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Personal Note 2: Jury Draggy

I'm writing this note because I do believe my experience to be similar to others in my situation. Might come back to it one day. I'm leaving the case out due to content, this is about my experience.

Whelp, it's been a long two days forced off work. I got selected to do Jury Duty. Apparently, work wasn't a good excuse nor was being "a potential courtroom distraction." In my condition (half dragon, tall, wide, dysfunctional, barely human) I thought I'd almost certainly be excused. Unfortunately, the judge nor the attorneys cared.

Apparently, I'm too "logical and indiscriminate of a per..being" per the judge. He seemed very understanding, maybe he knows someone in a similar situation. Either way, I could write 50 times that I did not physically fit in this situation. Old ass courthouse doors, metal detectors, jury box, folding chairs, deliberation room; all not friendly for big, wide, sorta wingy draggy. Surprisingly though, the other Jurors had no problems with me, at all! You would think this story would be all about how these 11 people in this dark, conservative county were absolutely abhorrent to me. No one even blinked at me. I was even placed as Jury Foreman…ForeBeing. There was one issue between me, and one older lady, but she was very direct that I was too young and naive to be making some of my decisions. It was absolutely bizarre. Maybe people can finally mind their own business? Maybe I was more intimidating than I think I am? I'm not entirely sure, but honestly, I'm glad I went. Even though I don't feel human, I still have lived among them, and should always be able to empathize with their struggles, just as these people seemed to have with me. For those of us who don't fully cross to being feral (for lack of a better term), hopefully, experiences like mine are more commonplace. Hopefully, we're still peers of society. -Ceri

(Drawing in photograph by TrillaArts on Twitter)

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Amazing world building post! Helps add to the story for sure!

the following is a blog post, written by tanja, in the Bird HRT universe:

UPDATE and a cancelled article!

Hi all, it's been a long time since my last blog post. Here's the deal; I was in hospital. Long story short, some things went pretty wrong, and here I am, having to deal with a huge backwards step in progress then having had to retrace those steps with additional gooey complications and therapy.

Anyway, here's a journalistic article I was pretty close to finishing and submitting to actual newspapers before everything went down and I had to cancel it.

Rejecting Humanity - Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Be Myself

As I write this, I'm sitting in the waiting room of a Hospital cross Research Laboratory in London. By the time you're reading this, I'll have been on my treatment journey for over a year. What treatment, you ask? Well, it's Humanity Removal Therapy. One year ago, I undertook a radical new procedure which slowly transforms you from human to another form. Perhaps you've seen strange creatures out and about; a snow leopard at the supermarket, a dog at the drive-thru, or a tuatara at the thrift shop. Or, perhaps, you haven't; as I write this, the number of patients might not yet have reached triple digits worldwide.

Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Tanja ------, and I am an Iberian Azure-winged Magpie, scientific name 'cyanopica cooki'. One year ago, I was fully human, and now I look like a hybrid between our two species. So, let me guide you through my world.

How is this possible?

A little over a year ago, certain medical circles revealed that species transformation had been trialled in mice, turning them into various other creatures, with various success rates from 20 to 80% depending on size and how different the target species was. Now, I'm not for animal testing, but when I heard that human trials were going to open, I kept that pinned to my calendar. And so, after a few months, I was able to finally sign up and have my first interview. Which was… short. Turns out, they had pretty elaborate ways of gatekeeping people who really meant that they wanted it from those that they thought would regret the procedures. They also had a little joke, based on gender HRT, where they would ask if you'd spent years living as your preferred species beforehand. Or at least, I think it was a joke. And then, I was on my way to becoming the bird I love.

How much did it cost?

Well, luckily for me, the NHS provides free healthcare. Then, due to this being a clinical trial, I get paid for being a test subject. Then, due to the effects of the medicine, I receive Disability Benefits. The treatment itself is… a bit of a legal loophole, really. This very article may well be the first you've heard of it.

Is it just a magic pill?

Nope! It's a mix of CRISPR, gene replacement, hormone injections, and surgeries over time. It's a real mishmash, at least in my case. For example, keratinous structures can be grown through selective DNA editing and hormones that stimulate 'hair' growth in specific areas in specific ways. Bone structure can also slowly be altered in some cases through gene replacement, though in some cases, surgery is needed. My back, for example, will soon be undergoing surgery to adjust the way the vertebrae are laid out. Some aspects just are too difficult to be done naturally, and so artificial parts and prosthetics are added. But this complicated procedure has an upside - it means that there is more customisation possible! For example, a Harpy would be a very specific set of applications of Bird HRT that exclude certain aspects such as the face!

