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caecil · 8 years

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Meeting Genji in the golden days of Overwatch, + having a huge crush on him but he's angry and unresponsive

A/N: Alternately, “The four times Genji Shimada was angry and unresponsive, and the one time he wasn’t”.

First meetings are always tricky; the handshake, the eye contact, the words you put in your mouth. For Genji, it’s little more than a necessary nuisance of working with a group, and with Doctor Ziegler so close by he knows he must play nice. And, you do nothing wrong – you smile pleasantly and bow first, then shake his hand while expressing your eagerness to work with him in the future. Genji nods politely, but the moment no one’s looking, he rips his hands from yours and stalks off. And you don’t let it bother you, you know a bit about what happened and you know he’s only trying to adjust. So when you find him up on the balcony in the middle of the night, you quietly join him while looking out over the bay.

“Pretty nice view, I never get tired of it.” You say, drinking in the smell of the sea. Genji says nothing, not like you expected him too. The silence stretches on for a few minutes until Genji releases a long sigh, his shoulders sagging slightly.

“…why are you here?”

“Enjoying the view. Like you, presumably.”

“Presumably.” He echoes hollowly. “I do not require your pity.”

“Who said I pity you?”

“Why else would you be here when you are otherwise unwanted?” he grounds out and you lean away from the railing and raise your hands over your head.

“If you want me gone, I’m gone, Shimada-san. Goodnight.”

He doesn’t wish the same. The first time you save his life, Doctor Ziegler commends you on Genji’s behalf. But the half or so dozen times afterwards, you guess she encouraged him because his way of thanking you involved a barely whispered “arigatou” before he breezes off towards the next target. And it quickly becomes an issue. Genji is fast, like, stupid fast. If he’s on missions that do not involve dealing with his clan, Genji wants the mission over in five seconds, no on can keep up with him besides you. And after weeks of saving his ass, you meet up on the balcony again and again, he mostly ignores your presence. He only turns as you change bandages, eyes focused on the horizon.

“It was your own fault,” he intones.

“You’re welcome by the way. I could’ve lost this arm while yours could’ve been replaced.” It’s harsh to say but at least Genji’s body language goes from passive to aggressive super fast.

“I did not ask you to take a hit for me.”

“You don’t need to. We’re a team, Shimada, and we all get out alive or not at all: Stand together, die together.”

Genji says nothing.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you actually wanted to die.”

“I do.”

“Genji.”

“Leave.”

When he saves your life, it is not a good experience. The mission is completed and no one is gravelly hurt but he takes precious time out of his usual routine of avoiding everyone to corner you. Just by the way he moves, you know this isn’t going to be a good conversation and you wisely and wordless convey to Tracer that she should leave. Then you and Genji meet up on the balcony where he stands with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You were needlessly reckless today.”

“Astute observation, I will work to improve myself.” You intone, mirroring his unimpressed tone.

“I will not always be around to rescue you.”

“Nor do I need rescuing, was there a point to this conversation?”

Genji’s fists tightened around his arms and for a moment, you almost feel bad but he inhales deeply, summons his arrogance and then bullshit flies out of his mouth.

“Then next time I will let you die, if your value your life so little.”

“That’s pretty rich coming from you, Genji.” It’s the first time you’ve used his name, the first time he’s heard it come out of your mouth and you savour the taste of it.

You don’t let him have the last word, storming away and escaping into the training grounds, ready to pummel just about anything because the fluttering in your chest should be ignored and forgotten. Forget how he held you close, defended you, guarded you. It was only instinct; it was only for the mission. Nothing you’ve done causes the reaction.

You both end up in Hanamura on the anniversary of his death, cursing Morrison for this assignment as you and Genji occupy separate but joined rooms. The door that links you together is opened but neither of you desire each other’s company. Genji has fitful dreams and you listen, still in your bed as he talks himself back to sleep, a shattered mess as the moon files into his room. The mask flies off in a rage, you hear him storm into the bathroom and the water starts running. Stay that way for a while, and then you’re worried because there is no sound. You get up, tiptoe into his room and nearly scream as he claws at his face, soaking his hands in hot water as if to make the process more painful. He’s stronger than you, this you know, but you wrap around him as best you can in a way that won’t result in broken bones.

You perform every necessary action. Soothing him as best you can, ensuring him everything is fine and he is fine, and nothing will hurt him, that you are here, no one will ever know of this particular moment in time. His secret is your secret. Fragments of songs and old lullabies, you stay in bed with him all night, watching him sleep in peaceful silence. And you put the mask back on. When you are sure he’s deep enough in sleep, you return to your bed and do the same. Morning brings no recollection of the night previous but Genji feels off. You ask him if he slept well and he doesn’t say anything. He sees how clean the bathroom is and the dent in the wall from where he threw the mask and then he knows. Knows you’ve seen his face. He disappears, the mission you complete on your own and Morrison wants to know what happened but you never tell. You take this secret to the grave.

Of course, the one time he isn’t insufferably anger or unresponsive, is when he combs through the rubble of the Swiss Headquarters and finds you buried under the rock. You can’t feel your legs, an arm is lodged under a steel pole and you can’t feel that either, you lost a couple of fingers and something wet trickles at a snail’s pace down your face. And Genji. Poor dear, he doesn’t know what to do. He’s calling for help but even he knows it won’t be fast enough, so he focused on pulling the debris off your body.

“There’s no rush, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Be quiet.” He orders. Heaving the pole off your arm, and it is indeed severed. He glares when you have the audacity to laugh.

“What? I always figured I lose it saving you, guess I was wrong. Damn.”

“What happened?” He wants to focus on the facts, something his mind can understand at this point in time.

“Don’t know. Heard Jack and Gabe yelling at each other then, boom. What a way to go.”

“Look at me, you aren’t going anywhere. Stand together, die together.”

“Aw, sweetheart. You do care, but I don’t need you dying for me.”

“Idiot, you aren’t dying, not today.”

“I think this pile of rocks says otherwise. I’ve lost a lot of blood already.”

“Doctor Ziegler will be here soon. Stay with me, there’s that view at Gibraltar you love so dearly. We need to watch the sunset.”

“I already have; it’s beautiful.”

He shoves the rocks away, and yes, the legs are crushes and mangled and Genji is almost glad he doesn’t eat very much, dry heaving and turning away for a moment. He hears the search crews, hears his name being called and ordered about, but he does not move.

“Tell me about it, I’ve never seen it.” He says softly.

“Oh it’s the prettiest thing ever. The sky gets orange like a pumpkin, and the low hanging clouds all turn violet like…I don’t know, violets. The water is nearly white with all the light pouring on it, and then then sky gets real dark, the stars twinkle overhead. And the sky burns red for a while, a really pretty red…I don’t know.”

“It sounds lovely.” Genji whispers, the light glinting off of Mercy’s halo. “And the doctor is here, look, just over there…(Y/N)? (Y/N)! No, stay with me. Breathe, please.”

“Don’t go.”

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