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every time This is Gospel plays on my itunes i am contractually obligated to do a da2 thing

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Y’know… archers, am I right? (and before somebody starts with this, Varric is getting his own post because I don’t group a crossbow with plain normal bows)

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wounded shepherd dog and lamb

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My Totally Unserious Thoughts on the Mass Effect Trilogy (after playing it for the first time in 2024)

Mass Effect 1

Ma’am- Ma’am please- Ma’am, I need you to look to the left for me please.

Holy shit, I think I actually look pretty good.

Me during the Citadel View conversation: Okay Kaidan, I see you. I'm picking up what you are putting down.

But we’re trying to romance Garrus. Everyone’s up his ass, so I got to see what that’s about.

It has come to my attention that neither Garrus nor Tali are romanceable in the first game… Kaidan, I choose you.

NPC: It’s terrible what happened on Akuze.

Me: Oh yeah, Akuze, the Akuze where something happened, that Akuze (what the fuck happened on Akuze?)

…

THRESHERMAWS!?!?!

If I have to drive up one more steep-ass mountain to get to some minerals, I will lose it.

Kaidan: It seems you have quite a connection with Liara.

Me: I do????? I’ve talked to her one time. Like many things in this game about myself, that is news to me.

Ashley: something, something, something, scuttlebutt

Me: Who the fuck is scuttlebutt?

My brother: Kaidan (neither of us actually understand what scuttlebutt means)

I miss Nomad conversations.

Don’t mind me, I’ll just casually bypass this door on Noveria–

YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME TO COMPLETE ANY OTHER MISSIONS HERE

Andromeda Interlude: I went to go read my emotional support Jaal/Ryder fic, glanced at the author’s bookmarks, saw FemShep/Zaeed. This detour has taken an unforeseen turn and will take much longer than expected.

Okay, I’m back.

Time to go to Virmire, I know what’s coming

What the hell is that loud-ass noi- It’s Wrex. He is shooting his loud as hell shotgun at the water.

HOLD THE LINE

If I some how get Kirrahe killed, I will be very upset.

Oh, I guess I’ll take Kaidan and Liara with me to Ilos…. What do you mean I can’t change my party when we get to the Citadel? Wrex and Garrus want to shoot Saren in the face. They deserve it.

Here's my first Shepard for the hell of it

Mass Effect 2

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EYEBROWS?????

I.. I can live with it. I don’t want to go through the whole character creation again (the concept of writing down a face ID has not yet registered)

Cue two hours of me being appalled by those eyebrows

She could not live with it

Okay, let’s try this again

Time to save Archangel…

The pyro vorcha has killed me three times, maybe even four. I’m making a terrible first impression on Zaeed.

I like talking to Jack, but she doesn’t like talking to me. (I like talking to everyone, but I yap too much, so they don’t want to talk to me anymore.)

We’re on Horizon. Kaidan is very salty, which is valid, I just like to be dramatic about it. My brother and I compare the reactions of Ashley and Kaidan.

LOYALTY MISSION TIME

Do you even remember that night before Ilos?

I accidentally talked to Jack one too many times and hit on her. I am so sorry

Kelly, I want you to feed my fish. Why don’t you want to feed my fish? (Apparently I was supposed to say “I’d embrace you” at the beginning)

Shepard’s dancing is terrible.

The Illusive Man wants to talk to me, I guess I’ll go do that– WE’RE IMMEDIATELY GOING TO THE SHIP. WHAT THE FUCK?? I haven’t even picked up Thane yet T_T

Jane “where my hug at” Shepard has entered the chat

Thane apparently has the probe upgrade, that would have been greatly appreciated several hours ago.

I deserved to get a long dress out of Kasumi’s loyalty mission.

I had reach, she had flexibility

Thane actually wants to talk to me >_<

Nevermind, he called me siha and decided to never speak to me again

Time to go fistfight a yahg.

I have once again yapped too much, an no one wants to talk to me anymore.

I brought Mordin and Miranda with me to the derelict Reaper. Good conversation choices, not exactly good husk destroyers. How many times did I use shockwave, you ask? Yes. The answer is yes.

