bullshitfromanidlemind-blog

[bullshitfromanidlemind-blog]

A Question

I am writing this article as an outrage to the frequent rapes happening in our country. People are getting used to such headlines nowadays. But every time I read about a rape, be it in the capital or somewhere else, my blood boils. A country is a failed state if half of the population [not half exactly thanks to female infanticide and obsession towards a boy child] doesn’t feel safe after dusk. People are rather interested saving cows instead which could be a personal preference but we need to set our priorities right. We panic when our mothers, sisters, wives, girl friends are late returning from work or don’t pick up our calls especially when it’s at night. We try to drop them and pick them up from places because deep down we have this fear “what if something happens”. As a result we don’t try to solve the problem, rather we try to bypass it by putting restriction on women because we are “concerned” and it’s for “their safety”. But whom are we fooling? Is it really the solution? Why should they live in fear and restrictions just because some people could not educate their children right? What’s their fault? And what kind of education teaches that “the best way to teach a girl a lesson is either raping her or throwing acid on her as in to ruin her life forever to summarize. People are not born rapists. But then why girls feel safe in bikinis in the western countries that lack "culture” and don’t feel safe in our “ancient cultured” country even if they roam around in a burqa?

It’s a no-brainer that there must be something wrong with us. And yes, the reason is the way our society is today. It’s not a single reason but a product of multiple reasons which makes the country a mass producer of rapists and molesters. And I am not talking about any specific area of the country or any specific section of the society. From north to south, from rich to poor, from a teenager to a person in his sixties, problem lies everywhere. Let’s talk about few of them.

Equal rights for women, not: this topic creates thunders in everlasting debates. The question is simple, “do women get equal facilities as men do in our country?” Every time we see two parties with some cliché points. One party will say feminism is redundant nowadays why because women get ladies seats in trains/buses [they don’t forget to thank ac Volvo buses for not doing such discrimination], free entry [sometimes free drinks as well, can you imagine?] in pubs and public support in a public argument. So for them it’s sorted, what else do you need to live? Another party which is also known as “the Feminazis” will start taking examples since the beginning of time and discuss the oppression on women and after sometime totally deviate from the topic and it becomes point blank male bashing. Then the first party will say “yeah you say equality, but why men always have to pay the bill? Why men are judged if they cry? Why should we only lift the paani wala can?” and many more irrelevant questions. Then the first party will say “men are biologically stronger but that doesn’t mean they are superior” and it’ll go on and on. Then comes the third kind, the enlightened ones who will conclude the debate saying things either like “don’t respect a gender, respect a human being” or “women should not compete with men cause they are already superior” or “you are wrong, it’s not about who’s ahead, it’s about if they are moving together side by side”. But after the long discussion the main question remains unanswered. And the real answer is kind of tricky. Yes we are a civilization who worships women as goddesses [I am not going into religion cause that’s the different topic altogether], we had Rani Laxmi Bai then, we have Sushma Swaraj now but originally the condition of women rights in India is like money. A lot is there but not accessible to majority specially when in need, feminism is there but it empowers the empowered. So the answer is no, women don’t have equal rights, majority have less and a minority have more rights than men do. 

That is how things are: the phrase which is fed to us whenever our culture had to force something which is logically inexplicable, for example, the image of an ideal Indian woman. She should be polite, she should cover her body n sometimes face as well, she should respect elders no matter what, she should obey her father/husband [whichever male master she’s assigned to cause man leads and woman follows], she should not answer back, she’s the primary caretaker of the house and kids and career should always be a second priority. Of course there are exceptions and they are increasing with time but for majority there is infinite number of unwritten rules. And the sad part is majority follow these rules else the society will judge them or some aunty will come with her moral policing. It’s there is all levels of the society be it poor or rich, be it educated urban society or orthodox rural ones. And the reason is “that is how things are”. That’s why in villages girls get sasural training instead of education to get married off ASAP, people gossip about how the new girl got promoted and they did not cause she worked hard in boss’s cabin on her knees in some MNC, the newly married bride has to leave her job/studies and ambitions cause that’s how a happy family works. But this has to end someday. Just because women tolerate all silently, people get used to it. Then if some lady argues with a man with raised voice, people turn their heads and start judging her. Same suggestions are taken on different priority based on whether it’s coming from a man or a woman because the general assumption is “ladkiya toh dumb hoti hai yaar”/“abbe uski kya aukaad hai”. But what is the factor that creates this assumption. 

