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I love you:
I fucking hate this house
Everything is my fault
Brother made a mess?
“Clean this shit up I don’t care who’s it is”
Mom made a mess?
“Will you clean that for me”
I made a mess
“Are you fucking kidding me you live like a pig when will you cut it out you are so lazy when will you grow the fuck up”
I planned a whole fucking day to clean
Right as I’m about to do a whole bunch of laundry
“Will you clean my sheets and blankets and put it all on my bed”
“I’ve had a bad day”
“I’ll give you money”
“I don’t want to do it”
YOU KNEW I HAD THIS SHIT PLANNED
I WAS GOING TO CLEAN MY CLOTHES
MY SHEETS
BUT I HAVE TO DO ALL OF YOURS AND I WONT HAVE TIME TO DO MINE
When I told you I probably won’t have time to do MINE
You say
“Womp Womp wommmmmmp”
Fuck you
I hate living here
I hate you.
But if I hate you why do I obey you like a dog
Why do I keep doing what you say
Why do I keep letting you put me down
Why do I keep letting you hurt me
I love you
I love you so much
I just wish you loved me as much as I love you.
I never got my money
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No freedom to dress ig
So i have been having this issue with my mom about not being able to dress how I want. I apparently I have to look, act, and eat like how she would. but she barely follows those rules her self smh. Spent 30ish dollars on a cute black skirt and two pairs of thigh highs. they came in today and she asked me why I even bought those. When I said I thought I looked cute she then proceeded to say that i'm "too old" to wear that and shes "not doing this again" like tf I am fucking expressing myself. So now I am not allowed to wear the outfit outside the house (what's even the point) and I have to run all clothing purchases by her now :/ like I am fucking turning 18 this year and you keep saying how i have to be an adult. Then let me use MY fucking money to buy clothes that i think are good for ME. like god damn. its so fucking stupid.
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So, I am not one to share very personal things online but I think starting chatting on here to get things off my chest would be nice I guess? anyways Here's what I've been up to!
Today was my last day of outpatient at a psychiatry hospital near my house. I was inpatient for a week and so and then did php/iop for 5 weeks total. Now this is a lot of time considering that I am still in school. I am due to graduate next spring and I turn 18 this december. I was out of school for 6 and a half weeks. Now obviously I had a very good reason to be out of school and I have a letter saying all my absences were excused but that doesn't make up all the school work I have missed. I'm in some decent classes too! (Two college levels and a new language so fml) I have a meeting planned for monday the 6th to talk about returning. I am nervous because I have missed school dearly along with my friends. But there is this anxiety of the peers at my school that aren't so kind. They will have questions and I'm not so sure how imma answer quite yet.
Anyways I have this burning passion to pick up a hobby. I draw and rarely write but I don't do many productive things. I hate my art and my writing even more. other then that I just play games and watch various youtube videos while reading some angsty fanfic. But I really wanna find something I love. Something I can use to meet new and better people. I need more hobbies my mom advised me. She has a point.
(Quick tw for talk of eating and meds with a sprinkle of ed)
Also cool thing about my new medication is that i have lost alot of my appitite. You may say "Well Cal that seems awful you used to love food!" And to you I say no and yes. Yes i love food but i would use it to cope and eat way too much then goes day without eating and repeat. I would eat way too much food in a day that was awful. But now with a decreesed appitite i can eat reasonable and even smaller amounts then before. I am kinda excited for the weight loss. I cant do too much tho because I can't get sent to a hospital. I'll just eat when I am hungry. Simple.
Anyways that's about it! I will try to update you guys hopefully daily but if not i will get to you asap. If you have and cool hobbies besides being gay let me know! I'd love to try them!!! (also not being homophobic I am very gay and i think trans? Imma give it time to simmer first before tasting it but i did buy a binder :D)
Cya!
~Cal he/they
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My girl ❤️
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trick or treat 😈they’re coming to ransack your home!
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Hunter x Hunter - Killua and Alluka Screencap redraw (90s/retro anime style)
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alluka doodle!! thank u anon for asking abt it
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