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catkitty19 · 2 years ago

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PROMPT: Stupid Cupid…

Apparently, the Cupid roaming around South Park, Colorado is only pairing up people with similar… uhm… Appearances or beliefs.

Kind of weird, if you asked Kyle, but…

When (Y/n) (L/n) comes into the picture, his opinion changes, and he can’t tell if it’s for the better or for the worse.

KYLE BROFLOVSKI x GN!JEWISH!READER

NOTES:

- COME GET YALLL JUUUIIICCEEEE 😻

- TW!!!!: Eric Mfn Cartman 😭 that means EXTREME RACISM, PREJUDICE, CUSSING, ETC!! If you yourself are Jewish and have dealt with harsh harassment in the past because of your beliefs, I recommend you proceed with caution…

- GENDER NEUTRAL READER :)

- FOR LEGAL REASONS IM NOT ADDING KYLES’ FACE SCAR LMAO

- The characters are NOT aged up, they should be in fourth grade I think- but again, if this series gets enough hype, I could do a time skip :)

- … Should I add Douchebag/New Kid/Dovahkiin? I love him bro i feel like he could be an important character in this mini-series 🤭

- SORRY MY WRITING IS SO FUCKING ASS LMFAOOOO IM NEW TO THIS AND IM BETTER AT WRITING SMUT AND AGED UP SHIT NOT FLUFF 😔 HAD TO GET THIS IDEA OUTTA MY HEAD THO

TAGLIST: @jak3s3r3sin4life 🫡

LOVE YOU GUYSSS MWAH MWAH 🫶🏾

That’s. Fucking. It.

Kyle Broflovski has had enough.

“GODDAMNIT, CARTMAN! JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE JEWISH DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE, FUCKING, ‘M-MEANT TO BE’!!!” He screamed at the fat fuck of an asshole jerk standing next to him. Kyle could feel his face getting hot, and he honestly couldn’t tell if it was from anger or embarrassment.

Eric Cartman, on the other hand, merely chuckled in response. Throwing an arm around the boy’s shoulder, he shook his head from side to side.

”Tsk tsk. Well, you see, dearest Kahl, that’s where you’re horribly wrong. Look at that sad, lonely little Jew child over… Ah, right there.” He said, rudely pointing in your direction.

For a moment, Kyle’s eyes flickered to where you were sitting, alone.

Just kicking your legs back and forth, your head leaning into your hand. It seemed like you were just writing in a notebook, your lunch nowhere to be seen. Were you copying notes from class or something? Kyle had never seen anyone so… so quiet. Maybe you were shy? I mean, you did look entirely new to town anyways, so maybe you just didn’t know anyone?

Kyle was honestly a little too nervous to find out, and he couldn’t place why.

“You both have so much in common, man! You’re both stupid jews, you’re both kids, and… you get the point!”

He started to grimace. Kyle was just… going to ignore that Jew comment. For now.

“Think about this little idea I have, just for a start: you can be sad little Jew children- Together!” He exclaimed, grinning like he had just discovered sliced bread. Fucking moron.

“Mmph rrmphr mmrrrphn, rnmmrmmph mrrphh!”

Kenny (said??? 😭) muffled, elbowing Stan in the side and grinning widely.

“Ew, dude! I get that they’re new, but leave the words ‘fresh’ and ‘meat’ out of your vocabulary. Besides that…”

The raven-haired boy paused, blushing slightly. He glanced back in your direction.

“Kenny’s right, Kyle. They are pretty cute!”

Were Kyles’ eyes… twitching?

“Stan, not you too! Fucking… UGH!”

God, was it getting warmer in here?

Throwing his hands up in defeat, Kyle started marching further into the cafeteria, but…

“HAHA, Holy Shit, Kahl! Your face is the same color as your fugly-ass hair!”

…

Oh hell no.

Kyle spun around and grabbed Cartman by the neckline of his jacket, shaking him around.

“CARTMAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STUFF IT UP YOUR FAT FUCKING ASS, YOU DICKWAD!”

With those loud words, everyone in the cafeteria turned their heads toward the chaotic group of boys walking in, curious about what kind of fight they were starting now. Everyone in the cafeteria, including…

You.

(Y/n) (L/n).

The NEW new kid.

