What do you mean ‘disguise myself as you’? I’m not-” Magda motioned to Sasha’s hands and she looked down, finding one deep lavender and the other mechanical and she let out a gasp. Magda laughed louder. It was a pleasant sound until she started cackling. She slapped a hand over her mouth, but she was still grinning behind her hand. “Ok then, what do you suggest?”

“A man.” Sasha just looked at her. “What? Your voice has a low enough register you could get away with it and it is definitely different from what you are. But not so different as you have to move differently. You’re still a soldier somewhere in there. Your muscles still remember. So just pretend you’re a sellsword. Or my bodyguard. Your choice.”

Magda had never been on the other side of the disguise spell before. She was starting to understand how it could be a little unnerving for people to know it wasn’t her real face when she used it. But it was still stranger to see Sasha, just…more masculine. Her friend still sat in her saddle with shoulders sloped inward, gazing off in the distance like she was shouldering a massive, invisible weight. But her jaw was wider, her shoulders broader and her nose just slightly bigger. Magda had protested that change, saying it was unnecessary, secretly liking her nose, wanting to tap the tip of it every chance she got.

But Sasha said it was what her father looked like when he was younger, so she relented and hoped her dad didn’t have any friends out this way. Sasha added a few scars for flavor and mystery and to pass the time, Magda asked her about how she got each one. The more solid the story, Magda told her, the more solid the scar would be in Sasha’s mind’s eye if she had to bring the disguise back after dismissing it.

~~~~~

They arrived in town a little while later and Sasha let Magda do all the talking. She got the horses stabled, got them rooms for the night and even had a hot bath set up for Sasha. Magda ushered her upstairs, ignoring the looks from some of the patrons in the tavern below. She leaned against the door to close it and let out a sigh. The sight of the beds was like heaven to her and she face planted onto one as soon as the door was locked behind her.

Sasha let out a low chuckle as she removed the hat but Magda pointed at her without lifting her head from the bed. “Hold it,” came her muffled shout.

“What?” Sasha paused, hat in her hands.

Magda rolled over and looked at her, her head hanging over the edge of the bed. “You gotta keep it on until the bath is set up. Then you can leave it off until you leave the room. I’ve got to go check in with someone local, so you can have all the privacy you need.”

“Wait, aren’t you getting a bath too?” Sasha looked confused as she put the hat back on her head as she sat down on the other bed.  

“While I would love to join you,” Magda smiled then laughed as a pillow came flying at her. “Guild business comes first. If I’m not back by the time you’re done, just go down and get something to eat.” Magda rolled off the end of the bed, into a crouch and back to her feet. She wandered over and stood in front of Sasha, adjusting the hat on her head before tapping the tip of Sasha’s nose. Sasha peered up at Magda, suddenly noting how the golden color of her eyes contrasted sharply with the purple of her skin.

“Sure you can’t stay?” Sasha asked quietly. “Get clean first, you know…to give a good impression?” There was a brief moment where neither of them moved, just stared at each other. Then Magda stepped away, toward the window. She stepped up one foot onto the windowsill before looking back. “You’ll be ok. I promise I won’t be gone long…and I left you a book to read.” She gave Sasha a tight smile before crawling out the window and disappearing.

~~~~~

Magda blinked rapidly as brightness assaulted her eyes as the bag came off. Gods, she hated this secrecy crap. She’d followed the cant signals as she was supposed to, did the call and response as she was supposed to and she still got black bagged. She grumbled unintelligibly as the room came into focus, spotting a small goblin sitting behind a desk. Always the goblins. She knew this wasn’t Queenie, but she’d be hard pressed to tell the difference.

She waited patiently, not wanting to talk first to be rude, even if she wanted to be sassy and her arm was starting to itch like hell. But she waited, silently, trying not to itch her arm.

“So, what brings you way out here?”

“I come with a message from Mama Mags.” The goblin sat up a little at that, resting her chin on her hands.

“And what is that message?”

“Pada has gone to absolute shit. Please take in any of her little mariposas that come your way. Also, she is ceding control to the trade lanes and rights to you temporarily while she gets things under control.” The goblin squinted her eyes at Magda, assessing her.

She sat back in her chair. “And who are you to speak for her?”

Magda produced the ring she’d taken off the previous guildmaster in Pada, after she’d killed him. “She sent me with this. And she also said if you need anything, you can contact me. She’s going to be busy dealing with the fallout of Pada, and trying to keep her people alive.” Magda dug around in her bag and produced a rather crumpled piece of paper. On it was a rather slapdash poster of the Chaos Crew - for hire. It made Magda smile just looking at it, but it was still an ad for them, and she was hoping to meet up with them again soon. “I’ll be meeting back up with my group. You can find us with this.” She walked up and put the paper on the desk before stepping back. The goblin looked at the crumpled poster with a small sneer before looking back up at Magda.

“Contact you, if we need anything. Right. Well, I thank you for your message and rest assured any little mariposas that cross my people’s path shall be well taken care of.”

