calamityjess

[calamityjess]

Y’know what I am absolutely astounded by how brutally efficient the Veilguard becomes by the end of the game.

Rook is stuck in regret prison for like two weeks (apparently Lucanis says weeks? idk Neve says it’s been days but she’s probably only slept enough for a handful of days and the Fade messes you up so I’m gonna trust Lucanis and Spite on this one).

In that time, without their leader and weeks earlier than originally planned, the rest of the team manages to get everything in order so they can march less than two days after Rook is rescued. They created an enchanted dagger, coordinated with their allies, and scouted a way into Minrathous.

So whatever you do, don’t imagine Davrin and Taash searching to the limits of the crossroads for any eluvian still working. Full of grief and guilt and rage, they search for any way into Minrathous, so far and so deep that the caretaker bids them return or perish.

Don’t think about Lucanis and Spite, sourcing the purest materials in Thedas to craft a dagger than can cut though the Fade itself. Don’t think about how he cooks constantly, endless food and drink placed just in reach of the others because they rely on him for something other than killing and that means something.

Don’t think about Neve and Emmrich, working themselves to the brink of death on a weapon to fight a god. Spending days researching and planning and testing materials for the dagger.

Don’t think about Neve, up all night working on the dagger’s enchantments to fight away the grief and heartache. Don’t think about Emmrich, spending his evenings trying to scry for Rook and Bellara, unable to see anything at all.

Through all of this, they still manage to gather and prepare their allies. They manage the updates that come in from the Grey Wardens and Veil Jumpers and Lords of Fortune and Mourn Watch and the Crows. They rely on the people they’ve helped to be there when it counts.

So that two weeks earlier than they originally planned, they march on the impenetrable city.

And they win.

[calamityjess]

All of this! My only gripe with Lucanis and Neve is a game mechanic gripe.

Rook can't romance Lucanis AND save Minrathous, but Neve and Lucanis can still get together in that case.

That doesn't make Neve any less worthy of Lucanis, and if Rook isn't romancing him then let the dude be happy with who he wants. How hard is that?

Also, Rook can still romance Neve if you choose Treviso.

I was forwarded a DISSERTATION on how Neve isn't a real relationship for Lucanis, “because she doesn't validate Spite”, and truly, genuinely:

I need y'all to stop whole ass making shit up to protect your blorbo from this character, who is actually better than you in every way, and go see a therapist.

[calamityjess]

Gremlins (1984) dir. Joe Dante

[calamityjess]

Let's sort this by romance options

Alistair: I didn't mean to! I didn't even know there was romance in DAO my first time, suddenly super sweet dorky guy is handing me a rose in the middle of a road after a battle. Next run was by choice, because sweet, funny, dorky guy!

Zevran: took a while to choose Zev, thought he was too much. Finally tried it with a dwarf warden and omg.

Also would have romanced Nathaniel if an option in awakening, dark, grumpy, broody, yes please.

Anders, still not sure tbh the voice helped, sad puppy, disaster waiting to happen.

Fenris: that. Voice. Also broody.

Kaidan; damn you and your voice. And your face. And your (at the time) deminess.

Thane: again with the voice, does Bioware knows us too well now.

Garrus: Alien Alistair plus voiceeeeeeeeee

Cullen: sweet, dorky, shy. Troubled past working through it. Fucking voice.

Bull: stop with these voices! Also hidden fluff under hard exterior.

Solas: fuck Bioware, fuck voices, I quit I can no longer resist.

Lucanis: Fucking broody, fucking disaster, fucking voice. Fucking spite.

Davrin: pet dad, oh listen that's Javiks voice in there. Here we go again!

Idk if it’s just me but I literally never choose BW romances by how the characters look bc uhhhhh

I mean for a long time they looked like very polygonal lol

I pick by voice + like… how much of a complete disaster they are usually lol

Curious how other ppl choose?

[calamityjess]

I’ve seen some hilariously bad takes on the Solavellan ending, especially about the ones where people go “He’s going to be thinking about Mythal while he’s with Lavellan!”

OK, the people thinking that must have brains the size of a fucking pea.

Or those that go, “He didn’t stop for Lavellan, but Mythal asked nicely and he does?”

I think that one takes the cake. Because if that was your takeaway, you either zoned out during the entire cutscene or misunderstood the goddamn thing.

The whole point was that he was under the service of Mythal.

The man literally had no fucking free will.

