buckieandthebeast

[buckieandthebeast]

TOMMY KINARD + scruff

[buckieandthebeast]

I think so too which is why I think they’re probably baffled at the backlash because they didn’t think the audience would care outside of just feeling bad for Buck. I think they knew people liked the relationship but I don’t think they realized how many people deeply cared about the relationship and Tommy as a character.

Exactly! I don’t think they understood that when they stressed over and over how tommy wanted family, we’d hook onto it. We’d resonate with it. We’d want that for him. There are so many “tommy’s” out there. So many of us in the queer community desperate to be part of something. To be wanted. To be needed. We saw ourselves in tommy, and even if we didn’t, we still wanted something for him.

They really didn’t think this through.

[buckieandthebeast]

i wish i didn't care about this stupid show with its stupid compelling characters and its stupid inconsistencies and its stupid hateful fandom and its stupid amazing fan content 😭

[buckieandthebeast]

If Tim and co really are surprised at the backlash and how popular Tommy and his relationship with Buck was, it's like, how? You PROMOTED them! They had Lou and Oliver do a joint interview at the end of the season (never been done for one of Buck's love interests before). They released the deleted scene with Tommy, Hen and Karen (which again showed how considerate Tommy was in the relationship when he said they were taking it at Buck's pace). They reposted their kiss on their socials when Pride rolled around (they could have easily used Hen and Karen instead). There were multiple interviews/stories where they discussed the ship after they first got together. And this isn't even counting the fact that they showed Tommy to be an attentive, caring boyfriend who always put Buck first - something Buck had never experienced with a partner before. And Tommy is the ONLY partner Buck has had that he has been a couple with over multiple seasons (yes Taylor was in multiple seasons but they were only an official couple in S5). How were people supposed to NOT fall in love with Buck and Tommy after all that, to expect the writers might actually be putting some effort in giving Buck a chance at working on a lasting relationship for once (getting off the hamster wheel anyone?)

I've said it before and I'll say it again - if they never intended for this to be long term, they should have given Buck some random for him to be his bi-awakening, and brought Tommy, someone who ticks all the boxes for what is required to work for Buck in a relationship that non of his other LI's had, in later as his endgame romance. Because they gave us someone who FIT for Buck, who actually made him happy, who fit within the 118 (and man, think of all the new rescues they could have added to the show if they occasionally collaborated with air support to link the two?) and the audiences loved that. It was lightning in a bottle and I don't see it happening again, especially as the audience now no longer trusts any relationship to last - because if Tommy didn't work, who will?

I think this all leads back to Tim being an idiot, if I’m being honest 😆

[buckieandthebeast]

The absolute hilarious thing (not really) is that I genuinely think they tried to make it so we’d feel bad for Buck and be pissed at Tommy. But they screwed that up so badly by making Tommy incredibly likable and flawed and sad and lonely, and making Buck so he kinda worships Tommy and the ground he walks on without ever seeing beneath the “cool” exterior. So you’re left understanding Tommy’s reasoning a little bit (even through flawed writing) and you’re desperate to see how it impacts him.

Maybe it’s just how much Lou put into every single fucking scene he did throughout his run, maybe his little micro expressions and unscripted touches added to all of it, I don’t know. All I know is, I’ve seen Buck’s circle of emotions so many times, and I’m far more interested in seeing things through Tommy’s eyes, whether they ever got back together or not.

[buckieandthebeast]

the queer couples of 8x05 <3

[buckieandthebeast]

what if the Lakers tickets weren't actually a misstep on Tommy's part? what Buck confessed, very early on, a little ashamed, that he actually doesn't like basketball at all and really was just trying to get Tommy's attention when he went to the pickup game? what if Tommy just smiled and said something like, maybe you'd feel differently if we were on the same team next time?

what if Tommy, who is so generous with his time and his teaching, went out of his way to gently introduce Buck to the reasons why he enjoys the game? what if Tommy carefully and deliberately overwrote whatever negative associations Buck had with basketball and turned it into something fun, something they did together, something they shared?

what if he found ways to appeal to Buck's love for trivia, for history, for facts and figures? to connect it to things he was already interested in? what if they started watching games on TV together and talking about player stats and tracking league trends and making predictions?

what if basketball became their thing? what if those tickets weren't a sign that they didn't know each other as well as they thought? what if they were, in fact, a symbol of everything they shared, everything they had built together over six months?

