caseyreadsbooks

[caseyreadsbooks]

taking a break from reading to do some doodling 

[caseyreadsbooks]

forgiveness?

I recently read a book in which the protagonist didn’t want to die without forgiving everybody that deeply wronged them. They go on a really beautiful trip home and there is a lot of crying in the night. 

When I began to think about the people who have really hurt me in the past, a few people pop into my head. I can die without forgiving them. On the other hand, one person really stood out, someone who I once considered to be a good friend. We come from the same group of indigenous people and I really wanted our friendship to work. However, her criticisms of me cut really deep especially when she complained about me “victimizing” myself whenever I shared horror stories about my stepfather- whom I had a TRO against. After realizing all she did was make me feel bad about myself to elevate herself, I completely cut her out because I couldn’t afford to stress about our friendship on top of my full-time courseload and part-time jobs. 

Two years later I find myself wondering if I did the right thing whenever an elder comes to the city and invites me to invite her to eat with us. I have never invited her. 

[caseyreadsbooks]

wildberry crunch x wild lavendar | needed a reading break

[caseyreadsbooks]

Hillbilly Elegy- A Memoir of Family and Culture in Crisis

During my college career as a full-time student, I used to work at Barnes & Noble as one of my many part-time jobs. I distinctly remembering shelving J.D. Vance’s Hillbilly Eulogy in the Sociology Section of the store. Aside from briefly skimming over the back cover of the book, I never considered buying the book- partly because it was hardcover and out of my budget during that time. But I remember seriously wondering about the welfare of hillbillies in the contigent United States.

As someone that grew up in the middle of the Pacific Ocean in Hawaii, the only reference I had to “hillbillies” was probably from the hit Disney TV show Hannah Montana. We also didn’t have a lot of white working class people, and now that I have experienced living in a city in the continent United States, I realize I have little to no contact with hillbillies or hill people. In fact, outside of Hannah Montana, I associate most of them with Trump and viral Facebook videos of angry rants against people of all different colors. In short, I picked up this book to better understand hill people and the white working class people of the United States of America.

Vance, to me, seems to make it clear that the hillbillies he knows (and loves) are filled with contradictions. They don’t work, yet they expect their house and bills to be paid for in full. They have a strict code of honor, which seems to not apply in domestic settings especially when it comes to gender roles. As Vance recognizes, they don’t provide a setting in which a brilliant young mind can thrive, yet they believe in the value of education. But yet, they burn brightly, in faith and family. And this is where Vance believes their salvation lies in.

This book wasn’t as tough to read as I thought it would be. As someone with an also unfortunate childhood, I could relate to certain moments in the book. I thought a lot about food- “Pillsbury cinnamon rolls for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, and McDonald’s for dinner.” I found myself thinking about clothes, baggy t-shirts and old jeans. In that case, a lot of poor people, especially kids seem to experience the same psychological effects of growing up with a low socio-economic status that affects the way they see themselves and perceive the world around them. It makes sense to me why the hillbilly community feels forgotten, but I also wonder how the hillbilly community can step out of the past and create a new history for themselves as I know they are tough.

Although I will never be able to fully understand the hillbilly community, I have a better appreciation of them outside of what I’ve seen on all the medias. I highly recommend you give this book a read, and if you already have read this book and are confused about white communities, to give this book another read.