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today my bf and i were talking about visiting my home for the holidays and i was (sadly) wondering aloud if i should cut my hair and our kid was like "why would you cut your hair??? your hair is cool" and not knowing how to explain it to him i said "my family doesnt think boys should have long hair" to which he went silent, wordlessly pulled out his phone and then swiftly held it out with a picture of keeanu reeves on his phone

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Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either

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pirates of the caribbean really introduced an eldritch octopus man who kills indiscriminately and torments the dead as their poster villain and then you watch the movies and it's like, "oh no, actually the worst villain in this series is a small white british man who functions as the herald of capitalism" and that was very very brave of them

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commensalism between slime monsters and certain varieties of fish

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"Wow omg you drawwwww? I wish I was a drawer soooo bad omg I suckkkk so bad at arrrt"

me:

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This is your signal to let yourself write the deranged, uncomfortable, disgusting fiction that you've been thinking about.

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One of my favorite genres of insane Terminally Online Right Wing posting is *sees a pretty woman* "I am a gay pedophile"

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today i learned how they vaccinate sheep and OH MJY TGOD

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Most-used word in each US state.

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I'm about to wii sports resort to violence

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How long until Dr Oz becomes Surgeon General