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bugeosuppe · 3 months ago

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teman hidup dan hamster

rabu minggu lalu gw diajak temen untuk ikut program mak comblang milik salah satu cici tiktoker. nama programnya Teman Hidup dengan tagline "semua orang berhak untuk dicintai", kira-kira gitu. syaratnya cuma musti punya penghasilan minimal untuk masing-masing jenis kelamin dan bayar biaya registrasi awal. lalu calon peserta diminta isi form untuk tahu pendapat masing-masing seputar hubungan dan pernikahan.

salah satu pertanyaannya, apakah kamu ingin punya anak?" ada 4 pilihan jawaban: - ya - tidak - ya, tapi ingin menunda punya anak - lainnya (isi penjelasan)

gw pilih opsi 4, dengan mengetik "90% tidak" melihat realita kehidupan di Indonesia jaman sekarang rasanya sah-sah aja kalo gw berusaha realistis tentang ini, kenapa musti mengajak anak suci ga berdosa ke dalam luntang-lantungnya berkehidupan di wakanda? gw jawab 90% karena gw tidak menutup kemungkinan untuk adopsi, at least that way gw bisa memberi rumah dan penghidupan untuk anak yg kurang beruntung.

lalu beberapa hari kemudian di suatu siang gw sampai pada suatu kesimpulan bahwa sangat mungkin gw kena l-word di minggu depan, setelah tiba-tiba di-dm head untuk wfo di HO. di situ gw udah gatau mau komen apa, dari gonjang-ganjing sejak 1-2 bulan lalu pun sebenarnya gw udah merasionalisasi pemikiran bahwa sangat mungkin gw salah satu orang yang kena di gelombang selanjutnya cuz gw cuma pkwt. jadi sebenernya ini bukan hal yang tiba-tiba. tapi tetep aja gw nyesek gatau musti gimana kalo beneran kena, karena belum ada proses lagi di tempat yang gw lamar. terbersit pikiran "bjir gimana gw mo nikah ya kalo gini terus" cape bgt udah umur segini masih dibayang-bayangi l-word.

lalu tiba-tiba di hari yang sama gw dikabarin ibu gw kalo most probably ade gw bakal nikah duluan. sebelumnya ga ada gerak-gerik apa-apa jadi ini suatu berita yang sangat baru buat gw. I would never mind kalo "dilangkahin" ato gimana, lagian keluarga juga ga percaya hal-hal gituan yang mana kalo ceue dilangkahin ade couo nya bakalan susah etc etc. ketika gw cerita ke temen2 gw, 2 orang bilang hamdalah, semoga blablabla. lalu gw mempertanyakan diri gw sendiri, kenapa gw ga bisa bilang hal yang sama ya?

seharian itu gw dissociating, bingung mo komen apa, gatau gw merasakan apa. gw scroll toktok, bosen, trus belajar Kanji dan ngerjain pr kelas bajep. gw ga bisa mengutarakan perasaan gw, kecamuk di pikiran gw, ke ortu atau temen. gw bingung mengartikulasi perasaan dan pikiran gw saat itu.

hari besoknya gw masih dissociating. pengennya tidur terus tapi pusing. akhirnya scroll toktok dan ngerjain latihan Kanji lagi. lalu tiba-tiba setelah maghrib gw baru sadar kalo hamster gw ngga ada di kandangnya. iya sih gw buka pintu kandangnya di siang hari soalnya takut kepanasan. dia pun biasanya tidur siang dan ga pernah bertindak bodoh manjat keluar dari kandang, ga kayak hamster sebelumnya.

gw cari ke setiap sudut kamar ga ada, gw cari di ruang belakang, dapur, ruang depan, ga kelihatan tanda-tandanya. takut banget hamsternya dimakan tikus lalu ketemu tapi udah tinggal kepalanya. di situ gw kayak masih denial, ga mungkin banget tiba-tiba ilang, padahal gw baru aja beli German Horse 3 kg buat ganti bedding-nya dia. gw udah pusing banget ga bisa berkata-kata, bingung mau cari dia dimana lagi. udah coba cara-cara yang gw gugling untuk menarik hamster yang ilang. sampe isya jam 10an ga ada tanda-tandanya, kepala gw udah pening banget dan ga bisa nangis.

