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Reblog for sample size and also tell me why in the tags. I want violence. I want discourse. I want bloodshed
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Reblog this to give the person you reblogged from a heart shaped cookie
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Being an OC whump writer feels like reverse demon possession. You have little people in your head and you do terrible things to them. And instead of you summoning them, they go “poof!” and summon themselves and then you beat them up for it. And maybe when you make them suffer enough you give them a happy ending, but also they have to go through The Horrors first because that’s the price of living rent free in your brain.
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Caves are weirder and more varied than you think
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extremely weird to think about the fact that the internet is a collection of physical objects, like, if i send a message to a person on another continent, there's a continuous physical path that each packet followed between each of our routers and it probably passes through an undersea cable which doesn't feel like something that should be real how did people manage that
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A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."
"What happened?" The father asks.
"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'
"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''
The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?"
"Not yet."
"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."
"Why?" asks the father.
"Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'"
"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."
The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet."
"Don't bother, I got expelled."
Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"
"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."
"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
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Two idiots decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.
"What's Logic?" the first idiot asks.
The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example."
"Do you own a weedeater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!"
The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, "Amazin!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The idoit is obviously catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!"
The idiot, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.
"Math, History, and Logic!" he replies.
"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" he asked.
"No," his friend replied.
"Gay."
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@nathanwpyle
I literally love this.
I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.
No joke.
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❤️❤️❤️❤️
Cw: Swearing, Alcohol usage, mentions to torture, PTSD, implied Depression, and yeah... just don't read this if you're sensitive.
Uhhh... So... It's a little different. And Weird. And probably has a lot of flaws, but... enjoy?
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“You look nice!” Rose smiled at her brother-in-law. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in Blue before.”
“Hey, you look good too Petals.” Jakkon offered her his arm. “But I will admit, you look better in red!”
“Is that what you told Eveny when you had Rune?” Rose took his arm with a sly smirk. Jakkon froze and looked down at his sister-in-law, face turning bright red in embarrassment. “Oh, you are so easy to make fun of!”
“Hey!” Jakkon shook his head, trying to clear the heat from his face. “You… I… Hey!”
“Take it as revenge for what you said about the red dress.”
“What- All I did was compare the color. It was meant to be a compliment!”
“I’ll take that as a compliment when I’m dead.”
Jakkon gaped at her in fake offense. “Rude! Any man who tries to dance with you has my condolences for dealing with that flame of a tongue you’ve got!”
Rose smirked. “Well, I pity whoever asks you. The two-left-hooves I know couldn’t dance if his life depended on it.”
“What person in their right mind would ever ask me to dance?” Jakkon laughed, smoothing the hair out of his face.
“Hey, Horns? If my sister thought you were attractive enough to marry you, you’ve got to have something going for you.”
The Satyr and Fae both smiled. “Do you want to go look at the food options?”
“Really? You want to?”
“Sure! Why not?”
“Alright!” Rose glanced around at the other guests, noting that most of them had something, whether it be a drink or a small bit of food, and let her brother-in-law lead her through the crowds over to a series of tables.
The two lightly teased one another for a bit, Rose taking a few small fruits, and Jakkon just keeping her company before they ventured back out into the crowds to strike up conversation with Morena and Finn.
Jakkon put his hands behind his back. “So, have either of you tried dancing yet?”
“No. Um… Not yet.” Morena smiled sheepishly, the tips of her ears tinging pink as Finn looked at the ground.
“Come on! Have some fun! Live a little!” Rose elbowed Finn.
“Now you sound like Jak.” The harpy glanced up and met Jakkon’s eyes. The Satyr broke into a smirk and Finn managed a smile.
“Go on! Have fun you two! Don’t just stand here!” Jakkon smiled at Morena and threw his arms around her.
Morena smiled softly as Jakkon stepped behind Morena and leaned forward. “Sorry.” Then he pushed her toward Finn. Both jumped, and Finn caught Morena, their faces turning bright pink.
“I… uh… sorry!”
“No, no, you’re alright!”
