chantcftrials

[chantcftrials]

[chantcftrials]

Long story short: I caught Covid-19 and I’m much better now but I cannot focus properly for the moment so Im gonna take a few more days of hiatus. Love you all!

[chantcftrials]

“Some days 

I’m more WOLF than WOMAN

and I’m still learning 

how to stop apologizing 

for my wild”

Canon divergent Trevelyan penned by Em. 

credits

[chantcftrials]

“Now I can see why Howard and Pollard keep you with the riders. You are an excellent jester,” Cullen countered with half a smirk while approaching the man. It was no surprise that the warden could hear him nearing despite his light footing. Nonetheless, the commander wondered whether the man ever lowered his guard or if his “condition” forced him into an endless watch.

Albeit the templar order was wary of the wardens and fostered such mistrust in its acolytes, there was little that could be done to soil their reputation among the Fereldan recruits. They were legends, full stop.

As for the commander, he had known Brindleback for many years, he knew the man was capable and skilled, and despite his repute, he was dependable.

Cullen joined Brindleback, leaning against the rampart wall with his forearms, eyes scouting the valley below where lights flickered in the darkness. Changing of the guard, thought the commander.

"I don't know... Skyhold is very peaceful at this hour. I suppose it's easier to clear up one's mind," he conceded without actually answering the other man's question.

 "You know," he went on after a long silence, "Leliana wasn't sure you'd agree to join us, and neither was I. But I am so grateful you did." Cullen shifted his weight from one foot to the other, enjoying the sensation of his light boots. He liked wearing common clothes during his nightly wandering as if he could unburden himself from both steel and thoughts. 

"Last week I had to turn five volunteers away," he continued thoughtful, rubbing the stubble on his cheek with a thumb, "The older was fourteen. Can you imagine? Fourteen! They came all the way here from Redcliff because they had no one left back home..." Cullen sighed, his head shaking slightly, " at first, it made me smile, they reminded me of myself at their age. But then I realized. There was no naivety in their eyes. They knew exactly what they were signing up for..."

The commander inhaled sharply, averting his gaze from the horizon and looking at Brindleback.

"I don't even know why I am telling you this. It's just that...I couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since it happened. We have a stronghold, true,  more and more people are rallying to our cause, also true, but... there's still so much to do. We cannot allow children to step forward to go to war. It's unacceptable..."

[chantcftrials]

Good morning everyone! Still bit drowsy but slowly getting into doing things.

[chantcftrials]

At 2.30 am I bid u farewell guys. it was - as always - sooo much fun! thx for the chitchats <3 tomorrow i'll be mostly on @fitztrevelyan 'cause i've got lots and lots of unfinished business there, so that’s where u can find me. smooches!

[chantcftrials]

onemusemanyfandoms​:

Continued from here with @chantcftrials

The whisper of a sneer pulled at the corner of her mouth, making her nose twitch up in disgust at the other Ferelden’s interruption. She was covered in blood from surgery. She was exhausted both physically and mentally. Exhausted from seeing people die while unable to help, exhausted from nearly dying herself. And he just had to do this now. There wasn’t a day that went by when they were in shouting distance that they didn’t fight. The number of times Kly had wanted to just walk up and punch that stupid, attractive face just for the fact he breathed in her direction was growing with each day she was stuck here at Skyhold. And she would likely be stuck here for some time, much to her dismay. The Inquisitor had decided she would stay and recover after she nearly died at Haven.

“That man was going to die if I hadn’t performed that emergency transfusion, or are you so eager to send more men to the Maker than you have already? I have not once, not once,” she growled, marching towards him. “Used my blood magic to harm someone not trying to kill us all since I was forced to join your stupid little Inquisition! I have let your silly templars trail me and monitor my every move even though I could kill them all with the flick of my wrist. ” she snarled, poking her finger against his armored chest, shoving at him and pushing him towards the door into the surgery where he currently loomed. “You know nothing about me! All you see is the maleficar. I have tried to see past the atrocities you committed. I have tried to play nice for the Inquisitor’s sake. I have put up with you and tried to make peace with you on multiple occasions. So fuck you, Rutherford! Fuck. You!”

