castillo-aargon

[castillo-aargon]

it never got any easier coming face to face with celine. from the moment her mother handed him the ultrasound picture, her face (the one that bore so many of his features) caused a panic deep within him. only back then, it was panicking because of the unknown. now? the panic was purely from the guilt of what was: a relationship completely shattered by years of dumb decisions.

cas put away his phone as she approached, offering a soft, tightlipped smile as a peace offering. "how are you doing, lina?" his voice his usual low register mixed in with the morning tiredness. "oh, you're fine. I just hope you had a good birthday."

seconds ticked by like hours. like all moments, he wished rosalyn was there. she had been an amazing mediator between the two and was never afraid to call cas out on his bullshit (one of the million things he adored about her). now, it was just him. the one who had fucked up in the first place. "would you like a coffee? on me."

closed for: @castillo-aargon location: driftwood coffee

She was only supposed to be making only a quick pit stop for some afternoon coffee to get her through the monotonous day. Had she seen him through the window, she would've pretended not to see him and continue on her way. But as she stood there waiting for her coffee their eyes locked. For a moment there, she had a mental battle on whether she should go over and greet him. It was too late to pretend she didn't see him sitting there. Against her better judgment, she picked up her cup when her name was called and made her way over to where the older man was sitting. "C -Castillo, hi. Sorry I missed your call the other day..." she blurred out the first thing that popped into her head. Lina never knew exactly what to say to him. She had purposely ignored his calls after he forgot her birthday....again.

[castillo-aargon]

castillo had begun to hate the feeling of change with how unrecognizable his life had become over the past few years. his wife was gone, his leg was riddled with pins and fake bone, and he was now an official member of the 'empty nest club'. time was passing by so quickly, he was worried the next time his eyes opened after a night's sleep that his entire world would become more unrecognizable.

sunken eyes peered over his darkened sunglasses as haley finally took notice of him. "you better be being productive. still need that one report from you to see if what charges we're going through with that on that drunk driving case that came across my desk first thing yesterday morning." a purposeful pause buttoned his sentence, adding to the bit. "which, thank you for that by the way. love actually having to work first thing in the morning and not sitting at my desk puttering about."

the man shook his head at her question. "no, the morning off today." he admitted, taking a sip out of his coffee cup. "lydia's winter break was over so I just dropped her back off at the airport." a warm, yet solemn smile graced his lips as he thought of the events that took place mere minutes ago. lydia's case had been a big deal all those years ago and most people who had been around any form of law enforcement in aurora bay had heard of the aftermath: cas and rosalyn adopting the young girl. though, with her sass and her wit, she might as well have been born an aargon. "back to it just being me in that old house. well, and the dog."

sadness stirred deep inside him as the reality of being alone weighed down on him like a stone. he quickly cleared his throat, attempting to eject any clamped tears that would settle into his words. "I'm actually going to grab some lunch before going to the office. want to come?"

closed starter: @castillo-aargon location: at a park

Haley sat cross-legged on the park bench, her laptop perched precariously on her knees and a half-empty iced coffee balanced on the wooden slats beside her. She had no business being here, out in the open with a looming deadline and no solid plan for meeting it, but the walls of her home had felt suffocating. And besides, the park was her compromise—a change of scenery without the chaos of a busy café.

The sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over everything, including the figure she spotted out of the corner of her eye. Cas. Of course. Haley smirked to herself, watching him approach with that effortless air of someone who seemed to walk in his own world.

"Well, well," she called out, shutting her laptop just as he got close. "If it isn’t my favorite person to be accidentally productive around." Her tone was teasing, but the warmth in her smile was genuine. "What brings you out here? Don’t tell me you’re here for the same reason as me—trying to pretend fresh air will fix your procrastination habits."

[castillo-aargon]

How does your muse sit? Do they take up space, or keep to themselves?

"completely dependent on the situation. if I'm out in public, I'll keep to myself but at home, I am more than happy to sprawl out a bit. anyone who does it differently is just rude."