Magda's gaze turned steely, stomaching just about enough of the disrespect as she could manage. “They had better,” she growled before snapping her fingers and turning invisible, using her Mage Hand to shove the door open as she bolted out. She ran for a bit, before she was sure she wasn’t followed and made her way to the roof of the inn. She lay there a moment, staring up at the sky as the last mission she’d given herself completed, at least for awhile. Hector’s face flashed before her eyes and she squeezed them shut. Their names flooded her mind as last moments flashed before her; Alejandro, Luz, Gabriela, Diego, all of them standing near Hector before the world exploded.

She pushed herself to her feet, trying to block out the memories and faces, knowing they’d still be there later, when she lowered her guard, her defenses. She had one more pitstop to make.

~~~~

Sasha spent close to an hour in the tub. Some enchantment was on it to keep the water warm, and, she had to admit, Magda had a brilliant idea staying the night in a place with an actual bed. She would have gotten out the tub sooner, but she had gotten absorbed in the book Magda left behind. It had kept her mind busy at least. She only thought to get out when her stomach reminded her she hadn’t eaten since they woke up that morning. Reluctantly, she got out and dried herself off and slowly got dressed. She was halfway to the door before she remembered to grab the hat. And she grabbed the book for good company while she ate.

Being called “sir” or “Mr.” took a little getting used to as she settled into a seat in the tavern, a warm cup of tea and a bowl of stew with a heel of fresh baked bread. She didn’t remember ordering a second bowl but she was almost done with it when a familiar voice whispered in her ear.

“Cover your eyes.” Magda said and Sasha put down her spoon, marked her place in the book and did as requested. She felt Magda walk past her, heard the chair across from her scrape against the floor and then felt a small thump on the table before Magda said, “Ok, open them.”

There was a small cake with a single candle sat on the table in front of her. She looked at it, then back up to Magda, then back at the small, spongy dessert covered in some sweet cream.

“Happy birthday.” Magda gave Sasha a small smile, but it fell at the look on her friend’s face. “I...saw the…the date on the tags you left behind. It’s still your birthday, even if, you know, you don’t technically exist.”

Sasha hadn’t even realized it was her birthday. She wasn’t even sure what day it was. But Magda did. And though this would definitely be the quietest birthday in her life, it suddenly didn’t seem absolutely awful.

“Thanks, Magda.”

[chaosdndsquad]

Sasha’s Last Moments

So, this is how it all ends.

Sasha looks up at the sparkling sky, soft colors swirl all around her, but she can no longer hear the tell-tale sounds of battle. She knows in her bones, as any good soldier does, that they have won. The dragon is slayed. The fight is over.

Sasha does not get up.

Magda had walked past her earlier, yelling her name, but Sasha did not have the energy to call back. Even if she did, would Magda hear her? If Sasha had enough left in her to move, would it have been enough to get Magda’s attention at all? To share one last kiss? For Sasha to be held as Sasha had done so for countless dying shield siblings over the past ten years?

Sasha thinks of all the times she has held hands during a soldier’s last moments, for all the people she has cradled in her arms as the light left their eyes. She had talked to so many people through their dying moments when the fear of dying was too much for them. She had asked them questions of home, of who they loved. On a battlefield so far from home, a soldier’s last thoughts should be of what they loved, of what they were fighting for in the first place. Over the past decade, Sasha had collected all these last moments, remembered them in honor of the fallen. Someone had to remember that the bravest of soldiers were still only regular people at the end of the day. Somone had to remember the forgotten. 

Sasha chuckles, the effort resulting in pathetic sputtering and her lungs desperately trying to grab more air into her lungs. The colors in the air are soft. Blues, pinks, greens. They swirl in patterns all around the air and Sasha’s eyes are having a tough time keeping track of their dancing. It’s a prettier view than most soldiers like her usually get in their last moments. For that much, she’s grateful.

She’s done her duty. Magda is alive, and Sasha knows with a faith she’s never had before, that the others still draw breath as well. Sasha may not have avenged her fallen friends from the 512th, but she at least managed to protect her new ones from the monster. She will not have another person’s death on her conscious. For that, it will be enough to leave this plane in peace.

Her breath slows, growing more laborious for no one else to hear. The ache in her body starts to leave and that is when Sasha finally accepts it: no one is coming for her. There is no one here to hold her hand, no one to comfort her during her last breath. The universe will not grant her this kindness. She is dying alone.

Sasha is alone.

She always has been.

With one last great effort, Sasha takes the metal glove off her right hand. Her legs burn and her ribs scream at the attempt, but she manages it. The glove falls to the ground unceremoniously with a clatter. Her fingertips brush against the soft grass, unscorched from the dragon’s breath. Sasha remembers running barefoot through the summer grass, on the rolling hills of Sabadera with her sisters in their youth. She feels the blades of grass between her fingertips, the gentle dew rolling across her skin. Images of three young girls, smiling and laughing fill her mind one last time as her chest slows and her vision darkens.

