candy-and-medicine

[candy-and-medicine]

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The Simplest Thing in the World

Word Count: 1147

Content Warnings: Mentions of alcohol consumption, saniwa OC, OCxCC

Summary: A tipsy confession from the saniwa to a beloved swordsman one new year’s eve.

A/N: This happens a little farther into their relationship w/ each other!! Kinda like at the halfway/turning point, so their dynamic here is a little different than usual ( ・∇・) Not by much, tho

When Hasebe told Yagen to keep a close eye on the saniwa, this was probably not what he meant.

Yagen found himself crouched over Ro on her futon, having been pulled down but catching himself by bracing on his hands and knees. She wasn’t considered strong, especially by touken danshi standards; however, he didn’t expect a surprise attack in her tipsy state. He had helped himself to some drinks too, but despite him being roughly the same size as her, Yagen could hold his own better than she could.

Something he found surprising considering all the other poisons she consumed on a daily basis.

Ro, on the other hand, lay on her back beneath him. She didn’t seem to be alarmed at her situation. It looked as though there wasn’t a thought rattling around in that brain of hers. Her gaze was blithe as she patted his face, giggling at his stoic expression. She called his name in a sing-song, blushing when she saw his eyes soften at the sound of her voice.

Feeling his own face heat up (‘because of the alcohol’ Yagen reasoned), he grabbed one of the hands prodding at his cheeks, asking what she needed from him.

“Yagen, do you like me?”

He went silent for a moment. Ro observed how he set his mouth into a straight line. At how his shoulders stiffened and how the hand touching hers was squeezed. It was a habit she noticed him do from time to time: clenching a fist around whatever he was holding onto. Perhaps as an attempt to self-soothe or to reset himself whenever he was under pressure, which made Ro sad when he decided to let her hand go.

Despite being caught off guard, Yagen recovered quickly. He always did. “Of course I do,” he responded. “Everybody in the citadel does-”

She groaned when he heard him use the “everybody does” excuse. “No, not that.” Ro wrapped her arms around his shoulders again. Only as a light drape, yet still with enough pressure to bring his head closer to hers.

He watched her mouth open as if to say something, then quickly close. Her eyes appeared to waver in the lamp light with a strange mix of fear and melancholy. Like she was about to start crying and was afraid of being unable to stop.

“Do you love me?” she managed to say, in a voice not much louder than a whisper. It sounded as if she was fearful of someone eavesdropping on them, but that was ridiculous. Most of the swordsmen had gathered at the New Year’s celebration dinner in the common areas, far away from the saniwa’s private quarters.

It almost begged the question: “Who was she so scared of?” But he knew the answer to that already. All too well.

Yagen didn’t even have a chance to speak before Ro interrupted his thoughts. “Ah. You’re doing it again.”

“I haven’t said anything yet,” he muttered with a tinge of annoyance.

“You don’t have to.” Ro placed a hand on the side of his face again. “I could already tell that you’re thinking of a way out of this.” She gently traced her thumb along his cheekbone. “Or how to redirect it.” Her fingers then moved to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear, his breath catching for the smallest of moments as her fingertips grazed his earlobe.

She said his name. His full name this time: ‘Yagen Toushirou’. It sounded sweet on her tongue, like another one of those candies she always enjoyed. “When will you lay out your feelings as clear cut as your blade?” Ro questioned in a lilting tone.

He didn’t know what expression he was making at the moment, but he got the feeling it was nothing good. Not with the almost smug way she looked at him. Ro was enjoying this a little too much for his liking. Yagen wanted to turn away, but his pride wouldn’t allow him. That and both her hands which returned to cup his face and hold him still.

Then he had to resist the urge to lean into her touch.

But whether he was flustered or not, he set his face like a flint all the same. It would do him no good to crumble under something like this. Especially in the eyes of the saniwa.

Hanging on to his last shred of dignity, he replied, “Love is… too complicated of an emotion. You and I both know this, General.” While tilting his head, he questioned her even further. Not out of interrogation, but more like a plea. A tone she rarely heard him use. “What would you want me to say?” Then his voice dropped, sounding almost hollow as he added, “Or what can I say to make sure we’re both still alive in the morning?” She winced at the reference to her curse, but he stood his ground.

Well, as firm as you can stand on your hands and knees.

Despite his concern, Ro hummed and patted his head. As if to reassure him. Or maybe as a poor attempt to segue to another topic. “Then can we at least pretend?” she asked.

“Pretend what?”

“That love’s the simplest thing in the world. For just a moment.”

This got a chuckle out of him. “And what for?” he asked.

Ro laughed as well, giddy with delight as he pressed his forehead against hers.

They locked eyes. She loved the color she saw in his. How it resembled a special kind of coolness that accompanies moonlight and the evening breeze. It was comforting to her, to be able to feel completely at ease in just the presence of another person. Something she never thought she’d find.

He in turn saw warmth. His study drenched in honeyed light as the sun sinks beneath the horizon. A radiant smile. A silly kind of hope that these peaceful days with everyone, with each other, wouldn’t come to an end so quickly.