[buckieandthebeast]

Have we discussed how actually Horrible™ the Micelli's scene is?

Like, 'ah yes, Buck is now Bi! Which means he'll forget he's in a relationship and get flirty and stumbly over an attractive woman! Even though he didn't do that while in a relationship with another woman! Perfect!'

Now, as someone who is in fact Bi, I typically don't just MAGICALLY forget I'm in a relationship just because a pretty face walks by, regardless of gender. If this happened earlier in the relationship, I could understand that, but six months in? Just admit you mismanaged your time jump at that point.

Tommy's 'Kinsey 6' statement just... Doesn't sit right with me. Now, I can see if I'm reading it wrong, but it feels very... Snippy. Very 'Gold-Star Queer' standard, which in itself is not great. I really thought we were past that, but what did I expect, honestly. Regardless, it felt wrong to address it that way in that moment, right after the bachelorette interaction, very pointed.

I hate Tommy's 'great hair' comment. I guess it could be taken as a quip, or even a sarcastic moment, but at that point you're just adding insult to injury.

The whole scene just feels very stereotypical. If you were looking for ways to show incompatibility between the characters, there are so many better ways to do that without relying on Biphobia and harmful stereotypes. And coming from 805? It just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing.

[buckieandthebeast]

btw, i am hugging and patting the backs of all the queer men in this fandom that truly felt represented with this ship, that loved it so deeply and found comfort within it. i'm so fucking sorry.

[buckieandthebeast]

Huh… thinking about Lou saying he was not allowed to call him Buck… and I’m guessing it’s because they knew when they eventually broke them up (not saying this was never meant to last… or that it won’t get fixed. I got my clown mask out and re-fitted and I will wear it until the series finale) they always planned on Tommy dropping Buck and dipping for the shock value of it all.

[buckieandthebeast]

The reason the break up fell flat isn’t complicated. It was because it was written using a tired biphobic trope. The end.

Before anyone says, you’d be mad about it no matter what, you’re just grasping for an excuse to be mad. No. Because.

There’s a difference between being disappointed they broke up, and furious with how it was written. I think a lot of us fall into the later because these tropes are exhausting and harmful.

I could have been completely fine about them breaking up if they had picked any other path. And there were so many to choose from! But instead it felt more like a slap in the face to the bi community. What a time to be pulling this shit.

[buckieandthebeast]

I was really trying to move on and live in AU land now, but I finally figured out why the whole 'we wrote 5 specifically cute to make 6 hurt more' has been irking me so much:

It's giving Steve Moffat vibes.

Okay, so I'm fully aware I might be projecting because I've been burned too many times during he Sherlock days, but I am just so unspeakably over creators punishing their audience for caring. And right now that's what it feels like. This slight feeling of them going 'Aww did you get invested in that little relationship? Silly you. And you liked this character we wrote specifically to be super likable? Well that's too bad.'

Again this might not at all have been their intention or their attitude and maybe the rest of the season changes things. But right that's the vibes I'm getting and I do not care for it.

[buckieandthebeast]

Everyone's writing angsty break up fix it, and I love it, I really do. But what if I wrote Buck and Tommy just having a nice 6 month anniversary dinner. Because that's how I cope apparently.