He had chains binding him that he could not break free from. It’s like he was on auto pilot.

So, while he didn’t stop because his vhenan begged him, it wasn’t a matter of not willing to, he literally couldn’t. 

“Can’t” and “won’t” is key here.

One implies a choice, the other that there is no choice to make. 

While Solas would have loved to stop, it wasn’t up to him. Only Mythal had the power to liberate him.

That’s why we get this reaction once those chains have been broken: 

[calamityjess]

There are only 2 ships I can't get on board with, that actively squick me out to no end. Fenders and elgarnan/rook so I've blocked them both (fenders, elgarook, Elgar'nan x Rook, and Elgarnan x Rook are what I have blocked) Please aid my sanity and tag it .

[calamityjess]

Love not having a ”””fandom””” specific blog. Something new will just consume my mind and everyone has to accept it. My house

[calamityjess]

So visually it took me quite a while to put my finger on why Emmerich looked so familiar. And then I recalled Vincent Price! But I couldn't place why his voice was familiar. Not his voice per se, but his manner of speaking. It always made me want to smile...then it hit me.

Dr. Donald Mallard. Duckie. NCIS. His reverence for the dead, his habit of speaking with them as he did his work as medical examiner, and the way he was always kind, and gentle, and teaching.

Emmerich is Duckie!

[calamityjess]

I CANNOT stop thinking about Merrill as Inquisitor. Solas rocks up like “I’m just an apostate mage!” and Merrill’s insane, insatiable curiosity requires him to start crafting the most INTRICATE lies, while she simultaneously absolutely eviscerates him for condescending to explain stuff she already knows.

Solas: “Oh I walk in the Fade!”

Merrill: “Teach me immediately!”

Solas, who did not expect this: “Oh. Hmm. Actually it’s a highly specialized skill.”

Merrill: “Would blood magic help?”

Solas: ????

***

Iron Bull, asking about the eluvian: “The fuck is that?”

Solas, full professor-mode: “It is an ancient elven artifact, known as-“

Merrill: “Ooooooh I wonder if it connects to the other eluvian!”

Solas, panicked: “What other eluvian?”

Merrill: “The one in my house!”

Solas: ??!!???

***

Solas: “Vallaslin are slave markings, actually.”

Merrill: “Oh that’s sad! But they mean so much more now, my vallaslin is one of my last connections to a culture I am no longer allowed to participate in. They remind me that I am always Dalish, no matter what happens - that’s a part of me!”

Solas: “History doesn’t change just because you want it to!”

Merrill: “Are you not listening to me on purpose?.”

***

Merrill: “So are you dedicated to the Dread Wolf?”

Solas, spitting out his drink: “WHAT?”

Merrill: “We’ll you’re so rude about the Dalish and you don’t have vallaslin! But it wouldn’t be very, you know, sneaky to put “I am dedicated to the Dread Wolf!” on your face.”

Solas, panicking: “Uh, well, actually, um…”

Merrill: “Plus you wear a wolf jaw bone around your neck.”

Solas: !!!!!??!????

Merrill: “Not very subtle, is it?”

[calamityjess]

Martina McBride didn't win Country Music Association Song of the Year for a song about how burning your house down with your abusive husband still inside it is good, noble, and an allegory for the American Revolution for people to act like the genre belongs to bootlicking fucks

[calamityjess]

Catching details I missed watching Mr Jess play Veilguard...

When Illario goes in to kill Zara....he cuts her off in the middle of a word. "Amatu...."

Which I'm convinced is Amatus, which is what Dorian calls the Inquisitor if romanced.

Now to hear Lucanis talk, Illario is a lothario. However, to be called Amatus, he had to be deeper than casual seduction for a contract. That's a term that's earned, and there's no good meaning here. Either he seduced Zara, so deeply and so thoroughly he convinced her to take Lucanis out. Or she convinced him. Either way I'm pissed I couldn't kill the fucker.

[calamityjess]

Quick what are you doing RIGHT now (besides scrolling Tumblr)

[calamityjess]

Finally a Witcher game I'll play. Bring on Ciri!

[calamityjess]

Oops I made another Rook. Well remade. Mortessa Ingellvar, is now a dwarf.

[calamityjess]

"if you are over 30 on Tumblr the mental illness won" "the aging fanbase of Tumblr" motherfucker if you are over 30 and have been here the entire time it means the mental illness didn't win we are still alive WE MADE IT