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texts from last night! meme
[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here [text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after. [text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW [text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA. [text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants. [text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese [text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it [text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?” [text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet? [text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him. [text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. [text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. [text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever. [text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife. [text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops. [text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. [text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. [text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real. [text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling [text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One. [text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us [text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”… [text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba” [text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. [text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. [text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me [text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings. [text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug” [text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork. [text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine [text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. [text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him [text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten [text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. [text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. [text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury [text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart. [text] When was the last time you wore pants? [text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation [text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. [text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time [text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. [text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going? [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today. [text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition? [text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. [text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist? [text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special [text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention [text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin. [text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb [text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes [text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. [text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy [text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster [text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing. [text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on [text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant [text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie. [text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. [text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat [text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? [text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out [text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game [text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire. [text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out. [text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day. [text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship. [text] you traded sex for a burrito? [text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. [text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. [text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. [text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable. [text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest [text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box [text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. [text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka. [text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go [text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. [text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos” [text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you [text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style. [text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. [text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs [text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. [text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year [text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. [text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. [text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted [text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. [text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? [text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. [text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! [text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. [text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. [text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok. [text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. [text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’ [text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. [text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. [text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed [text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. [text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone [text] never. drinking. again. [text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. [text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night [text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now [text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. [text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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2. ‘we pretended to be lesbian lovers to get a creepy guy to stop hitting on us, so we kissed to complete the charade and we both kind of liked it, so…?’ sex ( SORRY NOT SORRY??????? 8)) )
meme | @naaldloshi
female company is rare at base, one rose to every five beatings of testosterone. a sultry whisper of a man inching past six foot, gloved digits upon clothed waist. it’s unwanted, skin prickled by thorns, && a touch that tarnishes tongue.
yanaha stands beside her, isa inched against her arm. the man attempts to gobble his greed, intoxicated by the tender facade yet too dense to see their thorns. she’s had enough, wants to claw with disfigured teeth, yet instincts tug to the girl with soft tips. fleshed fingers brush against her hand, clasp around palm && tug her close. lips pucker, delicate against her own. it’s a charade, that’s it, but there’s a storm that whirs in bones && causes the kiss to deepen. she only pulls back when combat boots stomp, gold flecked hues fluttering to watch the shithead leave. digits still curl around hand, tongue running across plump lip. a sweet taste that’s not her own– cherry, honey && a sprinkle of spice. isa craves more.
◂ ◃ ♡ ▸ ▹
uniform a mess across floor, both stripped to bone. two bodies colliding, isa atop, lips against soft neck. she peppers kisses to her collarbone, hovers before teeth bite. it’s gentle, flesh betwixt teeth as she sucks. she wants yanaha to remember, not just with a memory, but with a mark that blossoms in tendrils. lips then fall to breasts, hues flickering to her features before they fall. tongue drags upwards against nipple && follows with a wet, bottom lip. bionic digits tighten against waist, hips grinding hard, yet not for long. she shuffles further, bends between her thighs as kisses melt against stomach. another bite, a little harder against hipbones, followed by a muffled moan. a yearning to make her shudder in ecstasy, one that’s nibbled at her brain for a long time.
isa then reaches thighs, both palms gripped firm against curvaceous flesh. pink lips press against inner skin, teasing && slow, && inch closer to her sex. she takes her time as lips pepper to the top of thighs, sucks gentle on tender flesh. she’s mere moments from making her moan, a slight shift of her head and tongue will begin to swirl. but she stops, hesitates as eyes raise. a small smirk etches into dimpled cheek, hues intoxicated. ❛ tell me how much you want me. ❜
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“ we need to get you to a hospital ”
injury | @invidnte���
❛ no, we don’t. ❜ the word cripples bones, causes voice to snap. the only medics she’ll let attend to her is at base, no one else. other’s mean peril, a risk that she’ll be exposed && a fear her ‘condition’ will be studied upon. she’d rather lose another limb than become someone’s research project. she tugs at the cuff of trousers, stuffs bloody fabric into boot. fleshed palm presses against tree in attempt to aid her footing.
❛ let’s just get out of here. ❜
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Kink survey: bold your kinks, cross out turn offs
Hands. Fingers. Bones sticking out. Eye contact. Hair. Being loud. Being quiet. Wings. Glasses. Lingerie. Horns. Body modification. Piercings. Tattoos. Stilettos. Bloodplay. Bondage. Stubble. Biting. Anal play. Double penetration. Knifeplay. Urine. Scratching. Feet. Leaving clothes on. Boots. Vomit. Licking. Begging. Cuddling. Crossdressing. Bruises. Make up. Pubic hair. Foreign languages. Feminization. Scars. Leather. Accents. Braces. Roleplay. Daddy/master/etc. Slapping/spanking. Tentacles. Non-human species (merfolk, centaurs etc). Defecation. Pegging. Sex toys. Fingering. Tying up. Prolonged waiting. Car sex. Intelligence. Being in public. A specific eye color. Watching. Crying. Hipbones.
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i want the k. B)
meme ( accepting ) @carcasscarnate
IT WAS IMPULSIVE and sudden and neither knew what was happening until it was too late. Until both were doomed, because no sounds of protest escaped them not a word, not a breath, not a single hint. It was not that Yanaha should be the one to protest, she liked Isa ( more than what could be considered in the lines of simple companionship or friendship ). But what of her? The young woman in her arms, whose lips were so soft and yielding, giving into her tainting touch. But Yanaha could not make herself stop, instead, she would pause, but only to tug at the clothing on her friend, like an impatient animal. ❝ How much do you trust me? ❞ she asks, but waits for no answer ( perhaps out of fear ) and instead positiones herself behind Isa, guiding her torso lower and lower while tugging at what clothing was in her way. Then teeth and nails dragged over sensitive skin, but each bite, each scratch was followed by a hungry kiss, and the woman’s mouth trailed Isa’s hips, and every now and then Yanaha would glance up to shoot a toothy grin to the victim of her desire. Without shame.
14: kiss along the hips
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this is super late but here’s that tell me a story meme thingy.
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reblog if you’re part of the holy trinity of unrecognized and dismissed sexualities
bisexual, pansexual, and asexual
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Nothing Left To Say - Imagine Dragons
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I want to make love, but my hair smells of war and running and running.
- Warsan Shire, Conversations about home (at the Deportation Centre)
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“ it was an accident ”
injury | @naaldloshi
a lump, nerve laced && swollen, jags in the back of throat. laceration cuts deep, trickles crimson down plumb blotched skin. fleshed digits are nipped by winter’s bite, hair dewy from snow. they need to get out of here, find cover && attempt to patch the wound. hell, they’ll freeze to death out here. ❛ i know. let’s get you someplace safe && out of the cold. ❜
#naaldloshi#▌ ˢʰᵉ ᶰᵉᵉᵈˢ ᶤᶰᵗᵉˡ ( ANS : IC ) ❜#i. she like#pls be okay#lemme look after u#i'll try my best ://
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lycangene. *
❛ ——— You knew the game and played it.
@carcasscarnate / LYRIC STARTER CALL.
it’s stupid if you don’t take the chance. being one step ahead gives you the advantage. ❛ && did i win ? ❜
#lycangene#▌ ˢᶤˡᵛᵉʳ ᵉʸᵉˢ & ᶜʳᶤᵐˢᵒᶰ ˢᵗᵃᶤᶰᵉᵈ ʰᵃᶰᵈˢ. ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᶰ ᶤᶰᶠᵉʳᶰᵒ ( V : 001. ) ❜#i. thanks for this!!
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ASTROLOGY (information set) — LEO
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