akhirnya gw wudhu, solat isya, dan rebahan di kasur sambil baca al-matsurat sambil desperate berharap doa yang gw baca di-extend juga untuk hamster gw. minta perlindungan buat hamster gw biar at least walau ngga ketemu di malam ini, dia masih aman ga diganggu tikus atau kegencet somewhere. gw lupa pas gw baca di bagian mana gitu tiba-tiba ada suara mencicit gitu dari ruang di luar kamar gw 😭😭😭😭 setelah susah payah geser lemari dan kulkas sambil drama dia cicit kenceng banget karena takut, akhirnya dia mau gw ambil dan balikin ke kandang.

setelah hamster gw ketemu dan sehat wal afiat itu gw meniatkan dalam hati kalo ade gw butuh bantuan buat pernikahan gw akan kasih sebisanya sebagai penebus dosa dengki gw yang walau masih bibit tentu akan sangat ga sehat kalo dibiarin. di situ gw juga meniatkan buat nerusin tracking ibadah dan habit jelek gw di habitica, yang udah gw anggurin semingguan ini.

gw beneran lega banget setelah liat penampakan hamster gw di pojok tembok belakang kulkas. somehow gw tau hamster gw pasti bakal balik lagi, seperti kejadian-kejadian sebelumnya yang malah lebih absurd dimana hamster gw kabur di kosan yang punya dua kucing. walau gw gatau gimana caranya, tapi somehow gw ga gelisah, gw tau hamster gw bakal balik lagi. tapi barulah setelah gw mohon doa ke allah gw dikasih tunjuk tentang keberadaan hamster gw, bahwa dia masih ada, di lokasi ga jauh dari kamar, dengan keadaan masih baik-baik aja.

somehow kejadian hamster ilang ini mengingatkan gw pada jawaban gw di form Teman Hidup. gw ngisi form itu masih dengan agak tidak yakin "emang bener gw mau nikah?" gw janji, merengek ke Allah, gw akan jadi orang yang lebih baik biar hamster gw diberikan perlindungan. sebagaimana gw pernah nangis sejadi-jadinya dan berdoa biar hamster gw sebelumnya yang udah kejang-kejang bisa sembuh seperti sedia kala walau udah engga ada vet yang buka di malam itu. sebagaimana gw berdoa sepasrahnya sama Allah biar hamster gw ga dimakan kucing tetangga kosan. walau mungkin gw udah merasa hamster gw ga akan kemana, hamster gw akan balik lagi sama gw, Allah baru kasih lihat kalo hamster gw baik-baik aja setelah gw merengek ke Allah.

hal ini sangat mungkin juga berlaku di cara gw menghadapi problematika jodoh. gw ga pernah kebelet pacaran, kebelet nge-tag laki-laki untuk jadi pacar atau suami. mungkin gw sadar kalo itu termasuk waste of time, tapi di sisi lain gw juga sadar kok kalo gw udah ada kebutuhan untuk menikah. tapi gw pun tidak ada usaha yang cukup desperate untuk bisa mencapai hal tersebut. gw sombong, gw merasa gw bisa-bisa aja tuh memenuhi kebutuhan gw tanpa adanya pasangan. gw ga pernah bisa rutin berdoa desperate agar Allah lah yang menjawab kebutuhan gw, padahal itu yang gw butuh. bukan malah gw nge-gaslight diri gw bahwa gw ga butuh nikah.

dari kejadian hamster ilang ini juga gw jadi bisa mengurai pikiran gw di hari sebelumnya ketika gw denger kabar adik gw. di tengah kabar potensi l-word, kabar adik gw semakin mengikis kepercayaan diri gw bahwa gw ga punya tempat di masyarakat. cuz u kno, when you're 30 something mustina dah berkheluwargha dengan pengkhasylan tetaphhh, hidup di tempat tinggal sendiri, dah disibuqqan dengan daftarin anaq ke taman kanaq-kanaq terkemukahh dengan kurikulum montessori etc etc.