Are there downsides?

Definitely. There's the immunosuppression that has to occur to stop new parts from being rejected. There's the high risk of cancers and other diseases to occur as a result of this procedure. There's just the risk that your organs will fail. Most of this is irreversible too.

Why even do it then?

Because, to that small number of people, it's so worth it. This is a new life, an opportunity to discard that uncomfortable human vessel and be yourself at last. For the vast majority of people, being oneself is being human, but that's not the case for everyone.

Is it going to be banned?

Well, that's hard to say. Governments worldwide are, I'm sure, now aware of this phenomenon. And I think it presents a threat to the status quo. This is something new, something scary, something intimidating, that shifts the power balance between subjects and governers. And it's not just because some people have become huge fire-breathing dragons - it's the meaning behind it. They've rejected the very notion of the social contract between humans and crafted a new identity. Do we still count as people? And that's really the question, isn't it. So much of the way government and society works is to split people into groups of those that are 'more' people, and those that are 'lesser' people - and that dictates what societal violences are permissible, for example. This whole new procedure will have to make governments rethink so much, and it can either be a source of worry for us, or a source of hope for everyone. We just have to be loud enough to be heard for who we are.

So what will come next? Well, I'm going to hop on in to my next appointment, and the Earth will keep spinning. My first set of wings has almost reached full-span, and my toe-dexterity is almost at where I was with hands as a human. With my next set of primaries, I may have enough of a wingspan to fly, if I keep my weight low enough. Meanwhile, Parliament will likely have a debate on the issue, as a petition to legalise the procedure has a few thousand signatures on the government's official petition website. I'll be waiting on that result eagerly.

If you have any other questions, I'd be more than willing to answer them!

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I can hear the vulture skreee clear as day in the last pannel.

and now, a vulture HRT doodle based on something dumb I did to myself at work today

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bird hrt hospital interlude!

with @ pricklybehr on twitter!

first

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You Can Do It

A tribute to @koalaphoenix, whose comics have been a source of strength when I've felt weak.

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The Vulture Doing Vulture Things

Been really getting into the Therian HRT stuff, so have a collection of doodles.

Silly drawings of an anthropomorphic Vulture being excited about roadkill are under the cut.

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Research Note 15- Disbelief

Day 1: It's conference week. General share with the world what you're doing kind of conference. And I'm used to conferences that are managed with security and secrecy. (Aka, everyone bullshits their way through them, without any real meat of what they're doing being shared.) So, this has been a very hard adjustment for me.

There are labs and non-profits of all types of disciplines! I do technical stuff; I don't know how to talk to these people. (Can you tell I'm intimidated?) Oh well, the setup went well. We brought the beam head to show progress in the general proton therapy field. I've stayed at the table, and a few people have come up to talk, but I've barely seen the genetics team since we set up. They are out roaming the floor, talking to anyone and everyone who has anything remotely helpful with our research. It's quite odd to me, but I guess how these things go.

Day 2: One of the girls from the genetics team was picking up scientific papers from everyone and dropped them at the table to go to lunch. "Keep these safe, lots of good stuff here to take back." On the top was 'Discussion of Bonding Energy in reference to Current Human Removal Therapies' by P. Leh'Ber. Sounds scientific enough, right? Except, open the cover, and you get the rest of the story: 'Discussion of Bonding Energy in reference to Current Human Removal Therapies: Use of Alchemy for tearing and stitching DNA.' Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's magic. That's not even science fiction; that's absolute fantasy. What kind of crock is this? And why would someone with a PHD even pay attention to this?

Day 3: So that girl turned out to be the lead of the alternatives team. Essentially, it is a small group that looks for fringe connections to our work. Stuff that may enhance it, or cause conflict. When I asked about the pamphlet, she suggested I follow her to the group where the paper was made. The research team that published it works in "The Fantasy of Science." They didn't explain much I could understand, just that "we are doing the same work as you, just with the power of the universe" and "with the right need and sight, it becomes very clear how it works." "So, magic?" They all just shrugged. "Excuse me, I need to stop wasting company time." and moved on to another attendee who was excited to talk with them. Is magic really even being discussed here? The rest of the day was of no note.

Day 4: Conference ended today. But, one of the doctors from the alchemy group came by. "Ceri, was it? I just wanted you to know, 30 years ago, what you're doing with molecules and particles was fantasy and magic." "I understand, but at least it's still based in science." With a big smile, he said: "Ceri, I believe Thor said it best, "Magic is just science you don't understand yet." I paused, and stared into the void as that statement echoed in my head. About 10 seconds passed before I smiled back at the doctor. "Fair point. Good luck with your work; hopefully, we both can work some magic." I'll stick with the magic I understand. Tomorrow, back to the lab.

