brownie-n-cornbread

[brownie-n-cornbread]

09-07-21

At this point this is becoming more of a dairy for me, i think im the only one who remembers this blog. It’s become a yearly update on our toxic ass relationship.At this point i have met up with him, after 6 years we finally met up.I’ll be honest it was pretty magical: I loved being with him. He was warm and cozy and just how i thought he would be. the three weeks we spent together was the happiest I’ve been in my whole life. This is just my experience ,I’m not too sure what he felt or was feeling. I ask myself these questions a-lot now: was he disappointed? maybe he didn't like the way i look , was he faking his happiness, is he really happy with me? 

i really wish my mind would just stop thinking and just believe the things he says to me. I’ll be alot happier but my brain isn't very kind unfortunately. The falw in making a person your entire life is that you become lost without them, you start to lose your worth. I’ve revolved my whole world around this one person for 6 years thats there more of him in me than me. how do you move on from that? last few years i have sacrificed so much that it feels like i cant move on, i made meeting him my whole purpose and now that thats done...what do i do? we’re in midst a “break up” right now...but i dont know if it will last , i always cave in and beg him to come back....I’m feel so pathetic always. I’m 25 now and i still cant get over the whole idea of love being forever, i believed with all my heart that if you gave your all of one person loved them and cherished them whole heatedly that was the only key to happiness. it’s so easy for him to forget me ...overtime its so easy for him to just leave. There have been time si wanted to end my entire existence and i begged and begged him to stay but he never cared...my crying and confrontation made him uncomfortable so he always left.I feel so unlovable ...i work really hard to earn his love, at least i think i do. i try to be a good girlfriend but its not enough...

He never had a hard time replacing me, is my fear of being replace that bad that i rather stay in a relationship where i know I’m not an equal. our relationship has been very one sided for the past 3 years, I tried making him happy buy buying him expensive shit , spending hundred...always putting his wants before mine. i think i was just trying to make him love me when i knew there was none left. The trip was different , being with him felt like home but there still were so many imbalances, he would get really excited when i would get him stuff but he never even offered to get me anything ever. He didn't plan anything special and i kinda had to do everything and its been bugging me a little . I guess that another red flag as to him not being serious about me. 

I never really wanted much in life, i don’t have many hobbies or friends...i just really wanted a family with a person who i knew loved me as much as i loved them. i asked him today “did you regret cheating on me “ he replied “ I don’t know”...

[brownie-n-cornbread]

Long Distance is hard..

Its been 5 years now. We officially broke up today, i didn't really give him much to say but for my mental health and sanity , i had to end it. Wr got to a point where we just didnt like each other, there was no spark left and i think he just wanted someone around as a safety net. Through out the relationship He would be interested in other girls and it just wasn't good for my self esteem to stay. I never truly felt love being with him. I dont know why im posting this, maybe it’ll help someone in a same situation. I feel so lost right now, i’ve been obsessed with this boy since i was 16 and now im 23.  i just hope i can get through this..

[brownie-n-cornbread]

6 Months

Hey Nina,

Thankyou so much for being in my life. I’m still quite amazed of how I met you and how we just went from nothing into something. I apologise for being such a shitty person majority of the time; I know I’m realy insensitive, mean and selfish yet you still manage to love me.

I love you so much cutie, you do not know how unbelievable it is for me to actually be with you. I never expected you to love me like this after all the bullshit that I put you through before we even got close. I’m just purely astonished that you love me even though I’m such an asshole, dickwipe, fuck basket take your pick. Even though I’m such a dick basket dating you changed me a lot in many good ways, in brief you turned me into a better person.

Being with you most of my days make me so happy, even if we fight too much; we fix it anyway and we’re so well now of mitigating our fights or well preventing it. Anyway you may not notice this or may not believe it but its’ so hard for me to spend a day without you, I get so bored and lonely because you became such a big part of my life. So trust me whenever I sound angry or unhappy, I’m fine, I want to be with you and thats all I care of, you cheer me up anyway at the end of it.

It’s good that we got spiritually married before, I love you baby girl it’s 11pm here and my brain’s dead so I don’t really know if I’m making sense or know what to say except that I love you so much and I can’t wait to be with you.

[brownie-n-cornbread]

Welcome baby Nero , this is his first time walking ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[brownie-n-cornbread]

Recent Changes

I just recently got a new job that required me to change my daily schedule with Nina. We haven’t been spending as much time together lately and it just felt like we were distancing away from each other, it just felt really shitty.

Due to many recent changes and my laptop breaking. Me and Nina had just our activities with each other limited more than usual. We’ve found other things but that didn’t seem to have achieved anything for a while.

After days of plans getting cancelled due to our schedule today was the first time in a long time that me and Nina had actually manage to do something successfully with each other. We watched a movie and it was just. Being with her is just so nice and managing to do something with her actually feels amazing. 

