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celinekim · 2 years
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Learning not Crying
It was a shiny summer day with butterflies in the air, the scent of donuts tickling my nose, and the sounds of children’s laughter filling my ear. Holding my mother’s warm hands I closed my eyes and started to walk. Like a dancer, dancing on the stage with everyone watching, I walked beside my mother with my eyes shut. Everything made me feel as if I was the protagonist in my own little world.
Then just in a moment, as my mother came to a stop, I heard the sounds of bells echo through my ears, to my head, and to my eyes. Whispering to me as softly as a songbird, the bells then politely asked me to open my eyes. 
“Welcome to the best toy shop at the carnival!” I heard as the door closed behind me and as the bells waved goodbye. 
“Hello.” My mother replied. 
“Celine, why don’t you pick out a toy you like.” My mother spoke, as I was mesmerized by the size of the shop with all my favorite toys around me.
Gripping my mother’s hand tighter, overwhelmed by the amount of people who were in the store, I replied with a soft whisper:
 “Okay mother.”
Then suddenly I noticed on the side of the store, a giant balloon shaped like my favorite mythical creature, a unicorn. 
“Mother? Can I have that unicorn please?” I said as I looked up towards my mother with a smile on my face. 
“Of course, you can. But make sure you don't let go of it. It might fly away” my mother replied. 
“Yes mother, I promise I will never let it fly away” I replied.
As my mother reached for her wallet inside her bag, the owner of the store asked me:
“Darling, do you need a strap on your wrist for the balloon?” 
“No, it's okay,” I replied abruptly, hiding behind my mother. 
“Are you sure? You might lose it” the owner said with a doubtful facial expression. 
“Yes! I'm okay” I answered, as I walked out of the store.
Suddenly, “Ahhhhh!” like a roar of a lion about to catch its prey, a young boy yelled, as he bumped into me, knocking me over and leaving only a gust of wind in his path.
“Watch where you're going!” my mother yelled in shock.
“Celine, are you okay?” my mother asked as she patted my back to rub the dust off. 
At first, there was pain on my back, legs, and hands. Then there was pain in my heart. A sudden realization that the string that I had been holding onto had disappeared came to me like a wrecking ball breaking through a wall that had never been broken down before. It was a moment of despair, agony, and hopelessness all at once. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. 
My tears fell like raindrops, my face was contorted with anger, and my body was crunched up like an armadillo. 
“Celine…” My mother spoke with a calming voice.
“Things happen, good or bad, with or without your influence. The most important lesson is to learn from it, not fall into a deep hole of misery from it.” 
When I looked towards my mother wiping my tears and saw her smiling at me, I realized, anything can happen but I will always fly above it and become a stronger person. 
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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#goodbye #myballoon
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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Landing not Falling
There are two weeks left until my gymnastics competition. Running into the locker room, late for the first time, I scrambled my way into my skin-tight shiny pink leotard. Being behind time, I dashed into the gymnasium where my team was in a plank position, which was the last routine for our warm-ups. My only thought was: I can skip the rest of warmups, it is just another day of floor routine practice after all.
“Five six seven eight,” The Coach yelled at the top of his lungs indicating that our routines were starting. The sounds echoed through the freezing air as I watched my team performing their morning warm-ups.
Handspring - cartwheel - back walkover - split leap, I repeated the steps in my head as I went for the first diagonal run across the floor. My hands sprung off the blue mat, pushing my whole body into the air as I extended my knees to prepare for impact. A loud thud spread across the whole gym and in a split second I was on the floor. As I felt a striking pain on my left ankle, I felt the worrying looks of my fellow teammates and my coaches. With the thought of my performance which I have in only two weeks, anxiety filled my thoughts and replaced the throbbing pain in my left ankle. Sitting in the corner not being able to practice, thoughts of messing up and performing horribly, came in like waves, hitting the rocks on a stormy day. I wanted to give up at this point as everything was devastating. 
“I don’t think I can go to the competition anymore, I can't even practice with my sprained ankle.” I let the coach know with a sigh at the end.
“Once you heal up, you will be good for the competition. You can’t give up already, then what were all these years of practice for?” My coach told me with a generous pat on the back.
 Leaving the gymnasium with a sprained ankle wrapped in heaps of beige stretch fabric layers and athletic tape, I pinched my arms to try to distract the pain elsewhere. I took my coach’s word and decided to start watching my floor routine videos and notes that were emailed to us. I rewatched the scenes over and over even though I could not physically rehearse the routine. 
10 days left until the competition, I slowly healed back up and joined the practice. I stayed in the gymnasium for extra practice while I waved goodbye to everyone getting picked up after practice. The alarm rang on my phone shouting 11 PM, I was so focused I couldn't even keep up to tell what time it was. I practiced enough that I am not anxious anymore. 
On the day of the competition, I woke up with a butterfly feeling in my stomach. I ran out of my bed carelessly throwing my sheets away and rushed to get ready. I was humming tunes getting into my leotard and putting up my hair into a side ponytail. My sweat was beading as I approached the competition room. 
Feeling the mat under my feet, I got a solid running start and sprung off for the first handspring. I extended my legs for impact and felt the balance shift onto my feet. My skin tingled with goosebumps and then I knew, I did not fall, but flew.
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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dont quit
“In the end, your will and heart will determine the portrait of your life.”
— R.J. Intindola – Gandolfo 
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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Victory not Defeat
I have an assignment due that I have not finished yet. I ignore the feeling of guilt that is crushing me as my due date time is near, due at 11:59 tonight! The clock reads 3:47 PM. I know I have to start soon or I will be doomed. I will start at exactly 4:00. I will use these 13 minutes for some relaxation. 
It is 4. My pen feels so heavy as I force myself to hold it up and start writing. I carefully write my name and date as neatly as possible on the top right corner of the page. A kit-kat wrapper and three empty yogurt bottles catch my eyes as I try to write my upcoming sentence. This can’t be in my way or I won’t be able to focus on writing my essay. Before I even think twice about how much time I have left for the assignment, my hands start to clean the chaotic desk.
“Phew, now I can get started.”
I jot down the title of this assignment: CRWR 213 TUMBLR ASSIGNMENT. Then a flashing light brightens up the corner of my peripheral vision. It is an iMessage notification from Emily. 
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I move aside my assignment paper and pen away as my hands naturally load in Valorant. My left hand automatically places itself on the worn-out W,A,S,D keys. “DEFEAT” the game displays obnoxiously on the screen. The feeling of defeat in my game and calmness only last a few seconds as I now realize the clock is shouting 7:31 PM. This can’t be happening. It's not really already 7:31, right? Maybe I am dreaming. 
I am panicking, but I have to tell myself to suck it up and finish the assignment since this is not a dream but a reality. I do not want to be stuck in this loop of procrastination my brain trapped me in. Even though this is not a physical threat, my body is entering fight or flight mode. My hands are clammy making the paper slowly soggy. I zoom through the assignment. I use 1000% of my brain power to finish. The last satisfying click is made as UBC Canvas sprays confetti all over my desktop. This time it is a Victory. I am now able to defeat my procrastination habits and rather than giving up and falling, I can now fly.
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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celinekim · 2 years
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Valorant ACE clip
youtube
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