certifiedmattdamon

[certifiedmattdamon]

I can't look at men anymore without tearing up bcs I want a boyfriend so bad

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Tzekel-kan is hot y'all are just not ready to accept it.

[certifiedmattdamon]

Investing in soup eating activities

[certifiedmattdamon]

This is the truth (i am matt damon)

i know ben affleck and matt damon truly dont want to be billionaires because if they wanted to they would have released 10 movies where they have sex already, and theyd be living like kings

[certifiedmattdamon]

As matt damon I would like to thank the south park matt damon puppet they made of me that only says "matt damon" in a dumb voice

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it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

[certifiedmattdamon]

people will say "early medieval" and be talking about shit from the high middle ages. people will say "medieval" and be talking about the early modern era. people will say "the early modern era" and literally mean 1952

[certifiedmattdamon]

HES LIKE THE BEN AFFLICK TO MY MATT DAMON YALL

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Yall don't see the matt damon colored vision of this blog that I do. Yall don't get it.

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He's the Luciana Bozán to my Matt Damon

[certifiedmattdamon]

Yea I'd smash ben

⚠️ DON’T START DISCOURSE ABOUT RPF IN THE NOTES!! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED IF YOU DO SO ⚠️

Do you ship it?

No reason submitted

[certifiedmattdamon]

*bleeding to death because the paramedics can’t break the windows to get me out of my stupid fucking truck* heha well at least i dont have to worry about the friggin Zombie Apocalypse… awesomesauce 😎

[certifiedmattdamon]

#exactly

the new 7 cardinal sins are mommy blogging, making mukbang videos, advertising a book by listing its tropes only, clickbait, making musical biopics, manosphere podcasts, and commenting "mommy? sorry" on a random person's picture

[certifiedmattdamon]

Beginning of rant

Yall can I share something? I don't care if I'm not meant to use the internet as my own diary.

Okay so story time: a few weeks ago I went fucking insane and I was obsessing over some obscure dreamworks villian and I read all this fanfiction about him and even started writing my own and it was just messy. So my logic at this time is that 'when I finally get a boyfriend, this will stop'. Low and behold, I got one (a man, I mean), and it stopped. I was sane for a while. Until he broke up with me. And I'm right back at it, girl. Hell, im.worse than before. I'm sitting on my bedroom floor eating nachos and reading fucking tzekel Kan x reader fanfiction on fucking ao3.

Rant over

[certifiedmattdamon]

Yall I can't keep pretending to be fucking matt damon. I'm not matt damon. I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, that I am not the exceedingly handsome and talented actor matt damon. I'm just a teenage girl. Sorry.

[certifiedmattdamon]

I AM MATT DAONM DONT LISTEN TOBWHAT THE PRESS IS SAYING

[certifiedmattdamon]