Yaay, we finally got Legion.

I rewrote the heretics. I sense this may bite me in the ass.

Time to go through the Omega 4 Relay.

Mentally writing a fic where Shepard leaves a video message for Kaidan/tries to call, but he doesn’t answer

I know I have all the ship upgrades, and everyone is loyal, but I am stressed.

We made it.

I finally went back to the Shadow Broker base and talked to Feron. I’m in love…

There are only six fanfics for those who are curious.

I only recalled this because of a video I was watching, but… the cuntiness of Garrus in his recruitment mission. Like sir, what the fuck?

Second/Partial Third Playthrough

Already?! You may be asking yourself. The answer is yes apparently. I finished Inquisition, and my brother started his second playthrough of Mass Effect, and suddenly I’m here again.

I have spent a ridiculous amount of time debating whether I’m going to romance Thane or Garrus. I know I’ll romance the other eventually, but who will I pick first. Do I want to hurt my feelings or have fun?

I picked Thane. I have another save for when I get around to romancing Garrus.

I miss Kaidan, but not in a “damnit, Ashley’s here” kind of way. I just miss my man.

Mass Effect 3

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY FACE

I tried to fix it. I think I made it worst.

What the fuck is up with Shepard’s arms?

The entire Mars mission: Kaidan staring at Shepard when she isn’t looking. Shepard staring at Kaidan when he is halfway across the room. This is great.

I had to restart. I fucked up her face too much. She still doesn’t look like herself to me, but I’ll push through it (fucking weirdass mouth shapes)

Once again, what the fuck is up with Shepard’s arms.. And chest, and run?

I really should visit the council, but baby girl is in the hospital with his tits out. I gotta go

Shepard finally has her hoodie again, the weirdness is less noticeable now.

Saved the Primarch, so it’s time to see baby girl again.

Thane’s here too (don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry)

They actually go me , I thought I got Kasumi killed for a second.

They go me with Grunt too. I am stressed

The Primarch sure like to get in Shepard’s space

We have now lost Mordin and Thane.

Also, Kaidan during the coup stand-off “Don’t make me regret this” Bro, don’t make me fucking fight you.

Cortez, Jack, Joker, and EDI were all at the bar at the same time. Time to get lit

…

Got blackout drunk. Woke up on Aria’s couch

Kaidan has rejoined the Normandy. Shepard checked out his ass to an absurd degree

Everybody wants to come up to my cabin. I am constantly worried I’m going to accidentally hit on someone.

Kaidan is leaning

Me while Kaidan talked about EDI: 0_0 This is Jaal all over again

Had the Apollo lunch. I am constantly surprised by how horny Shepard is.

You weren’t there when I woke up this morning. Y’all fucking? Without my permission?

 Tali on Thessia was honestly kind of funny. I’m pretty sure that is a Prothean, Liara. Hey Liara, don’t you think that is a Prothean. PROTHEANS. I’ll bring Javik next time.

Citadel DLC was fun. Still wish Shepard had a fancy dress like everyone else, but that’s what daydreaming and writing fanfic that will never see the light of day is for.

I unfortunately didn't dress up before going to dinner with Joker, so when Kaidan was like, "Nice outfit." Shepard was standing there in her hoodie like, "... Whatever you say man."

James terrified me when he took his shirt off, but it was fine. And I beat his pull-up record.

Shepard and Kaidan obviously got it on. I don’t think I really need to say anymore on that.

I wish Thane’s picture stayed on the piano.

I obviously invited everyone to the party even though I wanted Zaeed to call me beautiful. Apparently that only happens if Javik isn’t there.

As much as I wanted to enjoy the moment with Kaidan before the Cerberus base, I could not because I am very self conscious and had an audience of three people in the room with me.

Me the entire time I was talking to hologram Zaeed: Why are we so up in each other’s grills?

I should have had Kaidan with me for the race toward the beam to experience the full drama of that. I had Javik instead, which was pretty dramatic anyways. I never expected you to reach for me like that bro

My brother chose synthesis when he played, so I went with destroy to see what that was like. I didn’t want to do that to EDI and the geth, but I did want to see Zaeed drinking beer on a beach.