tapi kan sebenernya ga gitu. what matters to Allah itu yang lu lakukan di keseharian lu, yang lalu akan menunpuk dan lu tuai di hari akhir. hal-hal fleeting yang menurut lu cuma pembangkangan kecil akan tetap bikin lu dihitung sebagai pembangkang sama allah. begitu juga hal-hal baik yang lu niatkan untuk ibadah, pasti ga akan luput dari allah yang maha tahu.

why worry so much? iya, hidup jadi warga negara wakanda ini emang ga ada abisnya digempur masalah. tapi harusnya kalo lu desperate ya ngadu aja sama allah. Allah yang paling tau keadaan lu, kesulitan-kesulitan lu, yang bikin lu was-was sama kehidupan, skeptis sama pernikahan. mengadu sama yang lain belum tentu ada yang ngerti. kenapa ga ngadu sama allah aja?

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bugeosuppe · 1 year ago

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The change of relationship: breaking point of Yoo Jung

Cheese in the Trap Season 4, Ep. 30

WARNING: This post contains several spoilers of the story released up to this particular chapter. The selected plot points are needed for explanation of the chosen topic. If you haven’t but plan to read Cheese in the Trap (much reccomended), please avoid this post or read at your own risk.

Cheese in the Trap (치즈인더트랩) is a Korean manhwa (aka comic) series created by Soonkki (story and artwork). It was published on online platform Naver Webtoon in 2010-2017. Later the story was published in print, translated into English on Webtoon app, made into a TV series and live action film. The English translation is in its last 4th season and still has around one year worth of material yet to be translated.

The story revolves around Hong Seol, a hardwoking and little overthinking 3rd year university student majoring business management who is suddenly approached by her same major sunbae, very rich, handsome and popular 4th year student Yoo Jung. It would seem Seol hit a jackpot, attracting attention of such a guy as Jung; however, there is no promise of typical romance in sight. Why?

Maybe because Seol knows that Jung is not as nice as he pretends to be in public?

Or maybe because the previous year Seol’s university life was turned into hell and the main puppetmaster behind all those evil schemes seems to be… Yoo Jung?

Relationship that began shrouded in misunderstanding, antipathy and suspicion. Can it ever be turned into romance? Or is it just another Jung’s masterplan to get back at Seol?

THE ANALYSIS

In this post I will:

1) do a quick recap of “Jung’s attitude towards Seol” evolution (in approximate data graph form in interval -10 to 10 because they’re business majors, duh);

2) explain what happened in this episode, what was mistranslated in Jung’s monologue and what character details are hidden here;

3) clear the mistranslation of Jung’s repeated “Seol” in this episode.

Important parts are highlighted with colour (setting/situation) or bolded (particular events). The words in “…” are actual quotations. The words in ’…’ are rephrased sentences. Lets begin!

[1st Part] RECAP

How Jung’s attitude towards Seol changed since the beginning of previous year aka flashback year? Jung returned from military service to the 3rd year, Seol returned to the 2nd year; they first met during comeback drink party. Seol got wasted (she can’t drink much), picked up thrown ciggarettes from the ground outside (for Bora) and kept side-eyeing Jung all evening (how he spilled drink on clingy girls). Jung’s first impression of Seol was bad, around 0 to -1 (she’s “pathetic”). Then Seol kept saying hello and smiling to him (he was sunbae and popular/respected as well) but Jung flat out ignored her (thought she’s another leecher).

During Jaewoo’s study group Seol was the only girl there (they thought she outsmarted other girls and came alone to be closer to Jung); Jung caught her laughing at him (he thought she was mocking him and saw through his “nice sunbae” mask; she was just laughing at her imagination of Jung as aloof prince) and his impression dropped to -5 as he really disliked her now. Seol tripped on waxed floor and Jung caught her saying “Be careful” (not about tripping but about her behaviour towards him).