[castillo-aargon]

Talk about Cas

"Cas is someone who I think personally needs a little bit of a reminder that despite losing someone we all have the ability to continue to live in spite of all of the pain and grief we experience. Having things to keep you busy is sometimes the hardest thing you will ever do, but with that being said I also understand some of his pain.

I can't imagine that my pain is more or less intense than his because we both lost our other halves, the parts of us that made us whole. There is never a recovery when you've lost your soulmate, no one can replace the hollow feeling you get in your chest every time you think about them. So I completely understand the pain that Cas goes through every day because I have just experienced the same thing.

Cas is never going to be alone if he needs it because I'll be here to cheer him up if ever he needs a friendly face. I think his kids will also be there for him at his times of need too, perhaps some more so than the others."

@castillo-aargon

[castillo-aargon]

💩 …someone my muse dislikes, but admires.

"Castillo and I will never be friends, but I'd probably like him more if he was worse at his job."

@castillo-aargon

[castillo-aargon]

💔 …someone who broke my muse’s heart.

"a boring answer by the truth: rosalyn when she left. there will always be a damaged part of my heart as long as she's not here beside me."

[castillo-aargon]

🔥…someone my muse would die for.

My family. That includes Luna and Mei now.

@castillo-aargon @themeixhuang

[castillo-aargon]

🌟

🌟 …someone my muse trusts.

"in what context? sure, I trust jace in the fact I trust him to be a dumbass in any given situation but I'm not sure if that's what you meant."

"all jokes aside, if I trust anyone left in this world, it's my son and mateo. they've both done more than enough to earn it and I hope I've earned theirs."

@jaceberg @basaaragon @mateoxdiaz

[castillo-aargon]

books were a special kind of escape for castillo. ever since he was a child, he loved the feeling of diving into the world that existed only between the pages and allowing himself to live there for a few hours. nowadays, most of his book choices were mysteries: easy-to-read pulp novels that had clear villains and heroes. his work lived too much in the reality that guilt was the muddiest gray of morality and that having a clear-cut answer was a welcome change in his off time.

thanks to quick reflexes, he managed to keep his tower of books from toppling to the ground. "you're alright." he reassured the young woman with his best gentle smile, one that had to rake through the look of sorrow that had been etched there for years now. "I don't know if I'm the best one to ask." he admitted as his eyes moved down to his pile. "been reading a metric ton of agatha christie lately. haven't read most of them since I was a kid, so they all seem new to me again."

Status: open Location: Oceania Bookstore @aurorabaystarter

Kalina usually spent all of her time in the library looking up reference books for her podcast. Her mind was mostly spent pouring over nonfiction that she rarely ever ventured to the bookstore to pick up something new and less realistic. She had been pacing the aisles and staring at cover after cover, some of them looked more appealing than the books themselves. “False advertising” she muttered to herself as she nearly walked into someone on the same aisle and looked up to catch herself before colliding into them. “ sorry. Too many book covers at once “ she noted with a small smile before shuffling her feet beneath her for a moment “ I really hate doing this but I’m kind of bad at finding books for myself that isn't true crime. What have you been into lately?"

[castillo-aargon]

every night scenes from the accident played out in his head like a horror movie. though trauma had taken some chunks away from his memory (something cas wasn't sure was a blessing or a curse), enough of it remained to continually put him right back on that slippery road. the faint sounds of christmas music somehow rose above the smoking, twisted lump of metal. the hardest part was being taken away from her. loaded up and carted off to the hospital without her next to him felt so wrong. the pain from his injuries didn't even register until later because all he could focus on was her. everyone he interacted with kept remarking about how his injuries just missed being fatal. he kept being told he was so lucky.

nothing felt lucky about being left behind.

cas had begun to worry he'd forget what her voice sounded like, or the smell of her perfume, or even just the way her eyes lit up when she brought home yet another new plant or thrifted a rare classic for her collection. it was as if she was the very essence of life that kept him going. without her, existing just seemed unnatural. just like seeing her name in that stone.

the voice that broke through to him caused cas to turn towards it, grizzled features softening when met with their owner. "beautiful name for a beautiful woman." he mused, eyes soon returned down to the carved brick. "she loved it here. the hydrangeas were her favorite." the man didn't quite know why he was saying the things he was. maybe it just felt good to finally talk about her. maybe it brought her back just a bit.

