capitalist-teahouse

[capitalist-teahouse]

favorite cereal color?

"What type of question is THAT? I don't know! Yellow! Don't waste my time!"

[capitalist-teahouse]

[ ooc: my sweet friend I am approaching your location rapidly to defenestrate you <3 ]

why do you wear a teapot... not drip

-🐝

"I wear it because it looks good and you're undeserving of seeing my face! It is very 'drip!'" They scoff defensively.

[capitalist-teahouse]

why do you wear a teapot... not drip

-🐝

"I wear it because it looks good and you're undeserving of seeing my face! It is very 'drip!'" They scoff defensively.

[capitalist-teahouse]

"Oh are you KIDDING ME-"

"..." They silently accept the coins. Of course they wouldn't turn away sweets.

[capitalist-teahouse]

hi

do you want money

They look up at you suspiciously, pausing in whatever activity they were previously occupying themself with.

"You again..."

"Yes, I want money, obviously."

[capitalist-teahouse]

They flash a toothy though unseen grin, practically bathing in the compliment. What a self-absorbed demon.

"I do take pride in my particularly keen eye for fine products," They toy with the chain absently, letting the pendant swing freely between their claws. "This one goes for 1150 bux."

Their tone shifts subtly; they're assessing him. They rest their chin on the back of their knuckles, as if searching for some shift in Shuriken's expression. A real wealthy demon wouldn't flinch at such a steep price, as this was more or less like pocket change to them.

" wow ~! everything here looks very ... er ... appealing ... "

he's resisting the urge to say ' stealable '.

(( @kumonohoshi ))

Lord Pwnatious looks up at the newcomer, scrutinizing him. It seems like they're trying to figure out if they approved of his presence enough to allow him to stay.

"Of course it does! I only sell the finest products to the finest customers." They respond boastfully, gesturing at the accessories displayed around the store.

"Now, how might I help you?"

[capitalist-teahouse]

What They Can Give

A ficlet by Mod Monstera

Cold weather whips around them, threatening to make off with any loose accessories that Lord Pwnatious was wearing. The demon waits impatiently for the return of their Omega graft, who had gone to get their vehicle while they were busy locking up the store. It was taking him longer than they were expecting, and their patience was wearing away rather quickly in this weather. They tuck their hands under their arms in a manner akin to their usual pout as an attempt to preserve heat.  The arrival of a sleek black limo brings them relief as they rip the door open, slipping into the backseat that was already satisfactorily warm. The door is hastily slammed before cold could creep its claws inside. 

"What took you so long?!" Lord Pwnatious demands, turning to Carnage, who is sitting across from them, awkwardly leaning forward to fit into the vehicle that did not accommodate his size.

"I only took a few minutes longer than usual." He responds evenly. "And besides, I was making sure something was ready." 

"Making sure what was ready?" 

"You'll have to wait and see."

The drive back to Lord Pwnatious' home was no more pleasant than usual, with them both suspended in a silence that allowed Carnage to sense the frigid mood that radiated off Pwnatious. It drew to a conclusion with the forward shift of gravity signaling their arrival. 

Carnage moves to get out first, letting their owner out. The biograft defaults to heeling as Pwnatious gets to the front door, stepping inside the dark house. Upon hitting the light switch, they find that their house isn't precisely the way they left it; Holiday cheer infecting their home in the form of tinsel over the doorways, a wreath on the door. There were a hundred little tells that this was a planned affront on their space.

They bite back a sharp remark, ignoring the obnoxious decor and instead stepping into their living room after depositing their coat onto the hanger by the door.

In there, a small Christmas tree takes residence in the corner, no taller than their waist. Little red and green ornaments arranged in a neat manner between rows of silver tinsel. Clearly, it was in an attempt to remain inoffensive while intruding on their space.

"What. Is this." They ask flatly, gesturing more vaguely around at the decorations. 

"Your family never celebrated Christmas, but I figured this year, since you've been busier than usual, it'd be nice to do something different." Carnage explains, coming in from the other room. He folds his arms conspicuously behind his back. 

"What makes you think I want to celebrate some consumer holiday like a plebian?" They ask disapprovingly.

"I figured you probably wouldn't. That's why I kept it to a minimum." 

"Anyways, I got you something." The biograft removes his hands from behind his back, offering them a box in pale golden paper.

"Merry Christmas, Pwnatious." 

Right, it was Christmas Eve, wasn't it. They didn't pay attention to the calendar unless there was something special that they cared about, which didn't include most holidays.

"I'm not a child."

  "Just take the present." 

They scoff, accepting the box and finding a seat on the couch. They feel the pressure of their bodyguard's gaze on their hands as they rip through the paper. Inside the box is a small tin surrounded by red tissue paper. They lift the tin out and read the label, which reads as a special tea blend that comes from a small company based somewhere deep in the Blackrock mountains, if they recall correctly. 

"I noticed you liked this blend when it came in that one gift basket you got from company dealings a few months ago." He explains. 

It was stupid. If they wanted the blend, they could have just ordered it themself under normal circumstances. 