Where Buck has a gift for Tommy as well, because of course he does, he's as invested as Tommy is. Where Tommy explains that he knows Buck doesn't like playing basketball, he knows he actually quite likes watching it with Tommy, if only to see his boyfriend so excited. That basketball game was the reason Tommy went to see Buck that fateful day they kissed, so going to Micelli's, bringing everything full circle felt right. Where Buck tells that lady that she's interrupting a date, sorry, could she ask someone else? Thinking of that first date and no longer afraid of everyone watching.

[buckieandthebeast]

Tommy ignores the knock at his door. He's in day three pajamas and the only person who might make the effort to check in on him is his exes best friend. Which.

The knocking continues.

It's getting louder.

There's a Kings game on in the background and he's been elbow deep in the Jeep manual he'd finally cracked open in some sort of weird, fucked up pattern of mourning.

Tommy's never gonna buy a fucking Jeep. He hates them. You own one for more than five years and more than half the parts are replacement parts.

He's been staring at a diagram of the timing belt for half an hour, at least. The last thing he remembers about the game is Kuemper letting in three goals on five shots and somehow the Kings are up two, now, and there's still 25 minutes of game time left.

Tommy reaches for the remote. Turns the volume up.

The knocking returns less than a minute later.

---

There's a box of odds and ends tucked under the table in his entryway. He avoids looking at it. He knows there are a few things missing from it and he really doesn't want to examine what he'll have to do to avoid giving it to Eddie tonight. He cut the cords, he shouldn't be lingering watching the frayed edges sway in the wind, clutching his line like there's anything braced on the other side of it.

Evan's oldest, softest LAFD hoodie, the one that's technically too small for both of them but has stretched shockingly evenly and is definitely not sitting unwashed at the bottom of Tommy's laundry basket. The program from a recital of Denny's they'd stopped by to support him for, on their way out of town for a long weekend. Evan's stupid keto bread and the milk frother he'd left behind three months ago and never bothered to grab because he had more than one.

Whoever is at his door is still fucking knocking, and suddenly Tommy doesn't feel like being polite. He'll shove the box in Eddie's arms and tell him to fuck off and close the last few remaining open doors he has to this.

Only when he swings the door wide it's not Eddie on the other side, and the box nearly takes out whatever Evan - Buck, Jesus Christ - has in his own arms.

Not a Tommy box - too small for all the shit that he'd left behind. He misses the house slippers that had had a permanent spot tucked under the left side of the bed.

Tommy flinches, reels away, tries to shove the box away before Buck can see its contents.

"What are you doing here?" Even tone. No quiver in his voice. He's been called rude and dismissive for less.

Buck scowls. Hefts the rectangular dish in his hands and shoves past Tommy before Tommy can blink.

It's silly to say he chases after him, down the hallway towards the kitchen, but he's not exactly following along behind at a casual leisurely pace.

The glass pan slams down on his kitchen counter and Buck spends a minute staring at the calendar he was only getting two months out of because he couldn't look at the one with all Buck's notes penned in anymore.

"Wow," Buck says, and shifts his weight awkwardly.

"What are you -?"

"Jee and I made you birthday cupcakes," Buck says. His voice is hard. Angry. Hurt. "Happy birthday, asshole."

---

He cracks the lid and there are only three cupcakes inside. Tommy forgets himself. Raises a brow, amusement rolling over him pleasantly, prepared to tease him, but then he catches the set of Buck's legs and the curl of his mouth and the tight way his arm tucks itself back in against his belly, a protective gesture that reminds Tommy very effectively what this is.

"Why?" Tommy wonders aloud, and Evan's scowl deepens.

Buck's scowl.

God.

"We've been planning it for weeks." Something flashes across his eyes before he schools his features. "Jee made me promise to bring you some."

"She must not be a skilled baker," Tommy jokes. "If these are the only ones that made it."

Evan's expression twists. "I ate most of them."

The frosting looks fresh. No creases in the paper cup holding them together.

"I had to make a new batch of frosting because I used some of it for -." He cuts himself off. Looks like he'd like to throw it in Tommy's face but can't quite force himself to hurt Tommy.