Gwen knew of grief. She knew how it looked on people, how it continued to stay wrapped around someone's soul to become more of a comforting friend instead of a sharp protrusion in their lives. She knew of grief by the many of funerals she helped her father with. It was until the accident three years ago that she wouldn't exactly how grief would feel or look until it happened to her.

Sometimes she would be able to talk about it. The sudden shock of being a happily married wife, pregnant with their first child, planning such a beautiful future together to being awoken to someone saying there had been an accident. She never imagined she'd be telling her goodbyes to the love of her life in a hospital room, holding his hand tightly and praying he could hear her.

It wouldn't be until last year when things finally felt normal, as the sharp pains eventually molded into a dull ache. Christmas had been the hardest one to get through and even now, no matter the happiness, it still felt like a small hump to get over. Gwen assumed it would always be like that. How grief would whisper into her ear on how much he missed out on throughout the year. How her daughter wouldn't truly know him, no matter how hard she tried to keep his memory alive.

She noticed Castillo by the engraved stone. It wouldn't take much for someone to figure out how the scene was playing out in front of her. He, too, knew the pain of losing someone. And though, it wasn't her place to intervene, it felt wrong to not offer a comforting hand at least. Or it was supposed to be comforting, but with the rush of people she accidentally got bumped into him.

"Rosalyn is a beautiful name."

[castillo-aargon]

the days seemed to drag as the date loomed ever closer. grief sat like a stone in his pocket and today, its presence persisted like it had just been placed there all over again. he wanted this all to end. he wanted to wake up from the never-ending nightmare that was each day without her. but the nightmare trudged on, and he had to as well.

an invitation this close to that dreaded day wasn't a coincidence. cas was sure of it. it had been one of his least favorite parts of the mourning process: the flailing attempts of help from others. he appreciated it, no doubt, but he hated having people fuss over him. however, he knew he couldn't fall into himself like a dying star. and mateo was family; he had some skin in this game too. the ripples of her loss could be felt in every facet of his life. he knew how odd he looked without her by his side. so, he decided to swallow his pride and meet the other for drinks after work one night.

"you won't be when you're covering the bill." he quipped, removing his light jacket before sitting at the bar and looking over the drink menu. "worked through lunch so I'm starving."

the dull film of grief glazed over his eyes as they looked over his readers at mateo. "know what you want?" he was prepared to not only dance around the subject but contort himself every which way to avoid even brushing up against it.

closed starter: @castillo-aargon

where: the reef

Mateo had invited his cousin out for drinks that night because he felt they could both use company, but mostly for Cas. He was aware that the anniversary of Rosalyn's passing was upon them and he knew it couldn't be easy. Mateo had suffered heartaches of his own but he'd never experienced one so personal and deep and he couldn't imagine exactly how Cas felt. All Mateo knew was to be there for him in any way possible.

"I'm glad you came." Admittedly, he was a bit afraid he wouldn't want to.

[castillo-aargon]

"that obvious?" a solemn chuckle followed the question. when he finally peeled his eyes away from his phone and took in the owner of the voice, cas couldn't help but feel a wash of pity fall over him. this man, this kid, couldn't have been older than his oldest yet his eyes held the same soul-sucking grief that his did. though maybe not as obvious as cas' was, there was no hiding the look of loss. it rendered the surviving a dull copy of who they used to be, the shine of possibility all but demolished. and for someone so young to hold that look made him feel both unbelievably sorry for the other and guilty that he wasn't wearing it nearly as well.

the warmth of the cup felt like a lifeline: a bright ray of hope in a bitter sea of what-ifs. "thank you." his voice was low and gravelly, yet there was a softness to it. he wasn't sure he could stomach anything, though, if this ended where he feared it did. so his eyes just danced on the lid of the cup in the meantime. greying whiskers curled as a crooked smile fell to his lips. "you'd think the 'grief card' would get us a little luxury such as that here. but that damn thing seems like more hassle than it's worth." he quipped back before extending a hand to him.