However, there was an inkling of some other feeling; foreign to them and probably far too soft and disgusting and warm to ever put a name to. They quickly shove it away before anything can really sink in.

Begrudgingly, they turn it over in their hands. It did occur to them that Carnage was still keenly watching them; They didn't care to guess if it was out of expectation of something in return, or something else.

"...Thanks, Carnage." They mutter reluctantly.

"You're welcome, Pwnatious."

[capitalist-teahouse]

Lord Pwnatious walks along the counter, more decisively gravitating towards the jewelry. It's difficult to tell whether they were paying attention to him or the stock, with the way their teapot obscured their face.

"I have some pieces along those lines over this way." They direct him over with one hand. Laid out is an array of high-end jewelry, ranging from pieces that could border being gaudy with how bright the gemstones on them were, all the way down to more intricate and delicate designs.

They seem to settle on a necklace somewhere in the middle, with golden wiring resembling a lotus.

"What about this one?"

" wow ~! everything here looks very ... er ... appealing ... "

he's resisting the urge to say ' stealable '.

(( @kumonohoshi ))

Lord Pwnatious looks up at the newcomer, scrutinizing him. It seems like they're trying to figure out if they approved of his presence enough to allow him to stay.

"Of course it does! I only sell the finest products to the finest customers." They respond boastfully, gesturing at the accessories displayed around the store.

"Now, how might I help you?"

[capitalist-teahouse]

They hum, as if uncertain about him still, but if he's taken an interest in shopping, then they wouldn't turn him away; for the time being, anyway. That didn't mean that all their suspicions were completely dispelled, however.

"I don't have a particular eye for gift-giving. What type of demon are you shopping for?"

They inquire, taking a surveying glance over the luxury accessories they had on display; fancy hats, horn accessories, jewelry. Thinking about what other demons would like was one point they fell particularly short on; it wasn't like they often exchanged gifts themself.

"I'm certain I have something they'd like, as long as they have good taste."

" wow ~! everything here looks very ... er ... appealing ... "

he's resisting the urge to say ' stealable '.

(( @kumonohoshi ))

Lord Pwnatious looks up at the newcomer, scrutinizing him. It seems like they're trying to figure out if they approved of his presence enough to allow him to stay.

"Of course it does! I only sell the finest products to the finest customers." They respond boastfully, gesturing at the accessories displayed around the store.

"Now, how might I help you?"

[capitalist-teahouse]

" wow ~! everything here looks very ... er ... appealing ... "

he's resisting the urge to say ' stealable '.

(( @kumonohoshi ))

Lord Pwnatious looks up at the newcomer, scrutinizing him. It seems like they're trying to figure out if they approved of his presence enough to allow him to stay.

"Of course it does! I only sell the finest products to the finest customers." They respond boastfully, gesturing at the accessories displayed around the store.

"Now, how might I help you?"

[capitalist-teahouse]

returns to stare you down through the window as I chew a $20 bill like a cow eating grass

"Why are you back?! Quit loitering! Leave! You'll scare off any real customers!"

[capitalist-teahouse]

shovels more money into my mouth as I run out the door

"What is your problem?! Don't come back here!"

[capitalist-teahouse]

eats $100 worth of coins in front of you

"What are you doing?! Quit that! Get out of my store!" They shout, reaching under the counter and grabbing a brick, then pitch it in your direction.

[capitalist-teahouse]

if you drank tea would it be considered cannibalism or like… is the teapot removable?? can you make tea????

(also! remember to pin your intro post ^.^)

"Of course it wouldn't be considered cannibalism! The teapot is a hat, I can take it off as I please. I only choose not to because nobody here is deserving enough to see my face." They scoff, waving their hand dismissively at the anon. "And yes I can make tea! But why would I when I can just tell Carnage to do that for me?"

[capitalist-teahouse]

Hello Lord Pwnatious Moneybags the III!

What is your take on people calling you 'old money'--is it a compliment? An insult perhaps?

(Psst what do you project the growth to be for Brokercoin vs Teastock)

Lord Pwnatious kicks their feet off the desk theyre sitting behind, opting to lean against it as they steeple their fingers together. "Old money? An insult, obviously! I'll have you know that I'm building my own wealth independently of my family's! I don't- and didn't- need them!"

They huff, recomposing themself before leaning a little further forward. "I haven't checked it in a while, so I don't know the exact numbers, but I can tell you that Teastock's growth is significantly higher than Brokercoin."

"Interested buyer?"

[capitalist-teahouse]

"What are you doing in here? What? I'm supposed to take questions? Says who?! Carnage! Come throw them out!" "...Fine. Make it quick. I don't want your type loitering around my shop."

[Ooc: Hello !! O/ Call me Mod Monstera! (They/it) I don't see hardly anything on Lord Pwnatious, and I enjoy them as a character, so I'm starting this blog. I'll be brief!

-> Based mostly on headcanons and what I found on the wiki- we have minimal information on them, so this is how it'll have to go.

-> Have human decency! For fun or not, you're still speaking to a person on the other side of the screen.

-> No nsfw! I don't wanna. I don't like it.

I'll add as needed! Have fun! Feel free to bully them if you wanna! (They deserve it)]