camillelim88-blog

[camillelim88-blog]

An evening as an adult cannabis consumer

#makingcannabismainstream

Reflecting on vulnerability, living and loving.

I got home from work, put my stuff down, and went straight to my cabinet. I packed my new favorite "piecemaker" pipe with Legalized OG, and went to my garage. I took a hit from the pipe, opened my garage and brought in my garbage and recycle bin, adulting... Then I finished my pipe and went back inside the house. I was feeling good.... I went to change and got comfortable. Then I was planning to do some work but instead I was inspired to document this very story and my thoughts. I put on some music. DunDunDunDunDun.....I was home alone, which is somewhat rare, and I soaked it all in. I don't really like being alone but it was nice to just be with my thoughts, yes my elevated thoughts... #elevatingtheconversation I reflected on my current struggles with love and being happy. And I thought about the messages that my amazing friends have shared with me; appreciation, being a go giver instead of a go getter, patience, self-love, God's timing. And I recalled my phone conversation with my mom on the bus home earlier, and I don't usually bring up deep issues with her but today I threw it out there, vulnerable, and she told me exactly what I needed to hear, the best advice a mom could give her child; to know my priorities. She reminded me of what’s really important. And we talked about her and my dad. It was nice. It was a short conversation, but enough to remind me of the best example of what love is and how I had been blessed to be around that my entire life. So I reminisced to my childhood, remembering how my dad put my mom first and how my mom put my dad first, in everything. How they were silly together. How they communicated. They were a team. We had sit-down meals together as a family everyday as much as possible, usually home-cooked! And I think I have gained the wisdom now to know I need to hold on to those loving family moments, and I'll continue to appreciate and cherish the new ones even more. Thanks mom and dad for being a perfect example of love not just to me but more importantly to each other.

Then I had another epiphany. I should cook for Robbie before he gets home from work! So I texted him about dinner but this text was extra special because I called him honey bear, which is rare and random. Honey bear just came to me but I think it really fits. And I realized, we don’t call each other by any cute nicknames, not even babe, which has always been a weird concept for me to accept, not a positive or negative feeling just weird, unsure. So I really thought about that, and I think its because we are just not used to it and both unwilling to be vulnerable saying something new, foreign, and uncomfortable. But then he responded with sugar dumpling, haha and that just made my heart smile and that felt and sounded right too. I think that’s the first step in both of us growing, being vulnerable, challenging each other. Seems silly and trivial but I think if we can both start using nicknames COMFORTABLY, it shows that we can grow together by just being vulnerable...

So today's takeaways, life lessons, keys & points to the game, ticket to heaven:

Put God and love first. I need to give and put Robbies happiness before mine. Love like Jesus. Corinthians 13: 4-8

Think about your priorities and what's important. I wrote this note for myself instead of working, and later, I'll spend time with Robbie. Work can wait.

Be vulnerable. Be open. Be deeply seen. For this is when we are most alive. One of my best friends said I should share and show the real me with more people. So here I am sharing and communicating my story, being vulnerable. 

We are a reflection of our surroundings and upbringing. Cherish your friends and family and reflect on the kind of love you receive or maybe don't receive but grow from those lessons learned 

Life and everything about it is truly a blessing. Practice gratitude. Happiness is a choice. Don't let those moments go by.

Shoot, I should start cooking!!

Thanks cannabis, for the moment of clarity...

#cannabisclarity #epiphanies #levelup #teamrobbieandcamille

[camillelim88-blog]

Adult Shit # 2 - Garage door

How the hell do you reprogram the keypad to the garage and the remote opener!?

i had to google and youtube instructions and i still cant figure this out…when i think i got it, it works…and then it stops working…grr so frustrating…

so frustrating i took a break to write this damn blog haha

…. it took me over an hour to fix it. and it was dumb. there is a vacation lock on the damn button of the wall and it was on! but then i already reset the code so i still had to program it but at least the remote was working however i still cant figure out the damn keypad! shit lol i took another break. #adultshit

[camillelim88-blog]

Adult Shit # 1 - Water Filter in Refridgerator

Gah damn, I hate adult shit. So yesterday I went to walmart to buy adult shit - a lightbulb, soap caddy for the sink, and a new water filter for the fridge.

when i went to go pay, i see 2 big buff guys at the register and they paid their entire purchase in cash, $80 in one dollar bills…..wtf? At Lynnwood Walmart….?

then i went home. i fixed the soap caddy. i opened up my mail in my own kitchen like a damn adult…then i tried to replace the water filter….jiminy cricket! what a freakn crisis!