"castillo aargón. pleasure to meet you."

The past decade of the Quinn family’s life had been overshadowed by an immense burden of grief. One might believe that a higher power was punishing them for their way of life, as if the Quinn brothers' upbringing hadn’t already been punishment enough. But the suffering persisted as they were torn away from their older brother Cooper, their dreadful father, and his beloved wife, Fallon.

To say that this is how Vince had imagined spending one night every week for the past two years would be untrue. He had pictured slow dancing in the kitchen with his wife over a bubbling pot of water, countless movie nights filled with Disney classics alongside their children, and an endless supply of cuddles as the ocean breeze flowed through their open windows. Yet here he was, entering the second year surrounded by others like himself, longing for someone who was no longer earthbound—hoping that one day they might have the chance to meet again.

His eyes swiftly noticed the unfamiliar face in the group as he sipped the stale, steaming cup of coffee that had become a comforting presence for him over the years. No amount of fabric could conceal a body that no one in the room recognized, especially one that emanated loneliness. He wasn’t entirely sure why this struck him so deeply—well, he was, because that had been him once. His feet quickly carried him to the unfamiliar man, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he took the seat beside him. "Your first meeting," he said, aiming for a question but it came out as more of an observation instead. "You might want this," he added, offering a spare cup of coffee he had brought for the individual. "It'll help—would be better with some Baileys in it, but that's kind of frowned upon here."

@castillo-aargon

[castillo-aargon]

"maybe they need someone to talk to too." he offered his words to his son out of desperation. he knew he should be the one keeping them together, the hands holding onto the strings of what was left of his family and pulling as tightly as he could. but if he wasn't able to, and he knew he wasn't able to, maybe urging them to talk more would be the next best thing. there was nothing more screaming in his mind than that this situation should have never happened. he shouldn't be having this conversation. she should still fucking be here. she would know what to say or what to do.

the mentions of therapists made him grimace. therapy had been a constant in his life for these past months and every session left him feeling like he was a husk of a human. there was a part of him that knew it was good for him, he had to feel those feelings. but it didn't make the acidic feeling that rested in his stomach afterward any less noticeable. "only if you feel like that's enough." his voice held a pleading tone, though only slightly.

when rosalyn had gotten pregnant with bas, he knew he had to knock his reckless and almost 'bro'-like ways. he had already made the mistake of being too immature with his eldest and that had only caused a weight of guilt and broken hearts. cas had refused to have a repeat of that. so, he saved all his antics for their date nights, the corporate parties, and the after-bedtime get-togethers. sure, he had his goofy moments with the kids, but he'd never let them see his party-loving idiot self. but in this moment, he wished he had shown a bit of that. to show it's possible to both let loose and be responsible. "school isn't all to life." he proclaimed. "work isn't what will make you the happiest in the end."

if only he could have taken those words to heart himself.

the old couch creaked as he leaned forward, forearms resting on his knees in a full 'dad' pose. "it's going to sound stupid but you're young until you're not bas." his words loving yet firm. "you can't work yourself to the bone like you're invincible." his calloused fingers adjusted his readers. "just promise me you'll take time for you."

a white-hot pang of guilt shot through him at his son's next words. rosalyn's death rippled into every inch of life, that was a given, but he hadn't seen how badly his reaction to it had caused aftershocks. "y-you didn't have to-" the words refused to leave his head. "you should go back. I'll pay whatever fees you get for dropping." he knew this wasn't the answer, but these were the only words his brain would allow to be produced.