Sasha always thought the worst thing that could ever happen to her was that the fight would leave her body. But it’s not. Her breathing slows and as the fight leaves her heart, peace makes its way through. One last visitor. Here for one last breath.

A blanket of calm wraps around Sasha, lulling her to sleep. Air enters her lungs, but she does not feel it. The corners of her lips quirk up: a secret joke for only her and the universe to know.

“Peace,” She thinks. Her eyelids are too heavy. Glittering colors flirt across the sky through her eyelashes before she finally closes them. “So, this is peace.”

In the field of grass and fog for no one else to see, Sasha Lucero’s chest rises and falls.

It does not move again.

[chaosdndsquad]

[chaosdndsquad]

[chaosdndsquad]

Fraying

She’d had a feeling the broken down cart was a trap. That’s why Magda hadn’t wanted Fang to investigate it alone, didn't want him to be caught by the injured gnome lady asking for help. She knew her feelings were right when the gnome couldn't give details on who attacked them and didn't hesitate to shoot her then, when she proved to be faking. 

The ensuing fight was chaos. Magda couldn't keep track of everyone, couldn't see the whole field like she wanted. Korel had come closer, at her suggestion and Magda was kicking herself for it. She knew her kalastar friend could hold her own, especially with her and Fang nearby, but it got too rough for her liking and she couldn't hit worth a damn. She couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. The asshole in the trees was lucky he wasn't on fire but she was pissed she couldn't hit, couldn't help her friends put down this threat quick enough. 

And then she caught sight of Sasha, being flanked, an enemy on either side and her heart froze. She started to panic, tried to do too many things at once; firing the new weapon Sasha gave her on the asshole in the trees and tossing a dagger at the tabaxi flanking Sasha. And she couldn't hit a fucking thing. 

Bryn managed to do what she couldn't, setting the asshole on fire and Magda turned in time to see Ash and Korel get slammed. She shouted, trying to distract the attack and managed, somehow, to ensure it's not as bad as it could have been. But then Sasha was looking worse, and charged after those familiar fancy robes; the one that got away from Magda last time. 

But…she's not fast enough. She needs to be faster. But Sasha was so far ahead, and…that woman is so fast, striking at the armor's weak points once, twice, three times, armpit, knee joint, in between the plates. Armor Magda got her to keep her safe. 

Magda tightened her grip on the pistol, ready to use the spell Bryn stored in there, that Magda asked her to put in there for just such a reason: to get across the field in a single step. But Korel shouted and sent her guardians to swarm over and they finished her off before Magda had a chance to move. Something loosened in her chest to see Sasha still standing and Magda took a step toward her, only to hear they were still fighting the tabaxi. He was all that was left so she shifted her focus and moved to do clean up duty. Instead she stood shocked at the ferocity Fang unleashed on their last opponent. 

There was too much to process from this fight. Too much to go through. Their attackers had a wanted poster for Ash and Bryn, Sasha and Korel got closer to dying than Magda would ever be comfortable with and Fang…Fang seemed to have lost himself in his rage. She might have been a bit short with Ash in her worry and frustration, might have tossed the pilfered healing potion at Sasha just a bit too hard.

While everyone rested and prayed and patched up their wounds, Magda wandered between them, too restless to sit. Absentmindedly, she'd touch each person as she passed them, just to remind herself that they were there. This forest was making her jumpy. It reminded her too much of home. The fog made her paranoid, and slightly twitchy. She'd been told to stay out the fog when she was younger. She'd seen what happened when you stayed in too long. 

The bubbles had seemed harmless at first. They always seem harmless at first. She thought they would trigger something if popped, so she tried to do it from a safe distance. Nothing had happened. She should have known better. 

Korel and Bryn were infectious in their joy over the shiny, iridescent bubbles. And she let her guard down, popping the bubbles with her dagger as they went. She should have known better. 

She popped a bubble and it shattered over her in a shower of glitter. She was glowing, literally glowing. The only reason she didn't freak out more was that Korel, precious bean, was fascinated with her new color scheme. She was determined to capture her in that moment, immortalize it forever on paper. And so she put up a token protest before catching sight of Sasha. She was staring. And nobody had stared at her like that since….Tig. 

Magda snapped her fingers in front of Sasha's face before her cheeks turned any redder. They probably would have glowed a pink Korel would be trying to find the perfect paint for and the glowing itself was more than enough, thank you. But then the boys all started talking gibberish. And she sighed. At least they could understand each other's gibberish and they could understand common speech. They just couldn't speak it. This was workable. 

The worst was probably Sprinkle. Being that tiny was hazardous to his health. But Magda silently thanked whatever god was listening that it wasn't worse. And that it was Sprinkle who had become tiny and he could manage that better than any of them. Gods, but she hated this part of the forest. 

By the time they made camp she was exhausted. And worried. And frazzled. And she barely tasted dinner, which was an utter crime, because Sasha could make miracles with so little. 