“Same to you I just…”
Both of the harpies froze, looking at one another before Finn offered Morena his hand. “Well… um… Would you like to dance?”
Morena smiled and took it. “Yes. I would. Very much.”
Rose held up a fist, and Jakkon bumped it with a smirk. “Mission accomplished.”
After a few minutes of silent celebration, Rose and Jakkon snuck through the crowds to watch the slow dance. The two harpies stumbled over their talons a few times, this particular dance not fit for them, but they came back holding hands and laughing.
“So, have fun?” The Satyr smiled.
“Yes, no thanks to you!” Morena smiled at him and hugged him. “Thank you.”
“Just doing my civil duty ma’am.” Jakkon gave her a fake salute and Rose smirked.
But suddenly, a voice interrupted them. “Finn! It’s good to see you!”
Rose eyed the newcomers but leaned against her brother-in-law. “Hey Horns, how many times do you think you’d fall over if you tried to dance?”
“Every step!” He laughed as someone in the crowd moved and he caught sight of a painfully familiar figure with the group talking to Finn. Pale skin, sharp ears, and cold piercing eyes. The smile on his face faded as his pupils constricted in terror, and he flinched back.
“Huh? Horns?” Rose reached out to him, but Jakkon pulled away from her as the figure turned, a long black braid rested against the golden buttons on his suit.
Just as Jakkon was about to run, the cold, hissing voice called out cheerfully. “Jak! It’s good to see you here!” The Satyr flinched, shivering as he closed his eyes. But the elf ignored his obvious fear and grabbed his wrist, faking a handshake as he pulled him back. “Are you… enjoying yourself?”
Jakkon froze, his shoulders slumping as he looked down at the ground. “Yessir. It has been… very nice. Thank you for inviting us.”
“Glad to hear you’re grateful.” He smiled. “Now who’s this lovely creature?” He let go of Jakkon, turning to Rose as he took her hand and kissed it.
“DON’T-” Jakkon stopped himself, “touch her.”
“What was that?” Eynalis turned back to Jakkon, his eyes narrowing.
“I… I uh… N-nothing sir. Please don’t touch her... She’s my family. I wouldn’t want anyone getting any ideas!” He laughed nervously, pulling Rose away from the elf, who smiled, knowing he now had a good method of keeping Jakkon right where he wanted him.
“Who is this?” Rose tilted her head.
“Yes Jak, don’t be rude. Please, introduce us.” The Elf grinned.
“Um…” The Satyr shifted. “Rose… this is Eynalis. He… he’s my boss. And our host. He’s been like a father to me since I got this job. Eynalis, this is… my sister, Rose.”
“Ah! It’s good to meet you, m’lady!” Eynalis grinned, shifting the glass of wine in his hand.
Rose glanced at Jakkon and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Why are you so desperate to leave? He doesn’t seem so bad.”
“I- I… um… I don’t… never mind.” The Satyr avoided her eyes as Eynalis grabbed back onto his wrist.
“Yes! Why are you so eager to go somewhere Jak? Are you… afraid of being tied down?”
Jakkon gasped a shaking breath. “I… No sir…”
“Good!” Eynalis grinned. “You know Jak, emotions are so fleeting. Like the love of flowers in spring.”
Eynalis tightened his grip on the Satyr’s arm as he gasped a shaky breath. “I’m so glad you work for me. There are so many things you’re capable of in this fleeting world. There’s so much fun to be had at parties like these you know. Do you remember the last time we had a meeting?” Jakkon froze, horrified as he remembered the screams of Eveny and Rune. “Or what about when you met my friend? Such good times!” The Satyr flinched back, air not reaching his lungs at the mention of the serial killer and the memories of Eveny’s cold dead eyes and ashy flesh. He stumbled back as Eynalis’ magic seeped through his skin, flaring the pain and the memories as the Elf’s grip tightened, crushing Jakkon’s wrist.
He leaned forward. “You know she held out hope for you until the last moment. Your little boy might still be alive if you hadn’t refused? You’re my son. Do you want me to take that pain away? I could. Just give me a knife and a few minutes.” Eynalis straightened. “But Rose! I don’t know a lot about you dear! How do you know Finn and Jak?”