"Of course I'd be bothering them. They've got their own lives and their own worries. I can't ask them to drop something for me every time I need to talk to them about something." It was rarely anything important half the time. And when it was important, he just asked his therapist because that was easier. He hated feeling like a burden to anyone, including his own family and while realistically, he knew he wasn't a burden to them, he felt that way. It really didn't matter if he told himself he wasn't being too much of a bother. "I'm sure they would. But I would rather just talk to a professional. They can't help me with every problem."

Bas remembers when he was younger and he watched his dad as he grew. The work ethic was all he ever knew, all he ever saw—instilled in himslef as if it was a physical feature passed down to him from his dad. Bas didn't have a problem with it. He liked being busy all the time and rarely having a moment to think—and never a moment for a social life. "I know. I have school." That was his life outside the courtroom for him. Sure, he made friends easily and felt like he was a relatively easy person to be around, Bas knew he had other priorities in his life. And he knew that's not what his dad was talking about. "Please do. I like my life like this. I won't burn myself out. I have two sources of entertainment." He didn't know if he really wanted to do the whole relationship right now anyways.

He wished everything was back to the way it had been. He'd wanted to be at a different school, Bas was supposed to have a different life. Aurora Bay wasn't supposed to be where he stayed. He didn't want this weird life where he couldn't recognize his dad, couldn't talk to his sister, visited a stone instead of hugging his mother. It wasn't fair. The comfort he got felt hollow and didn't help at all—yet another thing to bring up in therapy. "I'm not tired yet. I'm still young. I have plenty of time for all of that." Besides, Bas did have friends. "I had friends at Yale. I had a whole life there."

[castillo-aargon]

🕯️ + Ann

"sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. she will always know what to say and manage to make her very presence feel like home. always picking up after everybody's messes, though and I wish she would remember that she doesn't have to martyr herself for anyone."

"also, just a damn good cook. like an insane talent with spices."

[castillo-aargon]

✺- Something your muse finds pretty

"rosalyn. plain and simple. the most beautiful person that has ever graced this earth."

[castillo-aargon]

"why does this have to be a one or the other type of situation. that's the fun part of being an adult, right? you get to just choose both." cas pointed out before he took a long sip of his coffee. work had seemingly come back with a vengeance after the holiday, so most of his lunches were liquid these days (and breakfasts. and dinners). however, he had decided to get a treat for himself before hauling himself back to his office.

"or just screw tradition and get an eclair."

open starter: @aurorabaystarter

where: sweet nothings

"Brownies or cookies, what do you think?" Soren asked the person in the bakery with him as he looked over the menu. He wanted to get something for dessert for him and his daughters after dinner.

[castillo-aargon]

calloused fingers fiddled with the gold ring on his finger, his other hand holding onto his drink for dear life. every holiday seemed tinted by grief now. there was no rest. celebrations felt like betrayals, each party just another event that highlighted the absence evermore. and new years eve was just another holiday to get this treatment. it also only marked another year that would come and go without her. the though pushed another long drink from his glass down his throat.

"I said that it should be a war crime that they replaced the coke in my rum and coke with pepsi." his laugh low and his smile somewhat crooked. vince had become somewhat of a friend, though 'friend' was an odd title for someone who was around the same age of his oldest child for him. kindred spirit, he guessed, was a better title. someone who has an idea of what this fucking hell is like. "think I have enough to sue them for unnecessary mental anguish."

cas studied the man next to him, noticing the way his brow furrowed in thought. "you okay? think too hard like that and I think you'll become a fire hazard from all the smoke." he offered the small bit of teasing to hopefully lighten the air.

open starter : @aurorabaystarter

where : nye ball // the seascape hotel

The soft lighting enveloped the polished wood countertop in a cozy glow, his eyes tracing every grain of the oak with his gaze as his fingertips lightly tapped against the whiskey glass he had been nursing for what felt like ages. He was too lost in thought to take a sip of the bottom-shelf liquor, a victim of his own thoughts as his mind wrestled with what the approaching new year might hold for him and his family. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be an asshole, I promise,” he said, glancing over at the person next to him. “But I’m going to need you to repeat whatever you just said.”