I’ll preface this by saying, I didn’t go into this blind in any way, so I knew in the final scene Joker would be followed out by two “favored” squad mates, your love interest and second favored squad mate. I was expecting Garrus or James, so I was very bamboozled when Javik walked out.

Second Playthrough

Shepard is so much more defensive with Ashley, and accusative in a way. “Can I trust you to have my back?” What? Why is this even a conversation?

Ashley feels very underutilized in general. Like, her Normandy comments after bigger missions feel more vague and generalized compared to others. She only has one thing to say while others have three or four before they are done talking to you.

Talking to James during the Citadel DLC is a lot scarier when you don’t have a current romance. I don’t want to accidentally seriously come onto him. He doesn’t need that.

Also, why couldn't James have been an option to swoop in after Shepard's fall through the fish tank. Why is Liara the only option if you don't have a squadmate romance? Like, he already has that unserious flirting thing going with femshep. He would totally say, "Nice outfit"

I did want James to be the person I had my beam run moment with though. It was Ashley instead, which didn't make the most sense, but I was cool with it going that way too. And Garrus was the one holding Shepard's name placard, and Javik was the one who exited the Normandy after Joker and EDI, so really have no idea who my true ride or die was. I wonder if armax matches count as missions in the counter.

Speaking of armax arena, it makes no logical sense, but I wish Feron was a potential squadmate, or Bailey

The Thane romance has definitely hurt my feelings on several occasions. It’s great. I got to talk to him after the party too, so that was nice.

WHY AM I FIGHTING ALL THESE SHEPARDS? THIS FUCKING SUCKS

Because trophies, that’s why

There was probably something else, but tumblr decided to not save my edits, so I'm beyond the point of caring anymore

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Sebastian is such a Character. He's one of the kindest people you'll ever meet, and probably one of the most dangerous. He genuinely finds Hawke funny. Actually laughs at their jokes. When you first meet him, he's put a bounty on the head of every single member of the Flint Mercenary Company. "What happened to my family was murder." Scottish accent. Rogue who hates picking locks. Used to be a massive slut. Chantry Brother. Has fun doing Shenanigans with Hawke. Will outright refuse to go on quests he doesn't want to. Kinda sort of boyfriends with Fenris. You can marry him. 'Failure' of the family. Autistic. Also has ADHD. Archer. Prince. "Starkhaven has much nicer courtyards." Bisexual.

I love him.

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actually, if you romance blackwall with cadash he gets redeemed before he even sees the inside of a prison cell. if a man is strong enough to walk away from dwarven titties to face justice his moral compass is immaculate

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After Redcliffe/ In Hushed Whispers...

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KAIDAN ALENKO'S ANDROMEDA ARMORY MOD MASS EFFECT 3: LEGENDARY EDITION

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This isn't about Buffy.

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There’s a quote from Bert where he says he‘s “known big bird since he was a little bird” and the thought of it makes my heart cry so here’s that

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"She chanced to look up. Kennedy's eyes were remorseful. His thick, black brows were drawn together in focus. His mouth was a hard line. It was terribly close, Sybil thought. Terribly accessible."

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Oh boy a dwarven ruin in skyrim! I bet this will be a quick in and out :))

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Another day another artwork that makes me cry in the progress

If you know, you know

Inspired by the song «Somewhere Only We Know» (Keane)

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I love your hfw art so much, it gives me LIFE. Srsly it makes me so happy, I laughed until I cried at kotallo slapping Alva. Thank you for being awesome!

Maybe one day Alva will slap back! Who knows!

But today Kotallo is the one getting patted.

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What I’d give for one of the Cinderella remakes to go into how when you’re in an isolated and abusive situation, sometimes you need to be saved and you’re not weak if you can’t escape by yourself

I’ve never been a fan of bad faith reinterpretations of fairy tales, especially ones which flatten the originals into “princesses is saved by a prince and nothing else”, to then go #girlboss. The princess can save herself because she’s a strong female character! (Implying if you’re in a bad situation, it’s because you’re not strong enough to get out)

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We’ve all done it

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