Kyle only knew your name because you had been forced to say everything about yourself to the class by Ms. Choksondik (And that he had repeated it like a mantra in his head, but we’ll brush past that for now.)

“Now, sweetheart, can you introduce yourself to everyone for me?”

You could hear a pin drop in that room, and in your honest opinion? It was fucking terrifying. Every single beady little eye was staring into your soul. I mean, rightfully so, because what kind of idiot would move in the middle of the school year? To South Park? Of all places?

… Well, you.

You would. You were said idiot.

“U-Uhm… Hello.” You stuttered out, nervously playing with your hands. “My name is (Y/n). And I-… Oh, um, (Y/n) (L/n), s-sorry.”

Awkwardly, you turned back towards your new teacher. “Can I sit down now, lady?”

Stifling her annoyance, Miss Choksondik shook her head.

“Now, (Y/n), don’t be shy. All I need is you to say three things about yourself, and then you can take a seat. Now remember, try to make it as horribly specific as possible, okay? Just to get it over with!” She finished with a calm smile.

…

Is this bitch serious?

Crossing your arms uncomfortably, you turned around again and sighed.

“O-Ok. Again, I’m (Y/n), I’m from (insert state/country), annnnd… I dunno, I’m Jewish… Uh, I like (f/c). Alright, I-I’m just gonna sit down now.”

Satisfied, the teacher smiled down at you kindly.

“Thank you! You can take the seat next to Mr. Scotch. He’s the blonde one on the left.”

You glance to said boy, and he gives you a bright smile and an excited little wave. He seems nice!

“Now, starting today’s lesson-“

Before either of you could even move, an earth-shattering gasp (of realization? Maybe?) broke through the room, followed by the sound of hands slamming against a desk.

“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, ANOTHER JEW!?”

… what?

Whipping around (her boobs did too, that’s for sure), the teacher gave the poor (kind of) boy the meanest glare you had ever seen, an offended snarl on her face.

“ERIC CARTMAN! That comment was completely inappropriate, you need to apologize to (Y/n), immediately!”

He only scoffed in response.

He SCOFFED!

Snapping your head to the source of the sound, you make eye contact with a chubby boy wearing a red hoodie with a teal and yellow beanie. He had heterochromia, which was actually pretty cool, but…

Wait.

Now that you realized, a few other kids were looking at you with shocked stares.

‘Is this town fucking Hitler-ville or something?’ You thought, tapping your fingers against your leg nervously, glancing around at every student.

So what if you were Jewish, why did it matter?

“What?! Oh, no-ho-ho! I am NOT apologizing! If anything, THEY need to apologize to US!”

If your eyebrows could raise any higher, they would. Pretty sure by ‘They’, he meant Jews.

God damn, who does this guy think he is? You weren’t even mad at this point, just balantly shocked.

“Now listen here, Eric, do I need to call-“

“Shut the hell up, fatass, you’re making them fucking uncomfortable!”

The teacher stared at the second voice, more shocked than before.

“KYLE BROFLOVSKI! WHAT on EARTH-“

You tuned out whatever miss big tits was screaming about and made eye contact with the boy that spoke up, and-

… Woah. This ‘Kyle’ kid was cute.

Red hair peeking from his trapper hat, bright green eyes, freckles thrown across his face. Were those dimples?! Oh man… And look at his cute nose?!

He just had this… awkward boyish charm.

And he defended you from that asshole? That’s… really sweet, but super embarrassing.

Oh my god, this is happening.

‘Fuck me.’ You thought, cringing slightly while watching the whole scene play out. They just kept going back and forth- oh fuck, were those kids about to start choking each other?!

Let’s just… let this end. Quickly.

“N-No, it’s, uh, it’s okay! I can just sit down, seriously!” You gave the teacher a bright grin, making her simmer down into a calmer anger and take her attention off of the boys.

“Well… Oh, alright, but I shouldn’t hear any other bigoted comments from ANYONE, understood?”

Avoiding eye contact with that weird ass racist kid, you shuffle to your seat and plop yourself next to that blondie. Why the hell were some people still staring?

This was weird. HE was weird. It made you nervous again. Did you do something wrong? What-

“Pssst!“

You glance to your side and come face to face with a bright smile, one baby blue eye, and one grey scarred eye.

