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is that a portable cd player in your pants or is your pesis just singing a beautiful song to me

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for a short period of time my daughter hated jerma and would complain whenever she walked into the room to find him on the tv, but now she is five and a half years old and she loves him, "because he says 'what the fuck'".

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Student : Wowww the cafeteria food is so nastyyyy today right Alyssa ?

Alyssa : Yes

Their friend Randy who has been trying to convince them for months that he was a death row inmate in his previous life: For my final meal they fed me the worlds roundest pea

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scared of becoming your father? me too!

sarah kay/pinterest/aaron smith/the holdovers/daughter

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Why is there no Soulja Girl?

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original by clairetablizo

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can I be yummy in here

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i know the 'is mcdonalds a date' questions making its rounds but i feel kind of insane bc thats never even been a metric for me. a date is just when someone says its a date. i went on a date w someone to smoke in a building w a caved in cieling in the rain, shoplifted from a gas station paranoid as hell to get them a soft pretzel and then we chased a rat around. where is your sense of adventure people

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Good morning! I- *bites you* *bites you* *bites you* *bites you*

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Itchy snoot. 

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my necklace? yeah it’s a collar bomb actually.. BUT DONT WORRY it only detonates when it detects extreme arousal… and heh.. I don’t think you have to worry about that since you aren’t shaped like a busty airplane

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they said you can't yearn anymore. it ran out.