ceciliasantos-blog

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“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”

— Juliette Lewis

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La Grandeza de lo Pequeño

En noches silenciosas, con ansiedad en mi ser, Mil crisis existenciales, hasta que tú llegaste a mí, El destino, Dios, o nuestras almas, nos unieron en su poder.

Mis ojos te cautivaron, tu carisma me hizo sonreír, Dos polos opuestos, todo en contra, Pero el amor, ¡siempre habrá de vencer!

En esta y mil vidas más, te amaré sin cesar, Pues en cada instante, en cada paso, Eres tú mi único lugar.

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"you cant heal if you pretend you're not hurt"

-filmythings

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“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”

— Ernest Hemingway

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It's you <3

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See what happens if you try.

Andrew Joseph White, from Compound Fracture

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The Tale of Unexpected Dreams

In my teenage years, the idea of sharing my stories seemed unthinkable - back then, I grappled with shame over my background and identity. However, as I reflect now, what I once perceived as embarrassment has become the cornerstone of my journey, illuminating the path to who I am today.

I hail from a family of three siblings, the lone girl among brothers who are nine and eight years older. Our roots trace back to extreme poverty-stricken backgrounds: my mother, raised by an agriculturalist father and a mother struggling to raise nine children, had to forgo her education to support her family, while my father's upbringing was marred by parental neglect and tragedy.

Despite these hardships, my parents found each other in their twenties and embarked on a journey of love and resilience, laying the foundation for my own life. Fast forward to my early childhood, where my parents, despite financial constraints, prioritized my education. At the age of four, I found myself enrolled in one of the city's finest bilingual schools, a testament to their unwavering commitment to my future. While our modest lifestyle stood in stark contrast to my privileged classmates, who jetted off to exotic locales and flaunted designer gear, my parents sacrificed everything to provide me with opportunities they never had.

Yet, amid the discrepancies, my insecurities brewed, a product of societal disparities and peer perceptions. However, amidst the struggles, unexpected blessings emerged, leading to one of the defining moments of my life, which I love to call my highlights.

In ninth grade, by chance I encountered a boring channel running Cirque du Soleil, the show of "Corteo", this particular show ignited a spark within me, planting the seed for a distant dream which I thought I'd never get to experience. Little did I know that years later, fate would orchestrate a series of events that would bring that dream to fruition.

Following the untimely passing of my best friend during my senior year, my parents, in a bid to ease my loneliness, agreed to host foreign exchange students. Through this experience, I found companionship in souls from distant lands, forging bonds that transcended borders.

As fate would have it, my journey led me to Belgium, where, gazing out the window of a car, I stumbled upon a familiar sight: an advertisement for "CORTEO - CIRQUE DU SOLEIL." In that moment, the culmination of a childhood dream unfolded before my eyes, a testament to the power of resilience and hope.

Reflecting on these surreal experiences, I am reminded of the profound sense of purpose that guides my path. Despite the odds stacked against me, I have persevered, buoyed by the belief that miracles do happen, even in the most unlikely of circumstances.

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I'm back

I've been longing to return to my sanctuary, my refuge in writing, but the past few years have been filled with so much change, leaving me grappling with a frustrating writer's block.

I was only 17 or 18 when I first poured out my thoughts and emotions here. Back then, I believed I would remain forever young and carefree - little did I know what life had in store for me. Now at 30 years old - oh, the shock! I'm ready to rewrite my feelings - I am still the same yet so different.

Once again, I'll bare my soul, one snippet at a time, one word after another, holding onto the hope that someday Adriana, my two-year-old daughter, may stumble upon this and gain insight into her complex mother but still know just how much I love her.

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Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.

Maya Angelou

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Give yourself credit for the days you’ve made it when you thought you couldn’t.

cwote