20+ she/her, no discourse please! only here to indulge myself and share my silly little thoughts
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Brain is buzzing, but AU idea: What if, through unexplained circumstances, Bruce ends up with the kid version of his birdies at his doorstep?
Except? The adults are still there.
"Holy shit, is that me?" Jason, -- a smaller him, a happier him, -- points at himself.
At his right, there's a Jason who towers over everyone. Who ate the world whole. "I thought I'll never be a grown up. And I'm taller than B? Awesome!"
He runs up to Bruce like its second nature, jumps and clings. And Bruce hugs him so close. It's like coming home. "Oh, Jay. I missed you, sweetheart, "
Adult Jason stares, saying nothing, hoping the painful wound splitting his heart open closes by itself.
Dick, the adult one, screams when his 10 year old self swings wildly on the chandelier. Begging and pleading with him to get down, " Give me your right lung and a cookie and you got it,"
" WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?"
It really doesn't help that, upon finding out his older self is a cop, Dick's younger counterpart only replies to him with oinks and pig noises.
Tim takes a long look at his baby self and nopes the hell out of there. " Call me Janet and Jack cause I don't want that kid."
Baby Damian and Damian hiss at eachother constantly. They'll both race to Bruce, who's helplessly trying to make peace, " I can hold all of you. Just have a little patience,--"
Everyone, at once, safe for Cass and baby Cass, who cuddle together and wait for Bruce on the couch, "NO!"
Baby Damian spits some pretty nasty gibberish and points a tiny plastic knife at everyone if they get close to Bruce. But especially himself.
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Brain is buzzing, but AU idea: What if, through unexplained circumstances, Bruce ends up with the kid version of his birdies at his doorstep?
Except? The adults are still there.
"Holy shit, is that me?" Jason, -- a smaller him, a happier him, -- points at himself.
At his right, there's a Jason who towers over everyone. Who ate the world whole. "I thought I'll never be a grown up. And I'm taller than B? Awesome!"
He runs up to Bruce like its second nature, jumps and clings. And Bruce hugs him so close. It's like coming home. "Oh, Jay. I missed you, sweetheart, "
Adult Jason stares, saying nothing, hoping the painful wound splitting his heart open closes by itself.
Dick, the adult one, screams when his 10 year old self swings wildly on the chandelier. Begging and pleading with him to get down, " Give me your right lung and a cookie and you got it,"
" WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?"
It really doesn't help that, upon finding out his older self is a cop, Dick's younger counterpart only replies to him with oinks and pig noises.
Tim takes a long look at his baby self and nopes the hell out of there. " Call me Janet and Jack cause I don't want that kid."
Baby Damian and Damian hiss at eachother constantly. They'll both race to Bruce, who's helplessly trying to make peace, " I can hold all of you. Just have a little patience,--"
Everyone, at once, safe for Cass and baby Cass, who cuddle together and wait for Bruce on the couch, "NO!"
Baby Damian spits some pretty nasty gibberish and points a tiny plastic knife at everyone if they get close to Bruce. But especially himself.
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School Gates
Bruce takes five year old Dick to his first day of school. Two year old Jason is less than thrilled.
~
"Okay," Bruce takes a deep breath, ignores the way his knees are starting to ache. "Let's try again chum."
He's kneeling behind Dick. The five year old is stood in the mirror, dressed in his new school uniform. Grey socks and navy dress shorts. A light blue shirt tucked into the waistband. They're trying to tie his tie.
"Fat side is longest." Dick says, tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth.
"But not too long." Bruce adds, adjusting the way the navy blue and white striped fabric hangs around Dick's neck. "Then we—"
"Cross the road." Dick says, flipping the long end over the short. "And roundaroundabout." He flips it over a couple more times.
"Yup." Bruce says, frowning. He keeps checking the YouTube video on his phone, to make sure they're at the right step. "Then through the tunnel."
"No, it's under the bridge." Dick corrects, as though Bruce is a moron. He threads the thin end of the tie between the twisting layers of fabric. "And, flush the chain!" He says, pulling it back down. "Ta-da!"
