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A few hours until 40 💜

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babygirl

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Do you ever binge read someone's work on ao3 and get the urge to serenade them, like, hello my fair fic author you have wooed me with your excessive flowery metaphors and complete lack of plot, even your messy 3am fics with very visible flaws are gorgeous, your self indulgent dynamics have enchanted me, please accept my kudos

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My ridiculously fun to write, very naughty ongoing coffee shop AU. Like 20k words of flirting, smut and too horny!Yo Han chasing down Kim Ga On in a world with like 70% of the trauma and angst from canon. 

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On a scale of 1 - 10, this week has been a solid 2.5. 

Please, Friday, Saturday, Sunday...go easy on me. 

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insanely important thrift store find

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Draft a cover letter or write more TDJ fic? 

Tough choices. 

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For all that he would like to appear too rational for sentimentality, Yo Han is clearly someone who holds tight to certain things. Isaac’s necklace. That mausoleum of a house.

Somewhere in his office there must be a locked drawer of Elijah’s childhood art that she made for him on those rainy days when she sat next to him at his desk and colored. Next to a photo album of pictures from each of her birthdays (until she turned 13 and refused to eat with him any longer) that he’s never shown to another soul.

He probably still remembers all of the tune of the Pororo theme song, which they watched on loop when she was recovering in the hospital.

Somewhere in Nanny’s old rooms is a well used checkers board that she hid when they couldn’t play without someone throwing a piece across the room.

The only dish he can reliably cook is porridge, a recipe he knows by heart from all the times he spoon fed her when she was sick, only to fall victim to the same stomach flu days later. (Not that it mattered — that’s what parenthood is, loving and suffering alongside your child).

He still has every gift she has ever given him.

Likely it is because I have my own kid, but I cannot help but think of Yo Han and Elijah when Elijah was young. 

In canon, she is sixteen – Yo Han can more or less leave her to her devices: online education, microwave meals, relentless tracking of her every move, etc. 

But you can’t do that with children. Elijah is 6 when Yo Han becomes her guardian, her defacto parent. Not even considering the trauma of her loss and her injury, children that age need to be held, they need to be played with, read to, to be comforted when they hurt themselves or have a nightmare. 

Even if he left 90% of it to nanny, that 10% cannot be underestimated. Children of that age need so many things, need almost constantly. They are at the precipice of trying to understand the world, to understand themselves as separate individuals. 

I cannot help but imagine Yo Han, who was never given any of that as a child, trying to figure out how to keep a sad, sweet little girl company on a rainy day. Or reading to her until she fell asleep. Comforting her when she was sick. Finding favorite toys that got lost in that awful house. 

Loving her despite the fact that no one had loved him when he was that little and unprotected. 

Honestly, it breaks my heart more than a Kim Ga On betrayal to think that at some point the tenderness that must have existed turned bitter and that her little hands stopped reaching for his. 

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Likely it is because I have my own kid, but I cannot help but think of Yo Han and Elijah when Elijah was young. 

In canon, she is sixteen -- Yo Han can more or less leave her to her devices: online education, microwave meals, relentless tracking of her every move, etc. 

But you can’t do that with children. Elijah is 6 when Yo Han becomes her guardian, her defacto parent. Not even considering the trauma of her loss and her injury, children that age need to be held, they need to be played with, read to, to be comforted when they hurt themselves or have a nightmare. 

Even if he left 90% of it to nanny, that 10% cannot be underestimated. Children of that age need so many things, need almost constantly. They are at the precipice of trying to understand the world, to understand themselves as separate individuals. 

I cannot help but imagine Yo Han, who was never given any of that as a child, trying to figure out how to keep a sad, sweet little girl company on a rainy day. Or reading to her until she fell asleep. Comforting her when she was sick. Finding favorite toys that got lost in that awful house. 

Loving her despite the fact that no one had loved him when he was that little and unprotected. 

Honestly, it breaks my heart more than a Kim Ga On betrayal to think that at some point the tenderness that must have existed turned bitter and that her little hands stopped reaching for his. 

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1) Ivy Leagues don’t mess around. The $$$$. Good lord, I might move to CT for that.

2) is there a level of position that no longer requires cover letters? I hate cover letters.

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The Devil Judge as text posts (8/?)

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Welp, my son just asked me how to spell fuck so I guess it’s time to clean up my language…

😂😂😂

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Driving to work is such a miserable experience. Public transit here may be kind of dirty and a cesspool of germs, but at least I can zone out and dream up story lines instead of trying to avoid buses, pedestrians and the 10000 construction sites between the burbs and the city. 

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those posts about wanting kudos and comments on your fanworks vs creating for your own sake have gotten it all wrong. the TRUE purpose of fanworks is attracting people with great taste and luring them into your dms

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Yes, I’m trance trash…but the lyrics to this…

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And complete, as of tonight. Thank you to everyone who has read along and been so lovely to a new person in the fandom. 

"It unnerves him not to know, to keep to the promise he made to himself to let this new present and future play out as they would, without his hands (and other, more dangerous hands) orchestrating every possible move. He knows that he could make it so Ga On follows him, comes running across the ocean and crashes into his home. He knows that he could make it so Ga On never looked for him again. He chooses instead to make it like this, some compromise between everything and nothing, just enough rope to hang himself with, this open line of communication.

The withdrawals from possibility burns. The withdrawals from Ga On ache."

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u know i feel like something that would help w a lot of shipping discourse would be remembering that not everyone in fandom spaces is here to do textual analysis & people sometimes (often) ship characters solely because it's sexy