It hurts as much as he'd expected, anyway.

The world is a small place. It's not the first time he's had to speak to an ex when he didn't want to. It's never pleasant.

This is worse. The cut and run is supposed to give him time.

Evan Buckley has been an ache behind his ribcage for months, now, long before he'd made that final decision. He'd known it was too little too late. Buck's gonna be the shadow other men see behind his eyes for years.

Buck's apparently found and slept with someone within the week and a half span from Tommy walking out to his sad shitty mopey birthday.

That he'd forgotten about.

Tommy leans in. Picks up a cupcake. Licks a stripe through the frosting and makes a face when he realizes it's buttercream.

"The ones you were supposed to get had the whipped cream one you like," Buck says, accusingly.

That somehow stings just a little bit extra.

Tommy pulls back the paper, takes a bite. There's raspberry filling inside, and Tommy can feel tears prickling at the edges of his eyes, because when he'd told Evan about how his grandma baked he'd been thinking of Evan being a grandparent, the kind of shit he'd forbidden himself from imagining with anyone he was dating years ago.

"Thank you," he manages, and Buck frowns.

"He thought the whipped cream was too sweet." And Tommy probably deserves this but he's not particularly in the mood.

"Cut it out, Buck."

Buck rolls his jaw. "I just figured you'd wanna know how it's going. Maybe I could tally up the hookups for you, count them all up by gender and stamina and opinions on how I should feel and act and fall for someone. Find out if I'm actually gay enough to be a man's last."

---

The rest of the cupcake kind of collapses and oozes as Tommy smacks it down on the counter. He takes thirty seconds to pull the other two cupcakes out before he's grabbing the too-large fake Pyrex and turning heel. The keto bread goes in the pan. Then the milk frother.

Tommy yanks the recital program off the fridge and tosses it in the trash.

Buck almost looks triumphant.

"The box under the side table has the rest. You can see yourself out."

He actually does exactly as he's told, and Tommy listens to his footsteps drift off, shoulders hunched in and the breath tight in his throat. He'd been cruel, it was only fair Buck got a few final kicks in.

Tommy sucks in a breath and blinks away the moisture at the edges of his vision.

The footsteps take a heel turn at the side table and turn right back around.

"This isn't everything."

Tommy half expects some panned comment about how Tommy's got his heart - the kind of silly shit he'd say to a dead outlaw.

"My sweatshirt," Buck says, and Tommy freezes.

He could lie. He could pretend he had no idea where it was. Claim he didn't remember it even being here, because that particular piece of clothing did have a tendency to travel.

He doesn't fucking want to hand that one over.

Buck smirks, like he's caught the crack, and is looking for ways to exploit it.

"I own my own house!" Tommy says, and it's a terrible launching point but Buck latches on.

"You just left, Tommy! I know I jumped the gun, Tommy, but you didn't even - you just left! I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry I didn't know I was into men until you. I'm sorry you had to be my first, I'm sure that must have been such a burden for you."

"That's not fair."

"You didn't even give me a chance. That was - I'm so angry with you, Tommy. I'm so fucking mad."

"I know."

"But that's what you planned for, right? That's - you ripped the bandaid, Tommy, except there's a whole fucking untreated stab wound right underneath and it's still bleeding, Tommy."

"Did you even make this round of cupcakes with your niece?" It's better to keep his family's names out of his mouth. Just keep those ties cut.

Buck looks livid. "No, you idiot, I whipped up a tiny batch of this recipe just for the excuse to see you and - and tell you what a stupid, awful coward you are."

"That's not f-." He isn't sure whether Buck is being facetious about the small batch thing or not. He doesn't have any time to think about it.

"My sister and Chim are having another baby. Bobby and Athena are probably gonna host Christmas this year. Eddie shaved off the mustache and he's, like, dancing now, I guess. Hen and Karen are good for the first time in -." He shakes his head. Stares at Tommy. Tommy can't quite hide from that gaze. "We were good, Tommy. We were - you loved me."

