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Me halfway through shaving my legs… I don’t want to do this anymore.

Renoirs (via renoirs)

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I love getting snapchats of people hanging out all the time together and me never getting invited. Please don't send me the pictures. It doesn't help my depression.

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Insomnia

It's horrible. All I want is to sleep. But I just can't so of course my brain just starts thinking. Which only makes sleeping that much worse. I have a killer headache & keep sneezing. Nothing good comes from insomnia or late night thinking. It's making me wish so many things were different but they won't be.

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Nothing ever happens the way you expect it

This summer was not at all what I wanted it to be. My boyfriend broke up with me not even an entire month of dating. We no longer talk. I sprained my ankle which impacted me doing generally anything. My twin is more into her boyfriend than really paying attention to me. One of my friends is acting like a two year old with our friendship. I can't find a job at all. I also go through spurts of depression. The good however has been my best friend whom I piss off due to my bad attitude but has always been there for me through the good and the bad. Also having my partner in crime living locally this summer was fantastic. Seeing more of her is nice. Everyone is back at school now living lives and I'm home doing nothing. I can definitely say being busy is vastly better for my attitude so hopeful I can find something to do soon. Maybe I'll start blogging more just to get the thoughts out there.

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Nothing good ever stays.

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14 1/2 days

Graduation can’t come soon enough. I’m ready to be free. I’m ready to go visit Florida and be with someone that is making me smile daily. This year has been absolutely insane. Nothing happened how I had hoped it would, but in the end I’m leaving happy. It only hit me this week that I am happy and I owe that credit to my two best friends and the boy who’s brought a smile to my face all week.

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The start of this semester has been a wild one. I dropped a class on the first day and spent 3 hours the next day looking at all the classes GMU has to offer. I finally found an elective to take, so that put me back on the right path to graduate this semester.

Fraternity has been an up and down struggle. One good thing about it is that I got twins for little's! I am beyond excited for them to find out who I am Saturday! Welcome to the Big life!

I love my counseling meetings that I have weekly. They have actually been amazing.

Boy life is still crazy, but it's making me happy still so that is a huge plus.

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Doctor Who Character Drawing List.

Tribute to doctor who

I spent about three months in & out doing this.

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How about love?

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I have been decently all over the place lately. Between school, boy struggles, and me personally it's been rough. Earlier this week though I made a huge decision in my life to get some help. I get freaked out whenever anyone tells me to go seek help. I don't like the idea of something being wrong with me. But I am so appreciative to Stuart and Doug for helping me. They have been very supportive and the driving force behind me making this decision. I love these two guys more than they will ever know. I would be so lost without them. Stu has been here for me since the beginning of this new college life. Doug I have known for a year and only became close with this past spring, but I feel like I've known him forever. They're the most amazing and strong people I know. I love everything about them. I am so happy to have had them right there supporting me in this life decision. I could not have gathered the strength without them. I owe them so much.

I'm still scared but I can't wait to get the help I need. Here's to hoping for the best.

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I had a fairly shitty start to my weekend until I got an unexpected visit from one of my favorite people, Doug! It lead to a great relaxing evening of just hanging out. Happy to have him visit and hang out! Hope it happens again soon!

In other news this week I was ready to just go at it full force. Ready to get shit done and have it be good. And then I was called a bad brother. That hurts. It is offensive. For someone to say that I should not be teaching our new members the purposes of our fraternity. I do not think that I am a perfect brother, of course I have my flaws. But to say that I should not be teaching them the purposes because I am such a horrible brother, it really hurts. I care a lot about this organization. I put up with so much just to help our chapter thrive. No matter if you do not want to work with me on anything because you cannot deal with me whatever, but that is no reason to call me a bad brother. I helped you to make sure you could still be a brother this semester and join your other organization. Even if you do not know that!

Whatever.

I'm a senior I don't need this kind of stuff from a super senior who did not get their shit together. I'm trying to graduate and get a little. Leave me alone and keep your shit out of my life please and thank you.

End rant...

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Phone calls

They always help so much. So happy to have received the one I got on Friday. It helped and now I can talk to the person again and be happy friends. No clue where that will lead, but very happy to have my friend back :]

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Done

I quit it all today. I can't deal with all that. I want to have a life not some imaginary one. It sucks. I really liked you. But I guess that's not enough.