"You give me too much credit. Those men chose to give their lives for our little stupid Inquisition. I didn’t force anyone to join." Ah, but she was good. She crawled her way through his guilt as if she knew he blamed himself for every soul they'd lost. She played with his fears like a cat with a mouse.

"You know how many told me the same only minutes before they'd lose control without even noticing?" he hissed back at her claim of innocence. The memory of Orsino's downfall was still fresh on the commander's skin, scars too recent to be already fading. And after the first enchanter, many more had claimed to use blood magic for higher purposes than power while he served as a surrogate leader of the collapsing Templar Order of Kirkwall. It had never ended well.

As she pictured herself massacring all the (regrettably too few) templars who'd joined the inquisition, he swallowed his anger, fighting against old memories, the voices of his brothers in arms calling out to him, begging for him to help them. He could hear them, real as if they were there at that very moment. And yet he steadied his hand that was aching to reach the hilt of his blade.

Finally, she went too far. He grabbed her wrist locking eyes with hers: "And what, pray tell, would you know of my crimes?" his voice was but a whisper as his ability to block magic tingled on the palm of his hand, a welcomed sensation that he thought to be lost with the last vial of lyrium he had ingested. " I see the maleficar, you see the templar. Don't flatter yourself with delusional lies. You're but playing the peacemaker while, in fact, you merely tolerated me, much like I tolerate you," he felt his power coursing through his body with stabbing pain, becoming almost overwhelming, his heart skipping beats, his head spinning. He couldn't cope, not without lyrium, it was too much, too soon but he continued without his voice betraying anything of his present predicament, "hate me, insult me if it makes you feel better. But I strongly recommend for your own good you never, ever... threaten me again." His hand loosened his grip around her wrist as his words muddled. His vision blurred, eyes hardly capable of focusing on the woman's face. He felt the ground give way under his feet. "shit"

[chantcftrials]

Shitty horoscope sentence starter|| accepting!

@mandragoramanners asked

"It’s less like biting off more than you can chew, and more like dislocating your jaw."

Cullen chuckled bitterly. His hand vised his forehead, slowly running down to the chin, his face a grotesque mask of frustration. Regis's words pictured withdrawal in the most perfect way.

"We're still in the realm of metaphors, I hope…" he jested looking at the vampire with a crooked smirk.

[chantcftrials]

You are a good bean. <3 I love your writing, and your positivity, care for others, and effort to make people feel included is so valuable and so amazing! I am so happy to have you on my dash and in my RP-life and I hope you have nothing but good experiences

I waited for my nephew to go back home to reply to this bc it made me emotional and I wanted to be properly rested so that my brain would help me to explain why. And since this is personal stuff, I'm going to put it under a cut <3

it's a very special moment I'm living rn. I've been through a severe depression in the last 8-9 months, so I decided not to be on my blogs bc I felt I couldn't give a positive contribution to making this place a safe and happy space for everyone. And now I am back bc… I'm back to life. I have been part of this community since 2016 (I think). When I started my blog I could barely understand English. Still, I have found so many ppl willing to welcome me, make me feel cherished, and actively help me improve my writing. I have found actual friends in this community which I consider my home. So yeah… I guess I just want my home to be a happy home, where ppl can feel safe, accepted, and included. But I am aware that I'm only returning the favor. So thank you nonny, your message made me happy. I suspect we're friends so you didn't actually need to send this on anon, but I respect ur decision. Hugsss <3<3<3

[chantcftrials]

Tomorrow evening my 'lil nephew will go back home. It was really good having him stay here for a few days, he's actually a lot of fun, though exhausting (Idek how my sister manages to do everything without anyone giving her a hand, she's officially my favorite superhero!) Today we used gouache and he made his v first drawing which of course gives me the right to brag about it for the rest of our lives (bc ofc I will).