Her sleep was difficult before her turn on watch, and she was half awake when Sasha brushed her hair aside. Magda's arm flung out, groping and grasping on instinct, trying to pull her closer. Then her mind kicked in and told her that was a bad idea but not before Sasha was already on the ground. The fear from earlier came crashing, having chased her in her sleep and she tucked Sasha in tightly, trying to bind her into the deer blanket. 

"Don't go so far away from us that we can't follow." Do not go far from me.

"Don't go rushing ahead without backup." If we are out of earshot, you are too far from me. 

Magda could see something on Sasha's face, a joke or a quip that had died in her throat at the sudden, frantic words. But she told her instead to sleep as she stepped into the small porch of their tiny hut with Fang, frazzled and tired and starting to agree with her shifter friend about this whole place. She needed the silence that settled over them as much as she was sure Fang did. So she busied herself with making something hot for them both to drink before broaching the subject of their fight today. 

She was still only getting pieces from Fang about what was happening. She knew she couldn't force it out of him, and she had a few guesses as to what was going on. But most of all, she just wanted to make sure, that no matter what was happening, he knew they were there for him. Even with everything else going on. And she learned he liked head pets, which helped calm herself down while they kept watch.

She thought she heard a roar some ways off as she sat with Fang, but as she stilled her hand in his fur and strained to hear more, there was nothing. 

She probably should have known better.

[chaosdndsquad]

Chaos buds

[chaosdndsquad]

Drabble on what Galud admires and judges each member for

Fang: Admires his brute strength in combat and his strict adherence to his moral code. Thinks he says some wise things despite how he looks and how young he is. But he probably thinks that moral code is too focused on personal freedom, too insular, too simple, and too violent to justify lacking a selfless dedication to helping outsiders.

Magda: He admires her striving to not become a hag like she is cursed to be. That she wants to be good and better than people judge her and fear her to be. And carrying trauma and being unable to go home is something they share. And he likes her nurturing side. But he is probably judgmental about her stealing stuff sometimes.

Bryn: She is confident in herself and chill during stressful moments. Dislikes that she is not reliable, lies, distracts the party with silly stuff, doesn’t take responsibility/culpability seriously, and seems to care more about fun shenanigans than preventing suffering. She probably exasperates him most in general.

Sasha: She is an ideal knight who fights for good and justice and cares deeply about her allies. She’s exactly someone Galud would want on his side fighting the Dreaming Dark and saving innocents. But when she was tested, she chose personal gain and pleasing authority instead of going against the grain to do the right thing, and this failure is heavy to Galud, who sacrificed everything he knew and everything he was to fight for what was right. He hopes she does learn from it and grow to be better—and that she enacts justice against her betrayer, yes, but that she doesn’t let it become a flame for revenge that burns them, herself, and passersby alike. (And he is bitter about how the pointless, stupid Last War hurt Korel so badly and left her scarred and anxious, so thinking about Sasha’s involvement is maybe off-putting, too—both her and Fang, though both seem to regret their service).

Sterling: He is a very reliable ally and competent and will not distract or hinder the party but instead focus on valuable tasks and solving problems. But I don’t imagine Galud “gets” technology at all, so he probably finds his interests bafflingly foreign and hard to understand.

Ash: Galud is probably very uncertain what to make of Ash. He once was ready to sacrifice himself to save the lives of hundreds of innocents, which Galud thought was incredibly noble. But he also has a tendency to avoid interpersonal bonds, hunger for power, and think the ends justify the means, so Galud is unsure if he can trust that, if pushed to an extreme situation, Ash will make good choices.

Overall, he is happy that the party will be strong allies against the Dreaming Dark, that they fight on the side of good, and that its members make Korel happy. That’s a major thing—they make Korel feel safe and loved, which is he very grateful for because he loves Korel dearly. But overall, he’s antsy that they are focusing on all these other things, including silly matters or drama or unrelated problems he doesn’t think are as important, when every day Korel risks death for a cause other than their own. He may see her die unfulfilled while off on some silly little errand while thousands suffer due to Galud’s people--which he, too, also causes and thus is a debt he owes the world to rectify at the cost of almost everything. So... Galud gets a bit grumpy old man over that.

(Idk; I might have to work on his characterization and how it comes across; not sure I get it across in a way I’m happy with, or if it feels cohesive. Trying a lot of complexity! Whatever, I am tired, I‘m all off on Wednesdays without sleep, and this is enough tonight).

[chaosdndsquad]

Reflections

The trip to the marketplace from the temple is uneventful—which is an achievement in itself considering the chaotic company Sasha now keeps…and now occasionally adds to, much to her regret. (Noa and several other of her troops are undoubtedly jumping and cheering for joy at this new development in Sasha’s character.)

Ash and Fang walk ahead, leading the way to the potions shop. Korel and Magda are talking together, heads ducked low and close, like they’re sharing secrets. Sasha can’t bring herself to be curious, too wrapped up in her own problems to wonder if others are dealing with their own. Over and over again, the events of yesterday and today play like a bard who only knows one song.

“We’re here.”