But the voices blurred together as Jakkon's hands flew to his face, thorny whips of icy fire slicing through every inch of his skin, weaving through his whole body like a sewing needle fastening him to blood and bones swallowing him whole. His hands reached out of the void for help only to grasp the blades of the knives which drew screams from his family's lips.
…
Rose pulled away from the strange Elf. “Thank you for your time Mr. Eynalis. You're very kind. But I think I ought to discuss a few things with my coworkers. I hope you understand.”
“Of course my dear! It was a nice talk! I hope to meet you again another day.” He kissed her hand, holding it a little too tight as Rose pulled back.
Eynalis waved and trotted off into the crowd, leaving Rose alone. She glanced around. “Hey, Horns-” But the Fae stopped as she turned, confused and startled to find that Jakkon wasn't beside her. “Horns?” She looked around frantically, eyes wide. The Fae whirled around and lunged for Finn, yanking him toward her.
“Hey? What?” The harpy raised an eyebrow.
Rose lowered her voice and hissed through her teeth. “Have you seen Jak?”
Finn froze and turned, looking around the room. “Wasn't he with you?”
“He was! But I… he's gone!”
“Shit. Uh… try looking around, ask for him. The servants might know!”
“What? Why would they know?” Rose's breaths came quicker as she began to panic.
“They're your best bet, they're everywhere.” Finn shrugged. “Listen, Rose, I'm not a detective, alright? I may not like Jak, but I want him to be okay. You got this Rose.”
“Thank you, Finn.”
“You're welcome. Tell me if there's any way I can help.” The harpy smiled encouragingly at her.
Rose shook her head and raced off, lifting her skirts just enough so she wouldn't trip on them as she asked any guests she ran into, but none had answers until she moved past the tables. Two servants leaned against the wall arguing in hushed tones, catching Rose's attention.
“Why the hell did you let him take those?”
I didn't! He asked how many we had and what they were for, and then when I showed him, he took them from me. I mean, good riddance they're gone. But I'm a little concerned.”
“A little? Aeridine could kill a man!” Rose froze at the mention of the name. Aeradine, generally used as a painkiller or as a party drink for the more animalistic species like Aperrunai or Ferrakin.
“I've seen him before. He's one of us…” The second servant stared up at the ceiling as Rose stopped to listen. “Eynalis has him on a leash. He's terrified of boss. Rightfully so.” He shuddered.
“Oh…” The first stopped. “Oh no, oh shit… we can't leave our post, but we have to help him. That's… oh no.”
“We need to get someone… but who will listen to us? Who won't tell boss?”
Rose perked up. “Hey! You two. Who are you talking about? I'm looking for someone!”
The Second servant paused before the first one elbowed him. “Um… Dark brown hair, almost black, long ponytail? Curly Horns, Dark red eyes… Oh shit… Was that Jakkon Erwhyn?”
“Yes!” Rose grinned. “If that’s who it was I need to find him!”
“How did we not recognize- uh, he went that way! Please help him! He didn't look good when we saw him!”
“Will Do! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Rise bolted off in the direction the servant had pointed until she found a large door. She took a step back, staring up at it in uncertainty. But a flash of blue caught her eye, and she turned, a ripped piece of blue fabric torn on the thorny branch of a tree.
Rose steeled her resolve and shoved the doors open. But she froze in her tracks as her eyes landed on the familiar thin figure of Jakkon, slumped at the bottom of the steps, one of his arms wrapped around himself for warmth as he drained the remainder of the silver bottle.
“Hey! Horns! Horns, stop it! Are you okay?” Rose hurried down the stairs, then yelped in horror as she tripped on her skirt and fell. Jakkon whirled toward her, falling halfway and bracing himself with one hand on the steps.
“Ughh… Fuck.” But he shook his head and launched himself to his feet, catching Rose in a hug, wavering on his feet as she gasped. The fae just managed to gain her footing as she held onto her brother-in-law.