Happy family: It happens because in India a happy family means where women keep sacrificing. A boy sees his father always dominating his mother and beating at times. He sees her sister getting less privileges and priorities generally because he’s a boy. When he cries father says don’t cry like a girl, be a man. He thinks being like a girl is bad or equivalent to be weak. This thought gets embedded into his mind that girls are good but they are beneath me. When this boy grows up and goes out in the world. He sees girls coming from non-cliché families outperforming/ignoring him no matter how hard he tries. He takes this as humiliation, how can that petty girl dare to humiliate me? She needs to be taught a “lesson”! We all know what the possible lessons from this point are. 

Stop at the early stage, be pro-active: No one is born rapist, neither someone has the guts to rape someone at the first attempt. The reason rapists exist is the way we ignore the early signs of a potential rapist for which these sick people get away with a lot of small crimes and gather the courage to do bigger atrocities pushing their limits. We see or hear about events like, someone pulled a bra strap in some co-ed school, some neighbor boy harassed a girl cause he loved him[thanks to Bollywood], some child is molested by their elder brother or uncle, some middle aged uncle groped someone in a bus, some local hero molested a passerby and other numerous flavors eve-teasing and molestation where in most of the cases girls don’t speak up and even if they do, their parents suppress them fearing shame in the society and even if they speak up the male counterpart gets backed up by their family by saying things like “didn’t mean any harm”/“he’s just a kid”/“it’s a misunderstanding”/“your girl has issues”/“it was a mistake, please forgive and forget”. Events like these get the guts for someone to attempt a rape. 

We the volatile people: Another reason is people forget very easily. And media is to be blamed for that. In a hunt for new news headlines, they don’t draw closure to all the cases. We see new rape cases in the headlines on a daily basis but how many stories draw a conclusion? How many of the rapes reported are drawn to a closure? As a result, a person who is going for a candle march for Nirbhaya today forgets everything tomorrow and gets busy with Dream11 cause IPL is about to start. 

Sex? What is that: But why so many people especially in this part of the planet are driven towards touching a girl without her consent? Let’s face it, India is a sex starved country and the reason is our “cultured society”. Sex is treated like a taboo in our country and still we managed to be a country with second largest population [soon to be number 1 as you can’t force birth control norms like china over here because “democracy”]. Forget doing it, even talking about sex/condoms/even sanitary pads make people embarrassed. Since childhood we don’t get any awareness about sex just by the behavior of our elders around us we get the idea that sex is dirty and bad unless you are married. Once you get married, somehow you get a license to have sex. The biology teacher gets ashamed to take classes on reproduction, even prostitution is illegal here. People in their 30’s remain virgin and wait for their marriage to happen cause “culture”. But it’s not something you can hide or stop by not talking about it, it’s a biological need. This disrupted status quo between supply and demand makes people desperate to get some action. 

Iron cuts iron: Girls don’t go well with girls most of the time. I don’t understand the reason though. As we see around us women force restrictions on women all the time. Be it the neighbor aunty who gets judgmental when your clothes are not “sanskar compatible”, the same aunty who wants you to get married just after your college is over because “isko kaunsa prime minister banna hai”, the family members who are biased towards the boy child over the girl or the mother-in-law for whom “bahu” can’t work or study after marriage because that’s not how a “happy family” works but the “beti” can have ambitions. We can call them hypocrites in one word. But why does this happen? They went through the same system; they know the pain of being restricted all the time. Shouldn’t they let people live freely when the power is in their hand? Or is it some kind of anger which they couldn’t express when they were the victim in the story and later vent it out as revenge when they get the power? The way ragging thrives in hostels. I see girls demeaning themselves by telling boys “kya ladki jaisa ro rha hai?” or “mard bann” or “chudiyan pehen le” as if being a man is always better than being a woman. Mothers tell their daughters, “tu toh mera beta hai”, if she’s taking responsibilities. These people always keep this thought deep down in their mind that men are superior [because society embedded that into their minds and they can’t see beyond that] and try to compete with men whenever they get a chance. I see feminists with agendas like “ladko ko dikhana hai” or “ladko ko unki aukaad dikhani hai”. They always get obsessed with beating boys than improving themselves and by that they indirectly create a notion that girls are weaker in general, they somehow reached this state where they can challenge men. But you should pick your contender based on performance and not on gender. People ask for fast forward laws and courts for rape but that couldn’t happen because women are not united as a community. A lot of women take advantage of women rights which were introduced to help them. We see reports like girls trying to frame guys into fake “molestation/rape cases” to get lime light on social media or earn easy money by blackmailing, wives filing fake domestic violence cases to teach in-laws a lesson, even girls try to stop cars on highways asking for help and loot them when someone stops to help them out. Now think, if you tried to help someone and got looted by some gang, will you ever dare to stop your car next time seeing someone asking for help? Especially in north India people don’t dare to stop their cars thinking it could be a scam, people are not so inhuman to leave someone dying on the road but experiences have made them cautious. For the same reasons and numerous fake cases our penal code can’t make fast forward system for rape cases as it might be a fake one. 