“Just indulge me.” And after seeing the hesitation still evident in his face, she added, “You don’t have to say it back. It won’t count that way then.” Her eyes flitted from his eyes to his lips and then back again. She moved one of her hands to play with the hair at the back of his head, interrupted by him grabbing it once more but this time intertwining their fingers.

She murmured “I love you, Yagen Toushirou” as her eyelids fluttered shut, feeling him drawing closer.

There was a warm fan of breath next to her as he uttered one word near her ear, causing a shiver to run down her spine. Her name. Her true name. It was said another time before the room became silent (apart from the distant shouts of the other swords when the countdown started) as neither could speak any further.

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Pumpkin Spice and Caramel - Submitted by stormy-talks

#CC5E1E #FFA624 #FFF4B7 #AE7B48 #5D2B00

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wait SORRY had to add the treasure/daffodil symbolism

THE WAY IT OVERLAPS WITH HER HEART!! AS IF GIVING HER HEART TO HIM 😭 THE FIRST TREASURE CRAFTED IN HER CITADEL!!!!!!

and while a bouquet of daffodils holds meanings of happiness, a single daffodil represents misfortune. and if a cut daffodil is added too quickly to a vase with other flowers, it secretes a substance harmful to the others and can potentially kill them off…

ok, i’m not done with the animatic, but i need to yap a little bit about it to find my motivation again so like 😔

the song i used was “bad idea” from the waitress which ( ・∇・) yea it’s THAT song hehe BUT IT’S STILL PLOT RELEVANT IT’S JUST LIKE WAY, WAY DOWN THE LINE IN THEIR ARC

i’m only using the ending bit of the song, so the 1st (actual) line of the video starts with “i know what’s right for me. it’s the only thing i’ve ever/i’ve never done”. this shows where ro and yagen differ in how they’ve made decisions so far in their lives.

yagen takes dr. pomatter’s line, knowing what should be good for him and not dwelling as heavily on the past, especially compared to the rest of his comrades. in general, he’s very rational and knows how to take charge of a situation in order to mitigate further conflict and harm both to himself and others.

ro, taking jenna’s line, self-sabotages herself all the time. while she knows what’s good for her, she falls into a habit of telling herself she’s not “worthy” of having it and draws away before her and the other party can get hurt. she knows she needs to heal, she knows the people around her can help her, but at the same time, this isolation feels almost comforting to her. this was how she spent a majority of her “childhood” after all.

the next line tho: “what if i never see myself ever be anything more than what i’ve already become?” unifies them.

yagen is taken back (in memory) to honnouji (ofc 😔). these were his last memories as a sword, falling victim to the roaring blaze before being lost to history. this line for yagen references that small bit of uneasiness at the back of his mind. how his manifestation relied on several anecdotes and speculations and later on how he was viewed by the saniwa as being a mere means to an end. he has a strong sense of loyalty, of course, but getting closer to ro has raised some doubts that were uncomfortably human. who was yagen toushirou? truly? was he bound by duty to always do his master’s will? even as a touken danshi? here is the sword fabled to be sharp enough to pierce through stone but to never harm their master. but what if the situation called for him to cut them down for their own good? what’s more important then: his master’s safety or the objective greater good? a role of a sword is to slice whatever its wielder intends to slice. but what is a sword if there is no one to use it?

ro, on the other hand, is also haunted by memories of her past. she goes back to the night of when she got cursed. her 1st kill, made out of anger, envy, and recklessness from her youth. from then on, she was fated to always bring harm to those she came to love. will she never move past this curse of hers? will she always be fated to be as lonely as she was before? and if this love, this final infatuation, wasn’t reciprocated, she would die being nothing more than what she already was. and without ever having known what it was like to love and be loved.

throughout the video, too, the way they get compared to each other can be seen in the lighting at the beginning. yagen’s always bathed in light, representing not only the flames he was lost in but also the way he always looks forward to the future. ro stays in the dark as she frequents memories of her past + this darkness reminds her of the cave she grew up in.

the lighting could also signify their effect on each other as ro’s color scheme is made up of warm, bright colors whereas yagen’s has cooler, darker tones!!

and i haven’t worked on this section yet, but the part where they chant “i need a bad idea” as they seek each other out 🙂‍↕️ delicious I MEAN WHAT WHO SAID THAT— 🤨

no but really!! the line they tread of saniwa/sword!! how they both know they shouldn’t do it, but seeking comfort in each other in ways dangerously close to crossing that line. and finally when they let it all go and fall into each other’s arms anyway b/c 😔 we were so busy worrying about what’s right for us, so why not be a little more selfish this time? and then they enter what i can only describe as a short lived situationship WHICH I DID NOT INITIALLY INTEND TO ADD BUT WHY NOT MAKE IT HURT A LITTLE MORE 💀

AND I HAVEN’T DRAWN IT OUT YET but there’s a scene where ro’s moon “tattoos” (one appearing for each failed love she was forced to coughdevourcough) get fully exposed by yagen and she in turn removes one of his gloves to reveal his burnt hands. the way they literally strip each other of their defenses and embrace these physical manifestations of their more scarring memories aaaaaAAAA