Such a simple phrase, and yet the one that gave Sasha the most hope. She remembers the agony and self-destruction tendencies she had when mourning Maya. When she survived it, she thought nothing could be worse. She was, evidently, wrong. If it wasn’t for having to take care of Magda, Sasha doesn’t know what or who she would be in that first month of mourning the 512th. Magda had saved her life…in more ways than one. Sasha doesn’t know if she will ever be able to repay this debt, but she is certainly willing to try.

This brings her to her next reflection.

Sasha is a focused person. That’s one of her best traits as a leader if she’s being honest. She can zero in on anything with a certain ruthlessness that has caused her many late nights and an unhealthy addiction to coffee. It is a trait that has served her well in the military. Even when she transferred to the 512th, with their lax policies and disordered nature, Sasha had used her skills to mold them into one of the best battalions in the GRA. She had always seen her dedication as positive, but now, it was easy to see just how much she had allowed that same devotion to turn into blind faith. Sasha could also see how that same blind devotion bleed out into other aspects of her life.

Sasha had been hopelessly devoted to Maya when she was alive, and even a lot more when she was gone. Sasha knew that she could have learned to love Ioh Graylock in the same way.

Sasha was a fool to not realize she felt the same about Noa Montoya as well.

The taste of their final conversation still left a bittersweet tinge in her mouth. Sasha had meant every word: if she had to do it all over again, Sasha would trade spots with Noa in a heartbeat. All their friends would still be alive if Noa were Captain instead of Sasha. But maybe that’s why Sasha was promoted over Noa: Sasha had follow-through, especially when she shouldn’t.

But the thing that Sasha focused on the most, was the overwhelming amount of love that flowed from her heart. Developing feelings for Ioh was easy: a shared tired glance, fingers that touched for a few seconds longer than they should between friends, an amused smirk at a shinnies antics. Many times, it felt like Ioh and Sasha were the only two adults that acted like adults in the 512th. It was a comfort to lean on one another when the others around them became too much. They found peace in each other’s silence. It wasn’t a surprise that soft, tender feelings crept up on Sasha, but at least she was aware of them.

Noa had snuck into Sasha’s heart without knowing.

It was a relief, honestly, when Sasha realized that she had a crush on Ioh, because Ioh was nothing like Maya. Ioh, the exasperated, sarcastic medic who would soon as chew you out with a lecture as she would patch you up. Ioh was as cool and dry as a night sky desert. Maya was a firework show ready to go off at the first opportunity.

Noa wasn’t a firework—not like Maya--but she was a dancing flame all the same. Warm and reliable one minute, and then going in whatever direction the wind blew her, leaving you cold and wondering what happened. She picked up conversations just as easily as she would drop them, moments later when something else captured her attention. Noa was opposite to Sasha in all the ways Maya was, and a little extra. Sasha considered Noa her best friend, but she failed to realize how precious Noa had become until she was gone.

Sasha is pulled out of her musings when Bryn zips in front of the group without anyone noticing. She speaks to Ash and passes something along to him. Sasha takes the time to look, really look, at Bryn, their druid and flighty friend of the party.

Noa and Maya would have loved her. Bryn’s wild nature would fit like a glove alongside Noa and Maya’s. In another life, much kinder than this one, Sasha imagines that she and Noa could have raised a child whose nature is similar to Bryn's.

And that was the crux of it all. Maya, Sasha’s first love and forever twenty-three, was not nurturing as Noa and Ioh had been. Maya, for all her talent and excellence in her field, had ultimately been given a  leadership position over everyone else because of her family name. Maya, in turn, had taken the title not for the honor or pride in her skills, but because being in charge was new, exciting, and an excellent way to pass the time until the next campaign came along. Noa, Sasha knew, had asked for leadership positions: not because she wanted a new challenge, but because no one else would take up the responsibility. Noa, for all her flighty nature, wanted to take care of her shield siblings: because no one else would, and she knew she could do it. That was the difference between Noa and Maya: Noa cared in the same ways Sasha did. Maya cared for as long as it interested her.

Sasha snorts, bitter amusement trickling her thoughts away. She’s being too harsh on Maya’s memory, she knows it. Maya was twenty-three and Noa was twenty-eight: a five-year age difference that allowed for more growth and maturity than Maya would ever get. Wasn’t Sasha a vastly different person than she was five years ago? Who knows how Maya would have grown if the world was kinder to her fate? How would Noa, Ioh, and the other ninety-eight people Sasha have buried in that peaceful meadow of Pada?

She looks up at the big tree, in the center of the city. The trunk is at least a mile wide, the branches cover the sky so much that Sasha can’t see what the weather is like above the canopy. Her friend’s last words to her whispered on the wind, were not of righteous anger or hate as they deserved. Sasha had expected them to be angry, vengeful, towards her. She did not expect friendship. She did not expect love.

“We’re here.”