Seol then badmouthed Jung in public (said he was distanced, chose with whom to mingle, acted a bit fake); he found out about it and started to hate Seol (drop to -8). Seol tripped again and dropped papers, Jung kicked them and said “You keep making mistakes. I told you to be careful” (again not about tripping but about making him seem WEIRD to others in public). So he began to act nice with Seol to make Juyeon (black-haired girl who crushed on Jung) jealous and ruin Seol’s life (in study related matters)

Then Younggon badmouthed Jung during basketball game (something like ‘Jung pities you clingy people’, which was true). When everyone turned their backs on Younggon, who went to talk to him, comfort him with snacks? Seol. Jung saw that and likely thought 'So these Jung haters team up now, huh? They deserve each other’. Jung’s hatred for Seol got even bigger (drop to -10). When Younggon came to Jung asking for forgiveness, Jung was tired of his sh*t and wanted to go home already (he sighed and ruffled his hair). Juyeon told Younggon he and Seol would be a great couple; they asked for Jung’s opinion and he was like 'Yeah whatever you would look good’ with a fake smile to be left alone and not involved in unnecessary rumours and drama. He also didn’t stop Inha from taking his phone and writing Younggon (pretending to be Jung and advising to send Seol gifts etc.), because, well, he disliked Seol and couldn’t be bothered thinking about her. However, Jung had no idea how far Younggon would go during summer break (stalking, threatening and assaulting Seol).

When Seol came straight to Jung and asked if he really told Younggon Seol liked him (and Jung found out how obsessed Younggon was) Jung was shocked and felt bad. Yes, he hated Seol but didn’t wish her to be hurt/threatened. Then Juyeon sent homeless woman to the library where Seol was and Seol got cut with a glass. It was Jung (if I remember correctly) who secretly called security guard to save Seol (yet Seol thought Jung was there knowing what happened and did nothing). Jung was really mad with Juyeon for this.

More things have happened that I forgot a bit, but essentially Jung kept noticing he and Seol are somewhat similar. He overheard her phone call with her parents and learned she was also lonely and not fully appreciated by her family. They both were diligent and hardworking in studying (both often were the ones who were used in team projects and ended up doing most of the work, or even did all work alone so their grade would not be affected by other people’s laziness). They disliked petty drama. And found it difficult to speak their worries to others (Seol was too self-conscious and afraid to burden her friends, Jung had no one to speak to at all). So Jung’s hatred for Seol started to decrease and he occasionally found himself thinking about her and even smiling when doing that (which made him frustrated and confused).

Jung looked for opportunities to speak with Seol but she always ran away, avoided to be left with him alone. During festival Jung made her a part of his preparation group, assigned her an easy job (sort out boxes) so she wouldn’t overwork herself as she usually does and so that they could have time to talk alone. Jung didn’t know silverware arrived earlier than planned and those boxes were heavy instead of light (Seol thought Jung gave her that job on purpose, to get back at her and just make her more miserable). While working they kept glancing at each other (Seol saw Jung wipe his sweaty face and cough - he caught a cold and felt really sick, but kept working). As others ran home early avoiding work, finding ridiculous excuses, Jung said Seol will help him clean up, but when everyone left, he told her to go just home (no one will appreciate her sacrifice and hard work, he knew that from experience). Seol wanted to leave, but seeing how Jung was sick, she went into rain to place directions towards their bar space. As she got back to take her bag, she saw Jung cleaned the place and lied back on the sofa, mumbling with fever. She couldn’t just leave him there, bought him medicine, placed a wet towel on his head and fell asleep on the other couch. Jung woke up feeling better and was surprised to see Seol who was also sick and grabbed his hand in her feverish sleep (Seol’s habit). The way they both tended to each other as both were sick (such caring gesture) made them closer but still confused about each other.