[brownie-n-cornbread]

I'm so weird 😣😣

Ok so me and Alec just watched saw the horror movie. He's a sleep now since he was really tired and I asked him to leave his call on so I could hear him and just feel like I'm with him. Right now I'm laying down doing nothing but listening to him snore and never in life did I think someone's snores can be cute. Im just listening to his cute little snores and it's just the best thing in the world to me. Sometimes I think I'm too weird and little too obsessed with him😣😣 anyways that was my little update.

[brownie-n-cornbread]

❤️Miss him 😣

I feel like lately we haven’t been spending enough time together. I miss him so much right now and I don’t know what to do….I wanna be with him, cuddle with him, kiss him and so much more. We fought today luckily we fixed it but still I feel really sad. All that time I spent fighting with him We could've spent doing something fun. At end all the fighting and crying is worth it cause being with him is the best thing in the world for me , when I'm with him nothing else matters; it's like the world doesn't exist. So yea being in this relationship we'll go through everything fights, screaming, not talk to each other , crying then making up and going back to our normal lovey dovey selves , it'll be all worth it. As long as I'm with him even thousands of miles away I'm happy. Baby boy if you read this I love you very much and I wish you were here with me right now. ❤️ Nina

[brownie-n-cornbread]

This is what I tend to feel when I have to go to work or out. I miss you NInya, come home.

[brownie-n-cornbread]

ᴥ I am of Happy, because of Nina and her my mum

Well today I started my new full-time job, meaning that I have to spend less time with her now. It’s quite weird not being able to wait for Nina to wake up; I’m an adult now and I hate it.

When I got home I was so happy because I got to hear Nina’s voice for the first time today and that just made me happy and I’ve been in all out happy mood all evening. She knows how to make me happy and flexes her interest with it so I can do my thing while she does hers but we still spend time together.

We watched Home today and that movie is so good, it played with my emotion too much but it made me so happy because it was so funny that me and Nina actualyl agreed upon a movie in a long ass time.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[brownie-n-cornbread]

No Posts

We pretty much ran out of things to put on our Tumblr. So we decided to only posts things when we pretty much feel like it.

[brownie-n-cornbread]

Us > Distance

[brownie-n-cornbread]

Aleccc we have to do this pleaseeee

[brownie-n-cornbread]

❤️Day 10- thunder is scary 😣

I woke up early this morning, I was too lazy to get out of bed so I just laid in bed. After an hour Alec got up and we talked for so long. I loved talking to him time pass by so quick when I'm with him, later he had to go to work. We talked on his way to work too, it was an amazing start to my day. Rest of the day was just me surfing the net , doing random boring stuff. Alec again called me on his break , we talked for fifteen minutes till he had to go again. Then I went back to doing absolutely nothing. Around 7 paa got home , she was super tired and hungry so I told her I'll take her out to eat. We went to subway and eat. When I came back I had to hurry up and get dress cause we didn't have much time till the movie start. We got dressed and left. The movie was good but there was this part where there thunder and rain, it scared me the most. I hate thunder , it's the scariest thing in the world to me. After the movie ,we went straight home. Coming home I was really tired but also excited cause I get to talk to Alec. I missed his face and voice so much. We video called after so long and it was the best part of my day. We watched some of my favourite old shows and then we slept together on call. It was the perfect day. ❤️Nina

[brownie-n-cornbread]

ᴥDay10-Things That Make Me Feel Empty

Nina being away always does, I never know what to do without her and as usual I just feel nothing like an empty mannequin. Nina was away most of the day yesterday due to me being at work and her going to the movies with her sister.

On the otherside of that before I went to work we were just talking while she was getting ready, this just made me happy; I guess I’m a simple man, not much is need to mnake me but little things like being with Nina and just spending time with her. Same thing happened when she got home but we watched some shows aswell (Boy Meets World & That 70′s Show). It was a fun day when Nina was here.

ᴥ8:54(GMT+1)- ᴥ Alec

[brownie-n-cornbread]

[brownie-n-cornbread]

☺️☺️☺️

Love is never wanting to say goodbye.

[brownie-n-cornbread]

❤️Day 9- Movie night

This is my second time typing this cause the fist time certain someone distracted me and it got deleted somehow. Anyways my was playing, my mom and I went shopping and it was really fun. I found this beautiful dress but I didn't get cause I'm trying to save money for something. After that my sister decided that me , my mom and her should go watch a movie since last few days have been quite stressful. Again I didn't want to ditch them cause I rarely spend time with so I agreed. All day I kept thinking of Alec of what would we do if he was with me right now. I saw this couple shopping together and the guy was helping his girlfriend with clothes and holding the bags, it made me wish Alec was here. I missed him so much. Later we watched a movie and I went back home. I spent 2-3 hours up talking to Alec which was the best part of my day ☺️ ❤️Nina