I removed the old filter and then SPURRRT, all this water came spraying out hella fast. So i tried to put back the old filter to stop it but that didnt work…then i tried closing the fridge and seeing if there was a button on the front panel…nope! then i even pulled out the fridge to unplug it…that didnt work! then i ran to the garage so i could turn off the water valve and when running on hardwood with wet slippers…boom fell hella hard on the stairs on my ass…now my tailbone, arm and lower back hurt! but i got up anyway and tried the water valve…but shit that didnt work either and i went up and down the stairs from kitchen to garage like 3 times!

omg it was a panic! i was crying already! praying hella hard asking God for help! i called Robbie and my brother crying asking for help!

….i didn’t know what to do or how to stop it and worried about the water damage in my new home and all before my thoughts about being a damn adult and shit…haha damn….

then i tried to get the new filter and see if that would stop it and at first it didnt work but then i tried harder by pushing the filter harder into the hole (LOL) and twisted it and phew the water stopped.

*sigh*

this entire panic scene was probably 5-7 minutes….

then i laid on the ground panting for a couple of minutes until the door bell rang and robbie was at the door…

#adultshit

[camillelim88-blog]

Paradox of Choice - Happiness

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6127548813950043200

Barry Schwartz

Maximizer vs Satisficer?

[camillelim88-blog]

Marriage

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?  

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!  

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.  

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.   When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.  

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.  

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.  

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.  

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.  

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.  

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.  

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.  

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.  

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.   At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.  

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….  

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! 

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.  

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

[camillelim88-blog]

Why we have too few women leaders

http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html

Sheryl Sandberg

Why we have too few women leaders

December 2010

Message number one: sit at the table

Message number two: make your partner a real partner

Message number three: don't leave before you leave.

 Women face harder choices between professional success and personal fulfillment.

 Women systematically underestimate their own abilities. Men attribute their success to themselves, and women attribute it to other external factor.s

 No one gets to the corner office by sitting on the side, not at the table, and no one gets the promotion if they don't think they deserve their success, or they don't even understand their own success.

 Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.

 Your job needs to be challenging. It needs to be rewarding. You need to feel like you're making a difference.

[camillelim88-blog]

How great leaders inspire action

http://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action.html

Simon Sinek: How great leaders inspire action

People don't buy what you do; they buy why you do it.

 There are leaders and there are those who lead. Leaders hold a position of power or authority. But those who lead inspire us. Whether they're individuals or organizations, we follow those who lead, not because we have to, but because we want to. We follow those who lead, not for them, but for ourselves. And it's those who start with "why" that have the ability to inspire those around them or find others who inspire them.

[camillelim88-blog]

Tragedy of Materialism

Arthur Brooks, author of Gross National Happiness, points out that most people fool themselves into thinking they need higher salaries, and so they choose jobs that pay more, but have nothing to do with their passions."That's the tragedy of materialism. It holds us back from our most creative nature - to create value, to serve others." Nothing great in this world was accomplished without passion. Follow your heart.

[camillelim88-blog]

Appreciation

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

 The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none".

 The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered,

"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

 The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

 The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"

The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books.

Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

 The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning."

 The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

 The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

 This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

 After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

 Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

 The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

 The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes' The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings."

 The youth said, Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it    is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

 The director said, " This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.”

 Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

 A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?"

 You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done. . . . .

[camillelim88-blog]

Only failure in life

I think the only failure in life is to be content. Being content with life and with where you are is a failure to live.

 No matter what stage we are in life, we always have room to improve. We should always be striving for something better for ourselves or for the rest of humanity. You should always have a dream and you should always have goals that you are working towards. If you are just starting out in your career, obviously you still have a lot to work to do. You should be striving for that promotion or that dream job. Or if you are at the end of your career, and you think you are successful and accomplished, don't stop. You should continue to make the world more beautiful by giving back. Passing on your knowledge and wisdom. Sharing your talents.

 Don't ever think you have done all you can. Don't ever think there is nothing left to do. Don't ever be so arrogant to believe that you can't be a better person.

[camillelim88-blog]

Seven Stages of Change

Brian Cassidy, PP&C Manager