That said, this is a psa: I'm gonna be here for u, my beloved, on June 8, to write with you, chat with you, respond to your msgs & letters, and spread my love all about bc you guys are a v important part of my life (and I'm kinda proud of it?).

Be seeing u! 😉(SOOOON)

[chantcftrials]

Yes, I did not manage to write a single word but my nephew is a little lovely tsunamis and I’m completely exhausted 🥱. I didn’t lie when I said I was determined to get to reply to you guys, but I guess I’ll have to procrastinate a bit. Pls don’t lose ur enthusiasm bc I promise, I love our threads/plots and whatnot ❤️ I’ll be back SOON. Lots of love

[chantcftrials]

So my plans for today: I’ll get to work mostly on cullen’s blog ‘cause I have lots of chores and errands and tonight my nephew is coming to stay here with me for a couple of days so that my sis can get some rest. That means I m gonna be p busy (he’s 13 months so u can imagine) but definitely determined to get stuff done. Maker give me strength.

[chantcftrials]

Shitty horoscope sentence starter

@onemusemanyfandoms​​ said

​ ❛ frequent tastes of your own medicine can get poisonous real quick. ❜

“Oh! So you are saying that you make a responsible use of blood magic. Well, that’s a relief.” 

Despite his tone, the Commander was in no mood for jests. The sarcasm was simply a mean to stifle the anger that was feeding upon his fear. The arrogance she showed as she tried to make sense of her folly, posing as  the only repository of knowledge, was almost sickening. He knew blood magic, all too well. He knew a single drop of her blood could be enough to unleash hell upon them. How she could be allowed to wander around Skyhold unchecked escaped his understanding. Unless she used her forbidden magic to control the Inquisitor's mind... 

The thought made his spine stretch with a shiver. He had to talk to Cassandra. Skyhold was not going to turn into another Kinloch. Not under his watch.

"I apologize," he continued upholding his facade of composure, "I didn't mean to interrupt. Please, continue."

[chantcftrials]

dinner time, but ill be here later. <3

[chantcftrials]

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈

sentences from amrit brar’s shitty horoscopes series. you may adjust as needed.

BOOK I: SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS

❛ holy fucking shit. just. holy shit. what the fuck. ❜

❛ nobody really knows the nuances of what you get up to in your spare time, and honestly they’re probably better off that way. ❜

❛ busy yourself with the affairs of the living, for once.. ❜

❛ the answer is no. ❜

❛ ohhh boy. you. fuck you. yes, you specifically. ❜

❛ delete your search history. ❜

❛ please practice blinking as others can be unsettled by your inhuman ability to maintain an unbreakable stare during casual conversation. ❜

❛ what did you ever do to deserve this? in all probability, something terrible. ❜

❛ you are a crayon. get out of the toolbox. ❜

❛ none will love the butcher. don’t take it too personally. ❜

❛ some relationships, like warts, can be handled with the tactful application of liquid nitrogen. ❜

❛ take a long shower. wash your hair. wash the clothes you were wearing. wash the memories from your mind and body. ❜

BOOK II: ANGER

❛ frostbite is considerably difficult to heal from. ❜

❛ there is poetry in brutal efficiency. ❜

❛ HELLFIRE HELLFIRE HELLIRE. ❜

❛ people would take your raging far more seriously if you weren’t crying the entire time. ❜

❛ what made you so vindictive? ❜

❛ some bodies may be temples, but all are ruins at your feet. ❜

❛ your contempt will always taste like grief. ❜

❛ in the process your body is subsumed piece by piece. ❜

❛ you are the bone-deep fury of an abscessed tooth. ❜

❛ you are notorious for rubbing salt in the wound. cheap vodka in the wound. battery acid in the wound! ❜