How easily two words can flip her entire existence on its axis. Sasha had thought herself a walking cemetery, carrying all these names and regrets with her until it was finally her time to join them. She was simply waiting to join them all, to eventually make the numbers one hundred and one. Now, a paladin in their honor, Sasha is a living memorial. Tattooed flowers and a hundred small leaves adorned on the shaved right side of her head, down her neck, and onto her arm, in their memory showed her dedication to Sasha’s new cause. She will bring her old friends' justice. And now Sasha knew they will be with her every step of the way.

Sasha glances back at Korel and Magda, heads still linked together and whispering over something. Sasha knows she is a loyal person…but now she knows there is a thing as being too loyal. She owes Magda a life debt, which is an unshakeable truth…but perhaps Sasha has been rather childish when it comes to her soft feelings toward Magda.

Sasha cringes at the memory of jealousy from last night. How many times had she flirted with other women while Ioh and Noa were around? How many trips to the brothel had Sasha made while they were in-between campaigns? Granted, the trips were fewer after she was ready to move past Maya, but she still made those lengthy visits every now and then. Ioh and Noa had expressed their displeasure, but that was because they were worried Sasha was slipping back into old bad coping habits, not because they were secretly jealous.

Sasha thinks of Magda kissing Primrose on the back of the hand in farewell and the childish jealousy that sprung up immediately afterward. She thinks she hid her jealousy well enough, but that doesn’t mean she was actually successful. She could be extremely petty when she puts her mind to it, and liquor can help embolden that particular trait. Now, Sasha is glad kept her distance last night during the potluck, giving the two happy women their space as they flirted with each other.

She’s a hypocrite, Sasha decides. A hypocrite who wants to hoard her favorite toy like a child. Disgust at herself coils in her gut, and Sasha quickly swallows it. She didn’t act on those feelings, that’s the important thing to focus on. She didn’t stop Magda from searching for happiness, especially considering that happiness wasn’t with Sasha.

They all enter the store and the proprietress, a pretty goth elven woman, pays special attention to Magda. Sasha makes it a point to look away, reading labels of potions she has no intention to buy.

She tunes them out (really, she must thank Bryn for this newfound skill) and continues to think. Sasha can’t be a hypocrite about this anymore. Magda deserves happiness. Sasha will not allow herself to get in the way of that, jealous feelings be damned. So Sasha has a crush on Magda. So what? She’s not alone in that if Magda’s admirers continue to grow as they are. It doesn’t matter. Magda can do as she likes, with whomever she likes. It’s not really Sasha’s business anyways.

Besides, Sasha has bigger dragons to slay anyways. Her friends won’t get justice if Sasha is busy being jealous and regretful. Sasha can get through this.

She just needs to give herself time.

[chaosdndsquad]

hello my old heart

Sasha does not lie to her friends. She does want to go to the temple, to find someone who will help her with her new magic. If not help, then at least she thinks someone will be able to explain how and why she suddenly has magic now. She tells Magda, Ash, and Korel all this as they walk to the temple in the middle of this city’s giant tree.

She does not tell them, however, what she hopes to find at the tree.

It’s selfish, she knows. Greedy, even. She has made a promise to her friends, and they heard her. They gave her…well they gave her something to help her fulfill it. Her old friends, buried six feet under and resting in the one place Sasha cannot reach, are gone. She will never see them again: Sasha has cried and mourned and accepted this. But by some miracle, she did see them again. Their figures, at the very least. She only got to talk to Noa, but even then, that was more than she ever actually thought she would get.

Sasha is tired of playing it safe. She has spent her whole life playing by someone else’s rules and look where it’s gotten her. She knows she shouldn’t expect more with this, not with her track record of asking things from the divines. And yet…

She touches the tree, her fingertips barely brushing its rough bark. Nothing happens, just like last time. Sasha presses her hand closer, still gentle, like she’s trying to soothe a spooked horse. She closes her eyes, ready for the visions to flood her mind’s eye once more.

Nothing happens.

Sasha keeps her eyes shut and wills her heart to slow it’s panicked thumping. How long has she seen Ira meditate for? Patience, that’s all she needs. Patience. She will see them again. She will see them again and explain what really happened to them in Pada. She will see them again and finally be able to profess how sorry she is, how sorry she will be for the rest of her life…

She needs to see them again.

Nothing still happens.

Luvan is chatting with her party members, but Sasha tunes them out. (She’s had much practice, thanks to Bryn.) She breathes deeply, slowly. She forces her mind to calm, to allow her old friend’s spirits to fill her mind once more.

Grief flicks the lights on, puts her shoes by the door, and takes up all the room she can in this little broken thing Sasha still calls her heart. Grief has made a home in her heart for so long, Sasha cannot remember a time where she hasn’t been there. Sasha stays smushed against its walls, and lets Grief suffocate her. Sometimes Grief is kind and lets her sob freely. Other times, like now, Grief expands and swells so much that Sasha’s heart threatens to burst. There’s no room for Grief to go anywhere else, even the choking gasps sounds Sasha makes cannot lessen Grief’s pressure. Most times, Sasha can only watch as Grief takes the faces of everyone she has ever lost as she sobs, pressed against the walls of this sad little house as her tears threaten to drown her.

But this time is different.

Sasha fights back against Grief, pushing herself against the walls and holding it back with feet, unwilling to give anymore than Grief has already taken.

