bvlvnhan

[bvlvnhan]

“I don’t know why it’s suddenly controversial to say no to cutting someone open for no reason. There is a word for that and it's not surgery.”

[bvlvnhan]

Ivan’s tells for when he was exhausted were a bit trickier than most. Looking tired was one but… it was often that and something else — something that clued the other into what was responsible for the fatigue. And such, he often had a system for looking the guide over to ensure he figured out what that is.

First, is his face — of course — but his eyes never linger there long. The quick, first impression of Ivan’s well-being is what he checked for each time he saw him.

Next, is his hands. Though he couldn’t say for sure based off of whatever initial look he got… but the more strenuous guiding sessions often left something behind — something he always found when studying them closer. Singed finger tips, a bit of exceeding frost around the of them, maybe a couple more cuts or bruises where none were before.

Lastly, he scans… the rest of him. His gaze always continues down before it travels back up, making sure he missed not a single detail about how Ivan looked before his eyes return to the man’s face. “I’m not at my limit.” he would say when asked, when he looked like he was just shy of collapsing on his feet if given a moment to.

It honestly made the esper quite mad.

Not at Ivan, of course.....never at Ivan.

“...They push you too much.” Caio says softly, now tending to what few injuries littered his hand. He’s even pushed up Ivan’s sleeves a bit — just to make sure that whatever after-effects from said guiding hadn’t traveled further than normal. “You need to rest.”

“And not… a handful of minutes or a quick nap — actual rest that actually gives you time to recuperate.” he continues, the slightest hint of frustrations slipping into his voice — a shake of his head accompanying a sigh. “...You're going to burn out at this rate.”

( @bvlvnhan )

ivan still cared for his outwards appearance. it was a difficult habit to just dismiss, even though years have passed since alien stage. despite his owner's priorities shifting, they still wanted their pet to appear good-looking. sometimes, ivan was still made to take on a few modelling gigs, though most of the money came from him acting as a guide to the esper-aligned pets.

it was a lot more exhausting than singing, but the makeup did a great job at covering any outward signs of said exhaustion, on top of ivan having long since mastered the act of pretending.

“ ...? ” he blinked blearily at caio, who always seemed far too eager to look him all over. it wasn't all that unusual, really— many a segyein have put their grubby paws all over him, it was something ivan was used to. however, the touch of a human was oddly more gentle. and since it happened routinely whenever the two of them met up, ivan attributed this to the other's occupation as a doctor.

that's what they called it, the human rebels. a doctor. a different term from a vet, this was supposedly a word that once existed in the ancient human language; a human who cared for fellow humans. ivan was happy for caio's newfound freedom; he remembered the man mentioning being a pet once, too. ivan himself was convinced and perfectly fine with the fact that he'd never find such a freedom, but it was nice to have a visitor every now and then.

caio wasn't the only esper ivan was made to guide, but he was his favorite, if he had any say in it ( he kept it all to himself ). eyes dropped as the other raven took his hands, wondering why he was so insistent on checking those, too... but he never quite questioned the doctor's methods. didn't even try to hide how stiff his fingers were when caio tried to carefully bend each and every one, how cold they likely were to touch, with the skin a bit discolored at the tips, indicating poor blood circulation as of late.

once the man was done, ivan met his gaze once more, almost as if simply awaiting a report. “ ... they don't, ” he argued, “ i'm fine. ” exactly as per caio's expectations. despite his words, given that they held no real conviction, he made no protests against caio starting to treat what little wounds ivan's sleeve hid. it wasn't anything serious, he'd say if asked, but instead they spent that moment in silence.

“ i rest when i'm able, ” the words were picked carefully— the real truth was that he rested when allowed. still, it was... nice. nice to be cared for like this. more than tolerable, it felt almost enjoyable. ivan's eyes flitted upwards to caio once more. a man made of ice, yet his touch was oddly warm. he couldn't describe it.

“ ... if i burn, i know you'll have me. ”

[bvlvnhan]

i'm feeling very meh today so i dunno if i'll be on here much today :( might just stick to discord and lurk

where to find me: princemorsh ( and if you see fat yoshi, you're in the right place )

[bvlvnhan]

What if they kissed, you know? What if we just pushed Ivan and Caio together like barbies and made them kiss

( @bvlvnhan )

“ i'm not so sure anymore that our sessions are working anymore, ” the words were spoken flatly; somehow the ex-singer figured caio didn't really care. almost doubted he ever did, if he were being honest. the esper was somewhat difficult to read, though many people ( humans especially ) were such a case for ivan. no one truly ever made sense to him, rarely even after he got to explore their minds.