Jung left umbrella to Seol (she didn’t take one and got wet while placing directions outside) and next day didn’t take it back immediately between lectures so they could speak in person when she returns it, but that plan failed (Seol was too sick to keep running after Jung; she didn’t want to be alone with him; the students’ pissed her off saying 'Poor Jung, got sick working all alone’). In episode 29 sick Seol mistook Jung as Euntaek and asked him for money (initially 10$, then changed her mind and said 2$ was enough). Jung was happy to help her (he knew Seol wasn’t like other students who hanged out with Jung only because of his money; also she approached him first and he hoped now they could talk) and offered 40$ (possibly all the cash he had on him, as Jung seemed to favour his card for paying). However, Seol recognized him and ran away again thinking Jung was showing off his money and pity, humiliating her. He followed her and saw her crouched (she vomited), tried to approach her but couldn’t (street between them was drawn as an abyss); during next break Jung bought a health drink for Seol but she collapsed and was carried to the infirmary.

Then this episode happened (explained in detail in 2nd part). After that, Jung found out Seol was taking a study break. He was desperate to keep her at university so he could finally get close to her (it was going to be Jung’s last year, so if she took a break, they would likely never meet again). Having no other idea how to do that, Jung blackmailed Assistant Seo to make his research paper dissapear (Assistand Seo had stolen and used Jung’s credit card, so Jung gave him a chance to be forgiven; once research paper was gone, Jung’s grade would drop, Seol would become first in business department, get the scholarship instead of Jung and stay for another year). Then the first chapter of CITT happens when Jung approaches Seol all smiles and offers to buy her dinner (bomb food and triangle rice). So during this 'realization’ period which started after Younggon’s assault, Jung’s like/dislike bar towards Seol jumped from -10 to a decent 8.

[2nd Part] EPISODE EXPLANATION + JUNG’S MONOLOGUE MISTRANSLATION + CHARACTER DETAILS

This whole chapter is from Jung’s POV, so it’s a rare opportunity not only to see him behave but also hear what he’s thinking. Infirmary part is the breaking point is Seol-Jung relationship: it’s Jung’s last effort to stop being bothered and confused by his feelings towards Seol; and his utter defeat as his opinion of Seol changed completely. Jung was getting worried of her and her health before, but here we see the extent of it. Jung is super diligent when it comes to studying (a bit later, during their first movie date at the cinema Jung was hangover and asked Seol to wake him up if he falls asleep; but it was Jung who stayed up watching boring historical film without breaking attention because it was homework; while Seol quickly fell asleep). It is absolutely outrageous to see Jung deliberately skip important lecture (which has attendance marks) in the middle of it just to go and see Seol. It shows how much he worried about her without even realizing.

Then Jung quietly stared at Seol for a long time with a serious, cynical face as if criticizing, evaluating. Although Jung has dated many girls before (they asked him out and he said ok), he has never had any romantic feelings for them and had no experience with love. So here Jung tried to rationalize whatever newly experienced softness he was feeling towards Seol, remembering past incidents (how she fell several times and got her hand cut). But his concentration broke as soon as Seol moved and Jung was controlled by the unconscious desire to touch her HAND. Seol woke up (delirious) so Jung put his HAND over her eyes to make her sleep (it mirrors how Seol put her HAND over Jung’s eyes to calm his rage after Sangcheol pushed them and Jung hurt his HAND). Seol grabbed Jung’s HAND half asleep, thanked he was still there and told him to go already. Since she spoke in banmal (informal language), she must have mistaken Jung for Euntaek again, as she never spoke informally with Jung before. Obviously a HAND motif is extremely important in the story. Seol keeps grabbing people’s hands (usually Jung’s after they became close, ex. when he asked her to become his girlfriend, during volunteering etc.) because she pushed away grandmother’s hand; Seol had her hand cut by homeless woman; Inho got his hand hurt during assault; Jung’s habit to tap his fingers when he’s thinking. I can say this hand grabbing was one of the deciding elements that defeated Jung and last effort of resistance, but why exactly this gesture has such an impact on him is revealed only at the end of the story.