She pushes her hand against tree once more.

She takes a deep breath and opens the door to her heart. The hinges creak, and dust has started to gather on the frame, but it’s open nonetheless: just a crack. Silently, and too desperate to think herself silly, Sasha calls her heart out to the tree.

She waits a bit, then two. Finally, she places her hand on the doorknob, and pushes the door entirely.

“Please,” her whole heart whispers. Sasha has no idea if she does the same out loud, too focused on trying to connect with the tree in front of her. She doesn’t know if Grief has invited over Hope to come help suffocate Sasha in her home, but she is not willing to give up just yet. If there’s a chance, however small, however impossible Sasha will see her old friends again, she will take it. She will take it every damned time.

The tree, the universe, whatever it is that Sasha calls out to, finally hears her.

She feels something rush into her heart, blowing past her at the front door, tinkling with laughter. It reminds her of the wind brushing through her hair whenever she rides Glory. Grief shrinks in this laughing wind’s wake, curling itself into the couch nearby and lays there content as this new guest sweeps through. The laughter continues, and the Wind sweeps Sasha off the floor momentarily. When was the last time something so… giddy made it’s way into her heart?

The Wind’s laughter sounds like a hundred people as it sweeps its way through. The Wind fixes pictures of memories that used to hang on the wall. Light dances wherever it swings by, warmth filling the corners that Grief’s blue touch has left icy for too long. The Wind greases the front door hinges, dusts down the living room, and puts on the music that Sasha has almost entirely forgotten.

Grief sits in its reclining chair, not willing to take up space like it used to, but not ready to leave just yet. The Wind lets it, and Grief does not get in their way. It is unclear whether or not they like each other, but they both seem to recognize one another.

Sasha’s heart looks so much different by the time The Wind is done cleaning up. It’s not just habitable again, it’s livable: meant for more than just shelter and survival, but a place for friends and family to come over and stay for as long as Sasha would like them to.

The idea of letting more people in scares Sasha more than she would like to admit, but the Wind and Grief let her know that she can take her time with this, for now.

Just as swiftly as it came, the Wind laughs with its hundred voices and sweeps out the way it came. The Wind brushes past Sasha once more, and that’s when she hears it, a hundred times over, in the voices that she never thought she’d hear again.

“We’re here.”

Sasha laughs, giddy, silly and full of heart that she has long forgotten how to use. Tears spill over and Sasha makes no move to cast them aside. She laughs and she cries, leaning against the doorframe, watching the Wind go. Grief gets up from the couch and joins her, placing a hand on Sasha’s shoulder. Grief stands there, with Sasha, in a house full of memories and a heart that is ready to beat again.

[chaosdndsquad]

Blossom’s Falling

“Are you sure you got the energy for that?” Sasha eyes Magda up and down. The campfire does nothing to help her sight, but the fighter searches for signs of fatigue in their rouge anyways.

Magda sputters in response. Sasha’s lips twitch upwards, watching. She’s hesitant to call Magda “cute”—it's too childish a term to describe her anyways—but there’s something about the motion that Sasha can only describe as adorable.

“The fight wasn’t that bad! I still got some fight left in me.” Sasha has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing. Magda is goading her on, and despite how tired Sasha is from riding all day, it’s working.

Magda picks up a fallen stick from Bryn’s massive oak tree. She waves it like sword, the tip of the flimsy stick makes a “whoosh” noise as it slices through the air. She falls into a battle-ready stance, a playful challenge in her eyes as she states at Sasha, still seated.

Sasha quirks an eyebrow. There’s no hiding the smirk rising to her lips now. “Oh, so it’s going to be that kind of fight, is it?” She asks, amusement peeking out into her voice as she grabs a stick sword from the ground.

Magda, undeterred, laughs. “You wouldn’t win if it was the other kind of fight. Remember last time?”

Sasha shakes her head and smiles. How she thought it was a good idea to enter a wrestling match against someone with a metal arm, she will never know. Sasha readies her battle stance. “This isn’t last time.”

Sasha means to strike first, she really does, but Magda beats her to it. Sasha only has time to deflect Magda’s blows, not attack with any of her own.

They continue for a bit before Magda backs off briefly. The two take this opportunity to catch their breath.

“Not much of a fight with only one person hitting.” Magda pants. The firelight gleams in the reflection of her metal arm, making Magda’s purple skin glow. She looks good in the campfire light.

Sasha blinks, focusing her gaze back to her opponent’s. “This is a fight,” she says, summoning up as much bravado as she can, shooing away the previous thought before it can be voiced. “It’s not supposed to be fair.”

Magda hums. She twirls her fake sword and starts walking—strutting—back towards Sasha. That’s when she sees it.

Sasha blames the oak tree being in full bloom. She blames the grasslands and its windy weather. She blames the razor wings for making them camp out here. She blames anything and everything she can to justify the way her heart lurches as she sees Magda approach her. The wind blows and little white flowers fall from Bryn’s tree. Flowers and petals fall all around them in a delicate dance: some fall into Magda’s crown, but most fall into her curly hair. Raven black, curly hair that shines against the campfire so much it could put the moon to shame. Even her crown, covered in thorns seems to gleam like stars, and her eyes—