it was more difficult with this one, whose records ( as well as personal recollections ) stated that he'd never had any successes with being guided by another. his owner would only ever hire the best, eventually striking a lucrative deal with ivan's own, who was always seeking new opportunities; now with the showbusiness flopping, pairing his guide-assigned pet with an esper made the most sense.

ivan had little choice than to listen in the matter, as per usual. he didn't mind; though he liked it significantly less than singing.

punishment awaited if the ravenette couldn't live up to expectations, and those were high when it came to caio. someone who never synchronized well with anyone, though ivan seemed to be the exception. and when the effects his touch had on the other seemed to dwindle, he couldn't help the twinge of worry of what consequences might follow.

the truth was, he was worried more about them taking caio away than anything else. to be punished physically or denied sustenance for the next several days meant nothing in comparison to possibly never seeing the esper again. ivan couldn't quite explain it, but it's been a long time since he's ever felt this comfortable around someone.

not since...

“ —so let me try something different, ” his voice sounded uncharacteristically desperate, pleading almost, as he suddenly gripped and clung to the other man's sleeve. there was no doubt about caio not feeling the same as ivan did, but that didn't matter. such was the norm when it came to the younger becoming fixated upon someone. was he really that selfish to simply want them to stay?

it's fine if it's not working out. it never does, it's not you, it's a me problem. don't worry about me. i can get help elsewhere if it gets out of control again.

the words replayed over and over in his mind. why did everyone always leave him? why was he never good enough for anyone? he long since began to regret ever surviving alien stage; if he'd died, he'd never have to be subjected to this, a process that involved delving so deep into one's own emotions as well as memories of another. it all felt so heavy in his chest, yet all he could do was endure. resilience, ivan was good at.

black eyes widened upon seeing the other turn away from him. not again. why did this always happen to him? a lump had formed in his throat, preventing him from saying anything at all, from calling out to caio to stay. suddenly, ivan's legs moved on their own, against his will, his heart beating too fast in his chest; too loud in his ears. haphazardly, he reached for caio's shoulders to grab him, prevent him from leaving, to turn him around on his heels and shove him into the nearest wall— not exactly on purpose, but the clumsy way with which ivan moved didn't exactly make for a soft landing.

to guide an esper, it required physicality, right? he was told as much when being trained. in the past, caio had seemed to find enough of relief in just simple touches— a hug, holding hands, or simply sitting next to each other. wandering through his mind had always been hazy, and like ivan was wading through mud, but most of the images were clear. it felt easy, natural. lately, it wasn't enough anymore, and caio seemed to be more content with simply leaving. like he always had before; discarding whatever useless guide his owner just so happened to misjudge and assign to him.

hands gripped tightly at the other's cheeks, against the cold frostbite that creeped up them ( how long had it been there? ) as he rather carelessly yanked the older into a kiss, lips coming to crash together in a desperate manner. it was rushed and inexperienced, that much was obvious, but ivan remembered this being something intimate. he didn't want to let go, his nails digging into ice and skin alike, likely causing it to bleed in his carelessness, all the while feeling the frost slowly crawl up his own fingertips.

it didn't matter. nothing mattered. he just wanted caio to stay.

[bvlvnhan]

Bro why did I wake UP with a headache? The fuck?

[bvlvnhan]

I'm gonna give Caio a bird.

[bvlvnhan]

[bvlvnhan]

Anyway all that said. Something something Caio will clean blood off of his friends and loved ones and probably wont judge them for it. All he will ask is "is it yours?"

[bvlvnhan]

Caio's relationship to love is... complicated.

Platonic love, he knows. Familial love, he knows.

Romantic love, he's a little murky on because that's the only one he honestly doesn't have as much experience with, regardless of verse. But he knows what it looks like ( he thinks, at least ). It does play a part in how he kinda behaves when to comes to romantic feelings.

He is not a "love at first sight" person. He is not someone that just "clicks" with someone else typically. That "flutter" is hard to come by and though it's stable when it finally does happen, it's... like you can't even feel it at all. It's like a trick of the mind--something you can easily mistake for anxiety or paranoia.

Emotionally, Caio is guarded and he holds himself and his feelings close to his chest--does so with vigor, really. It's not a matter of peeling back his layers and more a waiting game of how long it takes him to peel them back himself. Obviously, he can be helped along a little bit and moves quicker or slower depending on how he interacts with a person but it's still a waiting game. It's less that... he feels like he's going to get hurt or is waiting for someone to hurt him and more that it's just how his brain has been trained to work. He knows what love is, can spot it from a mile away, but when it comes to himself, he just... doesn't connect to it as strongly without time and the quality of said time being a large factor in it. I joke about watching paint dry when it comes to ships...but literally, it's like watching paint dry with him. It'll never be a grand epiphany, either, and will be one of those things that just...happens. it will just be a fact instead of a thought.

