brokencrayonsstillcolor

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

Can I go back to being this thin again, please? And to think, I thought I was so fat back then.

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

The purest form of love, I think, is having someone who wants to learn about you, from you and with you.

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

This is going to be a super long rant but long story short, I need new friends!

Someone in my life has been making me feel like shit lately, and she's supposed to be one of my best friends. Lately she's been a lot more vindictive lately and I feel like it’s because I’m not at her beck and call 24/7. See, before I didn't have much of a life and I could pretty much hang out whenever but now I’m in school full time and work part time and the little bit of free time I have all I want to do is sleep. I noticed her doing it more and more shortly after my semester started. There was a night that she wanted me to come over (she asked me around 4) and I told her I had some physics homework I had to do and I would try to get it done, she told me I could do my homework at her house but I know myself and I never would have gotten it done. So I worked on it at home and when I finished at around 7pm I snap chatted her and told her I could come over now (we tend to hang out later so it being 7pm was normal/reasonable for when we normally hang out) and she responded with a pitch black picture and something along the lines of she wanted me to come over earlier and her husband will be home from work in TWO HOURS so I don't need to come over. I instantly knew she was mad, normally she’d love the company for those two hours while her husband was gone. The pitch black snapchat also lead me to believe she was angry cause there was no way she was napping at 7pm because she has 2 kids. I didn't think too much of it until that weekend when she snapchatted multiple times both Friday and Saturday that she was hanging out with one of our other friends (we almost always hang out all together) and playing games. So, I sat at home the whole weekend, which I was honestly fine with except for the fact I knew my friends were hanging out and I wasn't invited. She has done this to me before when she's been mad at me, she’ll post snaps or pictures of her hanging out with people or doing something fun knowing full well that I'll see it and a lot of times she snaps me the pictures directly.

During the following week we hung out and made plans with a group of friends to go to dinner and a haunted house Saturday night. If you know me, you know I love baseball, Milwaukee Brewers baseball in particular. The Brewers made it to the post season (for the first time since 2011) and they ended up having to play a game Saturday night and that game would decide if they went to the World Series or not, so it was a big deal. So, on Friday night, once I knew for sure the Brewers were going to be playing Saturday night, I told everyone that I would have to cancel because I couldn't miss the game. I know it sounds crazy, but missing a game and not knowing what's going on within the game gives me so much anxiety and with a game that important I knew it would be A LOT worse if I wasn't watching the game. I told her I could still go to dinner with them and asked where dinner would be. She then told me that they would be going somewhere cheap because they had decided they were going to do an escape room in the afternoon. So basically, I had been on a group chat a few days prior to discuss plans, I mentioned that I MIGHT have to cancel due to the game, then they planned to go to an escape room and I knew nothing about it which means they had a separate group chat without me before I even canceled for sure and I was never told where dinner would be. She snapped me all night about all the fun they were having. Then the next day she snapped me that they were all hanging out again and once again, I was not invited. So, I feel like because I picked watching the game, something I love, over hanging out I am being punished.

Yesterday around noon she texted me that people were coming over at 8pm to hang out and I was invited. Well, Monday was just one of those days for me, I left my homework and all my lab materials on my counter and I just felt stressed and rushed all day, so it did take me awhile to get back to her. Once I did, I told her I had class until 8:30 and as long as I could be productive before that class, I could come over, but I wouldn't be able to stay too late cause I have an 8am class. She responded with, “haha well you didn't respond so we changed our plans. we will have to hangout another night”. I apologized and told her that it was one of those days where I’d lose my head if it wasn't attached, which I'm sure everyone has experienced at some point and can understand. She read the message but never responded. Something felt off, she’d never change plans to hang out for me. So, she lives on my way home from campus, so I decided to drive by, and sure enough, there were two other cars in her driveway. So, they didn't reschedule or change their plans, they (I'm sure it was all her) just uninvited me.

That’s a terrible thing to do to someone, especially someone with severe anxiety and low confidence who already questions everything she does and says and is so worried that no one likes her. And she knows this too, we've been friends for almost 14 years, my struggle with anxiety is something that I am very open about. I question everything I do and say as it is and wonder if people like me or if they just feel bad for me and I always try to tell myself that it is just my anxiety talking, but maybe it's not?

This isn't helping my depression either.

And here's the thing, I have been a great friend to her for so many years. When her parents kicked her out, she lived with my family rent free, free food, free internet, and free tv, my parents never took a penny from her, because that's what friends do, they help each other when in need. I will rearrange my schedule to accommodate her, I've gone to doctors' appointments with her because her husband was working and she couldn't take the twins by herself, I spent hours and hours at her house keeping her company because she's a stay at home mom and she's bored, I’ve put my dog in her kennel for longer than I’d like so I can hang out with her. And when I tell her I have to leave so Maisie doesn't have to been in her kennel any longer she takes these backed jabs at my dog. Yes, Maisie has a lot of energy and needs more attention than her couch potato dogs, but I wouldn't trade her or change her for anything.

Don't take backhanded jabs at my dog, she is my baby and my best friend. She would flip out if I said anything remotely negative about her dogs, so why is it okay to say something about mine?

So, if anyone wants to be friends, I could use some new ones!

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

reblog this if you started worrying about your weight before you were 16

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

OK STORY TIME I WAS BABYSITTING THIS 6 YEAR OLD BOY AND WE ATE POPSICLES, THIS WAS THE JOKE ON MINE AND I TOLD IT TO HIM, BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH JOKES AND SO LIKE A DAY LATER I GET THIS CALL FROM HIS MOM AND SHE SAYS “My son told me an inappropriate joke today, and he told me he got it from you” AND I WAS SUPER CONFUSED??? SO I ASKED HER WHAT THE JOKE WAS AND APPARENTLY HE SAID “how do skeletons communicate? They bone each other” I AM SO DONE

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

Travel. Make memories. Have adventures. Because I guarantee that when you’re 85 and on your death bed you won’t think about that flashy car you bought, or the twenty pairs of designer shoes you owned. But you will think about that time you got lost in your favourite city. The nights spent falling in love under the stars and all the beautiful people you met along the way. You’ll think of the moments that made you feel truly alive. And at the very end, those memories will be the only valuable possessions you own

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

my parents aren’t teaching me life lessons.

#i need some adults to TEACH ME SHIT ABOUT LIFE

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

I love the sweet sound of snow crunching under my feet. I love snowshoeing with arms bared to the bright sun. I love the salty taste of salami and cheese after a few hours of hard work.

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]

[brokencrayonsstillcolor]