celticwarrior396

[celticwarrior396]

“To know how to think with emotions and to feel with intellect ..”

— Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet (via minuty)

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“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

— Mark Twain (via goodreadss)

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distance

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Dissociation

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Maybe I was, but now i’m not

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SHEILA McCUBBIN

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“I have a rich inner life myself, much I want to learn and do,”

— Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Ruth Tiffany Beuscher c. September 1962

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What a year this week has been.

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me in the middle of the night feeling suddenly productive: tomorrow is the day i start getting my life together!! :) i’m going to make a list of everything i need to get done, which includes exercising, drinking water, and getting ahead on my school work!! i’m going to be a great person and finally feel happy once i get this routine down!! :))

me in the morning: what i nthe fck

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The Hidden Symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder

Below are the internal/covert symptoms of schizoid personality disorder.

Hypersensitivity - Doidge (2001) elucidates the etiological hypothesis of schizoid hypersensitivity and ‘hyperpermeability’ through an exploration of what it means to be ‘thin-skinned.’ Like autistic and bipolar patients, Doidge notes the schizoid often shows “an acute nervous hypersensitivity to stimuli, including smells, sounds, light, temperature, and motion, as though they lacked a filter or stimulus barrier” (Doidge, 2001)

Dissociation - As R.D. Laing (1960) notes, in schizoid patients, the relationship to the body has been significantly disrupted. The body is viewed objectively from a distance as if it were a thing or an object unrelated to the self. In short, the body is felt to be unreal, like an empty shell.

Emotional Detachment - For most schizoid people, the smallest surge of emotion feels like a bomb going off. Fearful that any feeling can quickly become overwhelming, the schizoid denies and isolates all his feelings so that this does not occur. He finds little or no pleasures, satisfaction, or enjoyment in life’s activities and has difficulty allowing himself to experience strong pleasurable emotions such as excitement, joy, and pride.

Ego Splitting/Approach Avoidance Conflicts - The central conflict of the schizoid is between his immense longing for relationship and his deep fear and avoidance of relationships (PDM Task Force, 2006). When in relationships, the schizoid maintains a pattern of oscillating towards and away from intimacy, alternatively desiring, and being excited at the chance for contact, and becoming claustrophobic, smothered, choked, imprisoned and terrified of being devoured or smothered by the other. The schizoid then must break free and recover independence (Guntrip, 1969). The oscillation in and out of relationships is the real world enactment of these conflicts around involvement. The schizoid’s legendary avoidance of relationships reflects his assessment that abandonment of others is a lesser evil than facing engulfment and loss of self, despite his longing for relationships (McWilliams, 2004; Seinfeld, 1991). 

Existential Dread - When schizoids distance themselves too much from other people, they can be filled with a sense of dread that they will never be able to reconnect. Symptoms include: the feeling that you are dead while you are alive, a feeling that life is inherently meaningless, there is nothing of interest to look forward to, questioning the whole point of living, feelings of despair and terror, being filled with dread, and preoccupation with death and dying.

Withdrawal - Withdrawal has a huge affect on a schizoid’s life because of its tendency to create alienation and loneliness and paralyze interpersonal relations. It is like the feelings have been suddenly drained from the body, leaving only an empty shell to interact with others. Symptoms include: loss of interest, boredom, apathy, autoeroticism, isolation of affect, disgust, revulsion, aversion, passivity, inertia, abandonment of object relationships, and fantasies of a return to the womb or sleep.

This personality disorder is a lot more complex, distressing, and painful than the DSM and ICD make it out to be.

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The Schizoid Childhood - “You have no right to feel things.”

INTRODUCTION

Schizoid Personality Disorder is just a name for adaptations that this group formed to cope with their childhood. A common theme during a schizoid’s childhood is that their feelings and what they thought did not matter. Most also went through some form of abuse as well.

FEELINGS

WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO FEEL THINGS

Common phrases from parents:

“You have no right to be angry when I yell at you.”

“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”

“No one cares what you think. I’m your parent, do as I say.”