Bruce tries not to grimace. "Um... I don't think that's right."
Dick lets out a huff. "Where's Alfred?" He asks.
"I can do it." Bruce says firmly.
Dick eyes him sceptically. "You tried to go under the bridge before we went round the roundabout." He says, very seriously.
"One more try." Bruce tries to plaster on a smile. He's not going to give Alfred the satisfaction of knowing he still can't tie a tie.
~
Twenty minutes later, Dick is sporting a a very neat Double Windsor, and Alfred is looking smug behind the camera.
"Smile on three." He says, moustache twitching.
Dick grins widely, one small hand clinging to Bruce's finger, whilst his other arm rests jauntily over a little blackboard. "Dick's first day of school" is written in the chalk.
"Jason don't eat that!" Bruce says, alarmed, as Alfred puts the camera away.
The two year old is sucking on a stick of chalk by his stroller, tries to toddle away as Bruce comes towards him.
"Boodad eat." He says, shoving a sticky fist of goopy white at Bruce's mouth.
"Mmm, delicious." Bruce says, grimacing as he tries to lean away from Jason whilst simulatenously hold him still and rescue the chalk. Nobody ever told him how gross children were.
"Yumm!" Jason says, enthusiastically. He wipes a slobbery hand on Bruce's face.
"Jay-jay do you like my new shoes?" Dick asks, attemtping to distract the toddler from the fact Bruce is now trying to strap him to the stroller. It's a tried and tested routine.
"I walk!" Jason grunts, trying to fight the straps. "I walk!" He says loudly.
"Look at my shoes!" Dick says again loudly, holding a foot up between Bruce and Jason's face.
Bruce flinches away as the tiny, buckled brogue flies past his nose. "Careful Dickie " He says, pushing Jason's arm back through the straps.
"I walk!" The two year old yells again. He looks set on throwing a tantrum when Alfred hands him a well timed bag of apple slices. "Dig, have apple?" He says, immediately distracted and shoving a slice into his own mouth.
Dick takes one from the bag, pats Jason on the head. He turns to Bruce. "Don't make me late."
Bruce tries not to look offended.
~
It's a short walk to Gotham Prep, the elementary branch of Gotham Academy. It's in the old Cobblepot Mansion, repurposed some fifty years ago. Dick skips along brightly, swinging off Bruce's arm as they go. Jason munches on apple slices in his stroller.
Whenever Bruce looks at Dick in his little uniform, his chest swells in an unfamiliar way. Bruce still has his own Gotham Prep uniform in the Manor somewhere. Still remembers skipping out the gates each afternoon and into Martha's waiting arms.
Even now, it's hard to believe that Dick is his. Harder still that his little boy is already old enough to be starting school. A small part of him is filled with dread, at the thought of how quiet the Manor will be with Dick away all day. But then—
"I walk now!" Jason says loudly. Things are never quiet when Jason is around. The two year old strains against the straps. "Boodad I walk now!" He says again.
"Jason say Bruce" Dick says slowly, bending towards the two year old. "Or Dad. Not both."
"I walk now!" Jason says again, face turning red as he fights the straps holding him captive. "Dig?"
Dick looks up at Bruce, ever the advocate for his little brother. "Are we there yet?"
Bruce nods, and watches as Dick proudly undoes the straps holding Jason in place. "You have to hold my hand." Dick tells Jason seriously, as Jason throws himself out of the stroller.
Jason does so obediently, toddling alongside Dick as they reach the school gates.
"I go school now?" The two year old asks, looking up at Bruce.
Ah. Bruce thinks. Perhaps he should have seen this coming. "This is Dickie's school, Jason." He says gently, squatting on his haunches beside himself. "Doesn't he look smart in his uniform?"
Dick grins proudly, then deflates slightly. He looks around nervously before leaning towards Bruce. "What if they don't like me?" He whispers, warm breath on Bruce's cheek.