The part time job paper he found in her pocket softened him more. Jung’s monologue is MISTRANSLATED in English version on Webtoon app; in essence Jung said he was frustrated about his feelings towards Seol but now feels better (weird), it means he changed (that’s weirder). Seol caused a chaos of emotions inside him and she was the only one who could contain that chaos and bring back peace to his heart. He had no proof they could get along as their relationship was dissapointing so far but he wanted to try once more and make sure of it. He admitted he had never regretted his actions so much as he did now (things he did to Seol). Jung realized he couldn’t run away from Seol, was fascinated by her, worried (her call with parents), touched by her kindness (she cared for him at festival), apologetic (she crouched after asking for 2$). Suddenly realization hit Jung like a lightning - he lost the battle and got taken over by affection and crush towards Seol. Jung fell in love for the first time. And here started his obsession with food and having dinner with Seol.

[3rd Part] MISTRANSLATION OF “SEOL”

Why Jung kept repeating “Seol” like crazy? The way it’s translated in English on Webtoon app, there is no difference between Jung addressing Seol as he first got into the infirmary and at the end of the chapter. In original Korean version there is a huge difference. For ex. Seol never adressed Jung as Jung; he was Yoo Jung or Sunbae (the latter even after they started dating). Titles of hierarchy or full names are used between people who are not very close and are in official respectful relationship, mostly professional. Family members, close friends and lovers use banmal (informal speech) and address each other using each other’s name (there are exceptions; also Bora and Euntaek also often called Seol as Hong/Hong Seol but it may have been a tease). So people who are very close would usually add ending -ah to other person’s name as a form of endearment.

When Jung first entered the infirmary, he adressed Seol formally as “Hong Seol” (a fellow student and hoohae of the same major). But after Jung realized he fell in love with Seol, he smiled and called her name softly as “Seol-ah”, suggesting she became a close person to him, a dear friend and a possible future lover. Being first time in love, Jung was fascinated by how lovely it sounds and kept happily repeating it.

AFTERTHOUGHTS

CITT emphasizes the importance of subjectivity of one’s point of view. This post was written explaining Jung’s point of view, how he saw Seol and judged her behaviour. However the story is written mainly from Seol’s point of view, so the reader identifies with her and can clearly understand only her actions and thoughts. Most of the time Jung looks weird, unreadable and suspicious to the reader because Seol sees him like that, affected by her past experiences which were caused by misunderstanding between them (and also because Jung is a complex person in general who on top of that is inexperienced in expressing himself clearly).

Nothing like that would have happened if Jung and Seol had sat down and talked everything out in the beginning. But these two do not openly speak about things. Instead they observe, overthink and internalize, judging people by subjective patterns of their own experience. Seol and Jung are similar in this appproach, only their patterns differ.

Seol grew up nice, diligent, disliked troubles and drama, smiled at sunbaes and was often underappreciated. And Jung was always at the center of attention. Seol thoght it was unfair, but she didn’t know that people hanged out with Jung only for his status, money and connections, looking for personal gain. When Seol tried to be nice to Jung because she was just raised like that, Jung thought she was another leecher as he only knew such people.

Money was a touchy issue in Seol’s family and she had to work several part time jobs to earn for tuition. Jung never thought about money at all or give it much importance. He was collecting expensive watches because he hd nothing better to do (habit came from the childhood as he was lonely and wanted to have a hobby). His issue was not using money for other people (paying for team dinners; Jung is generous) but for people using him only for money. So when Seol paid for her dinner (like she was raised to do) she thought Jung considered her a fool. Actually, he was impressed and surprised (sge’s a first who did that) and even felt a little mocked. So he had no issue to give her more cash than she asked - 'I have money, you need it as you’re sick, take it all’. She felt humiliated as if Jung was showing off.