“Why would I care about how you feel? I don’t want to hear about it.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

BEING TOLD WHAT TO FEEL

Common phrases from parents:

“You’re not depressed, you have a good life and we do so much for you. Be happy.”

“You can’t possibly be anxious right now. You deserved that punishment. Just calm down.”

Whatever emotion that was felt was wrong. 

FEELINGS WERE DISMISSED

Common phrases from parents:

“Are you on your period or something?”

“You need to get more sleep. Someone needs to take a nap!”

“Maybe your medications are ineffective.”

“You’re just confused.”

Their feelings were always given a condescending explanation. They were told their feelings were not the cause of the psychological abuse they went through. Their feelings were caused by their periods, lack of sleep, and medication ineffectiveness. 

END RESULT

The schizoid has essentially learned to shut down emotionally. They learned from a young age that their feelings don’t matter and won’t be taken seriously. And that expressing emotion would get them in trouble. They have trouble recognizing or feeling emotions due to being forced to shut them down while growing up.

Detachment from emotions

Flat or restricted affect

Limited capacity to express positive or negative emotions towards others

Chronic emptiness and numbness

Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities (anhedonia, avolition, apathy)

AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS

It is better for me to maintain my distance and maintain a low profile.

I shouldn’t confide in others.

I have no motivation.

I’m just going through the motions.

Why bother? Who cares?

ABUSE

On top of the feeling dismissal, the schizoid may have suffered through one or more of these things:

Psychological: gaslighting, interrogation sessions, dismissal of feelings, locking up the victim, sensory deprivation techniques, blame shifting, denial of abuse, intrusiveness and denial of privacy, emotional neglect (minimal, if any, affection)

Emotional: name calling, shouting, mocking, threats, intimidation, ignoring, isolating, humiliation

Physical: r**e, molestation, beatings, being thrown, being restrained (grabbed by the arms, held down, tied up), hair pulling, ear yanking, slapping, being spat on, ejaculated on, pissed on, torture techniques (e.g. chinese water torture)

END RESULT

The abuse is impossible to cope with. Schizoid adaptations are based on escapism and dissociation since they could not escape physically. The schizoid also begins to view friendships/relationships as intrusive, controlling, and enslaving.

Dissociation

Depersonalization

Escaping to a fantasy world

Lack of desire for social relationships

Little, if any, interest in sex

Consistent preference for solitary activities

Very few, if any, close friends or relationships

AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS

It is important for me to be independent and free of others.

It is better to be alone than to feel “stuck” with other people.

My privacy is much more important to me than closeness with people.

Relationships are messy and interfere with freedom.

Life is less complicated without other people.

END NOTE

The schizoid usually was not treated as a human being with the rights to feelings, emotional expression, privacy, or fair treatment. The classic flat affect, chronic emptiness, and lack of pleasure is due to them learning to detach from their emotions. Their strong emotions were unbearable, so they started suppressing them. The dissociation and escapism techniques are due to not being able to physically escape, so they learned how to mentally do so. Most schizoids have also formed a disinterest in people due to the belief that relationships are a loss of freedom and that other people are intrusive and controlling.

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Schizoid Automatic Thoughts

It is important for me to be free and independent of others.

I enjoy doing things more by myself than with other people.

In many situations, I am better off to be left alone.

It’s better to be alone than to feel “stuck” with other people.

I can use other people for my own purposes as long as I don’t get involved.

I am a social misfit.

Intimate relations with other people are not important to me.

My privacy is much more important to me than closeness with people.

Relationships are messy and interfere with freedom.

Life is less complicated without other people.

It is better for me to keep my distance and maintain a low profile.

I shouldn’t confide in others.

It doesn’t matter what people think of me.

I am not influenced by others in what I decide to do.

I set my own standards and goals for myself.

What other people think doesn’t matter to me.

I can manage things on my own without anybody’s help.

I’d rather do it myself.

I prefer to be alone.

I have no motivation.

I’m just going through the motions.

Why bother?

Who cares?

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Future books written by myself.

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Good.

[celticwarrior396]

gender neutral? no. gender agnostic. not sure I believe in gender and if it’s real I’m not sure I’m happy about it