"Dickie," Bruce says without hesitation. "They are going to love you." He pulls the five year old into a tight, one-armed hug. Uses it as an excuse to also grab hold as Jason, before the two year old can try and slip away again.
Dick is grinning when he pulls back. He's been excited about school since Bruce first mentioned it.
"Bye Jay-jay." He plants a kiss on top of Jason's curls, then takes a deep breath and heads for the gates.
"I go school!" Jason says loudly, pulling against Bruce's grip. "Boodad!" He says angrily.
Bruce scoops him up, sits the two year old on his lap. It makes watching Dick walk away easier somehow. Jason immediately pulls the Bruce's sunglasses off his face, shoves them into his mouth.
~
It doesn't take long for Bruce to realise just how much Dick distracts Jason most days. The two year old asks endless questions, so much as he can, when he's still unable to form full sentences. And wants the exact opposite of whatever it is he asks for. He wants to be picked up but immediately wriggles out of Bruce's arms. He wants to walk but cries when he can't go in the stroller. He wants pizza for lunch but is upset when it's not a sandwich.
By the time 2pm roles around, Bruce is trying to understand how having two children is easier than just one, already looking forwards to his pre-patrol nap (Alfred won't let him nap whilst the boys are around, he says it sets a bad example). He watches Jason snooze in the stroller longingly as they make their way back to Gotham Prep.
Dick's class are already waiting by the time Bruce gets there. Dick spots him immediately, his little face lighting up like sunshine when he sees them.
Bruce can't help but grin back as Dick races towards the gate, the five year old practically leaping into Bruce's arms.
"Hi!" He says, settling on Bruce's hip, breathless. "Didja miss me?"
Bruce laughs. "Of course we did." He doesn't dare say how true that is.
Dick does a little wriggle, pleased with Bruce's answer. "Good." He says, grinning even more as Bruce presses a kiss to his cheek.
"Did you have fun?" Bruce asks, as Dick slides out of his arms to check if Jason is awake. It's the longest the two of them have been apart since they met, after all.
"So much fun! There are swings in the playground that go - whoosh!" He makes a swooping motion with his hands, "so high! And we did paintings with potatoes!" He says, as though it's the craziest thing he's ever heard. "And played duck-duck-goose and I nearly won and—" He rambles on with the details of his day as they walk. Tells Bruce about the story they were read in the afternoon and their learning to say 'bonjour' in French. How he sat next to a boy called James but wants everyone to call him Jimmy and how they had chicken nuggets for lunch and—
"What did you guys do?" Dick asjs eventually, once every minute detail of his day has been recounted.
Bruce thinks back on the day without Dick, Jason's endless questions and the two year old's general inability to settle down. "Oh you know," he says. "This and that."
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totally normal reporter! not a superhero or like. or anything
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i hate job hunting so much why couldn’t i have just been sent abroad as a girl to serve at the court of margaret of austria and then later to serve a succession of french queens so that i could return to the english court years later as a lady of sophistication and charm capable of causing one of the greatest religious schisms in european history
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ok hey wait u know how sometimes deer will leave their fawns in places they think is safe and will come back later for them?
mermaid!bruce leaving his babies on clarks boat while he goes out and hunts 🥺🥺
just imagining a little mermaid in clarks kitchenette going through his cabinets eating his cereal and clark like hi....can I help you...?? and the baby just. slapping it's tail on the ground like no im good
bruce coming back and seeing his baby passed out in a pile of candy wrappers and dorito bags: why!!!! did u let him eat all that disgusting human food >:O !!!!
clark: I didn't LET him do anything!!!!! hes got like five rows of teeth im not sticking my hand in his mouth hes very scary!!!
bruce: HES A BABY!!!!! >>:( !!!!!!
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Mysteries of Love in Space #1 - “Glasses” (2019)
written by Jeff Loveness art by Tom Grummett & Cam Smith
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Battinson didn't want to use WE to fund his Batman journey because he didn't want to " taint Thomas' memory with darkness" or some shit like that, so he became Harvey's sugar baby instead lol
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