❛ vehicular arson is not the answer. ❜

❛ hate is a verb. ❜

BOOK III: PETTY EXISTENTIAL CRISES

❛ the sooner you accept your impending expiration, the sooner you can stop trying to swallow the sun. ❜

❛ embrace the inevitable. snuggle with the inevitable. take the inevitable out to a nice, candle-lit dinner. ❜

❛ there are forces outside of your control. most of them don’t care for you. ❜

❛ when it all goes to hell just remember it’s what’s inside that counts (though many would not find you very appetizing). ❜

❛ not all things have significance, which is scary. the things you overlooked tend to have the most, which is scarier. ❜

❛ your teeth are only porcelain, your ribcage simply glass. like all delicate things, they can know no permanence. ❜

❛ in time you’ll learn that “just” and “right” only mean the same thing when they’re coming from very specific people. please don’t cry. ❜

❛ you may not want to change, but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway. ❜

❛ sometimes we put our hearts in the wrong places (what the fuck is it going between your teeth). ❜

❛ nothing can stay. ❜

❛ you can put all the flowers in your mouth that you fucking want, but dying is dying and rot is rot. ❜

❛ loneliness is the fracture that never heals quite right. ❜

BOOK IV: RESOLUTIONS

❛ lay them to rest. ❜

❛ they are there, hovering nervously. you will watch the skies. you will wait. ❜

❛ eat the other. ❜

❛ there will be scrapes and sutures: viciousness and victory. ❜

❛ no loose ends. ❜

❛ a cacophony of awe and joy and terror. ❜

❛ an eye for an eye. a tooth for a tooth. a knife for the ribs. ❜

❛ you will not be swayed by the morally destitute. ❜

❛ decay will feed the bloom. ❜

❛ devour death like crows, for all the feathers between your teeth. ❜

❛ twisting/screaming/uncompromising. every inch. every iota. ❜

❛ once, answers were found in mouths, bathtubs, and bottles. this time around, get inventive. ❜

BOOK VI: AFTER THE FALL

❛ lies you have told yourself: your humanity is the largest burden you will bear. ❜

❛ decorating your meltdowns is all well and good, but a trainwreck is a trainwreck and it might be time to get a paramedic. ❜

❛ they tell you “there i nothing to fear but fear itself,” but you have seen yourself in the mirror. ❜

❛ you may have been gutted but you mouth is soft, your tongue is silver, and your teeth are gemstones cut to size. ❜

❛ it’s less like biting off more than you can chew, and more like dislocating your jaw. ❜

❛ even spectres can tire. ❜

❛ seeing yourself for who you really are would be great if you knew where to start looking. ❜

❛ it pays to kill with kindness when you’re your own worst enemy. ❜

❛ you’re only armed to the teeth because you’re more brittle than you’d care to admit. ❜

❛ your ego cannot afford cremation or caskets. ❜

❛ frequent tastes of your own medicine can get poisonous real quick. ❜

❛ self reflection is important! whether you like what you see is up for debate. whether it can be contained in a dark basement is another matter entirely. ❜

BOOK VII: MAGICK

❛ you are a quiet god, and your hunger is cavernous. ❜

❛ at times your body is simply a prison laid in gold. ❜

❛ death, dust, party, repeat. ❜

❛ devour the monsters and you can call any place home. ❜

❛ you’re only as lucky as your expectations are low. ❜

❛ worse than having too many secrets is having no secrets at all. ❜

❛ if seeing is believing you might be in some trouble. ❜

❛ suspend belief. expel fear. throw reason into a frigid cell, never to be seen again. ❜

❛ killing the monsters is the easy bit. it’s finding them that’s the hard part. ❜

❛ there exists a tipping point between gods and monsters. ❜

❛ a mouthful of ashes bested by a life of smoke and mirrors. ❜

❛ what’s to be gained from the keeping the heaviest of treasures behind your teeth? ❜

[chantcftrials]

GUYS!

I love u. That’s all.

[chantcftrials]

plotting call. You know the drill.