captainscaptainscaptain

[captainscaptainscaptain]

OK, but like what type of drugs do they put into music to make it scratch your brains so perfectly.. like oh you’re feeling a very specific emotion you feel like nobody’s ever heard of? go listen to some fucking music and feel better. 

but at the same time, some music infuriates me, like elliot smith… his music is good, but he’s so whiney and same with the smiths   

but some music just really scratches your brain, like sometimes you can be feeling the most obscure emotion that you don’t even know you’re feeling and you go and put on TV girl and like suddenly it’s all so clear 

[captainscaptainscaptain]

doing magic tricks and im like

“the next trick i’ll make myself disappear… where’s my gun?”

[captainscaptainscaptain]

convertsation i just had with friends-

F- Friend

M- Me

OF- Other friend

F- I just fucked your daughter

M- I dont have a daughter

F- Wait 9 months ;)

M- what? WHAT?!

OF- 2 questions,

1- How do you see in future?

2- How do you fuck in future?

F- Yes.

[captainscaptainscaptain]

why in the FUCK does absolutely NO ONE know the difference between you’re and your?!

you’re- Hey! You’re pretty good lookin!

your- Hey, is that your sandwich?

ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD OH MY GOD

if i get one more guy saying to me “your pretty” im going to file their teeth down until they’re just small stubs and mix the powder of their teeth with orange juice and make them drink it.

[captainscaptainscaptain]

Wait so… are you telling me some people just come out of the womb happy with their gender?! they never question it?! like what am i?! AM I A MAN OR AM I A MUPPET?!

[captainscaptainscaptain]

ya’ll i’m so attractive where are the redhead lesbians i need

[captainscaptainscaptain]

it’s summer so, god help me, imma go frolic in some damn gardens.