“Hey, Horns, what the fuck is going on?” Rose looked up at him, wincing at the strange scent of alcohol, but stopped as Jakkon’s eyes glazed over in a dead expression. He murmured something about blood and crumpled to the ground, his supporting arm around Rose ending up taking her down with him.
Rose yelped in surprise as they landed in a tangled heap on the stone, Jakkon absorbing most of the impact as she scrambled back, shaking his shoulders. “Jak! Jakkon! Are you alright? Can you hear me?” But when he didn't respond, she balled her hand into a fist and punched his shoulder.
Again, she was rewarded with nothing. No sound, no movement, simply shallow raspy breaths. “Fuck. Finn!” Rose launched herself to her feet and ran back to the party. “Hey! You two! Find a Harpy named Finn for me, will you?”
“Yes ma'am! Is he alright?”
“No. That's why I need Finn. Tell him Rose sent you.”
“Yes ma'am, understood!” The second servant raced off as Rose returned to Jakkon to find him curled up, shivering lightly. She cleared worried tears from her face and picked him up by both arms, trying her best to drag him over to the railing so she could prop him up correctly.
…
Jakkon sat up to find himself in a dark room, tangled in a thick white blanket. He pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead with a muffled groan of pain. But he just sat there for a moment, head in his hands, as his thoughts returned to him and he kicked the blanket to the side.
What’s the point? What’s the point of living a life like this if I live just to be tortured and reach sleep in the next few hours? Why do I care? Rose won’t forget me no matter what I do, so why do I keep trying to make her? They all love me. But why? I’m worthless. I live three hours in misery just to live the next five in agony. He flinched, reaching into the pocket of his overcoat and pulling out the glass shard he’d kept, staring at it. What’s the point of living if there’s no way to feel anything but hollow? Why should I care? I’ve only done damage by living. What do I care about? My family. I need to protect them. But how? By taking away the danger in their life. And that danger… He paused, looking down at the glass and his hands. Is me.
@aestheic-writer18 @ajgrey9647 @agirlandherquill @aalinaaaaaa @generic-whumperz @angst-is-love-angst-is-life @rivenantiqnerd @goldencomet69 @lumpofsand @blueberryseast1 @cybercelestian @chainsawpuppy88 @baconandeggs-25 @corinneglass @carosbee @danielleitloudernow @darkandstormydolls @illarian-rambling @idunnobutliaiscool @katwritesshit @kia-is-poisoned @phoenixradiant @thelazywitchphotographer @whumped-by-glitter @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @i-hate-happy-endings @randomfixation @leahnardo-da-veggie @oliolioxenfreewrites @caffeinatedscorpio
It's done :]
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Last one reminds me of gone with the blastwave's April fools ending
Unique Apocalypses For Your Post-Apocalyptic Campaign
Contagious Clownery
Everyone just forgot humans need to eat. Oops.
The Ghost of the Opportunity Rover slams Mars into the earth as an act of revenge.
All LARPs become real at once.
We lost the ocean. Shit. Has anyone seen it? Maybe down a sofa somewhere?
Aliens shoot everyone whose name has a prime number of letters, because they have an ideological commitment to being assholes
Squirrels figure out how to use guns.
International agency pissed off a witch and now everyone is a toad except for the 51 extant princesses in the world
There are big spiders in all the power plants so we have to revert to the dark age, sorry guys.
"NUKED EVERY MAJOR CITY PRANK (gone wrong!) (not clickbait!)
No-one's quite sure, actually. We all just started raiding each other wearing fetish gear a few years ago. God, I hope there was an apocalypse or we'll look really silly.
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers 😊 (no pressure)
1. Reading
2. Looking at my snakes just chilling in the homes doing there own thing
3. My dogs
4. Sitting outside alone looking at the stars
5. Watching horror movies
😊😊😊
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I have got to start reading the blog names 🤦
The Crane Wives had a secret 33 minute song that was incredibly off-putting and nothing like their typical style, and like a third way through it, it just became a speech describing in heavy detail how they were going to kidnap you.
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