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Perverts by Ethel cain, a review

{I wanna preface by saying these were all written in real time as i listened to each song, kind of like stream of consciousness style if you will. i do not know music terms so i apologize if i use wrong words}

“perverts”: familiar but activating .creating somatic reactions in my body , it feels like home , it feels like being in my childhood evangelical church, roaming the halls after hours as my father works in the office -then its calm . It’s dissociative even , the droning of white noise is a safe comfort after the beginning for me , I love white noise so this was beautiful for me .It’s liminal and alone Like - waking up before everyone else and sitting in the empty quiet kitchen 

“Punish” :the song opens with a muffled see saw sort of sound , that sounds reminiscent of a playground swing going back and forth ,I could even say it maybe sounds like whimpering as well, or a baby cry, depending on the state of mind the listener is in,  the vocals and lyrics are haunting- and almost shameful, but there’s a undertone of apathy, someone who’s tired of repeating the same painful story , going through the motions of whatever sin they are committing , they’re somewhat numb to the  remorse they had once felt now . There’s also a feeling of resentment , especially a when the lyric “they made me leave” is sang and guitar riffs hang above the vocals , you can barely hear the swing anymore 

“Houseofpsychoticwomn”: It starts with a tapping ,Almost like a metronome, with someone telling you I love you , over and over , to me it feels almost defensive, then the buzzing and hum like from a fridge starts to warp, and it sounds like someone is shouting behind it , saying no, then someone maybe unintelligible, or is it sawing? Back and forth back and forth ,It makes me feel like I am swaying though I am lying still, the sound feels swirling ,With quiet words over. I feel like I am listening into a different plane , maybe a purgatory or someone’s head .Honestly I feel a lot of connection with this song, it feels very familiar to myself , at least how I was before. Consumed by the hunger pains of wanting more and more love, it was never enough because it simply just passes through me , my brain is even interpreting some of the sounds in this one as a stomach growling, moaning , sex, birthing pains. The constant I love you’s feel like rumination, or maybe even a summoning, the more I say it the more you’ll feel it .This song feels like a home to me , it feels much like a mirror . Towards the end of this one it did kind of trigger some derealization for me, but I was very fascinated by that so I sat with it graciously .

"Vacillator”:It starts with a beat on a drum I assume , it feels very different than the first three, The lyrics and vocals are quiet , almost soft and careful , it feels like dialogue of someone inside themselves , not saying it to the person they have in mind but fantasizing- it’s slow and steady, then falls into something else entirely- like you had just falling into a sewer , or a tank - then you’re back and the soft voice is back , almost a comfort in contrast of the lonely feeling the sound had before, it feels sweet , it feels like worship , at the end of the song they play at church but they don’t end it they drown it on and on, humming and repeating riffs until you feel a tug of emotion .

"Onanist”: this one starts with a hum of a home video - like listening to someone play a tape on the tv , vocalizing echoing softly , a scream from somewhere far away that you’re supposed to ignore, not interfere with. The timing of the vocals at first feels like build up that’s orgasmic , then the crash of noise, ringing , buzzing , throbbing , Then a quietness ,Steady pace of noise ,With lyrics of someone who sounds like they are being made to confess something shameful or embarrassing “It feels good”, It makes the listener feel like they are the ones pushing them to say it . 

"Pulldrone”: this one smoothly transitions from the last to itself, starting with dialogue and a low brown noise in the background, The voice is muffled , again like listening to a tape in an empty room, this one has almost an instruction like quality , like they are being made to read out loud something , a prayer . There’s a droning and something similar of a Tibetan bowl sound , making it feel very much like a prayer to me , the amen confirming that to me as I sit now without someone speaking , the loss of what feels like someone else there , stuck now I’m just the drowning buzz that feels like it’s above me, like I am meant to think about what I’ve done , the noise is reminiscent of old fluorescent bulbs, the buzz and crackle. The whine of a siren like noise is almost maddening but it’s safe as well because it’s become predictable 

"Etienne”: starts as a sad piano ballad, soft enough to sleep too , there’s a tone in the background of what sounds like a microwave on defrost ,-but I am most likely just associating my own things to it , I did close my eyes as I listened to this one , it felt safe to sleep too, it felt safe enough that nothing sudden would change , then ends with what sounds like a sermon , the man has a southern accent.

"Thatorchia”: it starts out sounding like what happens when you use two walkie talkies too close together., it’s almost meditative , the subtle harmonizing in the background once again makes it feel haunting- purgatory or heaven like, whichever you’d prefer to imagine, and again feeling very much gospel like, im a former preachers kid so i cant not notice those things, its nostalgic of church camp, hands in the air, swaying from the prescence of god as it takes you over and then leaves you. "amber waves”: the vocals are tired, and again almost turn apathetic, ‘ill be alright’. then angelic , with harsh words “what you do is nothing to me” a kiss and a pinch on the arm. i feel the numbness in these lyrics, the unchanging day to day, maybe its a confession, maybe its a telling ‘you were nothing to me’, maybe it hurts, you wanted to be something, wanted to feel something yet it all stays the same and who cares anyway? no one does , lost in this grey sound, the grey is a odd comfort, its a fog that makes it all numb. “i cant feel anything”

bonus ! “000.1(wellwater)”: muffled movements, almost like fabric, tossing and turning, it turns windy, like im trapped in a tornado or a snow storm as melodic tones play, a lot of the melodies in these songs are mechanical enough to be interpreted as every day appliances you hear, every day machines. this song like all the others feels like it could be playing as the world ends, when you see the big mushroom cloud on the horizon and then theres no time for you to feel fear.

if u got to here thanks for reading, please go give the album a listen yourself! {the artists blog is @mothercain if u want to listen to wellwater as wel btw}

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dreaming about fields of gold

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i have a slur to say

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Power Station, Gdansk, Poland

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”okay but are you normal about-“ no. I’m an insane pervert.

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cop pulls me over little does he know my drivers license is written in elf hieroglyphics & blinds anyone who reads it

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Tamiko Nishimura

- Shikishima

1970-71

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the scene where alana is like “i feel like I’ve been poisoned” and will’s like “we’ve all been poisoned” is funny in hindsight because alana is talking about how she was being fed human meat and cartilage beer for 8 months and will is talking about how he’s kind of in love with hannibal

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Hannibal (2013-2015)

3x09 - “And the Woman Clothed with the Sun”

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A pair of French chestnut crushing clogs used in the 19th century. These shoes were worn by farmers to trample on chestnuts and acorns to separate the nutmeats from the shells so it could be ground into flour.

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stillborn lamb i saw the other day, in honor of the lamb tattoo i'm getting tomorrow