Wow… pretty!!

“Oh. Hey.” You say, giving a relieved smile. Finally, not a fucking insane person.

… at least you hope.

Glancing back at the teacher to make sure she wasn’t paying attention, the boy scooted and leaned closer to you to hold his hand out.

“Well hey there! My name’s Butters, Butters Scotch! What you did up there, y’know, i-it was really brave of ya!” He whisper-yelled as you reached your hand out, shaking his with similar energy. You whisper-yelled back “Nice to meet you, Butters, and thanks a lot!”

Letting go of his (weirdly soft) hand, you glance down at his backpack.

“… I like your Hello Kitty charm, the one on your bag? It’s really cute.”

You turn back to the front of the classroom, noticing that the lesson had started. What you didn’t notice, though, was that Butters was about to implode with happiness.

He liked this NEW new kid! They’re so… So nice!! Hopefully they could be friends, maybe even best friends! (Well, not too close, or else his parents would ground him…).

Leaning on your hand, you turn to the side slightly and made eye contact with that redhead, Kyle. Was he staring at you?

You give him a warm smile and mouthed out ‘Thanks, it was nice of you.’

He just… stared.

Slightly confused, you laugh a little and wave at him. Blinking, he turns back to the front of the classroom and tugs his trapper over his ears, putting his head down.

Oh.

Well shit. Already messed up.

… Time for class, I guess. What an amazing start to a new life.

Not.

But oh well.

Little did you know, Kyle actually freaked the fuck out. God, you were adorable. Your smile made his heart flutter, his head was spinning in circles. He could’ve pulled a Stan and barfed the butterflies in his stomach all over his desk. And you were Jewish?! Maybe prayers do come true…

Well, maybe not. Stan, Kenny, and Cartman noticed how pink the tips of Kyles’ ears were, or how blown out his pupils had gotten.

Once again, Kyle Broflovski had a crush.

He had wanted to get your attention, but how?

Maybe he could try and pass you a note? Or leave one in your locker? Oh, or he could sit next to you at lunch and try to become friends! One of those plans had to have worked, I mean, you had already been befriended by Butters, of all people. You seemed pretty friendly!

How hard could it be?

…

Um. Well.

He definitely had your attention now, that’s for sure. Kyle just didn’t expect you to be staring at him, wide eyed, as he was thinking about wringing his hands around Cartman’s neck (and let’s be real, he would’ve if you weren’t watching).

Blinking, Kyle chucked and let go of Eric’s neck, nervously wiping his hands on his jeans. The gaggles of kids eventually looked away from the group uninterested, seeing as that no chaos (HAHAHA) would be happening today.

He felt himself almost choke on his spit when you both had made eye contact. You stared for a moment, bewildered, before you broke out into laughter and waved him over to the table you were sitting at. Your cute lips stretched into the widest grin, and a slight blush had dotted across your cheeks.

You. Waved. Him. Over.

LOOKING LIKE THAT?!

Yeah, now was that moment when Kyle could’ve thrown up. You were…

You were perfect.

Why the hell were they doing to him? Trying to kill him?! With that stupidly perfect little face?!

The redhead glanced at his friends’ equally shocked faces, then back to you.

“Oh come on, Kahl, you’re not seriously going to actually sit wit-“

No hesitation whatsoever, he mindlessly scrambled towards you and away from his group, ignoring their protests of ‘Oh, you Simp!’ And ‘Aw, dude, seriously?!’.

Just what the hell was he getting himself into?

… with (Y/n) (L/n), the NEW new kid, right by his side?

Now, that idea implanted into his brain, Kyle slapped a dopey grin onto his face, approaching the (now excited that Kyle had actually noticed them waving) kid.

That didn’t sound too bad.

Kyle and (Y/n), (Y/n) and Kyle.

He could get used to that! It made him happy!

… but would his friends let his feelings play out this time?

MUEHEHEHE 🤭🤍

GIVE ME FEEDBACK WOOF WOOF 🤬🤬🤬

I re-read this shit 828472838592 times bro but like tell me if there’s a typo or something wrong fanks 🫶🏾

Might quite possibly make part dos 🫡

xoxoxoxo,

- Soph 🏃🏾‍♀️💨

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