bruciebatsyy

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I'm a mild fan of the 'I learned it from monks in Tibet' kind of Batman joke, I just wish it got more elaborate and weird sometimes. Like, there's the stuff we know where he gets himself out of a straitjacket upside down and explains that he learned escape artistry from a magician in NYC but it increasingly gets more specific the more batshit his skills are revealed to be. I mean one of his mentors in his pre-Batman traveling era is literally DC Santa Claus.

There have to be dozens more absolutely bizarre skills he's picked up that seemingly don't have anything to do with Batman and then fifteen years in it becomes helpful for a case to know shit about chocolate that he learned about in Switzerland. And then that keeps happening because Gotham is a strange place, and he can't just rely on normal forensic studies for the shit that goes on there.

This is the type of guy who can pinpoint down to the region of Italy a suspect originates from based purely on their Authentic Pasta Sauce because he spent a month visiting over 500 Italian grandmothers to learn how they make their sauces and he constantly says things that make people look at him and ask What the Fuck is his deal how the Hell did he know that?

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do they crash yes or no

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learning how to drive and subsequently imagining Bruce Wayne trying to teach dick Grayson how to drive

bruce, seeing a pothole: to the left

dick: take it back now y’all *gasses it straight into the pothole*

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I think people get the “Bruce dancing like a stripper in the Iceberg Lounge” situation all wrong. The batkids won’t die of embarrassment because that’s their dad. They’ll die of frustration because they will never, ever be able to make Bruce feel embarrassed about it.

Do you really think the man who would strip and bust it down for the secret identity has the capacity to feel shame? Exactly.

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Crackfic concept: Batman vs. Phantom of the Opera

Doesn't matter which character gets transported to the other one's era, or if they're both dumped somwhere in the middle, it'd all be just as funny.

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i like to think Ra’s has respect for more than just animals and Bruce so i headcanon that when his assassins are killed in the line of duty, he always takes the time to give them proper burial ceremonies and hold a vigil

they pledged their life to him and fulfilled their obligations to his cause. it’s well understood that, as part of his league, things may have to end this way. but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t properly thank them for the time and dedication, and return them to the earth they gave their own lives to protect.

maybe he doesn’t personally care for ceremonies or rituals that belong to some cultures or religions or lifestyles, but he learns all of them anyways, so that he can at least give them a proper goodbye when the time comes.

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bat…cats…

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Bouys.

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in a comic book movie that's very comic booky, some might argue the most comic booky comic book movie of them all, i'd say the most comic booky line in all of superman is when lex threatens him by saying "i think i'll kill clark kent next" without knowing his secret identity. that line is straight out of the cartoons, i can easily hear clancy brown's lex say that

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"Superman."

"Ms. Lane."

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Bruce has a network of spies and informants throughout Gotham he cultivated through his various cover identities (Batman, Matches Malone, even Bruce Wayne himself) and the batkids are all insanely jealous of them.

Spies and informants require constant check-ins and updates. Bruce decides to spend one night off patrol surveying his various people and one of his kids is like "This is so unfair, why can't we talk to One-Eyed Pete??" and Bruce just stares at them silently for a long moment and goes "Because One-Eyed Pete is a violent pedophile, Jason."

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One of my favorite classic Batcat moments and a perfect example of Bruce’s autistic flirting is Bruce having Selina throw on a blindfold to take her to his cave and check out the cat shaped stalagmite he’d been hyperfixating on. Peak.

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cass never hiding that she's a vigilante is so funny to me. going out with her bat symbol on all her clothes. someone tries to mug her in broad daylight and she does a series of moves that no person should ever be capable of ("did she just throw a batarang?"). doesn't even walk anywhere; she goes out for coffee and just grapples home.

the people of gotham assume she's batman. obviously. the fact she's a girl? her age? her build? irrelevant. they're in gotham. weird shit happens in gotham. bruce wayne's daughter is batman and the poor guy doesn't even know it.

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i know everyone likes the "maybe kindness is the real punk rock" line, trust me i do too, but i cannot overstate how just fucking good and beautiful the line is when clark tells lois he's going to turn himself in to the government just to find krypto.

lois: "he's just a dog."

clark: "yeah, and not a very good one. but he's out there, alone, and he's probably scared."

just. wow. what a movie.

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What do crying baby robins smell like? They probably stink. Batman collects them. (Not like this but who cares?)

Crimsonhorror asked who’s crying: It’s Tim. I don’t know why since it would make more sense if it’s Jason but I ignore thoughts of logic (or maybe not, cry Tim cry!).

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Lex Luthor hating Superman just because of who/what he is (an other) not because of anything Superman does, much less anything Superman has done to Lex is important as it can be another angle of "Superman is a Jewish character"

So much of antisemitism is baseless, oh sure Jew haters will make up an excuse for why they have to beat, abuse, discriminate, and kill Jews, but it's really nothing, that or it's a delusional perception of the Jews doing something to them

Exactly like Luthor

He has his excuses for why he must destroy Superman, his justifications that make murdering a good innocent man OK, Superman his holding humanity back, Superman's out to dominate and destroy humanity, Superman secretly plots against mankind

Oh hey look, it's that brand of antisemitic conspiracy

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Justice League (2017) | dir. Zack Snyder