-Ceri

[Ideas of alchemy and magic came from @brothrbear]

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Personal Note 1: Aliens

CW: Talk of suicide at the start

Been drinking. This will be as coherent as i physically can be… Was at the bar tonight, it was a rough rough day at work. I don't handle losing a patient well. Especially when some of the team still calls them 'specimens.' I understand, you look in the mirror and see an alien of yourself and start to lose sight of the end. It can get to you, but… don't ever think it won't get better…

Anyway. Drinking. Bartender knows me, knows I'm stuck as a monster. But sometimes I forget the rest of the waking world doesn't fully… get us. There was this group behind me at a table, and to their credit, were having a ball. A merle wolf, blonde coyote, black wolf, and a red fox. All at different stages, with the merle being a few months past the turning point. Well, this girl flags down down the waiter with her paw, and starts woof woo bork borfing at him. I think she was trying to order another drink. The party broke out laughing and told her to "use her human words." Problem is, that the waiter was noticeably alienated. Walked past me later, still with the 10,000ft stare. I bumped his arm: "you okay dude?" "Wha… what on earth are you? are… are you from this earth?" "Yeah man, just people that want to be something different. Science does wonderful things." "Seriously? I thought we had been invaded. Never seen anyone but you!"

Kind of hit me then… I can absolutely see why someone would think we all came from space. A bunch of, by definition, mutated humanoid beings, starting to come about the last few years. Body parts changing, disappearing, transforming…

Not to mention, I'm pretty confident that the one doctor is an alien. His clinic has made some cosmic transitions happen, which, is possible, but like… way before anyone else figured it out. Maybe his clientele is his experiment, and he keeps taking it back to his leaders. Hah. Wait a minute. … naaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

OH my god, imagine how wild furry conventions are going to be. Probably already are. Hah. We do walk among you. Haha. I mean our procedures were developed from tech we appropriated from… can I write that down? Fuck, I can't say thaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~

(Inspired by GraceWolfing's Caught Barking by Vanillayoteart)

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Choose Your Path

Mundane or Fantastic? Humanity or Beast? What path will you choose?

Therian: The RPG, releasing in (mumble mumble) on all major platforms.

(this is a joke I just thought it was a cool idea there isn't actually a therian HRT game =C)

Featuring @ayviedoesthings

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Bovine HRT, Part 11:

9 Months

I had that dream again. That field was perfect, the grass was tasty, I was napping on the ground, and I saw my true self.

But I chewed up the blanket and mattress again...

oops...

Previous | First | Next

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Paw-Dial

Hahaha you ever accidentally facetime your grandparents after not seeing them for your entire transition into a wolf?  … just Grace, huh? Something for gracewolfing 

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how it is after you find out you're alterhuman

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Caught

Do you think she will ever learn? Something for @imferalfluid from my weekly streams!

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Ceriden's Species HRT Note List

Here is the chronological order, following Ceri's journey in the labs and journey of self-discovery. (reposted bc Tumblr deleted the old)

Couple notes on my notes:

These are my take on how becoming a chosen species would be.

Written from a bit of a back-end perspective.

I'm writing these with my past experiences, topics I've seen in the forums, and as I see other's own journeys. If I missed crediting your idea, please message me!

I'm using Ceri (myself) as a character, to make it more personal. I'm not a great writer... This is a very loose written art. :3

searching #Nuclenetic HRT will find all my stories too

Nuclenetic Process description brochure (Background Info/Lore Bible)

TheraSMD 335 Providers Informational Report

Research Notes:

Research Note 10 - Transition

Research Note 15: Disbelief

Research Note 45: Inner Collapse

Research Note 101: Learning

Researchers note 221: 5 Patients

Research Note 229: Plurality, Panic, and Persistence

Researchers Note 271: Journey's End

Researchers Note 311: 15 Minutes

Research Note 351: Consultation Conflicts

Researchers note 365: Erianwhere

Personal Notes:

Personal Note 1: Aliens

Personal Note 2: Jury Draggy

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Research Note 10 - Transition

I'm going through the stages of grief over my transition to this project. Into a research clinic! For people!... Well... Kinda.

I get it; they need someone who understands the mechanics of radiation and particle operations. But I'm not exactly qualified for this when my former applied knowledge was for systems QA. I know how to make bomb go boom, and all the little hardware and gizmos that put it all together so it go boom. And how to verify with x-rays and proton bombardment that it all works to go boom.

How, the hell, does that apply to this mess?

Well, per the transfer,

"(Deadname) is a perfect candidate for transfer. They have done well with the mechanical operations of [REDACTED] engineering. (Yes, on things that make LOTS of NEUTRONS quickly move in a VERY exaggerated way.)

They work extremely well with robotics and diagnostic engineers. (I guess this transfers to medical stuff, but like, sure whatever)

Additionally, they have a background of the study of radiation degradation. (I do not, I HAD to take some classes to work on these damn things)

We highly recommend their leadership ability and believe them to be the best candidate to manage the mechanical side of this project. (LOL WHAT?!)

We wish them well as they transition from the weapons systems division to the Genetic Nuclear Development division of EG&S."

HOW am I going to help some geneticists and molecular biologists? I'm not a Doctor of nuclear engineering! I'm some technician who became a department lead by working my ass off!

Like, I absolutely understand the mechanics of this, but to say I can lead the build team? Be the manager of a team of properly educated physicists, metallurgists, and robotics engineers?!

... Well, I always have wanted a challenge... And this "TheraSMD 335" thing is... pretty cool. I thought it was for repairing damage from like, radiological incidents. No, apparently, it's designed to work in tandem with gene therapy.

For species transition.

...

I thought that was all magic and alchemy. Hell, I thought it was a dream when I saw someone who was well transitioned. Just a Kobold walking past me. No big deal. Like... what?!

...

It would be nice to help people (beings, i guess?) instead of working on things that destroy them... Much better for my brain.

...

... I guess, if this goes well, it's not such a bad thing that I'm able to contribute. When I transitioned gender, I wanted to be able to do more to help the cause.

Maybe, this time I can?

...

I guess... this is a good transition. Probably the best for me.

-Ceri

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Research Note 101 - Learning

The labs have opened up intern positions. And it looks like there are plenty more of us who aren't just here because it's cool.

I was able to join and be a part of this program because of my time working on the mechanics of the particle beam apparatus. But on the gene side of things, it takes a bit of an internship to understand how to make cells do cell stuff, especially when the cells are fixing creatures instead of humans.

And cells doing cell stuff is about as much as I know about it.

I sat down at a table for lunch with one of the interns today, and they were excited to talk to me! New staff always are a bit put off by my... form not being formed. But she didn't care! She wanted to go by Sprout, "for now." (There's an egg that's gonna crack in there).

I took the opportunity to get more education on the process of gene editing. Quizzed her on the bits I knew, and she would almost too excitedly fire back how the opposite side worked. As if she wants more than just a job from this.

"If a proton improperly hits a cell, what's the recovery process?" "Well, if the beam isn't fired again to 'mop up' the area, then usually the modified cells replicate and effectively eat the remains of the formerly human cell."

"Fascinating. So the cells can't just eat each other, to begin with?" "Haha, no, that's how you break down body parts. You really, really don't want healthy cells going after healthy cells."

"Fair enough! I never really thought of it like that."

"Don't you do this full-time? You've done the treatment even? But you don't understand it?"

"I don't need to fully understand it to know what the risks, and rewards are. I know there are dedicated scientists and engineers on the teams that care about the patients, including me."

"That makes sense. Doctor Ott has made sure we always think of the patient." She looked down at her books, ones of magic, alchemy, and dark arts. "I'm probably going back to university and keep learning about the other ways this can be done, just to know, you know?"

"I get that. Why are you so interested in all of this?"

The sudden question threw her off pretty bad. She studdered, trying to find an answer. I took my malformed hand, laid it on the table to get her attention, and softly said, "I absolutely understand." (There it is.)

We finished lunch, and I got her access into the accelerator/targeting room.

"This is why I was interested to start" Computers fired off actuators, and the sounds of small machinery whirred around us as the new age cyclotron whirred in an idle.

"Knowing that machines built by hands and paws; and medical technology created by hearts and minds; that gave me comfort to become this." I pointed at my anthro-ized body and smiled.

She returned to the gene development side of the laboratories, and said she would stay in touch. Add another friend to discord! Yay.

She'll never be the same after today. Maybe one day, on a cellular level. I hope the rest of her time goes well. In all of her studies.

-Ceri

[part of a collab with https://www.tumblr.com/blog/brothrbear

https://x.com/PricklyBehr pricklybehr.bsky.social ]

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Socials if you need them friends.