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MOST BORING PERSON IN THE RESORT CURRENTLY?

Everyone. 

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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF JEFF? HE SEEMS LIKE A REAL CHARACTER

I think he should tell Aaron he banged his wife before someone else does. Oops, too late. 

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YOU SUGGESTED BRENDON URIE AND ASHLEY BENSON WOULDN’T LAST A MONTH. SEEMS THEY’VE LASTED LONGER?

Am I supposed to be impressed? Yawn. 

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There are some brand new faces working for Big Brother over on the BBLive app. Ya’ll should come whisper a few secrets or confessions to them. Tell us what’s been happening. There must be some gossip worth sharing, right? 

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We would like to thank AARON PAUL, BRENDON URIE, ASHLEY BENSON and KRISTEN STEWART for responding to our request. Your version of events have all been taken into account and discussed among the Big Brother producers, who had decided on the following punishments.  ALL FOUR CONTESTANTS will be on a PHONE BAN until further notice. Your mobiles will be confiscated and returned once the punishment has ended. You will also face a separation ban which will prevent our four rule-breaking contestants from sharing a cabin together for the next month. Due to the violent nature of her attack alone, Ms. Benson will also be facing a TWO WEEK ALCOHOL BAN. We’re hoping a sober mind might help her understand the consequences of rule-breaking. 

Should we learn that the above bans have been ignored or another contestant has helped break them, the entire resort will suffer. 

Thank you and remember, Big Brother is always watching.

@ashbashbenzo-xx @aaronpaulcbb @brendonuriecbb @kristxnstewart​

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JUSTIN BIEBER AND KRISTEN STEWART LOOK LIKE TWINS WITH THEIR HAIRSTYLES RIGHT NOW

I think Kristen wears it better. She looks hot! 

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HOW IS MILA KUNIS NOT FIGHTING OFF PEOPLE WITH A STICK? 

I haven’t seen her around in a while. That might be a reason. 

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ZAYN AND DARREN SEEMED TO BE ARGUING OVER A MYSTERIOUS PACKAGE. DO YOU GUYS KNOW MORE? 

I know Jack O’Connell won’t be pleased when he hears what happened. 

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THOUGHTS ON ASHELY AND BRENDON?

I don't think about them that much. The two of them are together, whatever. I'm more interested in if there's gonna be a threesome with Michael or not. 

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BIGGEST DRAMA QUEEN?

Danny Miller. He threw himself out the treehouse, for fucksake.

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IS OUR PRECIOUS LUKE FINALLY GROWING UP?

Depends. Is he still a virgin?

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WHO HERE NEEDS TO GET LAID?

Rachel, Tori and Norman. Remember that time Norman banged half the resort? I miss those times.

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THOUGHTS ON NIALL AND HARRY?

Hot with a capital H.

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Please could KRISTEN STEWART also approach the DIARY ROOM as soon as possible to make a statement. New allegations have been brought to our attention and we believe you were involved in a recent altercation with Aaron Paul too. We believe in giving all parties a chance to explain themselves before punishment is decided. You are, of course, welcome to ignore this request though understand punishment could still be given and it might not be fair if we’re not given the correct information.

@kristxnstewart

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Is that it? No more gossip? But I was having so much fun. 

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ASHLEY AND ROBERT COULD GET IT ON AND THEN WE’D ALL BE HAPPY

I’m not sure Robert could keep up with her.

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JUSTIN BIEBER CLIMBED INTO A PROP SUITCASE AND GOT STUCK

Pics or it never happened.