It’s your fault: There are a large number of people who blame girls for getting raped. They say things like “she was drunk”/“she was wearing indecent clothes”/“she was roaming around alone in the night carelessly”/“she always hangs out with guys”. Let me get this clear, a rape/molestation is never the victim’s fault, be it a boy or a girl. We need to get out of this dumb notion. Rapes happen because some people believe it’s okay to have sex with a girl even if she is saying “no” because the usual reason we blame girls with for rape. Rapes happen because we couldn’t educate those sick bastards. Rapes happen because we couldn’t provide the safety to our women that they deserve. Then there are enlightened politicians who say things like “rapes happen because girls and boys meet freely”, what else do you expect? Separate countries for men and women? These thoughts are toxic, just because thoughts like these exist; we see different columns for boys and girls in co-ed schools. I mean c'mon, it’s a co-ed school, let them meet freely and understand each other. We are seeding difference at a grass-root level like this. 

Law and order: We have laws to deal with rape cases but sometimes they seem useless due to poor execution. At first half of the cases don’t result into an FIR because “what people will think?” The ones which get to the police stations don’t get enough priority all the time as police is busy taking bribes. At times people who go to the police station get humiliated with weird and out of context questions. If you look beyond metros and big cities, a lot of police stations and related nursing homes lack infrastructure to test and prove rapes before the substantial evidences fade away. On top of that our court proceedings make even snails look faster. A lot of people don’t have the time, money and patience to fight a case till closure and end up doing personal settlement by either taking some money or marrying off the victim with her rapist. Another issue is it’s bail-able [if you have money] until it’s proved in court which takes years. Sometimes rapists are below 18 and they get away with “warning and few months in the rehab” as juvenile but people don’t asses their sanity when they are released with anonymity. Yes, things are getting better slowly but we are light years behind of how it’s supposed to be. The law and order need reinforcements to address these issues.

So it is clear, that we have loads of issues and to overcome those is neither a short term job nor a one man job. We as a society need to evolve and spread awareness so that we don’t breed rapists and molesters unknowingly, don't treat women differently than men and treat a rapist the way he/she should be treated. But that’s a farfetched goal and we have real issues at present. What to do about them?

What to do: Well, this is 21st century where we can track ground activity from space. But with all these successful ISRO satellite launches, with all these eyes in the sky why aren’t we being able to save our women? Can’t we dedicate few satellites for our women? Just few “Geo Stationary” satellites to cover the entire country. We can make an app what can be easily installed in all phones [not only smart phones] which will have a “panic button”. When someone feels that their safety is being compromised can push that button. Immediately the location of the SIM card will go to a central server via that dedicated satellite so that people don’t have to rely on the availability of mobile networks. That server will pick that location in GPS and alert the nearby police station with specific GPS co ordinates. Even if the rapists throw the phone from some moving car, this whole process will happen in less than a minute giving police a real time data to come up with a legit search radius. The satellite can even be used to take photographs for evidences. A lot of tragedy can be avoided that way including other crimes as well. We should ask for such systems, we are the tax payers and should ask for money allocation during yearly budget for such system.

You can say writing an article and ranting about everything is very easy but to do something it takes courage. I will say if everyone did what they are capable of, our country would have been like heaven. But a change has to come from within ourselves and it always starts with an idea. I am not bragging but saying this so people don’t judge me as a “theoretical patriot”. I have taught English and Mathematics to slum kids for free, I have protested to save environment, I have fed hungry beggars, I have given gifts, food and clothes in charity, I even cleaned up dirty lakes, I don’t litter, pay taxes honestly as well. Maybe I am capable of doing more but I don’t have the money or resources to build such a system for sure else I would have done it already. I have a job and mouths to feed. I will request my friends to forward this to such an extent that it reaches people and government. I would love to work on such a project [who wouldn’t?]. If this changes the thought process of even a single person, my purpose to write this will be fulfilled. I believe in our country that it has the potential to bounce back. So the question is…will you support and forward this message? Hoping to see better days[“Acche Din”]….Jai Hind.

Kunal Dutta.