candacetyl - Tumblr blog

candacetyl · 4 years ago

Text

How much more can I take?

All people are saying is to look up and things will get better and that I’ll be fine. But can anyone even fathom what I am going through? I fear going for every flight now.. risking the health of those around me and those I meet. Calista had a friend who was in quarantine for 11 days after a London flight, then a day after he got out, he got called up for another London flight and that was another 9 days in quarantine because of a passenger being tested positive for covid. How is that living? Spending about a month trapped in a hotel room. Some people might be okay with that and have accepted that its part and parcel of their life and their jobs.. but I am not okay.

This situation has really taken a toll on me.. even when I go for turnaround flights and I dont have to self-isolate, I still fear what everyone around me has to risk just meeting me. I’ve just never felt so... alone.

So mentally exhausted from all of it. When will things get better?

#mythoughts

5 notes · View notes

candacetyl · 4 years ago

Text

manifesting

I still think about this page of mine sometimes but i never really made the time to sit down and start typing.. and i guess i didnt have substantial content in mind either, but here i am now

I guess life updates first!! All our flights got cut down and my last flight to london only had 4 passengers returning but at least we still receive our basic pay while having countless of standbys during this period, not like we’re gonna get called up anyways LMAO. Have been taking the time to slow things down in life, it had been a little bit too chaotic prior to covid. Clubbing every weekend (the uszh) with zav, SY, nat, halden and sitting at bars contemplating about life with Calista.. same old same old. But with how things ended on a weird note with the gang gang, nothing was sitting right with me for the first few weeks of CB. I decided to just distance myself completely (ok apart from the rare drinking seshs on houseparty with nat) and come back to my center.

Ive been watching lots of law of attraction videos and manifestation videos recently with all the spare time on my hands due to covid and i never really got down to starting anything because well i just lack the self-discipline at a time like this and ive been bumming around watching youtube videos and dramas with the attention span of an ant. BUTT yesterday something really strange happened, i just sat my ass down and thought i’d try something new. I played a subliminal on my laptop to sleep and it started off with some classical music. My first thought was okay i just think this is supposed to be relaxing and its probably some scam bullshit of what.. vibrating at a higher frequency and all that fancy crap. But just 10 minutes in (and i know this sounds fucking weird but trust) of me lying down and listening to it, i caught a glimpse of what operating at a higher frequency was potentially like.

I dont even know how to explain it without sounding like im losing it here, but it was an ethereal few seconds that I am trying to hold on to, a feeling that I dont want to ever forget. It felt like a quick dose of a drug straight into my bloodstream and my body felt.. lifted and light. yep okay now looking back i really do sound crazy, but I am penning my thoughts down about this because this is something I dont want to forget. Im going to take manifestation a lot more seriously now and i guess see how things go from here. May this be my reminder whenever i come back and read what the past versions of me had to say :)

P.S. To S if you still find yourself at this page time and time again, it has been awhile but i still have you in my thoughts every now and then too, I hope you’re doing well.

#mythoughts

0 notes

candacetyl · 5 years ago

Text

change

one month into SIA training and ive never been more stressed out. clocking in 3-4 hours of sleep everyday and travelling is a pain in the ass

The culture in the centre is really something else. It has changed me and not necessarily in the best way. When we deal with customers, we have to literally apologize for everything. For instance when a passenger spills a drink on themselves, the first thing we have to say is ‘Im sorry that this happened’ even though it isnt even our fault to begin with. And this has really changed my interactions with people outside the centre. Saying sorry to people has essentially lost its meaning. It comes off as insincere and more often than not i just say it for the sake of saying it because there is literally nothing else I can do. My take on it is that I can only improve and do whatever i can from there on out. The situation has already happened and there’s no point harping on it, right?

The training has also made me numb to scoldings and lectures. We get scolded almost everyday and for the most unnecessary things. Use informal language like ‘no worries’ and ‘kinda’ and the trainers literally look at you as if you just murdered everyone on a plane. and all we do is say ‘sorry’, literally at least 10 times a day.

Its really taking a toll on my personal life and I am terrified of becoming the person they expect me to be because that means losing my sense of self identity and who i really am.

OOOOKAY done with my rant, at the same time im so excited for my first 5 flights to manila beijing sydney hongkong and london!!! SIKKKK

#mythoughts

0 notes

candacetyl · 5 years ago

Text

chapter one

updates!! Finished my last year of SIM, currently enjoying the last of my holidays, been travelling with Flutty SG in KL and genting, the fambam in bangkok, might be doing taiwan with calista too at the start of aug! Got a place in SIA and work commences on the 19th aug, honestly nerve wrecking just thinking about how the training is going to be like for the next 3-4 months but im so excited going into a new phase, travelling all around the world and earning money while at it, i definitely aint complaining :) Have been trying to get in shape with runs and spin classes (i must say i dont think its rlly working so keyword here is trying) and attempting to eat more healthily!!

Besides that, all in all I’m doing really well with all thats going on. Been spending more time with the fam, going out with the people that matter (kinda narrowed it down to only calista because going out and interacting with people is EXHAUSTING) and focusing on myself! I dont think ive been in a better place than now in the past 3-4 years ive been struggling to understand why the things that were happening to me well.. happened to me. It was a trying time but i began to kinda realise that some things are just inevitable and i just cant really take anything/ anyone too seriously anymore because people tend to be disappointing. Kind of a pessimistic outlook but it has really helped me accept the reality of it all!! that the only person u can really depend on is yourself. Have been rain-checking on plans just for more me-time (so much so to the point some may even say it might be unhealthy whooops) but ive really learnt to be alone with my own thoughts, a lot of introspection over the past month i must say.

When things with A ended, i became a lot more confident because for most part of whatever we had, there was a lot of comparison between my ideal and actual self because of the way he made certain comments and it honestly made me feel like crap!! but then again i knew he didnt have bad intentions, just boys being boys. and i really cherished the time i spent with him because he was the boy that ever really opened up to me and i found that super endearing!! definitely a first :) wow many firsts in 2019 hahaha even though things mightve been a bit weird after what happened at his party, i really hope that we’ll be able to reconcile in time because i really appreciate him as a person!!

but yeah either way, im in a really good place right now and im just looking forward to whats in store for me over the next few months. ADULTING LIFE WOOO okay bye for now :)

#mythoughts

0 notes

candacetyl · 5 years ago

Text

new places, new faces