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"came back wrong" but it's from a nap

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shenko domesticity...

(eden uses they/them pronouns! better quality detail shots beneath the cut <3 )

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I would just play Mars on a loop if I could

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have i made this joke before

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I’m back from my year-long art coma. So here is Kaidan!

…

:D

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Was thinking about that one post where somebody said that Kaidan moved on easily after Shepard's death and Its been bugging me for some time so i need to rant about it

On the Horizon encounter, there are many lines that alone give away the fact that Kaidan in fact did not move on, like "thinking you were gone, it was like loosing a limb" (basically saying that he felt like he lost a part of himself after Shepards death), + "I wanted to believe the rumours that you were alive" (giving delulu king 👑) or most importantly "I moved on , at least I thought I did" proving that he tried to move on but just couldn't, because of the impact Shepard has left on him when he was still alive.

Kaidan not joining Shepard or being mad about them working with Cerberus doesn't mean that he moved on. Just because he didn't want to go against his own morality and priorities doesn't make him the monster some of y'all make him out to be, quite the opposite, it proves that he's his own person living by his own rules, and won't let go of them that easily, instead of just taking and going with whatever is thrown his way (which some of ya'all expect from him).

Shepard joining Cerberus was too much for him, even though he missed them, he couldn'tve just moved passed that, not then at least, but that still doesn't change the fact that he didn't move on after Shepard's death, romanced or not.

No hate to the op but damn if you don't know shit about a certain character, dont make analysis on them dawg 😭

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I really, really love Kaidan's dialogue because he's one of the few squadmates who is obviously interested in Shepard's point of view.

He actively pokes and prods Shepard for their opinions, but he does this oh so carefully, and I love it so much.

(This post was sponsored by the "So, those Cerberus scientists. They were good people" dialog)

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I keep thinking about Kaidan's character arc and how important his struggle with survivor's guilt is to it.

The whole trilogy literally begins with him losing his subordinate (Jenkins) for the first time, and it obviously hits him hard.

Kaidan is the head of the Marine detail on the Normandy, which means that every Marine on board, their safety and comfort is his responsibility. Sure, the Normandy is the new ship, but you can't just put a bunch of people on board and sail them off on their first mission. It takes a lot of preparation and team building to make that work, so realistically, before Jenkins' death, Kaidan spent weeks and weeks with these guys, trying to make a connection and get them to trust him (with their lives).

He spent every day of the week with these guys, and he was the one who comforted them after Jenkins' death, both as their officer and as someone who was present when Jenkins was killed and as someone who literally pronounced him dead. The whole brunt of this fell on Kaidan's shoulders because Shepard was unconscious after the contact with the beacon, and that's another reason for Kaidan to feel terrible about the whole event: He not only lost his subordinate during this mission, he almost lost his commanding officer, and now he has to explain it all to Anderson and the crew. It's brutal.

Also, the way he talks about the whole event afterwards is very telling. He says: "I served for years, but never lost a soldier under my command. Not to hostile action, anyway." There's a trauma here. What kind of action did you lose soldiers to, Kaidan?

And after all that, he loses Ashley, who is also a soldier under his command, and also Jenkins' replacement on board.

Kaidan asks, "How could we just leave her down there?" and "Why me? Why not her?" And when Shepard says it was their call, Kaidan says, "If I had done my job, you wouldn’t have had to make that call."

He blames himself for this situation, he feels survivor's guilt, and you can only imagine how much worse it gets when Shepard tells him to evacuate with the crew after the Normandy is attacked by the Collectors. Kaidan follows that order and survives. Shepard does not.

In ME2, that same guilt is absolutely part of why Shepard's betrayal hurts him so much. Not only because Kaidan (or Ashley), unlike every other ME1 squadmate, actively went looking for Shepard and made a lot of personal sacrifices to make that meeting possible (I need to write a separate post about that, don't I?), not only because Kaidan is apparently not worthy enough to be contacted by Shepard, but also because Kaidan did not protect Shepard, and now Shepard is with the enemy.

And then ME3 happens, and Kaidan's students go MIA, and they die, and he has to deal with that same guilt again. I feel very strongly that all these years after Shepard's death, he has tried to do his job well enough so that nobody has to make tough calls, but this war is just one big tough call, and he tries to deal with that fact, and he struggles terribly (especially in the deleted scene).

Kaidan's whole journey through the Reaper War is about trying to deal with the absolute loss of control and the guilt. He didn't save Jenkins, he didn't save Ash, he didn't save Shepard's life, and he didn't save Shepard from Cerberus, and he didn't help Shepard with the Collectors.

And now he can't help his students, and he can't even help his mother, but maybe he can finally help Shepard and be there for Shepard in their last moments, and he comes to terms with that ("We both know this is goodbye."; oh, the way his voice breaks in that moment...). But then Shepard leaves him again, and there's nothing Kaidan can do about it. Absolutely nothing.

Ouch.

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Whoops made myself cry. Anyway here's Kaidan passed out drunk at Shepard's Memorial on earth, on her birthday.

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I just saw someone call Kaidan boring for being a rule follower, and...

Did you forget how Shepard and crew steal the Normandy at the end of ME1, and Kaidan is all for it?

Did you forget how he says that they'll probably all be put on trial for mutiny, but he dgaf because going after Saren is the right thing to do?

Did you forget that this guy calls himself a career man (because the least he can do while he's part of the system, exploiting and abusing and throwing away biotics like garbage, is get a paycheck for it), and yet he's willing to risk both his career and his life for a chance to stop Saren?

Did you forget that the only reason he doesn't join the Normandy crew in ME2 is because he doesn't trust Cerberus and doesn't want to tie Shepard more tightly to a terrorist organization and end up being used as leverage against Shepard?

Kaidan is not a rule follower, he's a "do the right thing" person, which is very different.

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they could never make me hate you commander shepard!!!!

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you could go back but there is nothing and no one waiting for you there. LOL

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I keep thinking about the second kaidan was put on the Normandy after the Harbinger laser hit him. It was one moment of calm from the battle and laser sounds around him. He was safe within the Normandy. And then the next thing he heard was "hammer is all wiped out" and the dread would have gripped his spine, Shepard was gone.

At that moment, they didn't know Shepard had survived. Nobody did. And kaidan probably thought that the second he left, Shepard got vapourised. And you just know he wanted to be there with Shepard, to go down with the one he loved. 😭

Plus these pictures only because they look fine as hell 😭🙏

And kaidan's eyes..... JFC. He's got the puppy dog, moonstone brown eyes. 😭♥️

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#justoldcouplethings

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*at Shepard's funeral*

Kaidan: Can I just have a moment alone with them?

Everyone else: *leaves hesitantly*

Kaidan: Alright, listen here you asshole, I know you're not actually dead.

Shepard, opening eyes: Well no shit-

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Shepard: Fuck.

Kaidan: We've got to work on your cursing.

Shepard: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already

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Shepard: Kaidan please. I love you

Kaidan: I'm sorry Shepard, but it has to be done

Shepard: How can you do this to me? Please Kaidan, I'm begging you, after all we've been through together-

Kaidan: I'm sorry

Kaidan: *places a 4+ card*

Kaidan: Uno