Sasha sucks in a breath, realization hitting her in a way her opponent’s attacks couldn’t. Sasha Lucero is the biggest fool in all of Evras.

Magda Martikov is beautiful.

Sasha has no idea what to do with this information. She’s dumbfounded, still processing her thoughts, that she temporarily forgets that the two women are in the middle of a fight.

Magda’s smirk and cunning tone snap Sasha out of her spell. “You’re right. Fights aren’t supposed to be fair. That’s why you have to cheat.” On the word cheat, Magda lunges to attack again. Sasha automatically moves to block it, and just like that, the two are back to dancing around each other.

What Magda lacks in athletics, she more than makes up for in acrobatics. It is vice versa for Sasha. They are playing to each other’s strengths. Magda is quick, but Sasha is steady. Where the rouge tries to lightning strike and catch Sasha off guard in order to land a hit; the fighter paces herself, and blocks out the storm of strikes and blows, waiting for her chance. Sasha is still reeling from her revelation, so she relies on the fact that Magda will tire herself out eventually. Magda had called it cheating, but Sasha calls it playing to your advantage. Why fight your opponent when your opponent is fighting themselves for you? Their recent dungeon crawl might express otherwise, but Sasha is very patient when she wants to be.

In the end, no one lands a hit. Their watch, if they can even call it that, is over before they realize it. Both women are tired, and sleep is a siren call neither can ignore. Sasha and Magda declare their little fight a draw and go to wake their replacements for the next shift.

Sasha is grateful for the distance, ready to return to their cart to sleep…when she sees three little goblins taking up its space.

Sasha curses softly, still mindful of their new companion’s slumber. Of course. Why not this, too, on top of her perception of her friend being rocked? Sasha grabs the deer blanket that Fang made her and goes to the tent Korel and Magda share.

“Here,” she mutters, throwing the heavy thing on top of Magda. “A peace offering. Go back to bed.”

“We were fighting?” Magda’s sleeping mumbles, and Sasha wants to be a smartass, wants to say, “yes, we were, with sticks. Now go back to bed.” But she doesn’t. As frustrated as Sasha is with herself, as mad as she is at finding Magda’s sleepy voice adorable, Sasha pauses. This is her problem. She is not some silly teenager, not knowing how to express her feelings. Sasha is—was—a soldier. She can keep her emotions in check enough to be professional with a colleague. Because that’s what Magda is. A colleague. Who saved her life. And has the prettiest hair Sasha has even seen.

“No, I—” Sasha hesitates, trying to find the right words, before continuing. “My sleeping place has been taken over by our new friends. I came into your tent without asking. The blanket is a peace offering for it. I don’t want to sleep on the floor tonight.” She should add in, “please let me spend the night here,” but she’s so stupid with soft emotions right now, Sasha doesn’t trust herself to speak to them.

Magda is either too tired to see the conflict on Sasha’s face, or is already half-asleep enough that she doesn’t actually care where Sasha sleeps. Either way, Magda mumbles something that sounds like, “okay,” and goes back to sleep. Sasha has never been more grateful for her friend’s ability to fall asleep in an instant.

Sasha lies next to her, careful not to touch her. Her thoughts swirl violently, reason clashing with emotions is the storm of her heart. This is survivor’s guilt, she thinks. Hero worship. She saved your life, for Maker’s sake. Of course you think highly of her. You owe her a life debt. Of course, you care for her, it’s only natural. This will fade with time.

But it’s been months since Pada, Reason argued. We traveled together for at least a month before we met up with her friends. Surely, I would have noticed her that way during that time, right?

Her heart spoke softly, you have been traumatized. You have buried all of your friends. You have not had the time to process all of this. Of course, when you’re finally in a safe place, all of these emotions would reveal themselves.

Sasha sneers at herself. Of course, this happens on top of everything else. Why not? At the very least, she knows she will not fall in love with Magda. It took so long for her to heal and move past Maya. She is not capable of doing that again. Sasha was barely coming to terms with having the smallest of crushes on her medic, Ioh—

Ioh, who is buried six feet under the ground, along with the other one hundred and forty-four soldiers who lost their lives in Pada. The brave men and women who gave their lives following Sasha’s orders. Sasha, who is supposed to be buried with them. An empty grave marks where Sasha had “buried” herself. All that she had left her people was her Captain’s helmet, sword, and name tags. All she could give them was her name.

Sasha wonders where their souls are now. If they are resting in that elusive place called, peace, that they have been fighting for this whole time.

She takes a deep breath. Then two, then three, steadying herself. Sasha does not know what to do with these newfound emotions for Magda, but she decides they do not change anything. Magda still saved Sasha’s life, and Sasha still owes Magda her life in return. Whatever is Sasha’s is now Magda’s. Whatever Magda needs, Sasha will give. It’s as simple as that. Magda, whether she knows it or not, has a loyal knight at her beck and call. It will stay that way until Sasha can repay her debt.

Sasha can keep her emotions in check, in the meantime.

Maya is not Ioh. Ioh is not Maya.

And Magda is like no one Sasha has ever known before.

[chaosdndsquad]

I think that’s the last of everything. I will run away from Tumblr now.

[chaosdndsquad]