[candy-and-medicine]

ok, i’m not done with the animatic, but i need to yap a little bit about it to find my motivation again so like 😔

the song i used was “bad idea” from the waitress which ( ・∇・) yea it’s THAT song hehe BUT IT’S STILL PLOT RELEVANT IT’S JUST LIKE WAY, WAY DOWN THE LINE IN THEIR ARC

i’m only using the ending bit of the song, so the 1st (actual) line of the video starts with “i know what’s right for me. it’s the only thing i’ve ever/i’ve never done”. this shows where ro and yagen differ in how they’ve made decisions so far in their lives.

yagen takes dr. pomatter’s line, knowing what should be good for him and not dwelling as heavily on the past, especially compared to the rest of his comrades. in general, he’s very rational and knows how to take charge of a situation in order to mitigate further conflict and harm both to himself and others.

ro, taking jenna’s line, self-sabotages herself all the time. while she knows what’s good for her, she falls into a habit of telling herself she’s not “worthy” of having it and draws away before her and the other party can get hurt. she knows she needs to heal, she knows the people around her can help her, but at the same time, this isolation feels almost comforting to her. this was how she spent a majority of her “childhood” after all.

the next line tho: “what if i never see myself ever be anything more than what i’ve already become?” unifies them.

yagen is taken back (in memory) to honnouji (ofc 😔). these were his last memories as a sword, falling victim to the roaring blaze before being lost to history. this line for yagen references that small bit of uneasiness at the back of his mind. how his manifestation relied on several anecdotes and speculations and later on how he was viewed by the saniwa as being a mere means to an end. he has a strong sense of loyalty, of course, but getting closer to ro has raised some doubts that were uncomfortably human. who was yagen toushirou? truly? was he bound by duty to always do his master’s will? even as a touken danshi? here is the sword fabled to be sharp enough to pierce through stone but to never harm their master. but what if the situation called for him to cut them down for their own good? what’s more important then: his master’s safety or the objective greater good? a role of a sword is to slice whatever its wielder intends to slice. but what is a sword if there is no one to use it?

ro, on the other hand, is also haunted by memories of her past. she goes back to the night of when she got cursed. her 1st kill, made out of anger, envy, and recklessness from her youth. from then on, she was fated to always bring harm to those she came to love. will she never move past this curse of hers? will she always be fated to be as lonely as she was before? and if this love, this final infatuation, wasn’t reciprocated, she would die being nothing more than what she already was. and without ever having known what it was like to love and be loved.

throughout the video, too, the way they get compared to each other can be seen in the lighting at the beginning. yagen’s always bathed in light, representing not only the flames he was lost in but also the way he always looks forward to the future. ro stays in the dark as she frequents memories of her past + this darkness reminds her of the cave she grew up in.

the lighting could also signify their effect on each other as ro’s color scheme is made up of warm, bright colors whereas yagen’s has cooler, darker tones!!

and i haven’t worked on this section yet, but the part where they chant “i need a bad idea” as they seek each other out 🙂‍↕️ delicious I MEAN WHAT WHO SAID THAT— 🤨

no but really!! the line they tread of saniwa/sword!! how they both know they shouldn’t do it, but seeking comfort in each other in ways dangerously close to crossing that line. and finally when they let it all go and fall into each other’s arms anyway b/c 😔 we were so busy worrying about what’s right for us, so why not be a little more selfish this time? and then they enter what i can only describe as a short lived situationship WHICH I DID NOT INITIALLY INTEND TO ADD BUT WHY NOT MAKE IT HURT A LITTLE MORE 💀

AND I HAVEN’T DRAWN IT OUT YET but there’s a scene where ro’s moon “tattoos” (one appearing for each failed love she was forced to coughdevourcough) get fully exposed by yagen and she in turn removes one of his gloves to reveal his burnt hands. the way they literally strip each other of their defenses and embrace these physical manifestations of their more scarring memories aaaaaAAAA

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[AFTER REVEALING VERY TELLING PERSONAL INFO] But don’t read into that. let’s move along

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tshirt that says be patient with me i am constantly relearning what it means to be human

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Some drawings I did for friends on Twt!! These were originally done for Yumeweek but ( ・∇・) school and work got in the way… I’m also really sleepy in general…

1st one is Azuaki from chiharu-tanaka/guavariki (Twt) and 2nd is Sonetora from tima520/_tima520 (Twt)!! 😔🤌✨ Absolutely gorgeous yumeships if I do say so myself…

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I couldn’t get that one Sweet n Sour audio out of my head 😔 (kept laughing everytime i replayed it actually)

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bitch you better not be sitting and staring at your old wounds forever wtf

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vulnerability is so important but I will not be partaking in it

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*sighs, visibly frustrated* let me put this in words you can understand: meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

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formal suit yagen when i get you WHEN I GET YOU 🫵

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Misc. Yaro Part 2!!!!!

Misc. (old) Yaro doodles!! 1st couple ones are from a Q&A yume thread and the last one is just habits they picked up from each other!!