carmellasreality

[carmellasreality]

Officially releasing my website! Feel free to follow my photography, videography and advice!

[carmellasreality]

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”

— Theodore Roosevelt (via perfectquote)

[carmellasreality]

Chris Motionless’ speech before covering Linkin Park’s One Step Closer (x)

[carmellasreality]

miw videos as movie posters (2014-2017) // miw appreciation post, pt. IV 

[prev] // credits: template

[carmellasreality]

Alone and Fearful

It seems to me that the only way that society deems us successful is by getting a "normal job" like every other person; by sitting behind a desk all day, crying ourselves to sleep because we don't think that our work ethic is enough. Will my work ethic ever be enough? Regardless if I'm sitting behind a desk or not; that shouldn't deem me successful.

You don't have to be sitting all day; you could be out and about on your feet working your butt off to fulfill your goals. But it seems to me that many only see us as fulfilled and successful when we go to school, get a degree, etc. Let me tell you; going to college was not for me (and i didn't realize that until after i graduated).

Graduating with my Associates in Criminal Justice, getting my certificate in Forensic Science, and going above and beyond and getting my Bachelors in Psychology (with a concentration in Forensic Psych btw) destroyed my mentality. I became isolated, I loathed showering, couldn't provide myself with the best nutrition, and felt as if my life was more of a burden rather than being worth something.

I can't tell you how many times I wanted to jump in front of a moving vehicle, or drive myself into the ocean but something kept holding me back even through those moments of antagonizing pain. Coming home made it worse; especially after being told I had to get a job immediately; (unknowingly not understanding that my mental health was at stake). I had just finished 4 years of working my ass off and now i can't even get some time to breathe and take a break. It's Bull.

My body is not meant to be drowning in pain and sorrows; it needs to heal; it needs to work on itself; it needs a break. But it still burdens me to know that I am just some object to people rather than a human being. My body is not subservient to a job that requires me to ruin my inner self. I will not be told that I need to do "this, this and this" when I know what my body and mentality needs. My brain can only take so much at one time.

Sometimes I think that I'm not meant for this world; this society; this country. This world doesn't deserve my generosity; either im usually getting taken advantage of or my heart gets broken within 2 seconds. Guess that's what happens when you're too empathetic with people. Sometimes I feel alone and fearful that I'm not going to make it; or be successful. I never planned to make it this far and now i Feel lost and alone in this strange messed up world. I feel like I have no one but my best friend and myself. Not even my own mother supports me with my goals.

No support; no encouragement to keep going; nothing. My future and what I want mean nothing to her. She just wants me to be like everyone else but I know that I'm not like "everyone else". Im different and unique and I want to experience the world. I want to travel. I want to be a photographer. She just doesn't understand that it takes time to work on photos and editing as you don't become successful overnight.

My career path is still a career; it still means something to me. Although I may be alone in this eternal hell of my own mind; music will always be my way to cope.

Motionless in white always said that "Fear is not my fate" and "If you mean it you will make it" and I live by that.

(At least I have music and my best friend to be supportive in what I want to do with my life)

[carmellasreality]

“Everything will work out in the end. You don’t need to know how. You just have to trust that it will.”

— Unknown

[carmellasreality]

i have brainrot [x]

[carmellasreality]

"In this hell; You are my paradise" ~ Chris Motionless

[carmellasreality]

“You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.”

— Danielle LaPorte, The Positivity of Pride

[carmellasreality]

If you want it; go after it. What’s stopping you?

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

— Paulo Coelho

[carmellasreality]

“All things pass and pain is temporary. It comes to teach a lesson and when the lesson is understood it disappears into the night.”

— Leon Brown (via perfeqt)

[carmellasreality]

“You cannot change the past; but you can change the present and predict the future; Time will be restored once all has evolved and gone through Change”

~Alice in Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass

[carmellasreality]

Chris: I have determined i am a candle

Vinny: Explain?

Chris: I smell nice-

Ryan: That’s debatable

Chris: AS I WAS SAYING, I smell nice, I look nice, and I light up the room with my presence. People love me. But if you forget about me, I will light your motherfucking house on fire.

Ricky: *spits coffee out*

[carmellasreality]

Things my non-MIW-fan husband said as he watched the Deadstream2 with me:

-"I'm not going to get excited about this."

- "Is this from a recent album? I would actually listen to this." (Disguise)

-Did he just start singing the last song again? (Reincarnate chorus)

- "No Chris, I will not get out of my chair. I am lazy."

-"Why is the one guy dressed so nice?" (Ryan)

-"I saw Justin on my Facebook a few days ago."

-"What is City Lights? Why is it so important?"

-"This sounds like a heavy Breaking Benjamin. Butt metal. Not a bad thing, I like Breaking Benjamin. It's comforting."

-"He sounds just like The Killers singer. I do wish he'd made it more his own but it sounds good."

-"This is a stage." (I explain it's not, it's an asylum and they're clearly outside). "There could be fake trees on a stage."

-*incorrect Catharsis lyrics*

-"What's with the roses? Why are you so excited?"

-"HOME DEPOT?????"

[carmellasreality]

not me forgetting it was chris's birthday today until i looked at tumblr

anyways, happy birthday to chris!

what an old man.

[carmellasreality]

anybody else notice that when chris actually shows up in miw's tour videos he's almost always sitting with justin or just me

[carmellasreality]

Now I hate that I need you