He'd never said the words. Neither had Evan, but they'd both known. Both felt it. Tommy let it go too far, did it scared for longer than he usually would.

"It's not like that just went away when I walked out, Evan," Tommy hisses, and then regrets it immediately.

Evan has spent most of this visit pushing, pressing, digging fingers into the wound to make it hurt.

Evan goes silent now, reeling back a little. He seems shocked that Tommy had admitted it.

"I want you to go," Tommy says. "I need you to go, Buck."

It was the right dagger the first time, but apparently it's only effective once.

"I love you too, you know." His voice is soft. Tommy can't meet his eye. "And I hate you. I hate you even though I know that's what you wanted but I love you too much to not hate you out of spite."

Tommy knows if he caves it's done. He's signing himself over to whatever fucked thing will end them a week, a month, five years, two decades from now.

"Go home, Buck. Hate me there."

---

He goes in for the kill.

"I called Abby, two nights ago."

Right for the jugular. No survivors.

"She laughed for like twenty minutes, and then she tried to get me to chat about our sex life for comparison, and then she was shocked silent for a full minute when I wouldn't." Because Evan had always been a little too open about those details. "She also told me she forgave you but she doesn't think you ever forgave yourself."

Tommy agrees. For all that they'd been terrible for each other, they'd known how the hell to take care of one another like no one's business.

"I want you to go," Tommy says, steady, quiet, nearly a snark for how deep his voice goes to hide the tremor in it.

Buck cocks a hip against the doorframe. "I want my sweatshirt."

The breath that escapes him is shaky, but her think he hides most of it behind the hand over his face, the finger pinched at the bridge of his nose.

"I can't do this."

"Exactly how many men and women do I have to fuck before you believe the future I'm looking at is with you?"

"All of them! None! It was a stupid thing to say and it's not what I meant and I can't do this."

Buck spins on his heel. Grabs the box he'd set aside and hefts it up into his arms. "I'm coming back for my sweatshirt," he says. "You let me know whether you want to talk about the data points of the sexuality spreadsheet or about us."

"There is no us, Buck." His voice sounds defeated even to himself.

"If that was true you'd just give me the stupid sweater and be done."

Tommy sits in silence. He does not get up to retrieve the hoodie. Buck is still angry, but his smile is wide and bashful.

Tommy listens to his footsteps trail down the hall, towards the door, out of it. He hears the Jeep's ignition catch, the wheels roll off the drive.

He realizes he'd left the goddamn Jeep manual open on the timing belt page, right there on his side table where he'd pointed out the things he wanted Evan to take to clear him from his life.

---

There is someone knocking at his door.

Tommy doesn't quite ignore it.

He hid the sweatshirt in one of his toolbox drawers when Evan texted him this morning to let him know he'd be over with a six pack and a pot of chili.

There's a zero percent chance Evan's getting that sweatshirt back, tonight.

[buckieandthebeast]

dare i say it? ca-

[buckieandthebeast]

You know what? Whatever. Been there, done that.

I stopped watching Greys Anatomy when they started killing of my faves, I did not watch the last season of The Umbrella Academy (because wtf was that supposed to be).

So 9-1-1 ended after 8x05 and continues in all of your fan fiction, cool cool.

[buckieandthebeast]

wasn't it revealed that it was lfj you wanted the first bucktommy kiss to be soft and sweet? in hindsight, maybe both tim and oliver both wanted to do the "let buck fuck" thing from the very beginning if the original plan for the kiss was actively changed due to lfj's personal wishes of how they should handle buck's bisexual arc, i.e. with care and love...

Yes, it was supposed to be a make out scene and Lou asked if the first kiss could be soft. He didn’t want tommy to seem predatory, especially with being older than buck and the fact that he was buck’s first kiss with another man. Lou cared about this arc from the start, and treated it with the respect it deserved. Shame Tim didn’t follow that lead.