Jung made her part of his festival preparation group only to have a chance to speak with her. She thought he did it to make her life hard. Whatever nice Jung did later, he was misunderstood by Seol as having evil intentions. Even when he “lost his paper” and gave up his scholarship so that she would stay at University, he avoided telling her the truth as Seol could (and eventually did) misunderstand and judge him resorting to blackmail (Seol is very righteous). But she would not open to him or ask him for help otherwise, so Jung had to repeatedly help her from behind the scenes and later get scolded.

Also, I wanted to clarify Jung’s line “I’m all you got” from episode 27 that generated a lot of discussions about his 'inappropriate, sketchy and manipulative’ behaviour. The sentence does sound creepy, but it was partly the fault of translation. Actually this sentence does not mean Seol has no family or friends and has to rely solely on Jung. It is a mistake to take this one sentence out of context, as the sentence was a continuation of Jung’s train of thought about unconditional love and trust; about putting someone always first.

Read the colour coded dialogue below:

Jung Seol

“Next time tell me anything. Even if it’s just a suspicion. Didn’t we agree to share everything? That night, at my house… We talked about it.”

“Yes we did, that conversation. Well, I was suspicious of him (Sangcheol) for being a thief so I had to be cautious.”

“Seol, when you get suspicious, you had a good reason to be. You can tell me.”

“What? How can you be so sure? Aren’t you trusting me a little too much?”

“Of course. Who else would believe you and take your side if not me? See? I’m all you got.”

Jung never experienced unconditional love and trust; his father never put Jung, his son, first above everything else. Jung was told to give beloved picture frame (mom’s treasure) to a boy who simply liked it. Father told Jung to stop whining and be nice - apparently how other people saw Jung was more important than what Jung wanted. Jung’s father considered him weird and the lack of trust was expressed by making Baek twins spy on Jung and report back (twins were manipulated too). Father even seemed to like twins’ company better than Jung’s as father was always smiling and laughing around them, but giving Jung a cold shoulder and scorned face. In Jung’s mind, he was never first to Inho too although they were best friends. Jung went to see Inho’s favourite musician and get autograph in Inho’s name. And Inho kept reporting to Jung’s father about Jung, laughed about father liking him more than Jung and caused a scandal about being a second son in the family. People at work and University also don’t care about Jung as a person, only about his status in society.

Seol’s life is different, she has family and friends yet she can relate to Jung a lot too. In episode 29 Seol said: “No matter how hard I try, there is someone else who’s on a whole different level from the beginning. Do I really need to feel this way even at school?” and a picture of Seol’s brother Joon appeared. Seol was never put first too - her brother as the only son in the family was the most important. Grandma used to favour Joon and bring him more snacks. Parents sent him to USA to study (Seol also wanted that) and sent him money frequently but Joon stopped his studies and went home. Meanwhile, Seol took a break and had several jobs to earn money for her tuition. No one at home asked how she felt, what she wanted; no one noticed how sick she was (father said no one around the house was useful). Seol had Bora and Euntaek but they had their own problems at home and Seol couldn’t find strength to tell them everything thst bothered her. This lead Seol to keep stuff to herself and just brace through it alone.

For Jung, Seol is his girlfriend, the girl he loves and by far the closest person he has. Despite rocky start she eventually tried to know him behind the façade. She bought him a watch (he collects them) with her scarce savings when her time, interest and honesty were more than enough for him. After arguing she would still come and try to work it out and understand him (the night they talked at Jung’s house). She often worried about him to the point where she thought she would trouble him with her “small” problems. So that’s what Jung talked about - he wanted Seol to share even the smallest worries with him, not bottle everything inside. When friends can be very close, they both are a couple. For Jung couple means people who are ultimate, the most important for each other. “I’m all you got” means “the ultimate/the last one/ the only one to remain with you when everyone turns their backs on you and leaves”. It means that as her boyfriend, Jung is the only one who ALWAYS puts Seol first above others, supports her and is on her side no matter what, even if she is wrong or mistaken. That is unconditional love and trust they haven’t experienced from their family and friends, so have to give to each other instead.

END

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

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