Now all that said, Caio isnt a heartless snowman that doesnt ever look at anyone. How he feels love is not equivalent to his capacity to care. I honestly think the latter goes far beyond the former in some cases.

Often times, he shows that he is thinking about others even if they don't think that he is. He doesn't have to love someone in that way to care about them or to think about their wellbeing. He doesn't have to want to date them in order for him to, for example, get them something for Valentine's Day. Or any other holiday. He typically won't if he's not close to said person... but there's a decent chance that he will consider it--if only to make that person feel better. Or to give them something that made them happy.

Sure, you can say "he's a doctor, he's supposed to care" but... how he cares for someone as a doctor is different than how he cares for someone as a person. He cant really lecture a patient at length about their health ( though, he often doesn't have to )... but he sure as shit will do it to his friends--readily at that. It may come off as abrasive, especially given how he sometimes conveys that he thinks someone is being a bit reckless, but he does mean well. He's not trying to be a know-it-all but he also isn't going to dance around anything important.

For people he feels strongly about ( closer to loved ones ), he'll ride their ass about doing stupid shit... but will also be the first to be like "okay you do XYZ to take care of that. Do you need me to come over? I'll just come over". He will go out of his way to spend time with them, even if he should really be doing something else. If he sees something that reminds him of them, he'll stop and get it. All without expecting anything in return because he doesn't really... need anything in return. If they're okay, he's okay.

[bvlvnhan]

oh oh oh--I also updated the connections page in the carrd so like. take a peek. if you're supposed to be on there, tell me because my brain is fried and I added everyone I remembered to add.

[bvlvnhan]

i dunno how many things I've sent but it's more than enough for me energy-wise so i'm gonna edit my carrd some, maybe respond to messages, and then wind down

[bvlvnhan]

caio's vibes on an application for someone he doesn't know well: 😶

caio's vibes on an application for someone he knows better: dude i am so sorry for sending this in. we can do whatever you want.

[bvlvnhan]

also tempted to do love headcanons ( as if im not just gonna write one block of text ) for Caio because I have a lot of thoughts about Caio in love.

[bvlvnhan]

Im back home. I am ready to send in applications.

[bvlvnhan]

“ ... if i were to kidnap you, would you go willingly or would i have to force you? ” does it even count as kidnapping anymore if its voluntary?

Caio’s no stranger to Ivan’s rather… odd questions here and there. More oft than not, he would respond if he could summon an answer to it — granted they weren’t too left field. While he wouldn’t say that he was a fan of them… they were the tiniest bit interesting sometimes. He couldn’t deny that they — as weird as some sounded — weren’t thought-provoking…

...and his current one was exactly that. The expression that then eases onto Caio’s face sends a clear message — “Why would you ask me that”.

The sensible, reasonable answer to that would be the latter choice, as the act of kidnapping is already done against the victim’s will. There’s no “going willingly”, unless going under some form of duress is considered “willing”. The options Ivan offered, in his head, were the exact same… just said in different ways. There wasn’t really much a choice in the matter… and it honestly felt like Ivan was simply asking the man how he wanted to be treated — would he rather be gently coerced… or would some amount of force be necessary?

“...I don’t think offering me the option to go willingly counts towards kidnapping.” he says after a couple moments, studying Ivan’s face as he speaks. “That’s… not how it works — at least, not without some form of coercion.”

The words that bubble up into his throat next toe the line of his better judgement. The answer he gave, coupled with the expression he fixed on Ivan, is suitable enough. He doesn’t need to elaborate. He shouldn’t need to…

However… it’s Ivan ( whatever that is supposed to mean ). Caio could afford just a little bit more thought towards the question. It is, after all, a hypothetical one—a “what if” that didn’t truly mean anything ( or so he told himself ).

“But...if I had to give an answer, it would depend on why you wanted to kidnap me. I think my initial reaction would be the same regardless, as I don’t think anyone would appreciate being kidnapped.. so it'd have to be by force. What would matter more is the motivation for keeping me wherever you whisked me off to.” is what he continues with, “Is it just because you wanted to or something else — like to protect me or something akin to that? It's still kidnapping but... the reason for it could stop me from retaliating.”

( unprompted - @weptsorrow )

[bvlvnhan]

valentine's day application

Name: Age: Do you like to cuddle?: Can we make-out?: A night in or dinner out?: Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?: What makes you a good Valentine?: Would you cook for me?: Would you let me cook for you?:

[bvlvnhan]

valentine's day application

Name: Age: Do you like to cuddle?: Can we make-out?: A night in or dinner out?: Ice cream or chocolate covered strawberries?: What makes you a good Valentine?: Would you cook for me?: Would you let me cook for you?: