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CONNIE PANZARINO at a pride march in Boston circa 1990

the cyborg & the crip by Alison Kafer

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Masc or Andro

Drives me nuts when I run into a gaggle of queers my age and everything is this question of masc or andro. I show a photo of my partner and they say "andro". Oh why? Because they are smiling, because they are looking at me and feel trust? Because their shirt has a flower pattern? What is masculinity to you? Are mascs only people who are literally trans masculine or hyper masculine? And what am I? "Andro". All I think of are these willowy, theoretically sexual fashion figures.

Where did butch go? Another way to be a woman. Another way to be a man. The point is not to be toxic or neutered or toxic, a spectrum of the 3 binaries. Masc. Andro. Femme.

I say "I'm a sissy butch. I'm bad at being butch and I love it that way". The point has never been to succeed at something. I love failing at gender. I am not a performance of an idea, I'm just here and I love the transgression. Someone concurs "my femininity is like a gay man's". And in classic gender failure fashion I add "sometimes my femininity is that straight girl I lived as".

I say "I'm pulling from the legacy of butches in the 80s, 90s, the people I was scared of being and in awe of as a kid." What's wrong with coming from a history of gender failure? Why do I need to separate and delineate and why did we clean off this word, butch, make these new words with less baggage? The new words feel like surgical tools and I'd rather my blunt object.

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Magician Shokyokusai Tenkatsu and her Flower Heaven Troupe wearing a strap-on hooked into a 300,000 volt Tesla Coil to shower bolts of artificial lightning on the girls below holding conductor rods, part of the Japanese artistic movement called Eroguronansensu (literally “erotic-grotesque-nonsense”)

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butch-on-butch romance (or even just friendship) being so nonexistent in pop culture and in the public consciousness really sucks when you're exclusively butch4butch, but it does also mean you get to be a little melodramatic faggot about it and make up all sorts of insane metaphors to describe the experience, so it all kind of evens out in the end

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"Untitled" by Chloe Atkins, 1992

source: Nothing But the Girl: The Blatant Lesbian Image, edited by Susie Bright and Jill Posener

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"Lesbian Weddings" by Wendy Jill York

source: The Femme Mystique, edited by Lesléa Newman

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At any point of your life you need to get in touch with your intuition. You need to keep showing love to your feelings so you can tolerate paying attention to how you feel. How do you feel inside when you do different things? What are you dreaming about? What do you think you might need? What are some things you've taken for granted that you could live without, that aren't you? What are limitations you've taken for granted that could be possibilities in the future? How do you feel around your friends? Do you need to be alone? Conversely, are you prone to isolating yourself? How do you feel about the image of a "successful adult"? What is it to you? How is it serving you? Who does it serve?

Life is long. Beyond some irreversible choices like having a kid, joining scientology or marrying a sue happy dickhead who refuses to sign divorce papers, most of the choices you will make and the relationships you start will be temporary or transient because everyone tends to be in movement in their 20s. Knowing this - get ready to fail and see it as a necessary part of being alive and learning. Cultivate a practice of self compassion over shame so that you are more open to failing, being hurt or disappointed - and thus - more open to the world and your own inner truths. That's growth baybeee In terms of money... modern capitalism is a complete trap. They are happy to pay you a wage and give you hours you can't live on. An easy place to start is to try and keep your recurring monthly expenses low. It's gonna vary. Some people will feel much happier with a remote job, floating around in cheap housing in the outskirts of the planet, minimal attachments. Some people are gonna find their garden and cat and their barista job are their joy, that they need their roots. Whatever choices you make try to keep your life so that you meet new people in your daily schedule easily since you are probably still learning what is possible for yourself. Try not to isolate yourself. This is part of having a community and that can help with getting jobs, housing, finding passions, avoid holing up into a routine so that you get a daily opportunity, like you had in college, to be exposed to something new. A lovely thing after college is trying to remember what hobbies are and what you like to do that isn't about productivity too... you are human and everything. Also the beauty / social cache / expiration date fallacy is bullshit. You don't turn into a pumpkin at 30. Anyone who would want to take opportunities from you because you weren't early to mid 20s, ready to exploit your beauty for any power, they suck and don't have that good of opportunities imo. Life is long. Be nice to yourself. There's no point driving 400 mph into some race that isn't the direction you want your life to take so keep your eyes and ears open for how it feels to make moves - you can always, should always adjust course based on that inner truth!

does anyone know what you’re supposed to do after graduating college

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My mother fucking hearrrrrt the pregnant duo

couples from meg allen’s butch 1/ butch 2

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never gonna stop thinking abt how i drunkenly stumbled over to this 40/50 year old butch lesbian at a gay bar and said “you’re everything i want to be” only for her to give me the warmest hug i’ve ever received in my life and tell me that was the best compliment she’s ever received.

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pass agg reblogging for the memory of the girl saying "what's your name? WOW, that's REALLY SURPRISING"

There will of course be butches who want to go by more androgynous or masculine (nick)names, but I do not think it should be an expectation put on us neither from ourselves or from those around us that we inherently should be uncomfortable by carrying an obviously woman's name.

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A butch (almost)) every day ▪️20/04/2024

She's reading a good book:)

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Idk who needs to hear this but your tummy isn’t ruining your outfits, you look hot

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girl are you a medieval executioner bc you are torturing me with your rack

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Leanne Franson

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19th DC Gay Pride Day Festival, Washington DC, June 5th, 1994, by Elvert Barnes Photography